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RE: curious??? needing answers - 4/11/2011 8:58:18 AM

Asherscorp1

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I'm not sure why you would even want to engage in this sort of lifestyle without developing feelings for the other person involved. If I didn't love and adore my Master there is no way I could submit to Him or be owned by Him. Knowing that we love each other over and above everything else is what gives me security and a sense of belonging. When I feel like I am not the best slave I could be I know He will still love me, He will be patient with me and we will both make our relationship work in the ways it fulfills us. If He didn't love me then every time I messed up I'd feel like maybe He would get sick of me and end it. If I didn't love Him I could never devote my entire life to Him. I would not be able to give myself to anyone without that mutual emotion. So, I think it is perfectly normal and possible to form a "normal-ish" relationship based on love and affection while incorporating a BDSM lifestyle into it. Even if you don't call it a relationship and don't talk about your feelings at all in the end they will exist anyway. I don't think as a human being you can be owned or own someone else in this context and not develop deep feelings for them.

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RE: curious??? needing answers - 4/23/2011 11:50:37 AM

txurinal

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Of course you develop feelings for YOUR MASTER. i loved both of mine (although i admit really loving one more than the other).

my MASTERS often played with other subs and only once was i allowed to participate. THEY preferred sex with each other and the guys they met through various means. i got a great deal of sexuall satisfaction and arousal just being a slave to THEM, although having sex with THEM was infrequent. my actuall physical sexual needs were never a priority with THEM. In fact weeks wouldl pass when one of THEM might say "hey, when did th slave come last? my release would then be allowed by having me masturbate and in order to be allowed to come, i would have to prove that i really wanted it. For instance, if i felt i really needed to come, i would have to prove it by doing something like shooting on a toilet seat and licking it up when done. As i have said often, i got sex more when loaned out than when home

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RE: curious??? needing answers - 4/23/2011 12:35:27 PM

HannahLynHeather

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quote:

Or better yet how can you just be owner to someone's life without having feelings???

i can't. i am deeply and ridiculously in love with heather.

quote:

QUESTION: Do Masters always seek out fresh new and exciting adventures because maybe tired of his slave??? or do they stick to one or many or get rid of???

i do seek out "fresh new and exciting adventures" but not for any reason connected to heather, i do it because i am basically an overly horny slut with a very dirty mind and vivid imagination. i stick to my one, and add others as required.

quote:

QUESTION: does it ever get more than just sex or can it grow into a relationship in the BDSM community...

it is a relationship. there just happens to be a lot of sex in that relationship. i'm not sure what "the BDSM community" has to do with it, though. if you mean this in the wider context of all bdsm practitioners, well there's no such thing really. if you are referring to one's local bdsm groups and such, then fuck no, what fucking business would my relationship be of theirs?

hannah lynn

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RE: curious??? needing answers - 4/23/2011 1:13:10 PM

Selectivelight

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Alright, let me see if I can pick this apart a little, I should have something of value to add.

quote:

My question is If you are giving your life up to someone for this lifestyle to be solely his to use however fit. How do you not develope feelings for that person. Or better yet how can you just be owner to someone's life without having feelings???

I have found that very few people can truly compartmentalize their existence so thoroughly. I love my partners, this hasn't stopped me from enjoying their submissive tendencies. I am of the opinion that it doesn't need to be one or the other. I can love you, and still strap you to my St. Andrews for a little pain and pleasure.

quote:

I have been feeling insecure learning his ways. worry if I am pleasing enough. Is it normal to worry that you are doing things his way??

It is normal enough to face some insecurities when learning anything new. Especially if you are particularly motivated to do well. We all go through the awkward shaky first steps, hopefully you have a confident hand to help guide you through and explain what is expected of you. It is important to communicate well, both ways. Nothing is gained by keeping a question or concern silent.

quote:

QUESTION: Do Masters always seek out fresh new and exciting adventures because maybe tired of his slave??? or do they stick to one or many or get rid of???

I am loyal to my partners and have no intention of parting ways, with them. We have openly discussed adding more than one woman to our family. The thought excites us, rather than scares us as it did when we were first settling in together. I don't tire of them, though I am frequently adding and improving methods and styles of play. I suppose that helps us all.

quote:

QUESTION: does it ever get more than just sex or can it grow into a relationship in the BDSM community...

For us, it was more than just sex to begin with. None of us wanted an empty, hollow relationship. As for the bdsm community, while we respect their right to have an opinion, we don't really care. We know what works for us and that's what counts.

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RE: curious??? needing answers - 4/23/2011 1:32:56 PM

LadyPact

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quote:

ORIGINAL: wylddtime
My question is If you are giving your life up to someone for this lifestyle to be solely his to use however fit. How do you not develope feelings for that person. Or better yet how can you just be owner to someone's life without having feelings???

Not everybody has to be "in love" with someone in order to own them. That doesn't mean that there can't be affection for the person. This has everything to do with the person that you are dealing with and they way they feel on the matter. Does EVERY Master/Mistress have romantic love for their slave? Not all.

quote:

I have been feeling insecure learning his ways. worry if I am pleasing enough. Is it normal to worry that you are doing things his way??

Some people do and it can stem from a lot of things. The slave might have insecurities to begin with or the Master might not be the type to give a lot of positive affirmation. Those are just a couple of examples, but there are a number of reasons why this might be.

quote:

QUESTION: Do Masters always seek out fresh new and exciting adventures because maybe tired of his slave??? or do they stick to one or many or get rid of???

If I'm happy with My slave, why would I get another one? That's like asking people if they get bored with their spouse, even though they are happy together, do they get divorced just so they can have someone new.

quote:

QUESTION: does it ever get more than just sex or can it grow into a relationship in the BDSM community...

Yes, it can. As you get to know people in your local BDSM community, you might even meet a few.

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RE: curious??? needing answers - 4/23/2011 8:45:24 PM

juliaoceania

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I read the wrong post

< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 4/23/2011 8:47:05 PM >

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RE: curious??? needing answers - 4/24/2011 3:40:29 PM

NorthernGent

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quote:

ORIGINAL: wylddtime

QUESTION: Do Masters always seek out fresh new and exciting adventures because maybe tired of his slave??? or do they stick to one or many or get rid of???

No. Monotony has its benefits: certainty and peace.

But, you can, of course, supplement your existing relationship with new and interesting experiences.

I personally am monogamous, and when I find what I'm looking for then my expectation is that it will be for life.

Perhaps you could approach this in a different fashion: work out what you want first and foremost, because you'll need that self-awareness in order to serve in a fashion your master expects.

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RE: curious??? needing answers - 4/24/2011 4:50:51 PM

lally2

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ive been in perfunctory relationships and they didnt last. we're all much more than our titles and we all possess the ability to feel emotions that tend to be consistant with physical and mental closeness.

in my perfunctory relationships i felt no love, but then again i didnt fall head over heels in trust with them either. of those that i did fall head over heels in trust i fell head over heels in love.

each and every approach is different i suppose, its up to you really, to find the right fit for who you are and what makes you feel valued.

feeling valued is a key component of submission and enslavement for many slaves and subs. for me personally i find it miserable to pour myself into someone who has no capacity in them to apparently enjoy me. i am here to be enjoyed, i am here to give pleasure and if i feel im not then i end up feeling inadequate and a failure. im not here to be made to feel that way, if my reason for being here is to give pleasure then i do need that feed back, thats me, like many and its normal sub/slave wiring to know that we give pleasure because we can see it, feel it, sense it. its important.

< Message edited by lally2 -- 4/24/2011 5:08:39 PM >

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