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Choice or no choice? - 4/29/2011 12:00:30 PM   
skylong


Posts: 14
Joined: 4/9/2011
Status: offline 		Subs, do any of you want choices? Big and small ones? Or do you want to be controlled without any choice?

For example:
"Do you want to sleep or play?"
"Do you want to suck or fingered?"
"Do you want me to play with your left or right side?"
Please notice I tried to include different levels of choices.

Slaves, I'm afraid you may have to skip this one. I know you are not allowed. But if you are, I'd like to hear from you too.


Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Choice or no choice? - 4/29/2011 12:12:14 PM   
barbie87


Posts: 1
Joined: 6/1/2010
Status: offline 		i dont think u need to be a sub to hate questions like that lol

but maybe its just me

(in reply to skylong)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Choice or no choice? - 4/29/2011 12:28:31 PM   
Ishtarr


Posts: 1130
Joined: 4/30/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: skylong

Subs, do any of you want choices? Big and small ones? Or do you want to be controlled without any choice?

For example:
"Do you want to sleep or play?"
"Do you want to suck or fingered?"
"Do you want me to play with your left or right side?"
Please notice I tried to include different levels of choices.

Slaves, I'm afraid you may have to skip this one. I know you are not allowed. But if you are, I'd like to hear from you too.





Watched too much porn, aye?

Do you realize that BDSM isn't all about making sexual choices, and that questions like these -like ANY question involving human behavior- is answered with "it depends with the context and the individual".

< Message edited by Ishtarr -- 4/29/2011 12:30:42 PM >

_____________________________


Du blutest für mein Seelenheil
Ein kleiner Schnitt und du wirst geil
Egal, erlaubt ist, was gefällt

Ich tu' dir weh.
Tut mir nicht Leid!
Das tut dir gut.
Hör wie es schreit!

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RE: Choice or no choice? - 4/29/2011 12:35:41 PM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline 		Is this like a chinese menu where you pick one from column A and two from column B and if you add another person you get eggrolls too?

Cali


_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to Ishtarr)
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RE: Choice or no choice? - 4/29/2011 12:37:56 PM   
ChatteParfaitt


Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

Is this like a chinese menu where you pick one from column A and two from column B and if you add another person you get eggrolls too?

Cali



Yes


_____________________________



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Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Choice or no choice? - 4/29/2011 12:52:32 PM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline 		Carol has an awful lot of input but not much choice. She is probably happy with the level of input that she has but wishes she had more choice.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to skylong)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Choice or no choice? - 4/29/2011 4:35:58 PM   
WillowBayU


Posts: 18
Joined: 4/25/2011
Status: offline 		Just tell me what you want me to do, already!!  LOL...I am obviously new to this forum...

(in reply to leadership527)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Choice or no choice? - 4/29/2011 6:03:45 PM   
coookie


Posts: 541
Joined: 10/25/2010
Status: offline 		"it depends with the context and the individual" (Ishtarr)

Okay now my real answer ... i don't like choices i dont care about. All of the choices you gave i would not want choice over though a choice like "hey do you want to go to mexico or spain" would be one i would rather have a say. Ultimately i am very vocal about what i want when it matters and like to have a say then but when it doesn't i wont be.

(in reply to WillowBayU)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Choice or no choice? - 4/29/2011 6:11:32 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		I'm a slave so my only choice is to stay or go. But He forces me to make decisions on my own even though I absolutely hate to. If it were possible I'd be happy with him making almost all choices.


(in reply to coookie)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Choice or no choice? - 4/29/2011 6:35:56 PM   
slaveluci


Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline 		I'm a slave and I have lots and lots of choices. The "big" things He determines (and, of course, always has final say on everything) but He is so not a micro-manager and doesn't want to make every single little choice for me all day long. As a matter of fact, He enjoys that I make lots of daily choices for Him (i.e - what to fix for meals, what to suggest we watch on Netflix, etc.). I know His preferences and likes/dislikes and I use all that information to make choices He finds pleasing. He likes that

luci

_____________________________

To choose a good book, look in an inquisitor’s prohibited list. ~John Aikin

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Choice or no choice? - 4/29/2011 6:41:56 PM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline 		I have no problem making choices and he often delegates choices/decisions to me.  Unless he's delegating, he makes the choices, but I can have input, and often do.

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.



(in reply to skylong)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Choice or no choice? - 4/29/2011 6:42:11 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		I'm more likely to be asked if I'm feeling well enough for play or if I need some sleep instead. He sleeps five hours a night on average and is convinced that me needing eight means there's something wrong with me. In fact last time we were at the doctor's he asked the doc about it, I almost cheered when he was told that eight is average and that if that's what I need, then I should be allowed to have it.

I don't think he's ever asked if I would prefer the right or left side. I'm more likely to announce we have to switch sides of the couch because he's been pinching my left nipple all night and it can't take any more. He's fine with that, he just loves nipples.


_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to slaveluci)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Choice or no choice? - 4/29/2011 6:43:16 PM   
poise


Posts: 9509
Joined: 7/3/2010
Status: offline 		All of the above, and sometimes simultaneously.

_____________________________

When the path ignites a soul, there’s no remaining in place.

(in reply to skylong)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Choice or no choice? - 4/29/2011 7:30:29 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		The day that I ask questions like that of my sub.... I got annoyed just reading that list.

Look, I'm not going to make lie changing decisions without her input.  But the choices on that list?  Pfffft.


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to poise)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Choice or no choice? - 4/29/2011 8:17:37 PM   
aromanholiday


Posts: 307
Joined: 4/12/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: skylong

Subs, do any of you want choices? Big and small ones? Or do you want to be controlled without any choice?

Slaves, I'm afraid you may have to skip this one. I know you are not allowed. But if you are, I'd like to hear from you too.



This question makes my head spin! While I like having absolutely no choice very much, I don't think I'd mind mind making choices as long as I didn't have to choose what choices I got to make.

_____________________________

"Isn't it odd how we misunderstand the hidden unity of kindness and cruelty?"

My profile is not turned off. It is broken and I am too lazy to make a new one.

(in reply to skylong)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Choice or no choice? - 4/29/2011 10:46:27 PM   
skylong


Posts: 14
Joined: 4/9/2011
Status: offline 		Thanks to those who wrote some meaningful replies. It is really cool to see the different reactions. Especially pointing out the difference between "input" and "choice". I also like the slave who has to make choices.

Well, since a lot of you have problem with the illustration of the question, I will change it and boil it down to.

Subs and slaves, do you want to have choices in
1) sexual related activities?
2) non-sexual activities (daily life)?

(in reply to aromanholiday)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Choice or no choice? - 4/29/2011 10:46:42 PM   
OwnedFemaleFlesh


Posts: 182
Joined: 4/9/2011
Status: offline 		I am allowed options, even though I am a slave. It's just that mainly I prefer not to have them! If it's something sexual / BDSM then I'd much rather not have a choice, even the idea of not having a choice is a white hot turn on for me. If it's something practical and daily life, then I do prefer to have a choice, and mostly it's not a problem at all. i.e. what we have for dinner, whether we go out, if we want to socialise. Although Sir will have the final say in it, which is what I prefer too :-)

owned xxx

(in reply to skylong)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Choice or no choice? - 4/30/2011 12:44:14 AM   
myotherself


Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OwnedFemaleFlesh

I am allowed options, even though I am a slave. It's just that mainly I prefer not to have them! If it's something sexual / BDSM then I'd much rather not have a choice, even the idea of not having a choice is a white hot turn on for me. If it's something practical and daily life, then I do prefer to have a choice, and mostly it's not a problem at all. i.e. what we have for dinner, whether we go out, if we want to socialise. Although Sir will have the final say in it, which is what I prefer too :-)

owned xxx



QFT.

_____________________________

There's nowt so queer as folk


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Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Choice or no choice? - 4/30/2011 12:48:33 AM   
Ishtarr


Posts: 1130
Joined: 4/30/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

He sleeps five hours a night on average and is convinced that me needing eight means there's something wrong with me. In fact last time we were at the doctor's he asked the doc about it, I almost cheered when he was told that eight is average and that if that's what I need, then I should be allowed to have it.



OMG, it would be absolute hell for me to live with a guy like that.
I need a solid 10 hours to have a good night's rest.
I can make it on 8 if I have to, but doing that consistently will put me in a sleep debt.

I have a hard enough time as it is explaining to most people who know that 8 hours is average that an average means that: YES some people need more than 8 hours, and YES an 8 hour average doesn't mean that sleeping more than 8 hours indicates that there is something wrong with me, and YES an average is not the same as a maximum, and YES sleeping what is for me a normal amount and a biological requirement doesn't mean I'm being lazy sleeping in.

Doing that with a guy who thinks 5 hours should be enough would be pure hell for me.

Ishtar

< Message edited by Ishtarr -- 4/30/2011 12:49:22 AM >

_____________________________


Du blutest für mein Seelenheil
Ein kleiner Schnitt und du wirst geil
Egal, erlaubt ist, was gefällt

Ich tu' dir weh.
Tut mir nicht Leid!
Das tut dir gut.
Hör wie es schreit!

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Choice or no choice? - 4/30/2011 9:20:25 AM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline 		For Carol the answers are the same in any context. For her this is all about pleasing me. She'd be really happy if pleasing me didn't involve so much obedience. But, sadly for her, that's not how it is so there ya go. For her it's as simple as weighing off one set of priorities versus another. But fundamentally, while she likes a strong leader, she'd probably prefer that in a more egalitarian way. Carol never particularly wanted to submit or be a slave. It's just what she needs to do to please the man she is focused on.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to skylong)
Profile   Post #: 20
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