RE: Slaves Craving Freedom

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Asherscorp1 -> RE: Slaves Craving Freedom (4/21/2011 8:35:05 PM)
To add a bit of humor to this ... I have read a few responses that mention little things like getting coffee or making dinner for your Dom/Master and how sometimes those things do chafe a bit. Last night was ... a certain holiday in my house. I rarely alter my state of consciousness but I did last night and the result is always to make me giggly, playful and unfortunately very contrary. As I was kneeling at Master's feet He told me He wanted a bowl of rice with chocolate ice cream on top and a glass of water. So I looked up and said, "Yumm, how you gonna get that?" Then fell over giggling for about ten minutes as He sat looking at me with His eyebrow arched. Needless to say I was sent to bed soon after. Lol.

NuevaVida -> RE: Slaves Craving Freedom (4/21/2011 8:39:49 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: subbykat As a submissive or a slave, do you occasionally long to do things and go places that your Master doesn't approve of? I'll preface my response by saying the dynamics in my relationship have nothing to do with my being an adult. He knows I'm an adult. Some dynamics, however, have more (or less) constrictions, control, and allowances. That said, yes, sometimes I want to do things he doesn't approve of. Doesn't happen often, but it happens. I might grumble in my head about it for a short time, and then I quickly see the bigger picture, and that is how joyful we are together. And usually the things he says "I don't think that's a good idea" to aren't really that important to me in the big scheme of things. I feel more free to be myself in this relationship than I ever have, so I don't feel like I'm compromising myself by refraining from those things he wants me to refrain from. For the most part, though, he approves of the things I want to do. quote: Do you ever long for the freedom of not having to ask someone's permission to do something? No. Since we live apart right now, I let him know what I'm doing every day, and only ask about the things I think he might be uncomfortable with. During the times I stay at his home, I do less external stuff but have to ask permission about more things around the house. Doesn't bother me in the slightest. It's part of our unity. quote: Please share your thoughts... In the past I felt too stifled in my relationship, and had a lot more of these feelings you are speaking of. In retrospect I realized that the requirements of me in the relationship resulted in me compromising myself. I couldn't be who I am, inside, as a person. So there was a lot of internal struggle going on, as the "real" person within me wanted to break out but chose to look for peace where I was. When all was said and done I promised myself I would not compromise myself like that again.

lizi -> RE: Slaves Craving Freedom (4/21/2011 9:43:39 PM)
We're pretty much just a regular/boring couple, we don't structure our daily life around D/s although we still consider our relationship to fall under that umbrella. I do what I want with my time. If I want advice on something I ask him for it, if he has something to offer about a situation he does. Either way, I choose in the end what I want to do. If I go out to a bar with friends then I do, he'll probably ask me the next day if I enjoyed myself. If I want to go visit family I tell him when I'll be gone. It's just not something that ever comes up for him to regulate things like that, and he honestly has no desire to direct how I spend my time. He trusts that I know what is important and that I'll get it done. We work well in the way that I dont need any supervision because he doesn't really want to supervise the mundane activities of my life. We don't live together but are planning on it, when we do if he wants to structure things differently then that is his perogative, but we've pretty much always accepted that neither of us has a say in the other's family or friends or time spent with them. I do consider what he would think in how I conduct myself and my life. What he thinks of me matters to me, so I dont do things I know he'd frown upon...the good thing is that I'd probably frown upon them too so it's not too terribly difficult to do the right thing.

aromanholiday -> RE: Slaves Craving Freedom (4/21/2011 9:43:46 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: subbykat As a submissive or a slave, do you occasionally long to do things and go places that your Master doesn't approve of? Do you ever long for the freedom of not having to ask someone's permission to do something? Please share your thoughts... Like many who have already posted, I found these urges lessened with time. I'm of a slightly different frame of mind these days. I believe I would actively and passionately embrace any restrictions imposed upon me no matter what they were. It is intensely hot, to me, to not be allowed to do the normal things that anybody free can do: go out with my friends, use a computer, read a book, speak, go shopping at a mall, watch TV, and so on. The more restrictions placed upon my behavior the more erotically charged and perverse the situation becomes, and the more restrictions or punishments I crave. Sometimes I think being a (lack of) control junkie is something like being an exercise junkie: the more of it you experience, the more you crave. :) Look at it this way: doing these things and going those places that your master doesn't approve of are cheap, easy things you can do whenever you are free. But you didn't want to be free--probably for good reasons. Remember what those reasons were, and then realize that the restrictions placed upon you help you to realize that dream which you originally craved. For some people, it's too much, they want back the free life they once had. There's not anything wrong with that. But you may feel a little emptiness inside yourself ever afterward, a little part of you may wonder, "What if I had stuck with it, remained enslaved? What would have happened?" There are tradeoffs to every decision you make in life: each decision comes with good things and bad things. Only you can weigh whether the good outweighs the bad for you and vice-versa. If the good of being your master's does outweight the bad (lack of freedom), then try to go back to root causes, remember why you are in this position where you cannot go out with your friends in the first place, and must make polite excuses to them. You chose this, after all. Slavery/submission to a good master is relatively rare. Why not enjoy it fully rather than longing for the cheap and common satisfactions you could have so easily again if you were free?

sexyred1 -> RE: Slaves Craving Freedom (4/21/2011 9:52:36 PM)
Isn't that a bit of an oxymoron, a slave craving freedom?

sunshinemiss -> RE: Slaves Craving Freedom (4/21/2011 11:42:53 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Asherscorp1 To add a bit of humor to this ... I have read a few responses that mention little things like getting coffee or making dinner for your Dom/Master and how sometimes those things do chafe a bit. Last night was ... a certain holiday in my house. I rarely alter my state of consciousness but I did last night and the result is always to make me giggly, playful and unfortunately very contrary. As I was kneeling at Master's feet He told me He wanted a bowl of rice with chocolate ice cream on top and a glass of water. So I looked up and said, "Yumm, how you gonna get that?" Then fell over giggling for about ten minutes as He sat looking at me with His eyebrow arched. Needless to say I was sent to bed soon after. Lol. That would kill me. I'd feel so utterly dejected. I have such a goofy sense of humor! If I was sent to bed every time I was silly, I'd be in bed all the fricking time.

BitaTruble -> RE: Slaves Craving Freedom (4/22/2011 12:02:02 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: subbykat As a submissive or a slave, do you occasionally long to do things and go places that your Master doesn't approve of? Sure.. but Himself has a lot of limits and I am constrained by those. Mostly the stuff that I would want to do he deems too dangerous or doesn't believe there would be a way to mitigate the risks so that the cost/benefit ratio is more in balance. Those things are a no for me by his command or whim. I'm cool with that because in answering the second question.. right now, I can't think of anything that would be worth the price I'd have to pay for that freedom to just do as I please. The sort of freedom sort of makes my stomach hurt when I think about it. [:'(] eta to fix quotes which I seem to be doing a lot lately ::sigh::

OwnedFemaleFlesh -> RE: Slaves Craving Freedom (4/22/2011 1:47:23 AM)
Sometimes I do enjoy a little time off, I totally echo what others have said about him hogging the remote control or always having to get them a drink or cooking their dinner when you just want a snack. Sometimes those things do wear a little. But at the same time, I relish the feeling of helplessness and my lack of control. Sometimes you don't feel your submission unless it's chafing a little - if it's too easy, it ends up feeling like nothing at all. A few times, when we were first together, we broke up. I would go nuts with sudden freedom, do what I want, talk to who I wanted, eat and drink anything I liked, wank myself to death, etc. And after a few hours I would feel empty and pointless and bored and all I would want was to feel controlled and restricted again. And being controlled by him really is good for me - I eat better, I sleep regular hours, am more organised and on top of all my duties, I push harder in my career. So I know that the way he controls me is good for me, it's what I need and it brings me a huge level of happiness, contentment and satisfaction in the long run. I often find minor spells of feeling hard done by can be cured by a little reward, sometimes Sir gives me an hour or so of sofa time, where I get to just sit on the sofa and watch my favourite shows, it's amazing how much I enjoy things I am not used to having any longer! If you are chafing at the bit, perhaps you could speak to your Dominant about something that would pep you up again? owned xxx

subbykat -> RE: Slaves Craving Freedom (4/22/2011 5:26:12 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: aromanholiday quote: ORIGINAL: subbykat As a submissive or a slave, do you occasionally long to do things and go places that your Master doesn't approve of? Do you ever long for the freedom of not having to ask someone's permission to do something? Please share your thoughts... Like many who have already posted, I found these urges lessened with time. I'm of a slightly different frame of mind these days. I believe I would actively and passionately embrace any restrictions imposed upon me no matter what they were. It is intensely hot, to me, to not be allowed to do the normal things that anybody free can do: go out with my friends, use a computer, read a book, speak, go shopping at a mall, watch TV, and so on. The more restrictions placed upon my behavior the more erotically charged and perverse the situation becomes, and the more restrictions or punishments I crave. Sometimes I think being a (lack of) control junkie is something like being an exercise junkie: the more of it you experience, the more you crave. :) Look at it this way: doing these things and going those places that your master doesn't approve of are cheap, easy things you can do whenever you are free. But you didn't want to be free--probably for good reasons. Remember what those reasons were, and then realize that the restrictions placed upon you help you to realize that dream which you originally craved. For some people, it's too much, they want back the free life they once had. There's not anything wrong with that. But you may feel a little emptiness inside yourself ever afterward, a little part of you may wonder, "What if I had stuck with it, remained enslaved? What would have happened?" There are tradeoffs to every decision you make in life: each decision comes with good things and bad things. Only you can weigh whether the good outweighs the bad for you and vice-versa. If the good of being your master's does outweight the bad (lack of freedom), then try to go back to root causes, remember why you are in this position where you cannot go out with your friends in the first place, and must make polite excuses to them. You chose this, after all. Slavery/submission to a good master is relatively rare. Why not enjoy it fully rather than longing for the cheap and common satisfactions you could have so easily again if you were free? Aromanholiday...You just get me, don't you. :) Best advice yet. Yes. You are right, I did choose this relationship. Nobody coerced me into it. Maybe the "control freak" in me was dying to be tamed by the right Master. Now that I am more tame, when I look back at the way I once was, partying all the time, going out with different people every night, I know that I wasn't really happy, because I was really out there, looking for Him... And when I finally did find the Master who knew my heart and spoke to my soul, I knew that was where I wanted to be. So here I am 5 years later. I'm more focused, balanced (despite the last thread), happy and complete than I ever was in my entire life. But, it's nice to know that I'm not the only one who occasionally reminisces about the way they used to be in their own minds. I know some people wrote about how they would like just tell their Master to go get his own coffee sometimes...this has never been a problem for me. Serving him, whether it's cooking, cleaning, making coffee or performing sexual favors, is never even a question in my mind. I do it, because I love him and it brings me great happiness to see him pleased. Another reason why being enslaved is a fulfilling life for me. Thanks for reminding me Aromanholiday...

subbykat -> RE: Slaves Craving Freedom (4/22/2011 5:30:32 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: OwnedFemaleFlesh Sometimes I do enjoy a little time off, I totally echo what others have said about him hogging the remote control or always having to get them a drink or cooking their dinner when you just want a snack. Sometimes those things do wear a little. But at the same time, I relish the feeling of helplessness and my lack of control. Sometimes you don't feel your submission unless it's chafing a little - if it's too easy, it ends up feeling like nothing at all. A few times, when we were first together, we broke up. I would go nuts with sudden freedom, do what I want, talk to who I wanted, eat and drink anything I liked, wank myself to death, etc. And after a few hours I would feel empty and pointless and bored and all I would want was to feel controlled and restricted again. And being controlled by him really is good for me - I eat better, I sleep regular hours, am more organised and on top of all my duties, I push harder in my career. So I know that the way he controls me is good for me, it's what I need and it brings me a huge level of happiness, contentment and satisfaction in the long run. I often find minor spells of feeling hard done by can be cured by a little reward, sometimes Sir gives me an hour or so of sofa time, where I get to just sit on the sofa and watch my favourite shows, it's amazing how much I enjoy things I am not used to having any longer! If you are chafing at the bit, perhaps you could speak to your Dominant about something that would pep you up again? owned xxx It was the same for me ownedfemale. I also felt empty and lonely when I could do what I wanted...Even though it may not seem that way to someone on the outside looking in, but there is an immense "freedom" in slavehood, don't you think?

Asherscorp1 -> RE: Slaves Craving Freedom (4/22/2011 8:23:38 AM)
I know some slaves who would have a huge problem with not being playful or mouthy but I prefer it when I am respectful or even just silent most of the time. He just helps keep me focused in the right direction with that behavior. Usually I woudln't get sent to bed over that either but since nothing short of sleep was going to change my behavior that was just the best thing for it.

HannahLynHeather -> RE: Slaves Craving Freedom (4/22/2011 8:30:14 AM)
quote: there is an immense "freedom" in slavehood, don't you think? I couldn't agree more. I'm brand new at all this, so at this point I crave less freedom if anything. It's a little scary to think I may not feel this way always, but its reassuring to read the stories and advice in this thread. Sort of like getting the tools to deal with it in advance. Heather

subbykat -> RE: Slaves Craving Freedom (4/22/2011 8:46:33 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: HannahLynHeather quote: there is an immense "freedom" in slavehood, don't you think? I couldn't agree more. I'm brand new at all this, so at this point I crave less freedom if anything. It's a little scary to think I may not feel this way always, but its reassuring to read the stories and advice in this thread. Sort of like getting the tools to deal with it in advance. Heather It's why i start these threads Heather. Really, I think we need to address some of the issues that subs and slaves face in this lifestyle. It's better to bring it out in the open and talk about it...It doesn't just help me, but all of us. :)

subbykat -> RE: Slaves Craving Freedom (4/22/2011 8:58:31 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Asherscorp1 I know some slaves who would have a huge problem with not being playful or mouthy but I prefer it when I am respectful or even just silent most of the time. He just helps keep me focused in the right direction with that behavior. Usually I woudln't get sent to bed over that either but since nothing short of sleep was going to change my behavior that was just the best thing for it. Mouthiness according to my Master is grounds for dismissal. My Master reminds me that speaking is a privilege and not a right for his slave. Of course, it's not like I don't have the right to express myself. It's that I need to be mindful about the way I speak...with respect.

littleone35 -> RE: Slaves Craving Freedom (4/22/2011 9:39:51 AM)
Master usually lets me go where wish to i am a responsiblr adult. If i am gonna go somewhere i am not sure of, i will get hie permission. When i tell him i am going to the hair salon all he says is don't get it cut short. Master always says you can talk to whomever you wish (except for one "friend" who insulted me). I am not allowed (no do i wsh too) meet other Doms and ex play partners. Master trust me it is them he does not trust. Master does not give me hundress of rules so the ones he does give me are important. As for craving freedom No my submission to him has made me free. It has been over 5 years and never once did i not want to be his girl. I cannot imanage it. Matt's littleone

leadership527 -> RE: Slaves Craving Freedom (4/22/2011 9:54:56 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: agirl Yep, abso-bloody-lutely. My thoughts?...With alarming regularity I want to kick off my shoes and do exactly what the hell I want to, as and when I want to, in exactly the way I want to. However.....that doesn't quite fit in with asking someone ELSE to own me.....lol Funny thing is I could say the same thing in reverse. Man, there are plenty of moments when I think to myself, "Why again did I sign up for this? Was there a bottle of Tequila involved in that decision?" But, you know, stepping back when I need to step up doesn't quite fit in with asking someone else to be owned by me.

lizi -> RE: Slaves Craving Freedom (4/22/2011 12:44:44 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: leadership527 quote: ORIGINAL: agirl Yep, abso-bloody-lutely. My thoughts?...With alarming regularity I want to kick off my shoes and do exactly what the hell I want to, as and when I want to, in exactly the way I want to. However.....that doesn't quite fit in with asking someone ELSE to own me.....lol Funny thing is I could say the same thing in reverse. Man, there are plenty of moments when I think to myself, "Why again did I sign up for this? Was there a bottle of Tequila involved in that decision?" But, you know, stepping back when I need to step up doesn't quite fit in with asking someone else to be owned by me. You know, I think about this side a lot. I simply wouldn't want to do what he does. I get to feeling guilty at times thinking of how much he does, and that he never gets a break from it. I don't know that there's a solution. I just feel guilty sometimes and like I should be doing more for him. It makes me feel so useless, I hate that.

HannahLynHeather -> RE: Slaves Craving Freedom (4/22/2011 2:10:56 PM)
quote: You know, I think about this side a lot. I simply wouldn't want to do what he does. I get to feeling guilty at times thinking of how much he does, and that he never gets a break from it. I don't know that there's a solution. I just feel guilty sometimes and like I should be doing more for him. It makes me feel so useless, I hate that. Oh God yes! I feel that way all the time! She never gets a break or time off. I feel like I'm just too much work at times, that I can't possibly be worth it. And then out of the blue she'll grab my hair and kiss me "that" way. And then the whole world is right again.[:)] Heather

coookie -> RE: Slaves Craving Freedom (4/22/2011 2:48:30 PM)
I can relate to that. He has a big job with me. I make up for it by trying to do all the little things that make his life easier. I hate to clean but i try to keep his house nice and cozy clean for him and bake for him and keep track of his appointments for him. I hope in the end that there is balance.

subbykat -> RE: Slaves Craving Freedom (4/22/2011 3:13:02 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: HannahLynHeather quote: You know, I think about this side a lot. I simply wouldn't want to do what he does. I get to feeling guilty at times thinking of how much he does, and that he never gets a break from it. I don't know that there's a solution. I just feel guilty sometimes and like I should be doing more for him. It makes me feel so useless, I hate that. Oh God yes! I feel that way all the time! She never gets a break or time off. I feel like I'm just too much work at times, that I can't possibly be worth it. And then out of the blue she'll grab my hair and kiss me "that" way. And then the whole world is right again.[:)] Heather My Master doesn't have to work hard for me. I'm his servant/submissive so I do the work. It's kind of like, when I see he's tired or stressed, I'll do things for him without him asking. I'll get him some coffee, I'll cook a nice dinner, clean up his home, rub his back, give him head etc. And the only reward I strive for is to know that I did something that made his life a little easier and happier. A cuddle, a kiss, a loving word whispered in my ear, an orgasm or just a smile is always a bonus, but never my goal.

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