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RE: Biggest/worst mistake? - 4/19/2011 9:20:51 AM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

Taught me that when he said not to move, he meant it lol.

It was an accident, I got hurt...we got over it. Life went on.


Oh I'm not judging-I want to be clear on that. Accidents happen, and that's a part of hard core edge play.

But, as a Dom, as the man who was supposed to be running the scene, I would be shredding myself for weeks-lots of introspection and analysis would occur.

And again, no judgment at all. People make mistakes. Shit happens.Life has risks  and the best laid plans can go awry.

And now that it's been mentioned, moving when instructed not to is absolutely the one thing that will result in an very serious instant consequence with me, for exactly the reasons IM gave.
I cut some slack in other areas, but not this one. Moving when told not to, involuntarily lifting a hand to stop a strike, or shifting so a blow lands elsewhere than intended can be very dangerous-it's one area I don't fuck around in the least.
She moves, and she gets the complete package, the cold stare, the emotions turn to ice, the oh so dangerous still, controlled voice, the hard slap, and often play stops right there.




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Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Biggest/worst mistake? - 4/19/2011 9:29:35 AM   
lisub4one


Posts: 94
Joined: 6/9/2006
Status: offline 		Getting involved with someone claiming to be a Domme who was really wasn't (much more of a bottom/sub with personal issues looking for someone to pull her out of the pit she was in emotionally). I put a lot of time and effort into the relationship, and got next to nothing in return. Finally called her out on it after 9 months (I know - let it go way too long) and got her to admit to what she was and what she had done, and let her know how much it had hurt me.

(in reply to txironhead)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Biggest/worst mistake? - 4/19/2011 9:56:18 AM   
submitting4U


Posts: 64
Joined: 8/16/2010
Status: offline 		I've learned not choose partners impulsively or without doing background checks. I am so submissive that I failed to protect myself in the past from sadistic doms that were unable to contain their rage or sociopathy. A male Dom, beat and stomped me until he broke my foot. He was angry that i wouldn't drown myself longer in his toilet bowl. After him, i met a female domina through an AOL chat room and she controlled me to the point that I was involved in her insurance scams, my own financial ruin, unsafe sex practices and forcing me into horrible scat films, for which she literally beat me to comply with. After 5 years with her, it was time on the therapist's couch ... the good news, i found a professional Domina who is so attuned to my needs as i am hers ... the play is hard core, sensual but most of all, safe ... i would love to find a more permanant play partner, but safety is now a primary concern that i attend to. I've learned the hard way to say no, and to say we are not a match!

(in reply to peachgirl)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Biggest/worst mistake? - 4/19/2011 11:16:29 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

i entered a situation with someone that appeared good at the onset that would prove otherwise in the long run. His betrayal and other antics nearly killed my desire to serve or engage in that fashion ever again. However, allowing him to have that degree of power over me after we parted ways was not acceptable. Though if it were up to him i'd never kneel again. Honoring that wish was out of the question. Instead of falling apart i used it as a springboard for change and betterment.


I had a situation similar to this, with happily the same springboard for change. My mistake was not getting to know him better before uprooting myself and moving in with him, and not listening to my gut which was trying to send me warning signals.

6 years later when I finally extracted myself and was dating again, I again made a similar mistake - not getting to know someone, not listening to my gut. But I have finally learned my lesson, and my gut has triumphed over my loins ever since, which means I don't get lucky very often, but that's ok :)

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Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Biggest/worst mistake? - 4/19/2011 11:48:41 AM   
LadyRian


Posts: 486
Joined: 9/5/2010
Status: offline 		My biggest mistake was  being so overly enthusiastic about finding someone who shared my kinky predilections and was such a perfect fit there, that I overlooked fact that I was trying to have an honest relationship with someone who was truth challenged and untrustworthy.

I allowed sexual passion to override my better judgment, and paid the price.  I took a lot of time with the relationship, and definitely got to know him very very well. But I ignored some of my more uncomfortable discoveries, because the sex was good. Guilty as charged. 

I always tried to ensure that "safety first" was the order of the day as far as technique, but there was one episode I recall, where we both got too caught up in the heat of the moment and I went too far with the flogger. He wanted more actually, but I got a grip on myself and shut it all down.  Newbie Domme. Mistake.




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RE: Biggest/worst mistake? - 4/19/2011 3:38:37 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		There's a lot of them...

not responding with "I love you too" when he kissed me and said the same to me before he left for the last time, all because I was selfish and wanted him to stay home and was mad at him for not doing so

jumping into a relationship with someone when my entire life was fucked up and a complete wreck and I was still in mourning.

not agreeing to meet him sooner. Thankfully I'm still with him anyway. :)




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RE: Biggest/worst mistake? - 4/20/2011 2:04:01 PM   
slaveluci


Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

quote:

Subs, what is the worst that has happened to you?

Over 100 stitches, inside and out, in my side when he stabbed me during some knife play. It tickled and I moved....can I say oopps?

Seems a little unbelievable that you moved and a slip on his part caused 100 stitches. One stab, one cut or slice would be an accidental action when you'd moved and he wasn't expecting it. 100 stitches? Did you moving cause him to begin stabbing you repeatedly? I know you've gleefully described broken bones and other things you two did together so I'm wondering what the reality of this "mistake" was........luci

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RE: Biggest/worst mistake? - 4/20/2011 2:23:00 PM   
MissImmortalPain


Posts: 2440
Joined: 4/1/2011
Status: offline 		I believed him when he said "I love you, I'll stay forever" and didn't believe her when she said "if you leave now I don't know what I will do" He did leave, and she tried to kill herself. I have since learned to really listen when people speak to me.

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It is always by way of pain that we arrive at pleasure.

We must all go through a right of passage,and it must be physical, it must be painful,and it must leave a mark.

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RE: Biggest/worst mistake? - 4/20/2011 5:32:44 PM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline 		Yes Luci, I have had broken bones, burns, cuts...some deliberate, some accidental. However, this was really an accident on both our parts. I was not paying much attention to him...in the zone and all...when he dragged the knife down my side, I jerked pretty hard, which caused the knife to slice into me.

One other thing to remember...when we participated in knife play, it always ended with blood (cutting)...that was my thing.

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RE: Biggest/worst mistake? - 4/20/2011 6:46:02 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline 		http://www.collarchat.com/m_1517720/mpage_1/tm.htm

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Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

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Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Biggest/worst mistake? - 4/20/2011 10:00:04 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		You asked what mistakes we have made?

I can't think of a single mistake I have made other than thinking that every bad outcome in my life was based on something I did "wrong", especially when it came to the loss of romantic partners. I spent my life apologizing for shit I did not do wrong and allowed my opinion of myself to be dependent on the feelings of others.

In all seriousness, I don't think I make mistakes. I think I gain wisdom, knowledge about myself, and I become a better person based upon experiences. Sometimes it is the most painful experiences that are most instructive, kinda like a baby burning their hand on a stove. Either the experiences you have prepare you for the next life lesson or they don't.

These days I tell my inner critic to shut the fuck up, but I suppose there are some people out there that need to get in touch with their inner critic because they are so busy projecting blame on everyone else that they can't for two seconds take an honest look in the mirror about their own shortcomings.

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RE: Biggest/worst mistake? - 4/20/2011 11:42:10 PM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline 		I stabbed a girl in the ass.  Well, actually she stabbed herself and my weight on top of her drove the knife in.  If she would said something like "I'm being stabbed", I would have stopped.  But noooo . . .  she just moaned really loud and said nothing for several minutes.  Story goes:

I'm fucking the hell outta' this masochist on top of tons of gear that got piled the floor.  I mean tons, several duffel bags worth in a big pile and I am banging the shit outta' her on top of it.  It's a hot, heavy, spontaneous sexual encounter and now I'm banging her so hard she's even moaning like does when I beat her.  I'm thinking I'm damn good.  Then she's screaming like an orgasmic banshee.  I think I'm king dong and just knocking her lights out.  In fact, she came so hard, I can feel her cunt clamping down on my cock which spurs me to the edge of my own orgasm.  So I start pounding her even harder to find my release inside her when she yells "STOP".  I say, "I don't care if you came and getting sensitive now, just bare with it for me baby".  She says, "I didn't come, I'm being stabbed by something."

Rolling her over, low and behold, there is a commando knife from the gear pile buried in her ass cheek.  An inch and 1/2 of the knife was buried in ass.  I had to get her to a clinic for stitches.


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RE: Biggest/worst mistake? - 4/21/2011 1:31:38 AM   
SexyBossyBBW


Posts: 1693
Joined: 2/25/2010
Status: offline 		Breaking up with a handome gentleman, who cooked, cleaned, and adored me, because he worked too much. Being new in that town, there was lots of attention, and shiny boys interested, I wanted my boy, to be more available for us to go on dates, and spend time together.

I'd pay for that problem now, that I rarely party. M

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Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Biggest/worst mistake? - 4/21/2011 3:04:21 AM   
WyldHrt


Posts: 6412
Joined: 6/5/2008
Status: offline 		When I was very new to BDSM, I got with a Dom who was really into hair pulling. I love having my hair pulled, so I was good with that and we had a great time that night. Mistake- Once the sexcapades got going, he stopped gripping close to my skull and started using my (fairly long) hair as a leash. The problem was that he was gripping the ends of my hair, pulling way too hard, and changing directions with no warning.

I didn't feel any pain that night, but I woke up unable to turn my head the next morning. I assumed it was a bit of whiplash from playing too hard and figured that the pain would go away. I found out much later that 2 of my cervical vertebrae had been dislocated.







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Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Biggest/worst mistake? - 4/21/2011 8:08:14 AM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		Biggest mistake.

Staying in a toxic relationship for too fucking long based on amazing sex and the most intense BDSM connection I had ever had. I thought we were in LOVE, but really, we were as unsuited for each other as anyone could be.

The fact that I ignored all the red flags he showed about being antisocial, angry, negative, unkind, lying, uncommunicative and being the least self aware man I have ever met, has made me angry that I listened to my emotions, rather than my brain. I know my higher intelligence was yelling at me for years, but the emotional part kept saying, but, but.....it is so hot with him, he may change.

He ignored what he did not like about me as well, since it was the hottest thing to ever cross his path. We were both incredibly stupid and I feel that I wasted years being unhappy.

Also, because of his lack of care, I ended up in the hospital from something he did that was not done on purpose, truly, but something went very wrong and resulted in 7 days stay in the hospital. I could have forgiven that blunder, but he never really apologized or realized the enormity of the situation and actually wanted to try the same thing, again, when I recovered because he thougth it was so hot, even though I could have died.

The good thing from experiencing mistakes is that you never make them again. I now only listen to my head, not my other parts and a bit of advice: when someone tells you they are bad for you, believe them. Run.

< Message edited by sexyred1 -- 4/21/2011 8:11:08 AM >

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Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Biggest/worst mistake? - 4/21/2011 9:08:02 AM   
Rochsub2009


Posts: 2536
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SexyBossyBBW
Breaking up with a handome gentleman, who cooked, cleaned, and adored me, because he worked too much.

I'd pay for that problem now, that I rarely party.


SexyBossyBBW,
You sound like someone I once dated.  When I was a young, aspiring executive, I used to work very long days.  It was required in the corporate culture that I came up in.  One didn't dare buck that culture for fear of being labeled "lazy" or being perceived as not being "driven".  And the job required long hours to do it well.

I dated a Domme at the time who always complained about my long hours, even though my job allowed me to be able to afford to buy her VERY nice things and take her nice places.  When I was not at work, I doted over her constantly.  Yet, she still complained.  She wanted me to be home from work everyday by 5:30pm, or 6:00pm at the latest.  In fact, she demanded it.  But my job just didn't allow that.  So she broke up with me.  She said that I was placing my job ahead of her. 

I didn't hear from her for years.  But after about 5 years, I got an unexpected call from her.  I wasn't particularly interested in talking to her, and really didn't entertain the conversation.  But she's tried calling me several more times over the past 8 years or so.  I think she finally realizes that she had a good thing (a loyal, devoted, sub man who cooked, cleaned, and made lots of money), but at the time, she was too young to know it.

(BTW, sorry for the digression, but this thread seems to be coming to an end anyway)

(in reply to SexyBossyBBW)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Biggest/worst mistake? - 4/21/2011 12:40:42 PM   
joeleyre


Posts: 69
Joined: 10/17/2010
From: Kansas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MissImmortalPain

I believed him when he said "I love you, I'll stay forever"......


There was my mistake. At least when I came crawling back, she still had room for me in her life, and in her heart. There wasn't a day that went by in the five months I was away that I didn't think about her. I had been with her for four and a half years. There were too many years of memories to let them just be thrown away. I had to ask for one last chance.

Thank you for having me back, MissImmortalPain. I don't plan on going anywhere this time.

< Message edited by joeleyre -- 4/21/2011 12:43:22 PM >

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RE: Biggest/worst mistake? - 4/21/2011 1:50:44 PM   
Cathrinepige


Posts: 1
Joined: 7/13/2010
Status: offline 		My Mistake.

The Werry werry werry short story if it

The first time ever i got into this world i was pretty naive and had some thouhts and no facts about this world. a Master tricked me and lured me into his palm of hand whitch for for me was pschylogical over my limit, were i got beatet with Iron belt bukkels until i was black and blue all over my below parts. He then toke pictures of me and when it came to were i got the guts to say stop (after some sessions) he then tryed to blackmail me so i would stay being his punching bag.
(we had 8 meetings total and everytime he would frighten me into meeting him again and beat me)

I still remember his words today. "I dont care what you feal, i get turned on when i hold you down"

Nedles to say i was emotional destroyed for several months and nearly left the BDSM world. I later found out what real BDSM was and how it was suposed to be, but first after 8 months later.
He learned me some things those.

NEVER EVER trust anybody on what they say
Never Ever play with someone on the first "date" unlesh youre are so deply connected that is just happends
Just because you are submessiv it does not mean that you do not need to be shown respect.

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Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Biggest/worst mistake? - 4/23/2011 12:07:01 AM   
MWFnortheast


Posts: 2
Joined: 2/17/2011
Status: offline 		getting started

(in reply to peachgirl)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Biggest/worst mistake? - 4/23/2011 11:22:38 AM   
txurinal


Posts: 209
Joined: 9/26/2009
Status: offline 		i was owned 24/7 by 2 MASTERS and my biggest mistake was thinking it would last forever. i loved being owned, i loved being a slave, i loved having every decision made for me, i loved having my life structured so that at any given moment, i knew what i should be doing to please my MASTERS.

The decison for my release was one that was reached by us all due to circumstances changing in each of our lives in the "real" world

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Profile   Post #: 40
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