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Have you told your Family yet? - 5/8/2006 12:51:24 PM

openmindedslave

Posts: 470
Joined: 2/27/2005
Status: offline

In many of the profiles I read how people in this lifestyle are still concerned about privacy. I was woundering how many people here have been able to open up to their friends, and family concerning this lifestyle? While sexuality is not anybodies business, still, ...do you find that there is an openness to discuss this lifestyle with people who know you , or is it still somewhat of a taboo where you live?

Thank you

Post #: 1

RE: Have you told your Family yet? - 5/8/2006 1:02:07 PM

1969slave

Posts: 40
Joined: 5/23/2005
Status: offline

thank god i'm allowed 14 days vanilla time a yr. my family could never believe or understand my lifestyle. they believe a wife serves her husband and that means sex when your not in the mood and pain is a unkind word NOT the whip on your back.

(in reply to openmindedslave)

Post #: 2

RE: Have you told your Family yet? - 5/8/2006 1:10:26 PM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

All of our friends know who live in the area or whom have lived where we have -- sort of necessary cause we interact on a regular basis. I could not be around people on a weekly basis and not be completely comfortable with them and that means them knowing we are a kinky poly family so they don't freak if we say or do something normal for us but non-normal for others.

But our family of origins -- all three of them so mine, Tom's and Fox's -- only know that we are a family of adults because they have not asked for further information and we do not interact with them much at all. Our families of origins also know what I have published (some of them have read my books) and I suspect they don't ask for more information cause they have a hint of it but do not wish it confirmed.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to openmindedslave)

Post #: 3

RE: Have you told your Family yet? - 5/8/2006 1:11:12 PM

slaverosebeauty

Posts: 1941
Joined: 12/12/2004
From: Cali
Status: offline

My mother and sister know, my sister said she was 'waiting for it ' to happen, she remembers when I was looking into it when I was in my teens; my mother had 'an idea' before she over heard my bestfriend and I talking, she said seeing "Screw The Roses..." just confirmed her thoughts, I have caught her looking through that a few times since then. A decent number of my firends know, its not a big deal most thought along the same lines as my sister, so it wasn't a real surprise, as I have always been attracted to 'strong' men and men who were more on the 'aggressive' side. I talk aboutthis stuff at the place where my bestfriend and I hang out, most peopel who hang out there are openminded so this stuff doesn't phase them, I get asked questions at times.

The rest of my family is so freakin right-wing/conservative/religious that I would not dare to let them know, they would flip out.

_____________________________

http://slaverosebeauty.livejournal.com/

"Friends live on in our hearts, regardless if they are here or not."

(in reply to 1969slave)

Post #: 4

RE: Have you told your Family yet? - 5/8/2006 1:49:40 PM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: openmindedslave

In many of the profiles I read how people in this lifestyle are still concerned about privacy. I was woundering how many people here have been able to open up to their friends, and family concerning this lifestyle? While sexuality is not anybodies business, still, ...do you find that there is an openness to discuss this lifestyle with people who know you , or is it still somewhat of a taboo where you live?

Thank you

All four of my children know that I have an M/s relationship, what it is and what it entails( not sexual, as you say, that's no-ones business except my own)

My sister is a submissive with a Dom though neither of us pry into each other's lives or talk incessantly about it. It's just our lives; a way of life.

It doesn't seem weird or strange to the children, in fact we are all rather matter-of-fact about it and there's a lot of lighthearted banter about it. ( They find it amusing to *rat* on me at times too....lol )

Recently my daughter asked me to thank my Master, as she had been taught many things, through seeing how he guided me. It's seen as a very positive and nurturing relationship, despite it being a little *quirky*.....We are a bit *quirky* as a family overall.....lol

Regards, agirl

(in reply to openmindedslave)

Post #: 5

RE: Have you told your Family yet? - 5/8/2006 2:19:10 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

All of my friends either know (and accept) or are in the lifestyle. I came out to my mom several years ago about being into SM and whatnot. She knows much less about my spirituality and doesn't know I'm bi. I'd tell her if I thought it was important for her to know (or important for me to share). Since I'm more "het flexible" than bi and don't have a current girlfriend in my life, it's not important.

My aunt found out by overhearing mom's side of phone conversations with me (they live together). Now, most of my mom's brothers and sisters know due to gossip and and the time I outed me and jason because I had ASSUMED gossip had occured. THAT was funny. It was over Thanksgiving. jason and I had worked out some things that we could do to remind us of the protocol and still be respectable...but when I outed us, it gave us a certain amount of freedom. We didn't shove it in their faces; we were pretty much vanilla except for a few things I refused to give up (like him sitting at my feet and calling me Ma'am). By the end, my aunts were asking where they could find one, especially after seeing him run a load of towels and vacuum the living room. LOL he was a sight to behold and I was SO proud of him.

My mom's family has always been a "I may think it's wrong, but you do your thing" group of people, for the most part. My dad's family has no clue; I don't talk to them much. Dad died about a decade ago and we just lost touch. My brother doesn't know, mostly 'cause we're not super close. We like each other, but he's nine years older and we never went to the same school or anything growing up, so we never got to be close. It's not important for him to know, to me. I mainly told my mom because we ARE close and I wanted to be myself around her. When I told her, she said, "Well, I'm not into all the whips and chains and stuff, but having the roles defined so that you know exactly what's expected seems like a pretty smart way of doing things."

Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to openmindedslave)

Post #: 6

RE: Have you told your Family yet? - 5/8/2006 3:30:53 PM

Proprietrix

Posts: 756
Joined: 7/15/2005
From: Ohio/West Virginia
Status: offline

I'm completely out to family, and have taken some of them along to events. I'm out to my son. One of the girls he dates is his submissive, and they are out to her father as well. I am completely out to my friends, and many of them are in the lifestyle.

_____________________________

IMO, IMHO, YMMV, AFAIK, to me, I see it as, from my perspective, it's been my experience, I only speak for myself, (and all other disclaimers here).

(in reply to openmindedslave)

Post #: 7

RE: Have you told your Family yet? - 5/8/2006 4:03:17 PM

LindaLashes

Posts: 170
Joined: 10/28/2005
Status: offline

My best friend and my two brothers know about my D/s relationship and BDSM lifestyle. I don´t tell them anything beyond that, I don´t expect them in return to describe their sexual acts in their bedroom.

_____________________________

Smack me around and call me Suzy...

(in reply to openmindedslave)

Post #: 8

RE: Have you told your Family yet? - 5/8/2006 4:14:17 PM

BrutalAntipathy

Posts: 412
Joined: 7/8/2005
Status: offline

Virtually all of my friends know. Of my 4 siblings, one brother and one sister knows. My other siblings don't stay in contact with the rest of the family. I am certain that my father suspects it, but we never discuss anything of an intimate nature. Were my mother still alive, she would have been too soused with alcohol to have remembered 5 minutes after being informed.

(in reply to LindaLashes)

Post #: 9

RE: Have you told your Family yet? - 5/8/2006 4:14:38 PM

openmindedslave

Posts: 470
Joined: 2/27/2005
Status: offline

I have woundered and some have already spoken on it already, how have the subs responded to their friends knowing their property or at least serving a dom? While I see some subs have responded, I have woundered if it is somewhat easier for a Dom to come out and the other woman in your lives wishing they were more like you because you take charge of your realtionships. I can see alot of males, in this society, having diffululty explaining their submissiveness or living openly a lifestyle as a TV or just as a slave in the public life.. I do understand that most slaves and subs , will not be going into 7-11 with a leather collar on or wearing nylons under their workl clothing ...but it is natural to talk about relationships with friends and family. I just wounder how many subs can really be open with others. Please Any Doms who can comment on this, please do Thank you

(in reply to LindaLashes)

Post #: 10

RE: Have you told your Family yet? - 5/8/2006 4:26:21 PM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

I think it can be much harder for men who are submissive to be out because it doesn't quite gel with the social expectations for them -- submissive women can also have problems but in general I think they get by with being "old fashion" which may offend some but is still very commong.

When Fox told his sister everything she was upset. Later she said it was his life and after meeting us and seeing the positive changes in him she is better about it though she has made no effort to get to know us when we've extended invitations. Of course she's messed up a bit right now -- decided Jesus didn't want her to be a lesbian and since the idea of sex with males makes her ill she's decided to just be asexual so Fox is feeling uncertain about her right now on a lot of levels.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to openmindedslave)

Post #: 11

RE: Have you told your Family yet? - 5/8/2006 4:34:08 PM

DiannaVesta

Posts: 1087
Joined: 2/6/2006
From: Mid-Atlantic area
Status: offline

Out out out !!!! my family knows. I'm private in my town but my friends and family know.

_____________________________

(in reply to thetammyjo)

Post #: 12

RE: Have you told your Family yet? - 5/8/2006 4:41:59 PM

WyrdRich

Posts: 1733
Joined: 1/3/2005
Status: offline

I'm of the mindset that what consenting adults do with the front door locked is nobody's business. I also believe in giving a straight answer to a straight question. If people who know me and what weird ideas and opinions come out of my mouth want to assume I'm not just as strange in the bedroom, I'm perfectly willing to allow them the comfort of their delusions.

(in reply to DiannaVesta)

Post #: 13

RE: Have you told your Family yet? - 5/8/2006 4:43:36 PM

PeaceInterrupted

Posts: 16
Joined: 5/7/2006
Status: offline

Everyone that I know is aware of my lifestyle. In fact my youngest son (who is 19) and very lifestyle friendly was part of My collaring cermony between Me and My subbie.
I feel its very important to be honest especially with our children as we teach them not to lie and yet we lie about one of the most important part of our lives. Unless we educate those around us, we will have to stay in the closet... and I refuse to be closed in anymore.

(in reply to openmindedslave)

Post #: 14

RE: Have you told your Family yet? - 5/8/2006 4:47:01 PM

darq

Posts: 443
Joined: 4/21/2006
From: under a rock
Status: offline

I dont consider this to be a lifestyle ...

With that said, early on in my experiences, I very much considered it a lifestyle and my mother knew from the time I was 16 on ... It scared and concerned her but she didn't try to stop me.

One thing she has always done is let me learn from my own mistakes. She doesn't pick me up and dust me off. She doesn't bail me out. I've never asked her for money, help, or anything ... Not even advice. I figure things out for myself.

After leaving home, I pretty much stopped talking to most of my family. They dont know what I do ... They dont care. I do whatever makes me happy and as long as I'm still breathing at the end of the day, they're cool with it.

_____________________________

So you found a girl who thinks really deep thoughts ...
Tell me, whats so amazing about really deep thoughts?

I speak my mind because it hurts to bite my tongue.

(in reply to WyrdRich)

Post #: 15

RE: Have you told your Family yet? - 5/8/2006 5:05:09 PM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

I've been out for so long I'm almost back in again. ;) I truly think that being out for this many years, most that I've told have since forgotten. I was always the 'weird' one in the family so it came as no big surprise to anyone. ::chuckles::

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to darq)

Post #: 16

RE: Have you told your Family yet? - 5/8/2006 5:40:36 PM

slavejali

Posts: 2918
Status: offline

I don't consider there is anything to *tell*. I wouldn't speak german to a purely english speaking person either.

_____________________________

Freedom in Bondage

Different Strokes for Different Folks

"I'll always have a *soft spot* for Sadists"

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 17

RE: Have you told your Family yet? - 5/8/2006 9:57:35 PM

LadyMorgynn

Posts: 800
Joined: 11/25/2005
From: N. Carolina
Status: offline

EVERYBODY knows. My mom knows. My daughter, Goddess bless her wicked little heart, not only knows but is planning on borrowing my slave to clean her dorm room at college and give manicures to all her dorm pals :) My vanilla friends all know, and in fact can't wait for me to find my slave because I've promised them Pedicure Parties. My Domme friends, naturally, know as well, and are helping me in my search by steering likely slaves in my direction.

My dad might not because he lives across the country and we only talk on the phone for a few minutes a few times a year, and I can't remember if I've mentioned it; if I haven't it's bound to come up at some point, at the latest when I find my slave.

The only person who doesn't and won't know is my great-aunt in Texas who is quite elderly and just wouldn't get it, and I wouldn't wish to distress her for the world!

< Message edited by LadyMorgynn -- 5/8/2006 10:04:19 PM >

_____________________________

---
Lady Morgynn
www.farhorizons.net/LadyMorgynn

(in reply to openmindedslave)

Post #: 18

RE: Have you told your Family yet? - 5/8/2006 10:16:31 PM

mtumwawaBwana

Posts: 541
Status: offline

i was never close to my family as a child growing up. both my parents and one brother are fitted with wings now. i have not spoken a single word to the other two siblings in over 15 yrs. so it is safe to say those without wings know nothing of my way of living.
as for friends and work chums, one close friend knows....well she is a slave herself. and most of the work mates in southern california who saw my kef knew what i was without a word. but here where i live now...most are so wrapped up in the bible i dare not say a word.
as Yyou can see, my move to my Master can not come soon enough.

(in reply to openmindedslave)

Post #: 19

RE: Have you told your Family yet? - 5/8/2006 10:53:16 PM

FootQueen

Posts: 241
Joined: 12/13/2004
Status: offline

...

< Message edited by FootQueen -- 5/8/2006 11:01:00 PM >

_____________________________

Don`t engage in a relationship if there is no trust, for without trust there really is no relationship!

(in reply to thetammyjo)

Post #: 20

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