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Cheating spouses: Are males treated differently than fe... - 4/7/2011 9:07:44 AM   
ChatteParfaitt


Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline 		This topic came up from another thread, in which someone pointed out that male cheaters are "jumped on with both feet" while female cheaters are "given alot of support."

I'd like to say that there is no way I have such extreme gender bias, but in all honesty I am not sure that is true.

What say you?

Are male cheaters treated much worse than females cheaters on this forum?

Can you give us some examples?




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RE: Cheating spouses: Are males treated differently tha... - 4/7/2011 9:18:32 AM   
DesFIP


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Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		The only gentler, kinder treatment I've ever seen is when the cheater is a victim of abuse. Then they are given some small measure of understanding that frequently abuse victims need that kind of personal support to get the ability to realize that they don't deserve what's happening to them and to get the strength to move on. But even that isn't universal, in fact most are still lambasted.


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RE: Cheating spouses: Are males treated differently tha... - 4/7/2011 9:29:10 AM   
ChatteParfaitt


Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline 		TY DesFIP, that is my remembrance as well. I really do think it depends more on the person than the gender.

There are people who are cheating on their spouse who are very good people at heart but who have (through no real fault of their own) been placed in a very difficult situation. I'd like to think as a forum we support those people as best we can.

Then there are those who just want some nooky on the side. They tend to be given all the respect they deserve.

That is what *I* say, but am open to alternative viewpoints.

Editing to add a missing word so that now my final point makes A LOT more sense.







< Message edited by ChatteParfaitt -- 4/7/2011 9:35:41 AM >

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RE: Cheating spouses: Are males treated differently tha... - 4/7/2011 9:31:46 AM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
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Status: offline 		Well, I did a search on the word "cheat" and scrolled back through a bunch of threads. The vast majority of the responses where of the theoretical "cheating is bad" variety but nobody was actually cheating. Three or four of them involved a male cheating and that was pointed out to him pretty strongly. One of them involved a female cheating but she was "the other woman" not the wife. The concern in that thread was all for her welfare not for the wife's.

In other words, inconclusive results.

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RE: Cheating spouses: Are males treated differently tha... - 4/7/2011 9:32:07 AM   
ashjor911


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From: balcony, having a Smoke
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt

Are male cheaters treated much worse than females cheaters on this forum?


Yes
examples:
when a female open an new account here on CM she got thousands & thousands of e-mails
from a slaves & male subs even when she is not dominant.

when a female with a sexy picture as yours post a topic here on the forums, I will bit my small ass that every (penis) would welcome her with a smile, on the other hand the male got niglected, & if he put his (member) picture on display they all would say that he should remove it.
you can go to (Introduce yourself ) section & see for yourself how a male & female are treated & also the couples are treated.
i may be wrong,
that just how i feel
M


< Message edited by ashjor911 -- 4/7/2011 9:39:58 AM >

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RE: Cheating spouses: Are males treated differently tha... - 4/7/2011 9:39:21 AM   
ranja


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Joined: 11/1/2007
Status: offline 		i think the jumping or supporting depends on the characters about on the forums at the time, i have seen different threads about the same subject sway either one way or the other depending on who is posting in.

some people get slaughtered for asking a simple question and some people moan about stupid stuff that is all their own doing and get lots of sympathy

as far as i am concerned people make their own choices, i don't know if a cheater deserves to be jumped on or not i can not see into their situation wether they are male or female


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RE: Cheating spouses: Are males treated differently tha... - 4/7/2011 9:42:39 AM   
ChatteParfaitt


Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ashjor911


quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt

Are male cheaters treated much worse than females cheaters on this forum?


Yes
examples:
when a female open an new account here on CM she got thousands & thousands of e-mails
from a slaves & male subs even when she is not dominant.

when a female with a sexy picture as yours post a topic here on the forums, I will bit my small ass that ever (penis) would welcome her with a smile, on the other hand the male got niglected, & if he put his (member) picture on display they all would say that he should remove it.
you can go to (Introduce yourself ) section & see for yourself how a male & female are treated & also the couples are treated.
i may be wrong,
that just how i feel
M



Not sure what your post has to do with cheaters. I accept that females get more attention here, most especially attractive females.

I take exception to having my considerable cleavage compared to a cock shot, but then there you go. Admittedly, I consistently display my cleavage in public, it's quite legal to do so. However any male or female who displays their hoo hoo in public will be promptly arrested; multiple infractions get you sent to the "special" doctor.

And not all people with penises except me with a smile, some are intimidated by me. It must be the cleavage.




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RE: Cheating spouses: Are males treated differently tha... - 4/7/2011 9:49:59 AM   
ashjor911


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From: balcony, having a Smoke
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt

And not all people with penises except me with a smile, some are intimidated by me. It must be the cleavage.


they must be gay...

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RE: Cheating spouses: Are males treated differently tha... - 4/7/2011 9:55:55 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		I'd be interested in seeing the examples as well.

I am one of the folks on the forums who is hard as hell on people who are cheating on a partner.  I can't really say that the gender of the person doing so matters to Me all that much.  The extenuating circumstances don't register highly with Me.  My position on the matter is get out or do what you signed up for.

This is not to say that there aren't a couple of folks on the boards who have cheated in their past that I have a great respect for.  Now that you mention it, the ones that I do happen to be women.


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RE: Cheating spouses: Are males treated differently tha... - 4/7/2011 10:04:55 AM   
OttersSwim


Posts: 2860
Joined: 9/1/2008
Status: offline 		I don't know that it is necessarily differing treatment based on gender - you come here stating that you are cheating and it won't take long until you are completely familiar with the underside of the CollarMe welcome bus. 

I think we simply get more males here at CM that are considering or are actively cheating and who actually talk about it.  I think thereby, that it appears that there is bias when actually it is really just numbers.

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RE: Cheating spouses: Are males treated differently tha... - 4/7/2011 10:13:21 AM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
I'd be interested in seeing the examples as well.

Well, I did do the search... not to the extent that LA would've but I went back 5 or 6 pages in the "cheat" search. Results above. I think they tend to support Otter's conclusion more than anything else.


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I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

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RE: Cheating spouses: Are males treated differently tha... - 4/7/2011 10:16:31 AM   
Prinsexx


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Status: offline
quote:

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Cheating spouses: Are males treated differently than females on this forum? Page: [1]

My thoughts are this:
since the world is a gendered one then yes males and females are treated differently here and elsewhere. It's a mind set.
I also feel the word 'cheating' is a difficult one and should be substituted. For example he is expected to serve only me. It is an agreement that I may have relationships with whomever I want.
But also what I expect on both sides of my relationship is honesty, regardless of gender.
So if he is dishonest then he is cheating. If he is honest about wanting to then there is something wrong with the dynamic. If I am dishonest with him there there is no point to the relationship. And in my experience I have already chosen to leave once I even have thoughts of dishonesty.
Cheating in relationship is the same as any other form of cheating: in a card game, where no gender biases exist, then cheating is a desperate need to win, a need for power.
Cheating is a power over game which has no part in d/s and I am surprised it gets any sympathy at all.


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RE: Cheating spouses: Are males treated differently tha... - 4/7/2011 10:17:55 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		The problem with which, as you say, is inconclusive.  If the OP's premise is correct, I'd like to see evidence.

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RE: Cheating spouses: Are males treated differently tha... - 4/7/2011 10:40:28 AM   
ChatteParfaitt


Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

The problem with which, as you say, is inconclusive.  If the OP's premise is correct, I'd like to see evidence.


With all due respect, I did not state a premise, LadyP, I asked a question. I am well aware my own myopia can render me oblivious to gender preferences, when I intend to have none.

I want to know if it's true, that we as females here are so very biased. I don't THINK it is true, but am more than willing to entertain others opinions, most especially if they can back it up with empirical evidence.

Posted for clarification only, I (hard ever) disagree with LadyP.




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RE: Cheating spouses: Are males treated differently tha... - 4/7/2011 10:53:57 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		The first sentence of the original is the premise.  That female cheaters are given support while male cheaters are nailed to the wall.  Perhaps, in My own thinking, I expanded on that a bit.

There absolutely are some areas where gender bias is prevalent on these boards.  The topic of which is probably too vast for one thread.  I'm just not sure that the cheating topic is one of these.  I am sure that the ones where gender bias is evident might make for excellent discussion.


ETA - I will definitely give you credit.  So very often, folks will use the term "with all due respect" and then completely disrespect the person they are talking with.  You handled that very well.


< Message edited by LadyPact -- 4/7/2011 10:55:50 AM >

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The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

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RE: Cheating spouses: Are males treated differently tha... - 4/7/2011 11:05:01 AM   
ChatteParfaitt


Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

The first sentence of the original is the premise.  That female cheaters are given support while male cheaters are nailed to the wall.  Perhaps, in My own thinking, I expanded on that a bit.

There absolutely are some areas where gender bias is prevalent on these boards.  The topic of which is probably too vast for one thread.  I'm just not sure that the cheating topic is one of these.  I am sure that the ones where gender bias is evident might make for excellent discussion.


ETA - I will definitely give you credit.  So very often, folks will use the term "with all due respect" and then completely disrespect the person they are talking with.  You handled that very well.



Thank you LadyP, coming from you that actually means something.

Those of us who know you through your posts may not always agree with you, but we always respect you.




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RE: Cheating spouses: Are males treated differently tha... - 4/7/2011 11:27:49 AM   
pahunkboy


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Status: offline 		I did not notice one way or the other. 

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RE: Cheating spouses: Are males treated differently tha... - 4/7/2011 11:37:06 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt
Thank you LadyP, coming from you that actually means something.

Those of us who know you through your posts may not always agree with you, but we always respect you.

Thank you as well. 

I did have someone on the other side talk with Me about where this idea may have come from.  Quite interesting to Me.

Without revealing that here, it makes Me wonder if the origin of this thread has the same roots.


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Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

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RE: Cheating spouses: Are males treated differently tha... - 4/7/2011 12:07:40 PM   
blacknwht


Posts: 18
Joined: 2/15/2011
Status: offline 		I feel that male cheaters are treated differently than female cheaters here because of the sheer numbers and the fact that women are cheated on and hurt more often so, there is the emphathy factor. Also considering the median age of this site, I am sure that most of the women on this site have been heartbroken by a cheater. I totally get it. I am a cheater and make no excuses for cheaters just wish to find a fellow cheater to cheat with or someone that does not care.

If you look at the animal kingdom in general, nature in general does not support a monogamy view. It is the jealous and possessive nature of Man that has interjected this falsely romantic constraint on human behaviour.

My ability to actually maintain a relationship for 20years certainly trumps 90% of the relationships on this site that are purely transitory and shallow.

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RE: Cheating spouses: Are males treated differently tha... - 4/7/2011 12:13:42 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Which totally skips those breeds in the animal kingdom that mate for life.

MP and I have only been together for ten years, which is half of your situation.  I would easily have ten good years than twenty where one of us was disloyal to the other.  My honor is more important to Me than My sexual drive.

You can quote Me on that.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

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