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what r a doms responsabilities to a sub. - 4/14/2011 11:28:27 AM

mastercesarsub

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i just want a clear picture as to a doms responsabilities to his sub. and how to go about telling him, reminding, or how ever it would be worded without consaquince. ty sirs

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RE: what r a doms responsabilities to a sub. - 4/14/2011 11:30:50 AM

mnottertail

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I would be having this discussion with Caesar, and it would be, please master, what are your responsibilities to me? said while kneeling, with the softest feminine voice you can muster, much lip and tongue movement and ending on a wide open mouth in an o shape.

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RE: what r a doms responsabilities to a sub. - 4/14/2011 11:40:19 AM

ChatteParfaitt

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To teach her not to use text speak in a public forum?

Oh er, perhaps you are actually serious. You won't find a DOM 101 book here. However, The Loving Dominant is a good read.

The bottom line is, your relationship is what the two of you make it. All too many come to this forum assuming a BDSM relationship is drastically different for a vanilla relationship. It's not. Except where the two of you agree to have it be different. There really aren't any "instanta dom/sub guidelines" that will replace good old communication.

Best of luck.

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RE: what r a doms responsabilities to a sub. - 4/14/2011 12:11:29 PM

SailingBum

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The doms job is to tell you what to do. Your function is to do it. This stuff aint building rocket delivery systems. SHEESH. I do see that your new round these parts but it really is a dumb question. Dom = boss so when your boss tells you to do something do you remind him of their responsibility to you? Im thinking not so much

BadOne

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RE: what r a doms responsabilities to a sub. - 4/14/2011 12:23:31 PM

kalikshama

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His responsibilities are whatever the two of you have previously negotiated. For example, you've agreed to turn over your paychecks and his responsibility is to pay the rent. If he fails to pay the rent, you could of course remind him, but the wiser choice would be to not have a financial dynamic with someone who is financially irresponsible.

What's your specific situation?

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RE: what r a doms responsabilities to a sub. - 4/14/2011 12:26:15 PM

mnottertail

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

The doms job is to tell you what to do. Your function is to do it. This stuff aint building rocket delivery systems. SHEESH. I do see that your new round these parts but it really is a dumb question. Dom = boss so when your boss tells you to do something do you remind him of their responsibility to you? Im thinking not so much

BadOne

Ah HA!!!!!!

What if she is specifically tasked with building rocket delivery systems, by her master?

Then what would be the issues that need to be discussed?

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RE: what r a doms responsabilities to a sub. - 4/14/2011 12:43:38 PM

leadership527

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quote:

ORIGINAL: mastercesarsub
i just want a clear picture as to a doms responsabilities to his sub. and how to go about telling him, reminding, or how ever it would be worded without consaquince. ty sirs

As others have said, the dominant's responsibility is to be dominant. After that it's all about personal style and how you two think of your relationship. If Carol thinks I'm not doing something she should she says so.

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I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
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RE: what r a doms responsabilities to a sub. - 4/14/2011 3:51:38 PM

SailingBum

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quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

The doms job is to tell you what to do. Your function is to do it. This stuff aint building rocket delivery systems. SHEESH. I do see that your new round these parts but it really is a dumb question. Dom = boss so when your boss tells you to do something do you remind him of their responsibility to you? Im thinking not so much

BadOne

Ah HA!!!!!!

What if she is specifically tasked with building rocket delivery systems, by her master?

Then what would be the issues that need to be discussed?

I got your "rocket" right here. If any of you smokng hot bitches wanna ....

BadOne

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RE: what r a doms responsabilities to a sub. - 4/14/2011 4:11:09 PM

littlewonder

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His responsibilities are whatever he decides they are. I don't "remind" him or go about telling him or anything else. I simply let him decide to do what he wants.

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RE: what r a doms responsabilities to a sub. - 4/14/2011 6:39:46 PM

DesFIP

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Whatever the two of you agreed are his responsibilities.
And if you didn't have that conversation already, it's past time to do so.

Honey, I need to talk to you. Lately you've been doing x, y and z (or not doing them) and this makes me unhappy. You said you would do x and you haven't. I need this to be happy in the relationship. Is there any way to work this out?

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RE: what r a doms responsabilities to a sub. - 4/15/2011 6:38:23 AM

sunshinemiss

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Hello,
I have to wonder why you are asking this. You and your fellow are looking for another woman to play with. You say in your profile that the other woman will take orders from both of you. Seems you might be getting the cart before the horse. But as is often the case, I digress.

Of course I agree with the folks who say - whatever you all have agreed upon. Your question makes me wonder if you have agreed upon anything or whether you'ver just been kind of "going with the flow." Regardless, it would seem a serious conversation is in order. ESPECIALLY if you are planning on bringing another person into the mix. Again, cart, horse.

Here are a few of the things that one might want to consider (these are off the top of my head so don't take them as gospel):
What do YOU need from him?
What do you need from yourself?
What are you willing / able to give?
What is your orientation - sexual, poly versus monogamy, gender
Which of the 5 languages of love is most natural for you? For him?
What emotions are linked with your relationship? Insecurity? Safety? Fear? Peace?
What actions are linked to the kind of relationship you want?
What are the long term / short term goals you two have?
Do you have the SAME goals?
how are decisions made?
How are disagreements handled?
Do you want to be 24/7 or have a little hanky spanky or something in between?
Are comfortable with watching him with another woman? Doing what?
What are you and he willing to sacrifice for the relationship?
How will you spend your time - together and apart?

And the most important one? Does he put the seat down?

Good luck,
sunshine

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RE: what r a doms responsabilities to a sub. - 4/15/2011 7:39:05 AM

OsideGirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: mastercesarsub
and how to go about telling him

Just an FYI, when you the "s" and he's the "D" it generally doesn't go over well when you tell him what he should be doing.

Beyond that, this is a conversation you should be having at a beginning of a relationship, not in the middle when you're trying to add a third person.

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RE: what r a doms responsabilities to a sub. - 4/18/2011 10:52:55 PM

SirTyson

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I agree with those who have said that it is something that should be discussed and agreed upon by the both of you. Contrary to what many people may say about the lifestyle, there is no book of law that details how things are supposed to work for every couple.

As far as people saying its his responsibility to be dominant well...being dominant isn't a responsibility, it something that one is and comes naturally.

Thats my story and Im sticking to it!!

Tyson

***The opinions and ideas of the author are in no way to be viewed as to what is right or wrong. No testing on tied up subs/slaves/little girls/or farm animals has been done to prove any of this correct. These views are copy written to protect the author (and the not so innocent) and are punishable by a spanking.***

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RE: what r a doms responsabilities to a sub. - 4/21/2011 8:03:47 AM

agirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: mastercesarsub

i just want a clear picture as to a doms responsabilities to his sub. and how to go about telling him, reminding, or how ever it would be worded without consaquince. ty sirs

It doesn't really matter *what* they are..........it really only matters that you both understand what they are.

It can be spoken or unspoken, but it still comes down to *knowing* what they are......whether it's by having talked so much, over time, that you understand exactly what D/s means to you both that it doesn't need spelling out. Or, it's because you have frank conversations and lay it out.

Here, M is responsible for having authority over me...I'm responsible for accepting that and living with it. It covers everything and *details*don't have to be spelled out. We bloody well ought to know what they are to be living this way.

It would be a very bad day in this herb garden if I, in any way, felt I needed to *remind* him.....and worrying about the consequences would be the very last thing on my mind.

agirl

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RE: what r a doms responsabilities to a sub. - 4/21/2011 8:09:44 AM

Kana

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quote:

ORIGINAL: mastercesarsub

i just want a clear picture as to a doms responsabilities to his sub. and how to go about telling him, reminding, or how ever it would be worded without consaquince. ty sirs

Teaching them to spell, an essential for communication :-)

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RE: what r a doms responsabilities to a sub. - 4/21/2011 10:25:08 AM

Rochsub2009

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum
The doms job is to tell you what to do. Your function is to do it. This stuff aint building rocket delivery systems. SHEESH. I do see that your new round these parts but it really is a dumb question.

Actually, it's not a dumb question. But it is a rather dumb answer.

Responsibility in ANY relationship goes both ways. It doesn't matter if the relationship is D/s, M/s, or vanilla.

In a D/s or M/s relationship, the Dom's/Domme's responsibility has to extend beyond telling the sub/slave what to do. What if the Dom/Domme isn't doing things that had been agreed upon at the beginning of the relationship? What if the Dom/Domme is neglecting the sub/slave? What if the Dom/Domme is cheating on the sub/slave, and polyamory wasn't part of the original agreement? What if the sub has a medical condition, and wants her Dom to be more careful physically?

If you think that your only responsibility as a Dom it to tell your sub what to do, then I seriously question your "domliness".

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RE: what r a doms responsabilities to a sub. - 4/21/2011 10:55:23 AM

HannahLynHeather

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quote:

i just want a clear picture as to a doms responsabilities to his sub.

to look out for her welfare and to ensure she gets what she needs to out of the relationship.

quote:

and how to go about telling hand how to go about telling him, reminding, or how ever it would be worded without consaquince

you don't. no matter how you do it there will be consequences of some sort.

hannah lynn

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RE: what r a doms responsabilities to a sub. - 4/21/2011 11:16:54 AM

onlyfreelycaged

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In it's simplest form, Master doesn't break his toys.

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RE: what r a doms responsabilities to a sub. - 4/21/2011 12:44:50 PM

juliaoceania

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quote:

ORIGINAL: mastercesarsub

i just want a clear picture as to a doms responsabilities to his sub. and how to go about telling him, reminding, or how ever it would be worded without consaquince. ty sirs

If you do not know what these are, either he did not communicate them to you at the appropriate time, or you weren't listening when he told you what they were. No one on this forum can answer your question but him...

The way you phrased the above sounds like the rules of the game were changed in the middle of it. For example, if he promised you an exclusive relationship and is now bringing in a third, he doesn't need reminding that he is going back on his word. If this is your situation (not saying it is mind you) you have to decide if it is acceptable to you in stead of trying to change his mind.

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RE: what r a doms responsabilities to a sub. - 4/21/2011 12:46:41 PM

leadership527

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009
Responsibility in ANY relationship goes both ways. It doesn't matter if the relationship is D/s, M/s, or vanilla.

Really? I don't think I have any responsibility to Carol. I don't think she has any responsibility to me. I think both of us are obligated to ourselves, our own ideals, and the ultimate reality of consequence.

I feel about "responsibilities" (at least the way it's being used here) much the same as I feel about "rights". I don't understand where they come from. I don't understand who assigns and/or removes them. I don't understand how performance is graded against them. I just don't see how it applies.

I live in the world of consequences and that works for me.

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I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

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