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Being submissive makes you weak? - 4/9/2011 8:32:59 PM   
LoveSparkie


Posts: 56
Joined: 12/17/2010
Status: offline 		I have a submissive personality. I always have. I am still young, but as time goes on and since I've been on my ownfor a bit I have learned to care for myself and take control of my life completely and not have a dominant role in my life at all.

I still find myself wanting it though. Not that I want someone to dominant every aspect of my life. As I stated on my profile "I am looking for a supportive and guiding hand, not one that will always force me to my knees".

I've always preferred to follow and be the support in the background rather then be the leader. But sometimes I feel that I am weak because I am submissive and not one to jump up when someone needs to take control of a situation.

EDIT: On another note..those that are dominant, do you view submissives as being weak?

< Message edited by LoveSparkie -- 4/9/2011 8:35:26 PM >

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RE: Being submissive makes you weak? - 4/9/2011 8:41:40 PM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline 		IJMHO, but I think it takes a lot of strength to give completely of oneself, to choose to live in a way that society questions, to face your fears and walk through them, and, most of all, to have the discipline to live a life of servitude.
Now that's just me. I know more than a few women who I view as very strong who say they aren't, that they are just living in the way that comes most naturally to them and that takes no strength at all. But most have had to go through quite a few internal (and often external) conflicts in order to reach that place of acceptance. To me, the willingness and desire to continue pushing through such adversity and keep seeking and growing is the sign of a strong person.
Plus, shit, grins, any chick who can put up with me better be tough as nails.


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RE: Being submissive makes you weak? - 4/9/2011 10:05:38 PM   
LPslittleclip


Posts: 1163
Joined: 9/29/2007
Status: offline 		i also feel that being submissive is not for the weak as it takes strength to be able to submit and serve. i am a combat nurse and i have to be able to keep all of my charges healthy and safe so i can be bold and strong ad lead but i choose to be submissive in my life as it is what i am.

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RE: Being submissive makes you weak? - 4/9/2011 11:34:58 PM   
myotherself


Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline 		I agree with the other posters.

It's not easy to put your own wants and needs to one side to focus on another all the time. There are times when you're tired, unhappy, or just 'not in the mood' and yet you struggle forward to please you Dominant. That takes strength.

Like clip I'm in a leadership role at work. I'm often called a control freak and a hard bitch (and that's some of the nicer things some of my students say about me, lol), but at home I want to follow, not lead.

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RE: Being submissive makes you weak? - 4/9/2011 11:51:31 PM   
crazyml


Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline 		Hey there!

I'm with Kana and LPslittleclip... Sure there are some subs that are weak (just as there are some Doms that are weak...), but I don't think that Submission correlates with weakness.



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RE: Being submissive makes you weak? - 4/9/2011 11:58:07 PM   
Selectivelight


Posts: 191
Joined: 9/30/2010
Status: offline 		You can't define a person based on a single aspect of their being. You might be submissive -and- weak, but you couldn't possibly be weak because you're submissive.

As for my own partners, I don't see them as weak. I don't see them as weak, and I don't want them to be weak. I want them to be strong, confident, intelligent, and to pursue their goals with passion and perseverance. Elevating their status in life gets me off, apparently.

Don't worry too much about assigning labels and definitions to yourself. Your worth is best grasped by observation and experience, not a handful of snippets from our modern lexicon.

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RE: Being submissive makes you weak? - 4/10/2011 12:34:32 AM   
Asherscorp1


Posts: 143
Joined: 3/6/2011
Status: offline 		It takes great strength of character to submit to someone else. To be truly submissive requires a profound confidence in yourself. First you have to know that submitting does not make you less, it does not diminish your worth as a person. If you are not grounded in that truth you will end up feeling less even if you have a wonderful Dom because no one can give you worth. So, no being submissive does not make you weak at all. It makes you very strong as a person. To give to someone else freely, your support, your service, your body, your trust, takes great courage and it is a gift that cannot be over-stated in beauty or importance.

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RE: Being submissive makes you weak? - 4/10/2011 12:39:33 AM   
BKSir


Posts: 4037
Joined: 4/8/2008
From: Salt Lake City, UT
Status: offline 		OP: If anyone called my pets weak and I found out, there would be hell to pay. Okay, so, physically, they don't tend to be terribly strong. But that's, I'm positive, not what you're talking about. I don't allow "weak" people in my life. I haven't the time or effort to bother with them. Thus, I certainly wouldn't have someone around me whom I care for and about so much if they were weak. Frankly, half the time, I look at them and think "He's a far better person than I could ever hope to be.".


>.>


Then I bend him over the back of the couch and do horrible things.

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RE: Being submissive makes you weak? - 4/10/2011 1:35:22 AM   
phoenixmoonn13


Posts: 398
Joined: 6/11/2010
Status: offline 		i am stronger now that i have fully submitted and living with master. i achieve and do things i couldn't have done before.



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RE: Being submissive makes you weak? - 4/10/2011 4:06:39 AM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LoveSparkie

On another note..those that are dominant, do you view submissives as being weak?


Greetings,

i don't believe it takes anything 'special' for one to submit save a desire to do so and the right person there to lead the way. Having said this, i've encountered submissive people that were tough as nails and those that were as wobbly as jellyfish. That has diddly to do with their submission and was directly related to the individual instead. That's the barometer that will determine where you go and if the experience expands your person or deflates it in the long term.

As for weakness, that's very subjective. i think many make value assessments concerning certain attributes that are viewed in the negative primarily due to the omission of protective barriers. Words like doormat, vulnerable, and transparent don't elicit the same warm feelings that declarations of strength and independence often do. But in life we learn that what is presumably good can be very bad if taken to excess. Therefore, the individual that has certain vulnerabilities will face her own set of problems that are rarely in line with the person that is independent minded.

What few recognize when they're maligning the other (foolishly in my opinion) is how to cultivate those things she lacks (which oppose her natural demeanor) to aid in the submission process. We're basically gazing at the same coin on its respective sides that are complementary if you look closely. In short, weakness can be asset if utilized appropriately or highly detrimental when taken to harmful extremes.

Namaste,

~porcelaine


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His will; my fate.

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RE: Being submissive makes you weak? - 4/10/2011 4:17:54 AM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline 		It can make some people weak.

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RE: Being submissive makes you weak? - 4/10/2011 4:22:08 AM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline 		A submissive female......, wellll...., the *right* submissive female is the only person who can accommodate and complement my male dominant needs.

For her to be "weak" (and therefore flawed etc) automatically implies I must be, too. Weaker, in fact, because I could never do for any woman that which I require my submissive to do to satisfy all my needs.

I'd venture those most likely to view a fem/sub as weak are vanilla females, esp feminist types - at the risk of starting a shit-fight of "fat thread" proportions, maybe.... lol

Focus.

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RE: Being submissive makes you weak? - 4/10/2011 4:30:04 AM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline

I think being submissive CAN make a person weak.

If a person is put into a place where they are not permitted, conditioned in fact, to not make any decisions, and then find themselves outside the realm of D/s (like in a job), they can be paralyzed into non-action. There are people who have these kinds of relationships in which the submissive person becomes that deeply ensconced in the relationship and is ENCOURAGED/REQUIRED to become helpless.

Helplessness is weakness imo.

This same person, after then end of a relationship can be devastated and unable to care for her/himself.

The other situation that weakness would be the result is if the person has a certain level of D/s (like bedroom D/s for example) but the relationship is brought outside of the bedroom. By adhering to the dynamic, the person can lose their sense of self in a bad way. This can produce a self-questioning stance because of not being true to oneself that is anything but strong.

So, yes, being submissive can make a person weak.

ymmv,
sunshine

< Message edited by sunshinemiss -- 4/10/2011 4:31:53 AM >

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Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

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RE: Being submissive makes you weak? - 4/10/2011 4:35:05 AM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50

I'd venture those most likely to view a fem/sub as weak are vanilla females, esp feminist types - at the risk of starting a shit-fight of "fat thread" proportions, maybe.... lol


i've heard it from male supremacists, closet natural order supporters, dehumanization enthusiasts, and those that fetishize inferiority in their partner. i don't know if there's a deep seeded belief that she is weak, but there's a definite interest in playing on the concept in varying degrees.

Namaste,

~porcelaine


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His will; my fate.

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RE: Being submissive makes you weak? - 4/10/2011 4:46:10 AM   
NocturnalStalker


Posts: 3858
Joined: 12/4/2010
Status: offline 		Submissives have inferior minds and therefore are weak.

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RE: Being submissive makes you weak? - 4/10/2011 4:47:35 AM   
0ldhen


Posts: 2221
Joined: 12/27/2010
From: Henhouse in Trolltopia, Harleyville USA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NocturnalStalker

Submissives have inferior minds and therefore are weak.



buuttttt.........NS.........I can carry a 50lb pack on my head........

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RE: Being submissive makes you weak? - 4/10/2011 4:52:06 AM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: porcelaine

quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50

I'd venture those most likely to view a fem/sub as weak are vanilla females, esp feminist types - at the risk of starting a shit-fight of "fat thread" proportions, maybe.... lol


i've heard it from male supremacists, closet natural order supporters, dehumanization enthusiasts, and those that fetishize inferiority in their partner.


Maybe...., but my first instinct is generally that no-one is harder on a woman than another woman. Especailly if the target has "look at me" attributes (natural or highlighted) to attract the attentions of the male of the species.

Sooooo much simpler than all the sub-catagories (no pun) you've come up with.... lol

Focus.

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Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

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RE: Being submissive makes you weak? - 4/10/2011 5:22:32 AM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

This same person, after then end of a relationship can be devastated and unable to care for her/himself.


i lived in a situation where everything was done for me. All i did was go to work. But outside of that it was literally hacuna matata. i always liken this to my experience being male.

But in all seriousness it made me very codependent and it took quite awhile to reverse the process. i was easily overwhelmed by simple things that most would blow through without a sweat. It served as a good lesson and it's something i pay attention to when i'm getting acquainted. i have zero desire to be that inoperative again.


quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50

Maybe...., but my first instinct is generally that no-one is harder on a woman than another woman. Especailly if the target has "look at me" attributes (natural or highlighted) to attract the attentions of the male of the species.

Sooooo much simpler than all the sub-catagories (no pun) you've come up with.... lol


Women allow themselves to be maligned and judged by individuals they believe are in possession of character traits, accomplishments, physical attributes, or material items that insight a modicum of inferiority towards the other person. It isn't that they're harder on one another, but if you push a button and the person responds, why quit? Most of what you're observing is really passive-aggressive bs. Many aren't competing to gain, not in the literal sense. It's done to offset their internal vacancies

Namaste,

~porcelaine


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His will; my fate.

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RE: Being submissive makes you weak? - 4/10/2011 5:28:08 AM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline 		Being submissive makes you weak?
Hmmm
No offense, but it sounds like you have taken a cue from those weak-assed-dominants who go around banging on their chests and shouting "I lead you follow" .

The all around answer you will get from others is that submissives have to be strong in order to 'give up authority' to another. And while that works on the surface, it does not really touch the issue.

Most men and women (remove any and all labels here ) want partners who are STRONG. Emotionally, mentally, intellectually. It is in these areas that they keep away from 'the weak'.

Are you emotionally stable? Are you mentally stable? Do you have enough intelligence to at least carry on a decent conversation? (and I am not talking college 'smart' here, I am simply referring to the ability to talk to others coherently and concisely )

Being submissive does not make you unable to form emotional bonds with another. It does not mean that you are mentally challenged. And it does not mean that you are ignorant as a rock. It simply means that you PERFER to let YOUR PARTNER make certain decisions.

I see nothing weak in that.

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RE: Being submissive makes you weak? - 4/10/2011 6:44:05 AM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline 		Let's face it, we all have areas where we're weaker than others. When I was young I certainly had LOTS of areas where I was *weak*....(insecurities, shyness, lack of confidence). Those things generally change as you get older.

I still have some of them but they aren't ALL of me, and also, they are quite attractive wrapped up in my personality as a whole.

We are what we are at any given time.....man, woman, dominant, submissive.

agirl


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