Domms demanding money / tribute, and how to tell them apart? (Full Version)

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CuriousNCurious -> Domms demanding money / tribute, and how to tell them apart? (4/16/2011 3:34:23 AM)

Hi all,

I'm relatively new to this site and while it seems fun, I have a bit of a question.. It has been semi-covered by the FAQ in this section but what I have to ask does go beyond that.

A lot of Domms on this site seem to demand tribute / money in the introduction text in their profiles. There isn't even any pretence - it's simply "I believe I deserve something from you with no guarantee of anything in return".

Again referring back to the FAQ, this seems to be an OK practice, even if it seems a little blunt and uneven in terms of exchange to me. But I'm not here to judge that and of course not looking to single any one person out.

My question is this: How does one go about telling Domms such as those above from those who are genuinely seeking a submissive partner - either for long or short term?

Many seem to go about role-playing or acting the part of a scary Domm but since it's the internet and their words are just text, it comes across as bitchy instead since there's no guarantee that that person is the real deal - even if they say they are (I could modify my own profile to imply I'm a 32 year old ex-porn star with extensive experience and a desire to give all my money away, it's just that easy to lie).

So as I said, how to tell them apart?



Ariane23 -> RE: Domms demanding money / tribute, and how to tell them apart? (4/16/2011 5:30:27 AM)

I just did a post on this earlier today.

Basically, the approach you describe pretty much guarantees you're being approached by a scammer. It's probably not even a woman.

A real Domme will enter into conversation and discuss mutual kinks etc.

Financial domniation is a legitimate kink, but it's about control, like controlling sex. Someone who demands money to talk to them is just after your cash.



samboct -> RE: Domms demanding money / tribute, and how to tell them apart? (4/16/2011 5:45:22 AM)

It's NOT an OK practice- the problem with sites like this is that since it's so easy to set up a profile, the scammers reappear quickly once identified. If you feel the urge to improve the place- feel free to report these profiles.

As far as I can tell-financial domination is nearly mythical- perhaps not quite, but pretty close. Note however, that this survey is NOT exhaustive and is only based on the women that I've met personally through this site. Pro-dommes with a lot of experience will likely come across this request eventually.

However, there are a number of women on this site who have not been financially successful who are looking for assistance- hence the request for financial domination. I suspect that a litmus test is that the women who are good at it- don't need it. Or financial domination may be one way of blurring the line between pro and amateur.

Most men I know are not comfortable and do not fantasize about having a women grab their credit card for a shopping spree. So while men fantasize about women who have nothing to do all day but cater to their masochistic fantasies- some women have the fantasy that there are lots of men who just are dying to share their money with little in return. When in doubt- fall back on the old adage- "You can't buy friends."

Sam



Kana -> RE: Domms demanding money / tribute, and how to tell them apart? (4/16/2011 5:50:55 AM)

You send money to anyone here, you should save a chunk of it and go buy yourself a tattoo that says, Sucker.



BonesFromAsh -> RE: Domms demanding money / tribute, and how to tell them apart? (4/16/2011 6:58:22 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: CuriousNCurious

My question is this: How does one go about telling Domms such as those above from those who are genuinely seeking a submissive partner - either for long or short term?



First things first....welcome.

Now, on to your question...
I've done a bit of profile perving recently and to be totally honest, the "dommes" you're describing are pretty blatant and easy to spot. If you're having a difficult time telling the difference between one who is in it for the money and one who is in it because she really is seeking a partner, I'd tell you to step back and re-evaluate what you want/need from a dominant partner.

If the image of a "cruel Domme" attracts you, then you need to accept that, at least on CM, role is a dime a dozen and one that usually only works in fiction/porn/fantasy 24/7. If, on the other hand, you're looking for a dominant woman to be part of your life...long term or short...I would suggest you approach her as a woman first. The dominant women I've known are 3 dimenisional people and not cardboard cut-outs.

According to your profile, you're new at this. Why not step out into your local bdsm community and attend a munch. Meeting folks offline makes it easier to tell the difference from those who are 3-D and those who cardboard stand-ins.



DarkSteven -> RE: Domms demanding money / tribute, and how to tell them apart? (4/16/2011 7:01:36 AM)

I'm sorry but I am having a hard time reading your post.  I believe that, stripped of extraneous stuff, it's asking  How do I tell the difference between a lifestyle Domme and a financial Domme?

The quick answer is that you need to talk with someone to find out what they're really like.  And that's not solely whether she wants tribute or not.

The first step is to read her profile.  Is this someone you might mesh with?  If so, send her a message and see how the conversation goes.

It's really not hard.



SnowRanger -> RE: Domms demanding money / tribute, and how to tell them apart? (4/16/2011 7:16:39 AM)

A drunk stumbles out of a bar and crosses the street to the local brothel (this is in Nevada). He bangs in the door until a man on the other side opens a small view slot and asks, "What do you want?" "Iyee wannahh git fuuked!" replies the drunk. "Hand me $200.00 through this slot." says the man on the inside of the door. The drunk waits... and waits... and waits. Then he bangs on the door a second time. The view slot opens. "What? You're back?" "Iyee WHAANAA g-g-git F-FUUKD!" (wait for it... wait...) "WHAT? AGAIN?"

Hello Curious,

Unfortunately, sometimes that may be the only way to tell them apart. Once in a while you might get duped.

I don't see a damned thing wrong with Pro-Dommes. It's how I got my feet wet in this. I will not comment on financial domination except to say that it's not my kink.

I have a few observations that I hope will be helpful. (WAIT! My Mistress thinks that I am too self effacing even for a submissive. Let me re-phrase that!) I am passing on to you the absolute, objective, gold plated, unimpeachable truth! (WOW! That DOES feel good!) :D

What's the tone of her profile? If it's got a nasty edge to it, I'd avoid that one. If she's trying to limit your expectations before the end of the first paragraph, I'd stay away. For example: "You are a vile scummy piggie that's not worthy of licking doggie poop from my shoe! Go to Eastern Succession and wire me $174.50... NOW!!!!" You get the idea.

Do you know what you're getting for your money?.. And... What you WON'T get? Make a polite inquiry into her "tribute structure." (NOTE: Yo, bitch wat-cha ya charge? only serves to get you blocked. Getting blocked is counter productive.) It should be pretty straight forward: XX.xx per unit of phone time; XXX.xx per unit of in person time; X.XXX,XXX.xx if your kink is so messy that she has to get rid of the body. She will no doubt, explain what she can't do on account of the law. She will have limits and you will know them up front.

She might want to meet in a safe location for a look-see the first time. She MIGHT charge for that time too. Personally, I am okay with that... ONCE! You'll probably buy her a cup of coffee and if you're lucky... lunch. I had fun with that! Everybody stared at ME wondering, 'Who is that bumpkin and how did he score a lunch date with that Hot. Edgy. Sophisticated, Woman?'

I hope that (WAIT! I have to stop being so self effacing.) I KNOW that this is the most useful advice that you will ever receive on any subject, any where, any time. (NO, that was just a bit over the top.)

I do hope that this helps,
Mike
SnowRanger

OOOPPPSSS! Did I miss read this? My eyes WERE a bit blurry when I started this missive. If you're seeking a LIFESTYLE Mistress, in my experience, you don't have to pay her anything! When you meet that first time for coffee or lunch, she will most likely be considerate of your means. (If she orders Kobe Beef run!)



strangedesire -> RE: Domms demanding money / tribute, and how to tell them apart? (4/16/2011 7:26:53 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: samboct

It's NOT an OK practice- the problem with sites like this is that since it's so easy to set up a profile, the scammers reappear quickly once identified. If you feel the urge to improve the place- feel free to report these profiles.



If she says, "Send Me money! You will get nothing in return!" she isn't a scammer. You just don't want what she's offering.



GreedyTop -> RE: Domms demanding money / tribute, and how to tell them apart? (4/16/2011 7:27:35 AM)

Mike.. that was a BRILLIANT post!!   LOL



strangedesire -> RE: Domms demanding money / tribute, and how to tell them apart? (4/16/2011 7:30:29 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: CuriousNCurious

My question is this: How does one go about telling Domms such as those above from those who are genuinely seeking a submissive partner - either for long or short term?



If her profile says that she's seeking a submissive partner, and talks about who she is as a person, that's a good start. If the two of you seem compatible as people, you could start a conversation with her.

The vast majority of Dommes on this site will not be what you're looking for, for one reason or another. Learn to use your block button, and spend you time trying to connect with people who seem like worthwhile connections.



LadyPact -> RE: Domms demanding money / tribute, and how to tell them apart? (4/16/2011 7:32:56 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: CuriousNCurious
My question is this: How does one go about telling Domms such as those above from those who are genuinely seeking a submissive partner - either for long or short term?

So as I said, how to tell them apart?


It's pretty simple, really.  If they are asking you for money, they aren't looking for partners.  CM actually has this big, red banner at the top of the 'reply to mail' page that says, "Don't send money to other users for any reason".  If you follow that one sentence of advice, it won't be an issue for you.



SexyBossyBBW -> RE: Domms demanding money / tribute, and how to tell them apart? (4/16/2011 7:41:42 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: strangedesire
quote:

ORIGINAL: samboct
It's NOT an OK practice- the problem with sites like this is that since it's so easy to set up a profile, the scammers reappear quickly once identified. If you feel the urge to improve the place- feel free to report these profiles.
If she says, "Send Me money! You will get nothing in return!" she isn't a scammer. You just don't want what she's offering.
Actually, If she tells you "send me money, and you will get nothing in return," she/he the is most honest person in the world you'' ever meet, and no one will ever be that upfront with you again. The fact is, we all want something withing a relationship. May you get what you desire out of a realatuionship.

We all want something out of a relationship. To you, the other half, a relationship may be the very last thing you want. If you can afford a fax simile of a relationship, with cash, instead of lying to her and your yourself. more power to you. I love that caviat emptor clause. M



domiguy -> RE: Domms demanding money / tribute, and how to tell them apart? (4/16/2011 7:52:11 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Ariane23

I just did a post on this earlier today.

Basically, the approach you describe pretty much guarantees you're being approached by a scammer. It's probably not even a woman.

A real Domme will enter into conversation and discuss mutual kinks etc.

Financial domniation is a legitimate kink, but it's about control, like controlling sex. Someone who demands money to talk to them is just after your cash.



who actually has the time anymore to talk about things that really matter.



Rochsub2009 -> RE: Domms demanding money / tribute, and how to tell them apart? (4/16/2011 8:19:10 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: CuriousNCurious

My question is this: How does one go about telling Domms such as those above from those who are genuinely seeking a submissive partner - either for long or short term?



Are you seeking financial domination?  If not, then why even worry about how to tell them apart?  Use this simple rule, and you'll be safe; if she asks for money in her profile, close it and move on to the next profile.  See, wasn't that easy? 

Here are a few more simple rules that will help you avoid being scammed:
  1. If her location is Ghana or Nigeria, she's probably a scammer.
  2. If she refers to you as a "pay piggy" or "ATM slave" you should probably avoid her.
  3. If she looks like a super model, and her pictures look like they came from a photo shoot for a bikini magazine, she's probably fake (how many people do you know who use professional photographers for their social media pics?).
  4. If she's 18 - 25 years old, is giving you the bird in her picture, and says she has 10 years of experience as a Domme, she's probably a fake.
  5. If she requires you to send her money before she'll even communicate with you, she should probably be avoided.
Having said all of that, there ARE financial Dommes who are very real.  They provide a valuable service for those who seek financial domination.  But they'll behave like normal people.  They'll recognize that you're a potential client/customer and they'll treat you accordingly.

But the single best piece of advice I could give you is to get off of your computer and go to a local munch.  It's amazing how I get approached by financial Dommes everyday on-line, but I've never been approached by one in real life.  NEVER! That alone should tell you something. 

So log off, and go meet a real Domme in your area.  You'll be glad you did.



Lockit -> RE: Domms demanding money / tribute, and how to tell them apart? (4/16/2011 8:20:54 AM)

Let's face it, many to most men are looking for a fantasy and these women are here to fulfill it to one degree or another, simply because they can line their pocket book for little to no sweat off their brow. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out which profiles/women are seeking this.

Personally I feel that the domina's seeking a relationship are often looked over because they want something serious and what is left to the men that wish to play without attachments?

I got an email from another domina seeking a relationship with a submissive male. She was asking why... why... why... do all these men go for the pay dominants and scams. While I can't address every aspect of this, there is one aspect that I feel, needs to be clear to each side of the d/s dynamic. If people aren't what you seek... why do you care? Take it right back into your own backyard. Why is it important to you? Because you aren't finding what you seek? Because you want all the bad guys banished to some other planet? What is it that bothers you so much? Because there are so many of them?

Yes, it can get frustrating when it seems the majority of the type you seek are another type altogether and yes, some days it can prompt you to speak out on it or get upset by it... but... taking it to roost right at home... isn't it simply that people do what they can because they can and they want to and what does the motivation matter? The simple fact is, they aren't for you, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to know they aren't for you and if finding a partner were so easy, wouldn't they have less meaning? Wouldn't it mean that we would devalue them to some degree, almost naturally because they were a dime a dozen and the moment one ticked us off... there was another waiting in the wings?

Personally I don't want a sheep type person that follows the crowd and I don't want someone a dime a dozen. I want serious and if they need to be a rocket scientist to see that I am serious and they need to be... then I am looking for a rocket scientist.

Why spend your time focusing on the type you don't want... when there is a type that you would like out there? Maybe because people aren't serious enough to capture the interest of the more serious type? I have seen so many that say they are serious and the only thing they are serious about is finding someone that they don't have to pay, that they can convince that they want strings when actually they want play. It is what it is... you either let it bother you or you don't and you do what you need to do to be happy. Complaining or trying to understand it most likely won't get you anywhere close to what you want, whatever that is.

If you know your worth... you won't settle. You will realistically evaluate the situation and keep on moving toward what you want. Rare... dime a dozen.. whatever the situation might be. However, you might keep in mind... being a full personality with something to offer has it's benefits and those that are serious will expect something within you that enhances their life. You. Are you offering all you have within you?



SnowRanger -> RE: Domms demanding money / tribute, and how to tell them apart? (4/16/2011 8:25:59 AM)

Roch... Roch... Well said as usual!



SexyBossyBBW -> RE: Domms demanding money / tribute, and how to tell them apart? (4/16/2011 8:26:00 AM)

Okay, so maybe there is an increase in financial domination, as a result of poor economy. As you have been informed, enter into that type of relationship, at your own risk/peril. Ma'am



GreedyTop -> RE: Domms demanding money / tribute, and how to tell them apart? (4/16/2011 8:31:53 AM)

*adores Roch*



footsub90 -> RE: Domms demanding money / tribute, and how to tell them apart? (4/16/2011 2:09:06 PM)

If shes really hot then she wants money. [:D]



smartsub10 -> RE: Domms demanding money / tribute, and how to tell them apart? (4/16/2011 2:45:29 PM)

quote:

If shes really hot then she wants money.


There it is in all it's simplicity.  [:D]



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