Understanding

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kittensmailbox -> Understanding (5/9/2006 10:27:54 PM)
I will never understand ppl… I have been divorced for 12 years and my Ex husband has always been hot and cold when it has come to us being civil to each other … WE are the best of friends when he does not have a girlfriend, but whenever he is dating, I suddenly become the EVIL ex wife, or he tends to treat me like I am the dog doo on his shoe… He once referred to me as the one arm illiterate hick… I do not want pity, I just wish to understand…

ArchangelMichael -> RE: Understanding (5/10/2006 12:52:56 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kittensmailbox I will never understand ppl… I have been divorced for 12 years and my Ex husband has always been hot and cold when it has come to us being civil to each other … WE are the best of friends when he does not have a girlfriend, but whenever he is dating, I suddenly become the EVIL ex wife, or he tends to treat me like I am the dog doo on his shoe… He once referred to me as the one arm illiterate hick… I do not want pity, I just wish to understand… This suggests to me that he may not be emotionally stable. Also, I think that he wants to assure his new girlfriends that you aren't a threat, that they have nothing to fear from you possibly wanting to get back with him or interfering. It's definitely wrong for him to treat you this way. He is being very selfish.

BlkTallFullfig -> RE: Understanding (5/10/2006 1:14:26 AM)
They do it to reassure the new girl that you are not a threat to her by acting like he clearly hates you, by behaving like ass toward you when in her presence; to most smart women that should be an indication of how he will be treating her, but you know how we women are to one another. It's wrong but you know there isn't anything you can legally do, since the law protects all people regardless of whether they deserve humane treatment or not, lol. Just make yourself strong enough to be minimally or unaffected by it. M

MsMacComb -> RE: Understanding (5/10/2006 1:25:31 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: BlkTallFullfig They do it to reassure the new girl that you are not a threat to her by acting like he clearly hates you, by behaving like ass toward you when in her presence; to most smart women that should be an indication of how he will be treating her, but you know how we women are to one another. It's wrong but you know there isn't anything you can legally do, since the law protects all people regardless of whether they deserve humane treatment or not, lol. Just make yourself strong enough to be minimally or unaffected by it. M BTF is correct and the one other detail is that men have to much testosterone which makes them stupid. Some things can never be explained. Just don't let it get to you if possible.[:)]

cuddleheart50 -> RE: Understanding (5/10/2006 3:25:07 AM)
Guilt is a terrible thing to waste. I have an ex too and that sounds soooo familiar.

meatcleaver -> RE: Understanding (5/10/2006 3:29:46 AM)
The could probably be a little something inside of him that still hankers after you which makes him blow hot and cold. Just a thought.

ShiftedJewel -> RE: Understanding (5/10/2006 4:10:18 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kittensmailbox I will never understand ppl… I have been divorced for 12 years and my Ex husband has always been hot and cold when it has come to us being civil to each other … WE are the best of friends when he does not have a girlfriend, but whenever he is dating, I suddenly become the EVIL ex wife, or he tends to treat me like I am the dog doo on his shoe… He once referred to me as the one arm illiterate hick… I do not want pity, I just wish to understand… I had just the opposite problem, when he was single he hated me. I think what it was that when he had a girlfriend she took his mind off the fact that he wanted to kill me. When he was single he didn't care whether or not he went to jail. So I saved us both the hassle... I moved 2000 miles away. The only thing he hated more then me was spending money... so I knew the cost of an airline ticket would keep him at bay... that and not telling him where I live..lol. *Jewel*

kisshou -> RE: Understanding (5/10/2006 4:40:53 AM)
You need to resolve your feelings about him, if you didn't still care what he said and thought and did , you would be indifferent. Maybe you could have a closure ceremony to help you move past all this and not give him power over your emotions.

Level -> RE: Understanding (5/10/2006 4:45:42 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kittensmailbox I will never understand ppl… I have been divorced for 12 years and my Ex husband has always been hot and cold when it has come to us being civil to each other … WE are the best of friends when he does not have a girlfriend, but whenever he is dating, I suddenly become the EVIL ex wife, or he tends to treat me like I am the dog doo on his shoe… He once referred to me as the one arm illiterate hick… I do not want pity, I just wish to understand… He sounds emotionally needy. He "falls back" on you if he has no one else, or so it sounds. I wouldn't put up with anyone insulting me though, so next time he wants to buddy up to you, ask him if he really wants the friendship of a "one arm illiterate hick", then leave him standing there.

kittensmailbox -> RE: Understanding (5/10/2006 5:24:24 AM)
~softly smiles... Thank Y/you.... i loved all the posts.. It truly boosted my spirits...

SirKenin -> RE: Understanding (5/10/2006 10:11:49 AM)
Well apart from someone being a human reject with personal issues and using the opportunity to take misguided potshots at men, and testestoserone having NOTHING to do with behaviours like that, the rest of it was pretty much right on. The problem is two fold. One, he is pushing you away when he has someone else in his life and drawing you closer when he needs you. Two, you are letting it get to you because he has a hold on you, for whatever reason. Release that hold and you will not care what he thinks. You will be fine. [:)]

darq -> RE: Understanding (5/10/2006 10:34:54 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kittensmailbox I will never understand ppl… I have been divorced for 12 years and my Ex husband has always been hot and cold when it has come to us being civil to each other … WE are the best of friends when he does not have a girlfriend, but whenever he is dating, I suddenly become the EVIL ex wife, or he tends to treat me like I am the dog doo on his shoe… He once referred to me as the one arm illiterate hick… I do not want pity, I just wish to understand… My ex has a similar way of dealing with me. He and I were never married but we were engaged ... The first time he gave me the ring was in June. I returned it to him in November when he threw a coffee table at me. I told him I didn't want it back until he'd gotten his anger under control ... I told him he had until February to find an anger management group and get himself together. He asked me again on Christmas day that year ... I told him I was sorry, but no ... He still hadn't gotten his anger under control and I wasn't going to bind myself for life to a man I knew I couldn't trust not to harm me. Finally I gave up the ghost the following August. For 6 months I didn't hear from him ... He had mailed his hair to my mother. (He shaved his head as a sign of mourning.) He also mailed her the ring and the collar. Thank God Mom already knew about that sort of thing ... Now, 3 years after the fact, we're good friends. He saved my life. He keeps me from being harmful to myself. He still knows me better than anyone else and having his friendship is very important to me. He's gone from being my Master/lover to being like a big brother. I plan to have my children know him as Uncle ... When he's single though, he refers to himself as my Daddy. He once sent me a gift and the card said, "Little One, part of me will always be your Daddy. I love you." I didn't know how to respond ... He still has anger problems which makes me sad for him because I dont believe he'll have a successful relationship until he gets that part of himself under control. When he has a submissive, he's still civil to me but he gets impatient with me much more easily. I'll call him for advice and he gets exasperated with me. I always make sure to respect his time with his girl ... He's a truck driver so I don't call when I know he's got home time because I figure he's with her. Sometimes he'll call after he gets back out on the road and he's irritated at me for not checking in with him. When I point out that I don't want to be rude and intrude on his time with his submissive, he brushes it off like thats hardly a reason at all and I should know to call him. It doesn't upset me that he acts like this ... Its confusing sometimes but I think he does it because he doesn't want to let go. He hates to lose ... Its ok if he's got another girl in his life ... He can lavish her with affection. But he still wants me around, in the shadow, just in case .. Men do and say weird things. I know it must hurt when your ex says such horrible things about you but try to see it as his shortcoming, not yours. You can't change him ... I couldn't change my ex ... But you can tend to your own heart and do all in your power not to let his stupidity hurt you.

juliaoceania -> RE: Understanding (5/10/2006 12:02:40 PM)
What your ex does not understand is that most women prefer to date men that are not still angry at the ex. It makes you wonder if they will talk about you that way someday if it does not work out, and it makes me wonder if they still have feelings because hate is close to love (You know, thou doth protest too much). That being said I understand sometimes amicable relations are not always possible, but I would prefer that my current significant other was able to talk well of his former loves... But that is just me, and I could be wrong

kittensmailbox -> RE: Understanding (5/11/2006 10:20:23 AM)
i still very much love my ex, NOT in love, but i do love him... i wouldn't want anything ever bad to happy to him... But for some off the wall reason, he feels the need to try to belittle me and so on...

fastlane -> RE: Understanding (5/11/2006 10:29:06 AM)
Just like the song sings..."All my ex's live in Texas....and that's why I live in Tennessee." Ex's are a pain for all of us.....most of the time and the rest of the time....they just bug the shiat out of us. Welcome to the club! Kevin

slaverosebeauty -> RE: Understanding (5/11/2006 10:39:11 AM)
{{hugs}} This sorta thing makes me so glad that my ex-husband has not been and is not around. Sounds like your ex has emotional issues. If you are close when he doesn't have a gf, then all of a sudden when he has a gf, he treats you like the ex wife from hell, he may not want his gf to see you as a 'threat.' By beign an a**hole, he justitifes that stuff in his head.

Kendra -> RE: Understanding (5/12/2006 2:52:27 AM)
tie him up with seductive music and candles and let him think He's the lucky one tonight, then chop him up with an electric bread knife and cook his body parts... Taking care to drain the body of blood before dicing the meat ( blood makes the meat tougher and it takes longer to braise to tender ). feed his bits to his family and his girlfriend and then you wont have any feelings about his rudeness again....

Kendra -> RE: Understanding (5/12/2006 2:53:39 AM)
that was sort of a joke.....? i had cookery thoughts for my last ex husband,,,,

Dustyn -> RE: Understanding (5/12/2006 7:23:16 AM)
Eh, just tell him to sod off and go on about your day... - Dustyn

SirKenin -> RE: Understanding (5/12/2006 1:57:44 PM)
I just found out the other day that My ex-wife just up and disappeared. Oh well. I love her, but frankly I could care less what she does.

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