I don't get male submissives/slaves...

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

I don't get male submissives/slaves...

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> I don't get male submissives/slaves...

Page: [1]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

I don't get male submissives/slaves... - 5/8/2006 1:32:59 AM

lild456

Posts: 3
Joined: 4/28/2006
Status: offline

and I am one. I can't connect to them. And this is rather frustrating, as I would love to meet other male submissives or slaves who "get it", who view submission and service as more than something hot in the bedroom. Who see an inherent value in service for its own sake, in exploring the depths of themselves by kneeling before another.

This isn't a bitch post, believe me. I am far from believing that I am the only one who gets what I do out of their relationship. But damned if I can find anyone to bounce ideas off of, to share common experiences with.

So those of you who are out there, make yourselves known. Those of you who have profiles that barely mention your fetishes. Those of you who can go for months without play and still feel like you are serving. Where do you meet others like yourself? Is there some secret club I'm not aware of? Do you have a support network, or do you feel as detached from the common male "submissive" as I do?

Inquiring minds would like to know.

darren aka lil_d

P.S. This isn't a bash against fetishists. I'm just not one of them, and would like to meet others of like mind.

Profile

Post #: 1

RE: I don't get male submissives/slaves... - 5/8/2006 4:45:48 AM

chainedupnick

Posts: 49
Joined: 8/10/2005
Status: offline

I know my profile has a long list of fetishes in it, but i agree with your idea that Serving doesn't necessarily have anything to do with sex. I'm new and still working on getting into a relationship, but something based entirely on sex or scening (nixing the deeper connection, and Service qualities) would seem kinda empty to me. Sometimes that connection can replace the need for kinky "playtime."

Anywho; darren, i can kinda see where you're coming from. I'll be keeping an eye on this thread as i can probably learn a lot from it

(in reply to lild456)

Profile

Post #: 2

RE: I don't get male submissives/slaves... - 5/8/2006 5:31:29 AM

subrob1967

Posts: 4591
Joined: 9/13/2004
Status: offline

I've been in a relationship for two years now, and we play maybe once every three months or so.
Thats all our schedule allows, and I'm content with the relationship. I don't see a problem with a person listing their fetishes, it helps with compatibility issues, but I prefer just to list hard limits, and leave everything else open to discussion.

(in reply to chainedupnick)

Profile

Post #: 3

RE: I don't get male submissives/slaves... - 5/8/2006 5:37:38 AM

michaelGA2

Posts: 1533
Joined: 4/26/2006
Status: offline

i have been a submissive most of my life and thus far, if sex is not in the mix, most Dominants tend to stray away from submissives...even when the Dominants claim not to place sex high on their list. perhaps that is why alot of males that view sex as not important cannot seem to attract Mistresses (or Masters for those bi/gay subs out there)

just my opinion.

_____________________________

Are we having fun, yet?

(in reply to subrob1967)

Profile

Post #: 4

RE: I don't get male submissives/slaves... - 5/8/2006 9:08:24 AM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

It's not just male submissives who feel sex is important. Many, many people do...that's what this is for them. And, that's wonderful. There are some of us, however, who find other joys in this, sometimes instead of sex, sometimes in addition to sex. I'm bi. I have a female slave. she's het...no sex. I have a male slave. he's het...there's sex. But, for each relationship, there's so much more there, so if there is sex it's like icing. For an Ms relationship, I look for service and spirituality first, SM and sex second. However, if I have my ideal, I have all four aspects, so I try to look for all four. Sometimes, I'm called to Master where there isn't all four. It really depends on the personal connection, from whatever aspect that might come.

Clear as mud? LOL

Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to lild456)

Profile

Post #: 5

RE: I don't get male submissives/slaves... - 5/8/2006 12:53:21 PM

lild456

Posts: 3
Joined: 4/28/2006
Status: offline

Thank you for the responses thus far. And don't get me wrong, sex and sexuality compatability are a HUGE thing for me, and an absolute necessity. I happen to serve a woman who not only commands me, but is incredibly beautiful and sexy and arouses desires in me that would get this site shut down for offensive content if I put them into words.

But where my difficulty is coming, and maybe I phrased this wrong initially, is that to me the service is also a means and an end in of itself. Yes, there can be service during sex, but service is not only done in an effort to obtain sex or as part of a fulfillment of some kinky desire. I serve because it allows me to touch my most authentic self, it allows me to be who I am most comfortable being.

More power to the fetishists, the bedroom submissives and everyone else who is different. Really, truly I mean that, it takes a whole whack of people to keep the planet turning.

But I'm just wondering where to find the like-minded.

lil_d

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Profile

Post #: 6

RE: I don't get male submissives/slaves... - 5/8/2006 1:49:23 PM

Nuke718

Posts: 240
Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline

darren, good luck. Dominant women I know all seem to look for service subs. The real ones seem few and far between. I however am not one of them. I understand the frustration tho of looking for something you are sure must exist, yet never finding it.

N

(in reply to lild456)

Profile

Post #: 7

RE: I don't get male submissives/slaves... - 5/8/2006 3:12:30 PM

MichMasochist

Posts: 234
Joined: 12/23/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lild456

and I am one. I can't connect to them. And this is rather frustrating, as I would love to meet other male submissives or slaves who "get it", who view submission and service as more than something hot in the bedroom. Who see an inherent value in service for its own sake, in exploring the depths of themselves by kneeling before another.

Don't feel bad, I simply cannot connect to individuals such as yourself. The asexual sub or slave is totally incomprehensible. Suggesting, to me, their need for physical and emotional abuse may be stemming from a more serious underlying psicosis or even a neurosis.

(in reply to lild456)

Profile

Post #: 8

RE: I don't get male submissives/slaves... - 5/8/2006 3:14:43 PM

MichMasochist

Posts: 234
Joined: 12/23/2005
Status: offline

Of course this applies equally to the domme and master who expresses such interest in a non sexual context.

(in reply to MichMasochist)

Profile

Post #: 9

RE: I don't get male submissives/slaves... - 5/8/2006 3:18:42 PM

SweetDommes

Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline

MichMasochist - I don't think he's saying that he's asexual ... just that he gets FAR more out of a relationship than just kinky sex ... that he's looking for more of a relationship than just kinky sex (non-sexual service along with the sexual service).

The problem is, that most guys out there who claim to be submissive (that we've run across, at least) are really just sexual bottoms - they are submissive in the bedroom and that's it (the "fetishists"). No problem with that, but for those of us who aren't interested in that, it's difficult to make any kind of connection.

(in reply to MichMasochist)

Profile

Post #: 10

RE: I don't get male submissives/slaves... - 5/8/2006 6:26:20 PM

CrappyDom

Posts: 1883
Joined: 4/11/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline

Lild,

First off, an unasked for lesson in communication:

quote:

would love to meet other male submissives or slaves who "get it"

Did you mean to imply that those who see it otherwise don't "get it"?

quote:

who view submission and service as more than something hot in the bedroom.

Right or wrong, saying people only enjoy this in the bedroom is almost always heard as a putdown, how would you like someone to say something similar to you?

quote:

Who see an inherent value in service for its own sake, in exploring the depths of themselves by kneeling before another.

Now this was an eloquent way of stating your case, it implied no insult to what others do, it didn't put what you do on some higher pedestal, and yet clearly stated what you find of value.

As for fetishists, don't you fetishize service? Oops you are one of them too, perhaps you don't connect with others because of your communication skills.

(in reply to SweetDommes)

Profile

Post #: 11

RE: I don't get male submissives/slaves... - 5/8/2006 11:09:41 PM

chainedupnick

Posts: 49
Joined: 8/10/2005
Status: offline

CrappyDom, i think what lil_d is trying to say is he's looking for other sub guys who like submission in its own right, and service, beyond or not necessarily including sex. he posted a second time and clarified what he meant.

lil_d, if you want to find people who are in it to Serve, maybe you could try looking on the profiles and dropping friendly hellos to people. Personally, i think talking to someone is a better way to get to know him than by what he says on his profile.
Also, it looks like you're overgeneralizing a bit.. be careful with that cause that's usually when people start flaming. just my honest opinion.

ttyl,
slave nicholas

(in reply to CrappyDom)

Profile

Post #: 12

RE: I don't get male submissives/slaves... - 5/9/2006 1:23:48 AM

MistressJaguar

Posts: 5
Joined: 3/25/2006
Status: offline

I believe that before You are in a relationship with Your sub or slave, that you both know what you want in a relationship. Communication, communication, communication. That is one of the things that some people lack in their relationship. I also believe that there is much more to the D's lifestyle than just sex. It should be an emotional and trusting bond between two people.

Mistress Jaguar

(in reply to chainedupnick)

Profile

Post #: 13

RE: I don't get male submissives/slaves... - 5/12/2006 1:32:21 PM

NikkiAnn

Posts: 64
Joined: 5/7/2006
From: Redford, MI (near Detroit)
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

There are some of us, however, who find other joys in this, sometimes instead of sex, sometimes in addition to sex. I'm bi. I have a female slave. she's het...no sex. I have a male slave. he's het...there's sex. But, for each relationship, there's so much more there, so if there is sex it's like icing. For an Ms relationship, I look for service and spirituality first, SM and sex second. However, if I have my ideal, I have all four aspects, so I try to look for all four. Sometimes, I'm called to Master where there isn't all four. It really depends on the personal connection, from whatever aspect that might come.

Clear as mud? LOL

Fire

I sincerely believe I could offer you all four and maybe some of my other skills may be of use to you as well. There are not many chores that I am unable to do around a home or garage and what I can't do I can learn.

Humbly Yours,
Nikki Ann

_____________________________

DANCE as though no one is watching,
LOVE as though you have never been hurt before,
SING as though no one can hear you,
LIVE as though heaven is on earth.--Souza

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Profile

Post #: 14