RE: safe words (Full Version)

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TheShrew -> RE: safe words (4/4/2011 9:14:46 PM)

I have no problem working with another persons comfort level. (You may not always be in your home with your partner. You may be at an event/club scening/playing with someone elses toy.) If the toy feels more secure in the ability to use his/her safe word, cool. It does not burden me or alter my actions save to listen for a particular word(s).



MissImmortalPain -> RE: safe words (4/5/2011 1:46:01 PM)

There are no safe words here.

I said that to a "sub" once and he wanted to use one anyway. I let him ,then found it annoying. He would say it when he didn't really mean stop. It annoyed me more that his safe word was my favorite colour. I personally believe it is part of a Domme/Doms job to understand their pet well enough to know when they have reached their limit. Yes that means slow steps and deep understanding of each other,but it beats putting up with them not working and just getting annoyed enough that you don't want to touch your pet anymore.



Palliata -> RE: safe words (4/5/2011 2:07:47 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissImmortalPain
I let him ,then found it annoying. He would say it when he didn't really mean stop.


This is kind of what I was referring to in my post. Make the safe word meaningful by making it an all-stop. Don't have it mean "I don't want you to do what you're doing at this precise moment" make it mean "This scene is completely over and no sexual contact will happen for the remainder of the day." That way, someone you may be playing with casually doesn't have to worry about your ability to know what they want, but you also don't get as much topping from the bottom.



ChatteParfaitt -> RE: safe words (4/5/2011 2:34:00 PM)

I have rarely used safe words. Like many here, I think it is part of the dominant's responsibility to pay extremely close attention to their s type during play.

As an s type, I like rape role play, and I am also highly verbal, I will be screaming no from the get go. Under those circumstances, a safe word is necessary. I have rarely, however, had to use it. I don't do rape role play casually.

Although safe words may be mandatory in a public play situation, privately they are only as valuable as the integrity of the players. Someone who consistently ignores a safe word or who safe words unnecessarily is demonstrating their complete lack of honesty and reliability and should, in my opinion, be avoided.



Arturas -> RE: safe words (4/5/2011 3:00:52 PM)

quote:

Like many here, I think it is part of the dominant's responsibility to pay extremely close attention to their s type during play.


For sure!



PetiteOralSub -> RE: safe words (4/5/2011 3:01:51 PM)

IMHO if you don't have to use your safe word, you ain't playing right!
Seriously folks, if your limits aren't pushed often enough that you need a safe word, why aren't just having vanilla sex?
I rarely used my safe word whe I played with Dominants (as in not Sadists), but use it now that I play serve Sadists. I am more fearless becuase I know that it is there to use, but that I would serve Master best if I can take all he needs to give without having to use it until I really really cant take any more. Ouch is not a safe word. Ouch is a bad as NO.



IrishMist -> RE: safe words (4/5/2011 4:56:05 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: PetiteOralSub

IMHO if you don't have to use your safe word, you ain't playing right!
Seriously folks, if your limits aren't pushed often enough that you need a safe word, why aren't just having vanilla sex?
I rarely used my safe word whe I played with Dominants (as in not Sadists), but use it now that I play serve Sadists. I am more fearless becuase I know that it is there to use, but that I would serve Master best if I can take all he needs to give without having to use it until I really really cant take any more. Ouch is not a safe word. Ouch is a bad as NO.

In my opinion, a post such as this is presumptious and assuming.

It would do you good, perhaps, to practice a bit of restraint when making such generalizations such as your opening statement.



Palliata -> RE: safe words (4/5/2011 5:12:57 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt
Like many here, I think it is part of the dominant's responsibility to pay extremely close attention to their s type during play.

No doubt.



DesFIP -> RE: safe words (4/5/2011 7:55:57 PM)

It doesn't matter how close attention you pay, you still can't feel what he/she feels. It isn't the only tool in the arsenal but it is one useful one among many.

However people seem to think if you use a safe word, then the top doesn't need to pay attention and think. And that if you don't use it, then the top must be a mind reader. Neither is true, it's like measuring twice and cutting once - just another way to help things come out right.



DommeKeliDallas -> RE: safe words (4/6/2011 3:36:47 AM)

If you give the slave the ability to tell YOU to stop...who is REALLY the "slave" here?



GreedyTop -> RE: safe words (4/6/2011 3:43:40 AM)

seriously?

no wonder you have problems finding clients...



SaskMasser -> RE: safe words (4/6/2011 11:31:17 AM)

I use a safe word system and have for over 15 years. However only 5 times has it been used. That includes public play and being in a ten year relationship. I am not purfect anymore then a bottom is. I can have an off day or even mistake pain and panic for excitement. Her body might be more sensitive on any given day then is her norm.
As the goose said to the farmer shit happens.
I like having an emergency brake in a car. I hope I never have to use it but it is nice to know it is there. I like having a fire extinguisher in my kitchen. It came in handy when my daughter accidentally started the mac n cheese fire. Same with the first aid kit and all the other safety devices I have. I do not want to ever use them but when what the goose talked about happens, I sure am happy they is there.
Trust is hard to win back. In some cases it is impossible. Use your safe word too often and I know either I'm doing something wrong or you are not who you say you are. If it is the first I need to work on me. If its the second, well NEXT comes to mind.
Too many people seem to think a safe word steals my power. Guess what? No safe word during punishment. Once your on your knees and about to get 50 lashes for being late getting home scream red only means that's the colour of your welts. I may take a break but well it let's you relax a bit and makes the rest of it hurt more not less. And each break adds 5 lashes.
Like I said I've been using safe words for a long time and have spent a fair bit of time working my system out. I still remember when no one used the 3 layer system. Don't forget green means your hitting like a wimp beat me harder LOL Because some days they just need MORE 



IrishMist -> RE: safe words (4/6/2011 12:17:35 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: DommeKeliDallas

If you give the slave the ability to tell YOU to stop...who is REALLY the "slave" here?

Such a juvenille question...[8|]



slaveluci -> RE: safe words (4/6/2011 4:30:14 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: PetiteOralSub

IMHO if you don't have to use your safe word, you ain't playing right!
Seriously folks, if your limits aren't pushed often enough that you need a safe word, why aren't just having vanilla sex?



Wow. I've read some ignorant things here over the years but this has to be near the top of the list now. Just wow.......luci



leadership527 -> RE: safe words (4/6/2011 4:50:45 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist
In my opinion, a post such as this is presumptious and assuming.

Not to mention more than a bit ignorant of a whole lot of things. I clicked on her profile fully expecting to see a 22 year old. Imagine my surprise.

And I agree on the "juvenile" question part. Although actually, I generally associate these sorts of things more with ignorance than childishness. It's the kind of thing someone who's never owned a human might say.



Arturas -> RE: safe words (4/7/2011 1:09:25 PM)

Rough crowd here. Would you say such things face to face, I wonder.

There are many divergent opinions here. Good thing since we in the BDSM community are nothing if we are not divergent. These different opinions are to be at the least tolerated because each is right for the person writing the post. For example, the post indicating the Dom is the slave when a save word is used is a common one uttered in the Gorean threads and it is true for slaves who are not BDSM oriented; it is right and true for them. Another example is the post indicating one should be using the safe word or they might as well be vanilla; this is very true if one likes to be pushed to the limit of their tolerance or is an edge player. A third different but just as true opinion is the one saying she hardly used safe words. I am personally familiar with the notion that a Dom should not depend on a submissive to use the safe word because quite frankly the ones I have met would die rather than utter one or they were flying and unable to even if they wanted.

Some of these posts pained me to read them. These are the posts that use the words "juvenile" and "presumptuous" and "ignorant"and "childishness". This post will pain those who wrote those words about other people they have never met. Oh well, a Master loves balance and a Dom loves contrast and I am doing both today.



leadership527 -> RE: safe words (4/7/2011 1:28:33 PM)

Yes, I would. If she had said something like that to my face then yeah. Let's see, we got a pro-domme telling us about the one true way of slavery. Yup, I'm good with my response.



Aynne88 -> RE: safe words (4/7/2011 1:38:07 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: PetiteOralSub

IMHO if you don't have to use your safe word, you ain't playing right!
Seriously folks, if your limits aren't pushed often enough that you need a safe word, why aren't just having vanilla sex?
I rarely used my safe word whe I played with Dominants (as in not Sadists), but use it now that I play serve Sadists. I am more fearless because I know that it is there to use, but that I would serve Master best if I can take all he needs to give without having to use it until I really really cant take any more. Ouch is not a safe word. Ouch is a bad as NO.


first of all, Dominants and Sadists aren't exclusive. Mine is both. What does that even mean? Secondly, not everyone "plays", he is my partner and if he wants to torture me for his own pleasure, no safe word in the county is going to tell him otherwise.  See how tricky that generalizing shit is? Did you really come here and tell an entire board of people that we aren't doing it right? My fucking god.



CastlesKT -> RE: safe words (4/7/2011 2:26:12 PM)


[
quote:

Oh well, a Master loves balance and a Dom loves contrast and I am doing both today.



Hmmm I like that [;)]



agirl -> RE: safe words (4/7/2011 3:04:45 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: PetiteOralSub

IMHO if you don't have to use your safe word, you ain't playing right!
Seriously folks, if your limits aren't pushed often enough that you need a safe word, why aren't just having vanilla sex?
I rarely used my safe word whe I played with Dominants (as in not Sadists), but use it now that I play serve Sadists. I am more fearless becuase I know that it is there to use, but that I would serve Master best if I can take all he needs to give without having to use it until I really really cant take any more. Ouch is not a safe word. Ouch is a bad as NO.



There's a few things that you're assuming.

One is that people who are owned by dominant sadists, need a safeword so that they can *take* stuff until they can't take anymore.

Another is that all sadists *need* to give pain.  Some of them don't need to, they just WANT to.

Like Aynne, my owner is going to do what he wants to do until he no longer wants to do it. He doesn't need me to utter a safeword to know where I am in terms of suffering or to decide that THAT is when he'll stop.

If I indicated that I *couldn't take anymore*.......he'd kindly tighten the ropes so that I could, or tell me to hush. Oh, I have a line where pain is *fucking awful* and I wish upon wish it would end now, or in the next moment....or soon.......but THAT isn't when it will stop.

Believe me , I would be fearless if I had a safeword..... and I'd never know what suffering was.

Think a little bit here........... what would you do if you didn't have that word to utter?

Think also, how silly it is sounds to be *taken to the point of safewording*  to people that don't have that option. It'd be like THEM saying *You have a safeword, how wimpy!*.

Your way of doing things works well for you and the people you play with. It's not the *way* of the D/s world and it's not the way of more than a few relationships.

You're entitled to your opinion, of course :)

agirl










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