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Can you switch without switching? - 4/7/2011 9:38:15 PM   
MissImmortalPain


Posts: 2440
Joined: 4/1/2011
Status: offline 		I need the opinion of a dominant person but did not want to ask just a Dom or just a Domme. I need as many answers as I can get. I was challenged by a realationship with a submissive that was not really submissive and it left me in the end very not dominant. So I have taken up a challange to be collared and truely be submissive to the only Man that I could ever do this for. I know at my core that I am a dominant person but, for reasons I can not explain, I want to submit to him. I am wondering if any others have ever had this happen. I don't want to turn this into a rant but I truely believe you should never ask from another what you can not do yourself. So could being collared help, or harm to who I am. Thank you for any advice offered.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Can you switch without switching? - 4/7/2011 10:15:50 PM   
pwnerandpwned


Posts: 83
Joined: 4/13/2010
Status: offline 		Without knowing you extremely closely, I don't think anyone could really make an accurate guess on if something like this would be more likely to help or hurt "who you are". As a general answer, I don't see why something like that would have any specific reason of causing harm to your identity/lifestyle (or whatever it is you're exactly worried about harming).

As a more literal interpretation of the question: How can doing something that is you hurt who you are? Only by not doing what is part of your desires/likes/interests could you harm who you are. :)

(in reply to MissImmortalPain)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Can you switch without switching? - 4/7/2011 11:04:59 PM   
MissImmortalPain


Posts: 2440
Joined: 4/1/2011
Status: offline 		Thank you for your response. Maybe I stated the question wrong. I think I might be wondering it it could lead to self doubt.

(in reply to pwnerandpwned)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Can you switch without switching? - 4/7/2011 11:54:34 PM   
dreamerdreaming


Posts: 2839
Status: offline 		YOU are the controller of your thoughts, feelings and actions. You will only think, feel or do what you allow yourself to.

Go ahead and have yourself a yummy submissive phase, and you can return to the dom side (we have lobster! ) later.

Enjoy!

_____________________________

Download SLAVE LOVER. Explicit BDSM porn, with a plot! A love story, on a FemDom planet! http://www.amazon.com/Slave-Lover-Chronicles-Book-ebook/dp/B0031ERBLI/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1261973416&sr=1

(in reply to MissImmortalPain)
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RE: Can you switch without switching? - 4/7/2011 11:54:39 PM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline 		I will never be someone else's Bitch.... nuff said

BadOne

_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

According to SwithNSpanky
We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

(in reply to MissImmortalPain)
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RE: Can you switch without switching? - 4/7/2011 11:56:31 PM   
dreamerdreaming


Posts: 2839
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

I will never be someone else's Bitch.... nuff said

BadOne



Oh darn. There goes my weekend.

*POUT*

_____________________________

Download SLAVE LOVER. Explicit BDSM porn, with a plot! A love story, on a FemDom planet! http://www.amazon.com/Slave-Lover-Chronicles-Book-ebook/dp/B0031ERBLI/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1261973416&sr=1

(in reply to SailingBum)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Can you switch without switching? - 4/8/2011 12:00:46 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Years ago, I knew a man who had been Dominant in the scene for years.  After more than a decade as a Master, he met the woman that made him want to submit.  The last time I saw him (them) I was quite happy to see the progress.

It is watching this transformation that allows Me to say that I know such things are possible.  I don't belong to the 'all women are submissive deep down' camp.  I have yet to meet a man that actually inspired submission in Me and most that try, I find quite silly.  I see most of them as fools.  At the same time, I do understand the premise of, if it is not impossible, then it might be probable.  I can not discount it entirely because I have watched it happen to others.

The man that I mentioned in My response.... He is now happily in service to a wonderful woman,  There were some folks who questioned his decision in doing so.  He brushed them off, happy in the path he chose to follow.

That is what you should do.  Listen to what is inside of you and not the external sources.  If this is where your heart leads you........ follow.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to MissImmortalPain)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Can you switch without switching? - 4/8/2011 12:10:12 AM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: dreamerdreaming


quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

I will never be someone else's Bitch.... nuff said

BadOne



Oh darn. There goes my weekend.

*POUT*


Cmere my pretty

BadOne


_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

According to SwithNSpanky
We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

(in reply to dreamerdreaming)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Can you switch without switching? - 4/8/2011 12:16:05 AM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline 		You can change your behavior but not your nature. Wearing a collar might help you to determine where your truth lies no matter what the outcome. Good luck to you. :)

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to MissImmortalPain)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Can you switch without switching? - 4/8/2011 4:12:59 AM   
stellauk


Posts: 1360
Status: offline 		Some people can switch and find fulfillment in either role. I know I can and was at some stage encouraged and trained to do so by a domme and it didn't affect the dynamic between us. Others can't for whatever reason, they just don't feel it and have issues identifying themselves with being 'on the other side'.

But one thing is for sure, it can only add a new dimension to you as a person, not take anything away from you. Enjoy.

_____________________________

Usually when you have all the answers for something nobody is interested in listening.

(in reply to MissImmortalPain)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Can you switch without switching? - 4/8/2011 5:24:07 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		I just say I'm submissive to one. Apparently you've found your one. What's wrong with that?

The only thing that concerns me is that you are doing this for the wrong reasons. One, because you picked the wrong person to dominate, so now you feel you can't dominate anyone else even though you have dominated others in the past. And two, that bit about a challenge. So how long do you have to submit before you feel you passed the test? And what happens to the relationship then, when it isn't a challenge any longer?


_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to stellauk)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Can you switch without switching? - 4/8/2011 6:29:08 AM   
ranja


Posts: 2111
Joined: 11/1/2007
Status: offline 		i don't think you can switch without switching... try to turn the light on without flicking the switch

i do think in many cases it is perfectly acceptable even very good to ask things of people that you can not do yourself

i also think you are playing games rather than living in reality
but then most of us seem to have that problem

(in reply to MissImmortalPain)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Can you switch without switching? - 4/8/2011 9:40:26 AM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MissImmortalPain
Thank you for your response. Maybe I stated the question wrong. I think I might be wondering it it could lead to self doubt.

I wouldn't worry about this causing self-doubt. You already have it. I'd be looking at "why". In my opinion, you'd do well to avoid statements like, "at my core that I am a dominant person". As soon as you start applying labels like that then you cut off your options and then the disparity between who you actually are and who the label says you are will cause no end of trouble. Why not just be you.. a complicated human being with a lot of sides and facets to be explored?


_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to MissImmortalPain)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Can you switch without switching? - 4/8/2011 10:15:03 AM   
PetiteOralSub


Posts: 81
Joined: 5/21/2010
Status: offline 		Relationships are, well, relative I believe.

Take the submissive who is the Alpha at work, who leads and nutures and Dominates those in her charge, for the good of her pack\family\company, what have you. In those relationships, that sexual submissive, is dominant. But in relationship to his\her Dominant, nothing has changed.

I have never topped, don't have any sexual fantasies about doing so, but if Master needed me to Top another sub for his pleasure, I'm sure I would, and not in any way feel less submissive to him, or feel a sudden urge to switch.

It's all relative.


_____________________________

respectfully

(in reply to leadership527)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Can you switch without switching? - 4/8/2011 10:21:06 AM   
ChatteParfaitt


Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MissImmortalPain

Thank you for your response. Maybe I stated the question wrong. I think I might be wondering it it could lead to self doubt.


Of course it can lead to self doubt, if you don't resolve your issues with having a submissive side. To me, that is the issue.

It's one I understand well, it took me YEARS to recognize I had a submissive side. At that point in time, I viewed submissive as weak, passive, too soft, too trusting, too selfless. And this was not how I could view myself at all.

Then I became a mother and learned that nurturing, care giving, selflessness, living in the here and now (instead of being so incredibly goal oriented), were are virtues I needed to cultivate. To say this realization has made me a more well rounded person is the understatement of my life.

Ask yourself why you even think having a submissive side will harm you instead of enhance you.







_____________________________



(in reply to MissImmortalPain)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Can you switch without switching? - 4/8/2011 11:55:39 AM   
MissImmortalPain


Posts: 2440
Joined: 4/1/2011
Status: offline 		Actuallly I have dommed since this happened,but I had not considered what would happen to the realationship later. Thank you for reminding me that he was my friend first, and that I need to consider not only what my own, but his reaction will be later.

< Message edited by MissImmortalPain -- 4/8/2011 12:02:17 PM >

_____________________________

It is always by way of pain that we arrive at pleasure.

We must all go through a right of passage,and it must be physical, it must be painful,and it must leave a mark.

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Can you switch without switching? - 4/8/2011 1:57:56 PM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MissImmortalPain

I need the opinion of a dominant person but did not want to ask just a Dom or just a Domme. I need as many answers as I can get. I was challenged by a realationship with a submissive that was not really submissive and it left me in the end very not dominant. So I have taken up a challange to be collared and truely be submissive to the only Man that I could ever do this for. I know at my core that I am a dominant person but, for reasons I can not explain, I want to submit to him. I am wondering if any others have ever had this happen. I don't want to turn this into a rant but I truely believe you should never ask from another what you can not do yourself. So could being collared help, or harm to who I am. Thank you for any advice offered.

I don't believe that it will hurt or harm; but rather enhance either side you choose to stand on.

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.


(in reply to MissImmortalPain)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Can you switch without switching? - 4/8/2011 4:39:10 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		I don't quite follow. You're afraid of losing a part of yourself, but it seems to me that the only things that could happen would be that you discover a part of yourself that was previously hidden, or that you grow a new part of you.

Or, of course, that it just plain doesn't work.

Go for it.


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to IrishMist)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Can you switch without switching? - 4/9/2011 8:55:34 AM   
artemiss


Posts: 88
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline 		Thank you DesFIP,

Was beginning to think I was the only one who saw issues with this mentality.

If you feel submissive to this person, if this course is making you happy, roll with it. Different people inspire a whole range of emotions. Each relationship is creates it's own dynamic. And everyone has multiple sides to their personality. Allowing all sides to surface is only going to make you a more well rounded person.

That being said, if...

If you are doing this out of self doubt, or to prove something, I would suggest stepping back for awhile. Do some soul searching and some healing. Come back to this when you head is in a better space.

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Can you switch without switching? - 4/9/2011 5:53:37 PM   
MissImmortalPain


Posts: 2440
Joined: 4/1/2011
Status: offline 		I want to thank everyone that has offered advice. So far things seem to be going very well. It hasn't been as hard as I thought it might be. It may just be something about him but I offer to him everything I would expect from a sub. It has not only not lead to self doubt so far it has made me feel a little better about what kind of domme I am. Again thank you.

_____________________________

It is always by way of pain that we arrive at pleasure.

We must all go through a right of passage,and it must be physical, it must be painful,and it must leave a mark.

(in reply to artemiss)
Profile   Post #: 20
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