This is a safe space in which to discuss flaws in Doms and Dommes. (Full Version)

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ParappaTheDapper -> This is a safe space in which to discuss flaws in Doms and Dommes. (4/29/2011 11:09:48 AM)

I would like this to be a safe haven in which to discuss flaws you have run across in multiple Doms and/or Dommes throughout your life. Now just so we're clear I'm not saying "So what are some things that all Doms/Dommes do that just rub you the wrong way?" I'm just asking for personality traits or quirks or eccentricities you've run across more than once, often enough that you've started to look for them early on in a relationship as things that either will be addressed or will wreck the whole dynamic.

I'll go first. I have run into a surprising amount of homophobia. Again, the vast majority of dominant women I've known are totally not homophobic. But I've gotten to know enough Dommes now who are intolerant or paranoid about the fact that I am capable of finding other men sexually attractive that my radar starts going off if there are any indications early on that someone might be like this. This really strikes me as odd because I'd expect a little more tolerance from those whose own brains warp and wind in kinky directions and it's surprising how many people I run across who either just don't like gays or are severely threatened by the thought that their partner in particular is open about feeling some measure of attraction toward hot dudes with hard bodies.

So what are some flaws and/or personality traits you have run across often enough in your partners that you start to look for them now?



OwnedFemaleFlesh -> RE: This is a safe space in which to discuss flaws in Doms and Dommes. (4/29/2011 11:34:21 AM)

Laziness regarding housework. This may seem odd, considering that I am willing to do all of the housework, but I can't abide by a lazy Dom. I need to know that if I am away or ill, they can and will pick up the slack. Many Doms are looking for a submissive not because they see great beauty and pleasure in a TPE, but simply to take on all the drudge work that they can't be bothered doing. I have no urge to submit to anyone too lazy to do their own cleaning or look after themself.

owned xxx



kalikshama -> RE: This is a safe space in which to discuss flaws in Doms and Dommes. (4/29/2011 12:55:47 PM)

quote:

But I've gotten to know enough Dommes now who are intolerant or paranoid about the fact that I am capable of finding other men sexually attractive


While I don't consider myself homophobic as defined by wikipedia http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Homophobia, if potential male partners are bi I put that in the negative column. I think it's because I don't feel competitive with other women but feel insecure if men were to be competition.

In most of my MFM threesomes, the men have not interacted, but in a few they did and I found this hot.



leadership527 -> RE: This is a safe space in which to discuss flaws in Doms and Dommes. (4/29/2011 12:57:15 PM)

Carol was pretty focused on "co-dependence" when we first met. I'm not sure why, but that was a big issue for her. I think she was certain that all men or all relationships must, in some way, be co-dependent.

Conveniently, while I have an entire laundry list of flaws, that's not among them. Among them (~grins at OFF~) is a failure to do as much around the house as I ought to.

For me, the number one flaw I look for is a het woman who hates or has contempt for men. I'd call that roughly 80% of them.



kalikshama -> RE: This is a safe space in which to discuss flaws in Doms and Dommes. (4/29/2011 12:57:25 PM)

quote:

flaws you have run across in multiple Doms and/or Dommes throughout your life


Narcissism. It's funny cuz I find this attractive initially but wind up feeling smothered and oppressed.



LaTigresse -> RE: This is a safe space in which to discuss flaws in Doms and Dommes. (4/29/2011 12:59:57 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

Carol was pretty focused on "co-dependence" when we first met. I'm not sure why, but that was a big issue for her. I think she was certain that all men or all relationships must, in some way, be co-dependent.

Conveniently, while I have an entire laundry list of flaws, that's not among them. Among them (~grins at OFF~) is a failure to do as much around the house as I ought to.

For me, the number one flaw I look for is a het woman who hates or has contempt for men. I'd call that roughly 80% of them.


Then you are hanging out with some really fucked up women. I know very few het women that sincerely feel that way about men in general.



leadership527 -> RE: This is a safe space in which to discuss flaws in Doms and Dommes. (4/29/2011 1:22:25 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse
Then you are hanging out with some really fucked up women. I know very few het women that sincerely feel that way about men in general.
I know very few het women who KNOW they feel that way. But I also listen to the jokes they tell. I listen to how they run down males at every opportunity. I listen to them buy into the cultural stereotypes. It's the "men are pigs" joke that is not a joke.



LaTigresse -> RE: This is a safe space in which to discuss flaws in Doms and Dommes. (4/29/2011 1:40:52 PM)

I hear men tell dumb blonde jokes all the time but per Playboy magazine, that is the primary arm candy of most men.



Delilya -> RE: This is a safe space in which to discuss flaws in Doms and Dommes. (4/29/2011 2:21:10 PM)

Flaws? Surely you jest.

It doesn't bother me if my partner is bi. It is simply a part of his sexuality, not a sum total of who he is as a person. I also don't expect him to be solely responsible for the cooking and housework. There is more time for relaxing if you share the burden.



leadership527 -> RE: This is a safe space in which to discuss flaws in Doms and Dommes. (4/29/2011 2:32:07 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse
I hear men tell dumb blonde jokes all the time but per Playboy magazine, that is the primary arm candy of most men.

I rest my case.

But this is an entire derail. The OP asked what things I'd run into in the past that I became red flags for me. I answered. Whether or not you and I find the same things offensive isn't really germane.



ChatteParfaitt -> RE: This is a safe space in which to discuss flaws in Doms and Dommes. (4/29/2011 2:49:41 PM)

Males doms who think all females are somehow less than them is a big red flag to me. There is no way I could be compatible with a person who held this belief.

My desire to submit has *nothing* to do with thinking I'm lesser, and *everything* to do with celebrating how we are different.





CalifChick -> RE: This is a safe space in which to discuss flaws in Doms and Dommes. (4/29/2011 2:56:08 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

I rest my case.

But this is an entire derail. The OP asked what things I'd run into in the past that I became red flags for me. I answered. Whether or not you and I find the same things offensive isn't really germane.


Actually, the OP asked what flaws in a dom/domme, not what flaws in people in general or in potential partners. Apparently the dom/domme is a species unto themselves, carrying special flaws that other humans do not.

Although I have to wonder, Jeff, when was the last time you looked for a dom/domme? Hmmmm?????


Cali



leadership527 -> RE: This is a safe space in which to discuss flaws in Doms and Dommes. (4/29/2011 3:43:29 PM)

Oh wait! Are we going back to the "only subs should talk in the sub forum" line of thinking? Did they change the forum guidelines recently? To be fair, I did also answer from Carol's side.



ParappaTheDapper -> RE: This is a safe space in which to discuss flaws in Doms and Dommes. (4/29/2011 3:55:29 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

Oh wait! Are we going back to the "only subs should talk in the sub forum" line of thinking? Did they change the forum guidelines recently? To be fair, I did also answer from Carol's side.


That sure wasn't my intent!

I always like it best when discussions evolve organically. It's cool to just throw something out there and see where people take it. Really this should have been a question directed at everybody and not just subs but when you don't know the cartography of a new world very well you're always either sinning by being too general or being too specific and it's hard to stay right on course. As my head grows hoarier here I'll get better at it but for now there are times I'm just scampering around like a muskrat in a burning meth lab!

So if you've got anything to say that's even tangentially related, the OP's preference is that you say it! :D



CalifChick -> RE: This is a safe space in which to discuss flaws in Doms and Dommes. (4/29/2011 3:55:49 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

Oh wait! Are we going back to the "only subs should talk in the sub forum" line of thinking? Did they change the forum guidelines recently? To be fair, I did also answer from Carol's side.



Good heavens, no. I was not speaking of who could answer, but what the question was... I was merely pointing out the OP was looking for flaws in that not-human species, the dom/domme, per his statement here:

quote:

would like this to be a safe haven in which to discuss flaws you have run across in multiple Doms and/or Dommes throughout your life.





mame -> RE: This is a safe space in which to discuss flaws in Doms and Dommes. (4/29/2011 4:06:15 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: OwnedFemaleFlesh

Laziness regarding housework. This may seem odd, considering that I am willing to do all of the housework, but I can't abide by a lazy Dom. I need to know that if I am away or ill, they can and will pick up the slack. Many Doms are looking for a submissive not because they see great beauty and pleasure in a TPE, but simply to take on all the drudge work that they can't be bothered doing. I have no urge to submit to anyone too lazy to do their own cleaning or look after themself.

owned xxx



This a thousand times. If you're off work and I'm putting in 60+ hours for weeks on end is really necessary for me to be doing housework at 2a? No, no it is not. It was part of the reason we stopped being with each other. I loved taking care of him and the house but not when it felt like I was doing all of it because he was too damned unconcerned to pitch in when I was underwater and drowning.

*Edited for spelling



littlewonder -> RE: This is a safe space in which to discuss flaws in Doms and Dommes. (4/29/2011 4:10:49 PM)

why would i need a safe space to talk about flaws and such in a Dom or anyone else?

I call people as I see and interact with them.

Everyone has flaws. Some are undeniably horrible and I simply won't be around them. Others I see as just human and not that big a deal.



domiguy -> RE: This is a safe space in which to discuss flaws in Doms and Dommes. (4/29/2011 4:11:16 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

Carol was pretty focused on "co-dependence" when we first met. I'm not sure why, but that was a big issue for her. I think she was certain that all men or all relationships must, in some way, be co-dependent.

Conveniently, while I have an entire laundry list of flaws, that's not among them. Among them (~grins at OFF~) is a failure to do as much around the house as I ought to.

For me, the number one flaw I look for is a het woman who hates or has contempt for men. I'd call that roughly 80% of them.


I can see why roughly 80% of all hetero women would have contempt for you.



domiguy -> RE: This is a safe space in which to discuss flaws in Doms and Dommes. (4/29/2011 4:13:01 PM)

I think most people out here are fucking insane. Other than that, we cool.



WillowBayU -> RE: This is a safe space in which to discuss flaws in Doms and Dommes. (4/29/2011 4:32:52 PM)

It seems like a lot of dominant males - but not all, of course - seem to have fragile egos that are very easily bruised.  



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