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RE: Have you told your Family yet? - 5/8/2006 10:56:20 PM

MissDiandSirHugh

Posts: 1158
Joined: 8/11/2005
From: Goondiwindi ( Qld )
Status: offline

Three of our four grown boys know and each has said good for us and if theyare told not to visit when they are in town alll they say is "Do'nt wnat to know"
The one who we have not told for personal reasons lives such a distance form us there is no need toworry about visits or haveing to tell him.
As to the rest of the family they also live a great distance from us and we do not see them anyway although they do know we also live an open life style but not have this life style as well.

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(in reply to mtumwawaBwana)

Post #: 21

RE: Have you told your Family yet? - 5/8/2006 10:59:11 PM

RunningFox

Posts: 12
Joined: 10/5/2005
Status: offline

Er, no, and not ever. My mother was in an abusive relationship for 12 years (which would probably explain a lot in my case), and she would never understand. The rest of my family would misunderstand also, just in a different way.

(in reply to mtumwawaBwana)

Post #: 22

RE: Have you told your Family yet? - 5/9/2006 12:58:59 AM

MistressJaguar

Posts: 5
Joined: 3/25/2006
Status: offline

Both my children, one grown, and the other almost there know about My lifestyle and accept it. I have not tried to hide anything from them, because the D's lifestyle is so much more than people think. They look at the ugly side, and if you don't bring them knowledge about it, they will continue to look at it that way.

Mistress Jaguar

(in reply to FootQueen)

Post #: 23

RE: Have you told your Family yet? - 5/9/2006 1:45:55 AM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressJaguar

Both my children, one grown, and the other almost there know about My lifestyle and accept it. I have not tried to hide anything from them, because the D's lifestyle is so much more than people think. They look at the ugly side, and if you don't bring them knowledge about it, they will continue to look at it that way.

Mistress Jaguar

Being in a PE relationship isn't really THAT weird, so I don't know what there is to be secretive about. Seeing a relationship that is close, in tune, with people having respect for each other, is something extremely positive....Why hide it?

The bdsm activities that may take place is just PE with *knobs on*. The relationship itself is the important thing, just like in a vanilla one....wearing collars or saying *Master* isn't what it's about.

Most people have aspects of their lives that they don't share, not because they are ashamed or afraid, but because it's personal and private. Even when I was married, there were things that my husband and I didn't share with other people. It was our private life. I don't see much of a difference really.

I'm sure I could bore people just as rigid by talking about my vegetable gardening......lol

(in reply to MistressJaguar)

Post #: 24

RE: Have you told your Family yet? - 5/9/2006 4:34:59 AM

openmindedslave

Posts: 470
Joined: 2/27/2005
Status: offline

agirl I totally agree with the mental connection is so much more than the superficial part of it all... The interest I have is from those who live the more open aspect of this life to the point that they are open with everyone around them..Not so much as a spokes person of the lifestyle, but more that if couples get together for a cook out and they start to seperate themselves with guys on one side and ladies on the other, ..If a conversation about sex came up or something of an intimate nature came up, some one would be open enought to comment on their interst in this lifestyle...

I can see how a males may have a more politically incorrect response to this lifestyle. If your male and your partner is into bondage and discipline, then you might be seen by a narrow minded person as a wife beater. If your the submissive, than you might be seen as a push over or wimp....which is totally not what this lifestyle is about. Trust me there are subs and slaves out there that can be the crap out of most who would say that to them lol

(in reply to agirl)

Post #: 25

RE: Have you told your Family yet? - 5/9/2006 4:54:21 AM

littlesarbonn

Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline

I told my family a few years back when I was in an owned relationship. It didn't go well. It never got better. So we don't talk about it anymore. Come to think of it, we don't talk much to each other anymore.

It doesn't always work out well.

(in reply to openmindedslave)

Post #: 26

RE: Have you told your Family yet? - 5/9/2006 4:55:57 AM

MsSonnetMarwood

Posts: 1898
Joined: 2/10/2005
From: Eastern Shore, Maryland
Status: offline

My friends all know of my involvement in the lifestyle (and frankly, after 12 years in the lifestyle, most of my friends are kinky). I've more or less been "out" at work in the past as well.

My family knows little to nothing - they might have their suspicions, buit it's not something we've ever discussed. I don't feel it's necessary to be out to them - my brothers would probably be fine with it; my parents and sister wouldn't handle it well. The type of subs that I'm attracted to are invariable clean cut and intelligent with a "we live in the real world" mentality, and very easy to introduce to the family should the relationship reach that level.

_____________________________

~Ms. Sonnet Marwood~

Deja Moo: The feeling you've heard this bull somewhere before.

(in reply to openmindedslave)

Post #: 27

RE: Have you told your Family yet? - 5/9/2006 5:19:13 AM

MIstressCyn127

Posts: 10
Joined: 12/26/2005
Status: offline

My sub only recently moved into my house as he took a job just down the street and lived 45 min away. My son knows we are in some sort of a relationship, but I havent actually explained it all to him.. He and I have seperate bedrooms and act fairly vanilla ( i guess) in front of the 10-20 teenagers that are constantly at my house. My sub does do chores, wait on me, light my cigarettes, and sit on the floor in fron of all the kids, not sure whether they even take notice. My family is coming for a visit in 2 weeks as my son is graduating from Highschool then, they all live acrosss the country for the most part, and at this point then dont even know Im in a relationship, thats how often we talk, so Im not sure how much I will share, we dont really share much anyway. Perhaps to my sister as she is the only one I really talk to anyway and it would be perfectly fine if she knew, the rest, I dotn know, its not like i specifically withhold information, I just really dotn talk to anyone about my life period, havent for a long time.

Mistress Cyn

(in reply to MsSonnetMarwood)

Post #: 28

RE: Have you told your Family yet? - 5/9/2006 6:13:49 AM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: openmindedslave

agirl I totally agree with the mental connection is so much more than the superficial part of it all... The interest I have is from those who live the more open aspect of this life to the point that they are open with everyone around them..Not so much as a spokes person of the lifestyle, but more that if couples get together for a cook out and they start to seperate themselves with guys on one side and ladies on the other, ..If a conversation about sex came up or something of an intimate nature came up, some one would be open enought to comment on their interst in this lifestyle...

I can see how a males may have a more politically incorrect response to this lifestyle. If your male and your partner is into bondage and discipline, then you might be seen by a narrow minded person as a wife beater. If your the submissive, than you might be seen as a push over or wimp....which is totally not what this lifestyle is about. Trust me there are subs and slaves out there that can be the crap out of most who would say that to them lol

I'm sure there would be a variety of responses ..........mostly people tailor their conversation to the company they are in. It would rather depend on what company you keep as to how it would be received and percieved.

Even my vanilla friends have parts of their lives that *narrow-minded* people would balk at.

It depends on what you consider available for public perusal......personally, I wouldn't share much of myself on any subject with a narrowminded person, full stop.

Regards, agirl

(in reply to openmindedslave)

Post #: 29

RE: Have you told your Family yet? - 5/9/2006 7:50:53 AM

vicki2725

Posts: 19
Joined: 2/13/2006
Status: offline

it doesn't seem like anyone had it hard experience with family. When my family found out they thought I was a horrible person. I grew up in a very strict Christian home. Of course they don't agree with me being a lesbian than on top of that a slave. We have not spoken and over six years. I do wonder if it will ever be repaired.

vicki

(in reply to agirl)

Post #: 30

RE: Have you told your Family yet? - 5/9/2006 9:18:56 AM

slaverosebeauty

Posts: 1941
Joined: 12/12/2004
From: Cali
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: vicki2725

it doesn't seem like anyone had it hard experience with family. When my family found out they thought I was a horrible person. I grew up in a very strict Christian home. Of course they don't agree with me being a lesbian than on top of that a slave. We have not spoken and over six years. I do wonder if it will ever be repaired.

vicki

{{{{hugs}}}}

I was raised Free Will Southern Baptist [Convention], my grandparents were part of the group that protested Disneyland, if you remember that. My ssiter adn I were always kinda 'outsiders' in out family, we went to church, and all that other stuff that was expected of us, but we both got to a point in our teens where, we needed more. My sister came out when she was about 14 or 15 that she was bi. My family flipped, and she put that 'away' and moved on wand didn't bring it up again. The following year I got pregnant, adn then got married, so the focus was off of her and on me, so she came back out and no one seemed to care.

Now, I send my sister books on this and she sends me a few, I even got her to tie her hubby up a few times.

I seem to corrupt my friends, not that thats a bad thing, it isn't, but they seem more accepting of it adn more open to it than most.

Vicki, families are what they are, especially ones that are really religious, btdt. If you want to talk, please feel free to contact me, I would love to talk with you if you just want to vent or talk.

p.s.~ I held a few 'posoitions' while I was in my teens with various religious groups, so I know all aboutthe Christian mentality and unwavering that can be around and the stigma and closemindedness.

_____________________________

http://slaverosebeauty.livejournal.com/

"Friends live on in our hearts, regardless if they are here or not."

(in reply to vicki2725)

Post #: 31

RE: Have you told your Family yet? - 5/9/2006 10:08:03 AM

MistressDiane

Posts: 334
Joined: 2/5/2004
Status: offline

everyone who's anyone in Our life knows. They're very accepting whether they get it or not.

_____________________________

Ms. Diane
"..and they who danced were thought insane by those who refused to hear the music." ~Monet

*Suffer BayBeee!!!!!*

"My treasures do not sparkle or glitter, they shine in the sun and neigh in the night."

(in reply to slaverosebeauty)

Post #: 32

RE: Have you told your Family yet? - 5/9/2006 10:46:19 AM

openmindedslave

Posts: 470
Joined: 2/27/2005
Status: offline

so do you think it any easier coming out as a Mistress or Dom then as a sub or slave? Somehow , being the superior sounds like to most it would naturally make you stronger to fight any problems that might arise from lack of acceptance... Some how I would bet that if I asked this same question , exclusive to subs/slaves , I will wager less would have expressed their desires openly to their family, their co-workers and closeses friends. I could be wrong, but i think its less likely they would... which falls back to why the strength of a dom is so attractive in many ways to a sub/slave.. again I do know there can be acceptions

(in reply to MistressDiane)

Post #: 33

RE: Have you told your Family yet? - 5/9/2006 11:41:28 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

I do not run around proclaiming it from the rooftops. Being new to this lifestyle I have never had a full time relationship with a submissive/slave so given that I have always been somewhat of a private person I tend to not tell anyone anything I don't think they need to know. I tend to be rather unapproachable and imposing ( I have heard ) to those that do not know me well and to some that do. I do not have a busy social schedule, instead prefering to spend most of my non-working hours with my 4-legged furry babies on the farm. Last summer I did have a young woman visit that wanted to spend some time with me to see if there was going to be a spark more than the friendship we had developed online. I knew her well enough to know I could trust her with my personal life, she came to my office several times during the week when I was working and spent the weekend at my farm. We drove around the area quite a bit and I introduced her to my co-workers and a few neighbours. She is not one to fit into small town Iowa in appearance AND she kept bringing me small gifts of flowers etc. Her very actions and demeanor raised a few questions. In this I take the same approach I took about answering questions about sex my kids had when they were very small. Simply answer the question asked truthfully and without elaboration. If this causes more questions I continue in the same manner. I have found that some are intrigued, some appear frightened and beat a hasty retreat and weirdly, most totally miss the whole point because they were not really listening to your answer and remain clueless.

Where I live we are so sheltered here, until a couple of years ago I thought BDSM was evil sociopathic people in leather and masks that only wanted to torture innocent victims......Example, the movie "8mm". That is the ignorance of the innocent and not so innocent I suppose. Kinky here is plastic handcuffs, blindfold, a feather and a vibrator!

(in reply to openmindedslave)

Post #: 34

RE: Have you told your Family yet? - 5/9/2006 2:30:05 PM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: openmindedslave

so do you think it any easier coming out as a Mistress or Dom then as a sub or slave? Somehow , being the superior sounds like to most it would naturally make you stronger to fight any problems that might arise from lack of acceptance... Some how I would bet that if I asked this same question , exclusive to subs/slaves , I will wager less would have expressed their desires openly to their family, their co-workers and closeses friends. I could be wrong, but i think its less likely they would... which falls back to why the strength of a dom is so attractive in many ways to a sub/slave.. again I do know there can be acceptions

A dominant is not superior ..they have different attributes to their nature which is not the same thing. A person that's chosen to be a sub/slave isn't weak because of that choice......and as these boards show , they are just as capable of speaking their minds as the next person.

I would say that it has rather more to do with each individuals personality and life, than whether they can deal with any problems that may arise from people *knowing* .

I think it has little to do with being a sub/slave/Dominant/Master.etc

What desires are you speaking of, in particular?

Regards, agirl

(in reply to openmindedslave)

Post #: 35

RE: Have you told your Family yet? - 5/9/2006 2:46:56 PM

akisha

Posts: 2071
Joined: 6/25/2005
Status: offline

I discuss little bits at a time with my mother till i can tell she doesn't want to hear anymore. She views lifestyle people as freaks lol, sorry to say her baby is one of them. We lightly brush over some topics but she doesn't want detail so I don't offer any.
I find this a little hard as we have always had a very open and honest relationship.

Last talk we had was about poly relationships. She still isn't really into the idea but she's not 100% against it anymore either.

I don't push but i don't lie about it either. I let my family and friends absorb as much as they are willing and try to never throw it in their face.

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(in reply to agirl)

Post #: 36

RE: Have you told your Family yet? - 5/9/2006 3:31:09 PM

angelgirl7473

Posts: 6
Joined: 4/16/2006
Status: offline

I Know the routine IN My family... mom Is strong Christian... for a Long time.. I had a hard time because my christianity kept me back as Well, but after awhile i finally Let myself go..

....

(in reply to FootQueen)

Post #: 37

RE: Have you told your Family yet? - 5/9/2006 11:02:46 PM

DigitBox

Posts: 154
Joined: 3/18/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: openmindedslave

In many of the profiles I read how people in this lifestyle are still concerned about privacy. I was woundering how many people here have been able to open up to their friends, and family concerning this lifestyle? While sexuality is not anybodies business, still, ...do you find that there is an openness to discuss this lifestyle with people who know you , or is it still somewhat of a taboo where you live?

Thank you

Family no, some friends yes. Some friends are less vanilla than others.

(in reply to openmindedslave)

Post #: 38

RE: Have you told your Family yet? - 5/10/2006 4:04:53 AM

ShiftedJewel

Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: vicki2725

it doesn't seem like anyone had it hard experience with family. When my family found out they thought I was a horrible person. I grew up in a very strict Christian home. Of course they don't agree with me being a lesbian than on top of that a slave. We have not spoken and over six years. I do wonder if it will ever be repaired.

vicki

Vicki, I went for better then a decade without speaking to my dad (my mom has long since passed). He didn't like the way I chose to live my life. I was raised a Baptist, fully involved in the church and all. My parents were very "old school", in other words, they were bigots and anything that went against what the preacher said was terribly wrong. Well, my sister married a black man, my daughter is a lesbian and most of their grandkids are either have hispanic or half indian... If it helps any at all, my dad told me a few years ago that he finally realized that he needs to love his kids for who they are and not who he wanted them to be. We have a great relationship now.

Be true to yourself, love yourself and take pride in yourself. No one can tell you whether or not you will ever have a good relationship with your parents, but as long as you have a good one with yourself you can be happy. Know that it is possible, but don't hold your breath and wait for it.

And yes, I'm open with my family, hell, I'm open with the world. We have the BDSM emblem on the back of our bike, floggers hanging from the wall sconces in our room, floggers that are in the process of being made hanging in the dining room, and chains on the four posts of our bed. And since we are in the middle of a major remodel our friends and family frequently "tour" our house to see the progress. Most that know us suspect but aren't willing to come right out and ask. I think the best line I've hear so far was from our neighbor across the street. We were talking one day and she said "Well, you guys raise eyebrows around here anyway"... Ahhh, life in a small town... lmao

And my all time favorite... my grand "unmentionable" is even aware that something is different at grandma's house, when she is here she knows that if she wants something all she has to do is yell for our twicehappy and she gets waited on hand and foot... she's adorable.. a Domina in the making!

Jewel

Jewel

_____________________________

Don't ask, trust me, you won't like the answer... no one ever does.

(in reply to vicki2725)

Post #: 39

RE: Have you told your Family yet? - 5/10/2006 6:52:46 AM

Saint

Posts: 279
Status: offline

No. Call it cowardice or what, but I know what my parents reaction would be. My parents, I love them dearly, but they simply wouldnt understand. They were both raised in very strict families and hold very strong prejudices against anyone who isnt exactly like them or who sees things exactly their way. It sometimes saddens me that I cant share this part of my life with them, but its for everyones peace of mind that I dont. *shrugs* Then again, they also know that I am very, very secretive about my personal life and they accept that somewhat..graciously.. Now, my 2 older half brothers are a different story I think. The middle one, he has something of an idea as I was talking to him about it as I was first entering the lifestyle. But that was over 2 years ago, and we had a falling out and I havent spoken to him since.The very oldest, Im not sure if he does or doesnt know. I think he would be more accepting of it than anyone. He just came out of the closet recently to family, and my parents all but disowned him. Even if he did know, it wouldnt matter. I havent spoken to him in over 5 years.

(in reply to ShiftedJewel)

Post #: 40

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