RE: safe words (Full Version)

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MaxsBoy -> RE: safe words (3/30/2011 9:49:45 PM)

Our safe word is "Alpha, that really hurts, please go easy!"  And from there it's up to him to decide whether he's actually going to ease up or not.



WyldHrt -> RE: safe words (3/30/2011 10:15:11 PM)

See the top line in my sig. [:D]



hausboy -> RE: safe words (3/30/2011 10:15:22 PM)

I have them--and if I need to, I use them--both in casual play and when I had a regular life-partner.  Never had to use them except only once--and it was with a new top who was still getting to know my limits and how to read my signals.

I make sure that my top knows ahead of time, how to read my body language and my signals--and that allows us to stay in the moment, keep the scene going--and has really prevented the need to resort to using one.  I use my Dommes/Dom's first name as the "stop the scene" safeword.  My own first (real) name is his or her safeword.  (it's not just bottoms that should have a safeword)  My Dom knows that if I call him by his name--that I need to stop what we're doing and check in with each other. Hearing my real name snaps my head back to reality--and he or she knows that hearing his/her name (instead of Sir or Ma'am) tells them that I need to pause or stop.

What's nice about it is that if we ever do need to pause in public play, no one other than us knows that the safeword has been used. It prevents any "social stigma" or embarrassment--and of course, public spaces I play all have a public safeword if ever needed.








peppermint -> RE: safe words (3/30/2011 11:18:02 PM)

quote:

No they are not something I use in general... but they are a tool that can be used effectively in the right situations.


Thank you, KoM.  You said what I wanted to say in so few words, yet your words were more effective than mine. 



Arturas -> RE: safe words (3/31/2011 8:54:25 AM)

Safe words have two limited uses.

First, when developing a new relationship a safe word takes (away) the submissive's power they sometimes use in new meetings to 'test' the Dom's resolve by seeing if he will back off under her feigned protests. The Dom does not have to guess about the new submissive's protest being real or simply is a test. Dom's hate to guess about these things and using this simple technique with a brand new sub takes away her ability to 'test' you and she knows right off the bat you are in control.

Second, it stops activity when a sub cannot deal with a scene or activity without compromising her ability to be in the scene by using normal screams and tears and protests that she wishes pray continue. It also gives her the ability to stop a public scene without embarrassing her Dom by using a safe word or phrase that is not an apparent safe word, like "If you would like, Master" instead of "Yes, Master" with the former being the safe phrase that lets the Dom end the scene or session seemingly at this pleasure and in a graceful manner to not lose face.



CeriseNin -> RE: safe words (3/31/2011 9:01:28 AM)

I've had a safeword in a past relationship; she told me the word and instructed that I used it if I needed to. I never did because I never needed to. I don't like safewords, but I suppose if your D commands you have one, then you do.



avena -> RE: safe words (4/1/2011 11:36:20 PM)

I don't have a safe word. But D, like some of the others who have posted, or been posted about, is very tuned in to my reactions, body language, etc. If he does something, and I react in an unexpected way, he pauses to make sure it's a good reaction before continuing. He wants us both to enjoy the moment.

If something ever did come up where I needed him to stop, and he hadn't noticed the shift in my reactions, then I have no problem yelling STOP at him. The words 'stop' and 'no' are not part of my vocabulary with him, so if I use them, then they really mean 'stop' and 'no'. So far, I haven't needed to use them, although once or twice it came close. But he noticed and slowed things down, allowing me to recover enough to continue, without having to stop anything.

The one and only time we've ever had a sudden stop in a session was due to a muscle cramp in my groin. Me shooting across the bed away from him and rolling into a little ball and whimpering, was a complete and total stop in the session. Although once the cramp had passed, it did shift into a nice, long, hot shower together...with my hands braced on the shower walls, and his fingers teasing me to several orgasms. [:D]



MasterSlaveLA -> RE: safe words (4/2/2011 1:23:05 PM)

quote:


Safe words are not a part of my relationships. Why do i need to be "safe" with my partner? If there's a problem i let him know and we go from there. i suppose there is some usefulness for those that play casually. But i couldn't fathom it outside of those circumstances.


Ditto!!! [:)]




porcelaine -> RE: safe words (4/2/2011 2:12:16 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterSlaveLA

quote:


Safe words are not a part of my relationships. Why do i need to be "safe" with my partner? If there's a problem i let him know and we go from there. i suppose there is some usefulness for those that play casually. But i couldn't fathom it outside of those circumstances.


Ditto!!! [:)]


i'm apt to say something that would earn a slap than a "there there" in all truth. [;)]



fitfreak36 -> RE: safe words (4/2/2011 7:05:58 PM)

I think it is important to use safe words but only when it is necessary. A tie & Tease session might not need one, but a heavy bondage or a corporal punishment, torture scene is definitely need a safe word.



MasterSlaveLA -> RE: safe words (4/3/2011 2:40:24 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: porcelaine

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterSlaveLA

quote:


Safe words are not a part of my relationships. Why do i need to be "safe" with my partner? If there's a problem i let him know and we go from there. i suppose there is some usefulness for those that play casually. But i couldn't fathom it outside of those circumstances.


Ditto!!! [:)]


i'm apt to say something that would earn a slap...  [;)]




Well, as long as it's "earned", I suspect there are many that'd be happy to oblige?!! [;)]




IrishMist -> RE: safe words (4/3/2011 4:42:16 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: fitfreak36

I think it is important to use safe words but only when it is necessary. A tie & Tease session might not need one, but a heavy bondage or a corporal punishment, torture scene is definitely need a safe word.

That's not necessarily true for everyone though, on either issue.

Some people freak out more over what you call a 'tie and tease session' than they would one that is more hardcore. Sometimes, something in their mind reacts violently to the softer touches than the harsher ones.

Also, your comment that you believe they are important only when necessary is a bit, well, naive, to say the least.

Define necessary.

The sudden need to use the restroom may be necessary for the bottom/top, but might seem like an excuse to bolt, tease, etc to the other partner. (Just an example)





BitaTruble -> RE: safe words (4/3/2011 8:52:01 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: MadamMistique

safe words...do you use?


Yes, to be used in one circumstance and only one circumstance if I can't communicate in any other way.

quote:

what do you think of use of safe words?


For us they are but one tool in our arsenal of communication. I would not rely on it to the exclusion of all other words since there are times a-plenty when my ability to communicate coherently is limited or worse. Also, Himself may need to use a safeword to stop whatever it is we are doing because something else has come up that becomes a priority for whatever reason and his use of a safeword reassures me that what's happening is not stopping because of anything I have said or done but simply because circumstance dictates the necessity.

Either of us using the safeword we have in place is a call/plea for futher communication of some sort. If and when I ever actually use the word, he will know, in that instant, that I am having an endometriosis attack and decide what to do with that knowledge at that time.




Muttling -> RE: safe words (4/3/2011 10:22:17 PM)

I do red, yellow, and green.......but I've never said red or yellow.   I have been blessed with playmates who understand me and it is a true blessing.



sweetsub1957 -> RE: safe words (4/3/2011 11:56:12 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: MadamMistique

safe words...do you use? what do you think of use of safe words?
would like views of Dommes and subs ?


Daddy told me I have to have safewords, so we use yellow and red. We're trying to increase my pain tolerance so I never safeword until I literally can't stand any more. Even so, I've only said "red" once. On the other hand, when I was really new, I was with someone once who beat the crap outta me and totally ignored it when I safeworded THREE times. At that point I shrieked "Fucking STOP! Right fucking NOW!" and that he understood. lol

~sweetsub~



SexyBossyBBW -> RE: safe words (4/4/2011 2:26:35 AM)

I don't play in public, casually, or play at all.
No safewords for me, but I do allow for whomever is on the receiving end of my experiment/exercise to communicate discomfort/problems tolerating... I don't believe safewords are necessarily safe, if one doesn't know one's top/dominant well enough. M



Andalusite -> RE: safe words (4/4/2011 7:04:54 AM)

They can be helpful "shorthand" for "something's wrong," especially if you enjoy a lot of "saying no" in your play, even when you don't mean it. In practice though, usually I can express the problem in plain English, and the few times I haven't been able to, I couldn't speak at all - the pain took my breath away. If you are gagged, or like me, sometimes become non-verbal during subspace, holding a drop or using a nonverbal safe cue is handy. I've also done some play where my Dominant wanted to drive me to tap out or use my safeword, not as "play" when I didn't mean it, but when I genuinely couldn't take any more of what he was doing just then. He'd back off, let me catch my breath and my composure, and do it again and again. It was very yummy, and wouldn't have been nearly as hot if I was roleplaying rather than seriously at the end of my rope in what I could take right then.



caelestis -> RE: safe words (4/4/2011 11:53:30 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: MadamMistique

safe words...do you use? what do you think of use of safe words?
would like views of Dommes and subs ?



The people I play/have played with over the last year and a half have all been in public dungeons where there are safe words, the common yellow and red, put into place. That being said, I don't play with people I don't know, so I haven't ever had a need to use them. There have been a few times where I'm all but falling over when being taken down from a St. Andrews cross and still saying "No, I can take more, I swear Miss!" while she is firmly but nicely reminding me that she feels I have reached a limit. Usually within half an hour I'm glad they stopped when they did. During the endorphin rush she could do pretty much anything to me and I'd enjoy it at that moment, and even if I didn't I certainly wouldn't be in any state of mind to verbalize it.

As far as in relationships.. I don't like having a safe word. The two people I submit myself to for playing, I didn't have that "I chose to submit to you" feeling. I felt drawn to submit to them after a bond and trust had been created, so even in that I didn't feel as if I had control over it. In a relationship I've given myself over to Him/Her and have placed my full trust in them.. whether it be something I like or not, I've given them control and trust that person to make the best decision. A safeword would be a way to keep even a small bit of control, and thats not what I, or my partners, desire in our interactions.

He/She commands, I obey. Simple as that.



sheisreeds -> RE: safe words (4/4/2011 3:49:53 PM)

We had a safeword but it died.*

Safewords for me all depend on the person or the scene. I like rape play, I like humiliation, interrogation, and theatrics. In such scenes the only way out is often the safeword. Usually I'll issue the safeword at the beginning of the scene. In a Casino Royale style interrogation for the password scene, the safeword was password.

In regular play, I don't use safewords, and when I do use them I use them sadistically.

Though a bottom's body language, and the state of their skin tends to be a far better indicator of safety then a word.

Like many others have said safewords have their place, at times they can be extremely important, though there are other factors to consider when playing. With an ongoing partnership I much prefer good ole communication on limits, and learning one another versus using a safeword.

*Our first and only safeword was the name of a cat, who was a hard limit for me due to some grossness from ongoing medical issues. Awhile ago the cat died.



kissheels -> RE: safe words (4/4/2011 8:23:49 PM)

Does 'ouch' count??



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