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Being Polite? - 5/3/2011 11:37:00 AM   
Charnegui


Posts: 1352
Joined: 5/1/2011
From: Puzzled
Status: offline 		I wonder something......

Why is it, that some Dom's sending mails to sub's not politely ask something, but directly boss you around.
When I go for a jobinterview will be not that much of a difference is it?
Mostly the interviewer is the future boss / superior.

After all we are all humans and we did had an upbringing, I suppose.


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RE: Being Polite? - 5/3/2011 11:39:12 AM   
Hillwilliam


Posts: 19394
Joined: 8/27/2008
Status: offline 		Maybe they're inexperienced idiots that are behaving the way they "think a Dom ought to behave"?

By the way, welcome to the forums, I see you're kinda new.

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Whoever said "Religion is the opiate of the masses" never heard Right Wing talk radio.

Don't blame me, I voted for Gary Johnson.

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RE: Being Polite? - 5/3/2011 11:47:00 AM   
myotherself


Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline 		What Hillwilliam said. 'Doms' who start out being bossy and demanding are usually online warriors only, or in real-life they are inconsequential pricks with bad breath and teeny peenies.

If they are not what floats your boat, then ignore, block, delete.

It may take you a long time to wade through the scum in the shallow end of the gene pool to find the deeper, clearer water, but it's worth the effort.

I suggest (if you're not doing it already) that you get out to a munch and start meeting kinksters in r/l. You might be pleasantly surprised that Doms can actually be really nice human beings

Welcome to cm, and I wish you luck!

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RE: Being Polite? - 5/3/2011 11:48:10 AM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Hillwilliam

Maybe they're inexperienced idiots that are behaving the way they "think a Dom ought to behave"?

By the way, welcome to the forums, I see you're kinda new.


Likely it is some variation of this.

Somehow they have either an idea that Me Dom; you sub is the way to go, perhaps from watching too much internet porn, or they have been with women who have told them this is how they want it.

Using your analogy, every email you get in the beginning, is their resume of sorts.
If they aren't going to fit in with your needs, wants and desires: Next!
(And please do not take rude responses to your dismissal personally, they just are verifying that you made the right choice.)

Best wishes on your search.

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RE: Being Polite? - 5/3/2011 11:48:58 AM   
Fightdirecto


Posts: 1101
Joined: 8/3/2004
Status: offline 		I always try to be polite when I write to a sub the first time. However, some subs have told me that the terms "polite" and "Dom" mutually contradict each other. Too many subs and too many Dominants have a mental picture of what a Dominant should look like or act like or say or write and someone who writes in a polite and gentlemanly way does not fit their mental picture of a "real" Dominant.

Many subs lack politeness as well. If you are not interested in a Dominant that writes in response to your profile, how much effort is involved in the four word answer, "Thanks but no thanks"? Instead they either do not respond at all or they respond with an attack on some aspect of the Dominant that they do not like (my most common response of this type is "Old men like you are GROSS!")

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RE: Being Polite? - 5/3/2011 11:58:32 AM   
Awareness


Posts: 3918
Joined: 9/8/2010
Status: offline 		  Because most people writing to subs are not dominant.

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RE: Being Polite? - 5/3/2011 12:01:02 PM   
Charnegui


Posts: 1352
Joined: 5/1/2011
From: Puzzled
Status: offline 		Thanks for the welcoming and the answers... and the advice...
Luckely for me I'm not that young, or blonde.
I only just realized, I do not have to expect any respons of those whom I ment at first.  :)

But it sure wondered me for a while... given the talk about respect, trust and so on....

And I agree with Fightdirecto, but then, sub's are also human with all pro's and contra's





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There's a difference between my personality and my attitude; My personality is who I ám, my attitude depends on who you are.

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RE: Being Polite? - 5/3/2011 1:06:24 PM   
aromanholiday


Posts: 307
Joined: 4/12/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Fightdirecto
I always try to be polite when I write to a sub the first time. However, some subs have told me that the terms "polite" and "Dom" mutually contradict each other. Too many subs and too many Dominants have a mental picture of what a Dominant should look like or act like or say or write and someone who writes in a polite and gentlemanly way does not fit their mental picture of a "real" Dominant.



I doubt the people who read this message board do this, but I was just curious so I'll ask. Have any dominants here been influenced by the submissives who think you are not real if you are polite and started writing "rougher" emails to submissives as a result? This seems a damned-if-you-do, damned-if-you-don't situation, because other submissives won't like the impolite approach. Of course, you can always not write submissives, but assuming that is not an option you want to take at this time, which group do you tailor your approach to, and why?


quote:


Many subs lack politeness as well. If you are not interested in a Dominant that writes in response to your profile, how much effort is involved in the four word answer, "Thanks but no thanks"? Instead they either do not respond at all or they respond with an attack on some aspect of the Dominant that they do not like (my most common response of this type is "Old men like you are GROSS!")


I've also noticed that there are autoreplies. If they are anything like the autoreplies on other personal-ad sites they will be nice and polite. And they are quicker to use than typing a rude message. People--all types of people, no group is excluded--when online, seem to experience lack of inhibition, low impulse control, and give in to childish urges to vent rage at strangers when interacting socially. It's almost as if something on our screens makes us drunk, as these are all common symptoms of drinking. But I suspect what draws this out is just the headiness of anonymity mixing with a native lack of intelligence, judgement, and foresight.


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RE: Being Polite? - 5/3/2011 1:32:08 PM   
BurntKitty


Posts: 3340
Joined: 9/7/2010
From: Here To Eternity.
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: myotherself

What Hillwilliam said. 'Doms' who start out being bossy and demanding are usually online warriors only, or in real-life they are inconsequential pricks with bad breath and teeny peenies.

If they are not what floats your boat, then ignore, block, delete.

It may take you a long time to wade through the scum in the shallow end of the gene pool to find the deeper, clearer water, but it's worth the effort.

I suggest (if you're not doing it already) that you get out to a munch and start meeting kinksters in r/l. You might be pleasantly surprised that Doms can actually be really nice human beings

Welcome to cm, and I wish you luck!


:Nods sagely at teh wisdim of teh bunneh:


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RE: Being Polite? - 5/3/2011 1:37:24 PM   
ChatteParfaitt


Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline 		I agree with da bunny:


quote:

ORIGINAL: myotherself

What Hillwilliam said. 'Doms' who start out being bossy and demanding are usually online warriors only, or in real-life they are inconsequential pricks with bad breath and teeny peenies.

If they are not what floats your boat, then ignore, block, delete.

It may take you a long time to wade through the scum in the shallow end of the gene pool to find the deeper, clearer water, but it's worth the effort.

I suggest (if you're not doing it already) that you get out to a munch and start meeting kinksters in r/l. You might be pleasantly surprised that Doms can actually be really nice human beings

Welcome to cm, and I wish you luck!


BTW: Is that a pancake on your head? Or does it mean you are a "tribute" bunny? (I had to perve your profile to get a close up and ensure myself it was an actual pancake.)




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RE: Being Polite? - 5/3/2011 1:42:52 PM   
Hillwilliam


Posts: 19394
Joined: 8/27/2008
Status: offline 		Regarding one of your questions aromanholiday.

No, I don't change My tenor to match up to some sub's 'expectations'. If we are not a 'fit' the way I am, we are not a fit period.

_____________________________

Kinkier than a cheap garden hose.

Whoever said "Religion is the opiate of the masses" never heard Right Wing talk radio.

Don't blame me, I voted for Gary Johnson.

(in reply to aromanholiday)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Being Polite? - 5/3/2011 2:19:40 PM   
aromanholiday


Posts: 307
Joined: 4/12/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Hillwilliam

Regarding one of your questions aromanholiday.

No, I don't change My tenor to match up to some sub's 'expectations'. If we are not a 'fit' the way I am, we are not a fit period.


That makes sense. I would not change my style either, for the same reason: doing so would be faking something rather than seeing if we could be compatible just as we are. And there is the fact that I do not hear many dominants requesting submissive writers, "Don't be so damn polite, it's not very submissive!" It would be funny to see such a request, though. I might laugh and write them something creatively faux-rude.

_____________________________

"Isn't it odd how we misunderstand the hidden unity of kindness and cruelty?"

My profile is not turned off. It is broken and I am too lazy to make a new one.

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RE: Being Polite? - 5/3/2011 2:37:59 PM   
poise


Posts: 9509
Joined: 7/3/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt

I agree with da bunny:

BTW: Is that a pancake on your head? Or does it mean you are a "tribute" bunny? (I had to perve your profile to get a close up and ensure myself it was an actual pancake.)



Da tribute bunny accepts pancakes, honey and money.





Attachment (1)

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RE: Being Polite? - 5/3/2011 2:40:27 PM   
NocturnalStalker


Posts: 3858
Joined: 12/4/2010
Status: offline 		I'm like Batman.  I'm very nice/kind in person, a complete jerk online.

That is not like Batman at all, actually.


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RE: Being Polite? - 5/3/2011 2:48:57 PM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Charnegui

But it sure wondered me for a while... given the talk about respect, trust and so on....

What I have observed over time is that many people talk about these sorts of qualities and quite a few less actually exhibit them. As a corollary, I've noticed in inverse relationship between the frequency of the word "honor" appearing in a sentence and how much of it the person actually has.


_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

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Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Being Polite? - 5/3/2011 5:20:37 PM   
LafayetteLady


Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline 		BDSM "dating" is no different than "vanilla" dating. Except that some "doms" think that being demanding from the start is good. If some guy came up to you in a bar and said, "hey, let's go to my car so you can suck my dick," you would probably whack him upside the head, right? No different here.

Just because you are "sub" doesn't mean that the guy (or girl if that's one's preference) who is "dom" doesn't have to pass YOUR standards as well. Remember that any dom wanting your attention has to present himself as appealing to you. If he doesn't, don't feel bad about having zero interest.

(in reply to Charnegui)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Being Polite? - 5/3/2011 6:13:57 PM   
Vanos


Posts: 1
Joined: 8/17/2008
Status: offline 		Ive been on collar me now for a bit, and must say this is the first time to the forums, and you wouldnt believe how many complaints from subs I get saying its nice for once to see someone whos a nice guy..I agree that alot of the so called doms on this site are online warriors, this post has been entertaining :) good work peoples .

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Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Being Polite? - 5/3/2011 6:39:13 PM   
ChatteParfaitt


Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: poise

Da tribute bunny accepts pancakes, honey and money.





Shares my all natural never processed pricey honey with da bunny.


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RE: Being Polite? - 5/3/2011 10:02:15 PM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NocturnalStalker

I'm like Batman.  I'm very nice/kind in person, a complete jerk online.

That is not like Batman at all, actually.



Yep. Not me. I'm the same asshole in person I am on line.

Laughs.
That's my shtick. I'm like the guy in the movie Singles whose line is that he has no line.


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RE: Being Polite? - 5/3/2011 10:04:33 PM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

or in real-life they are inconsequential pricks with bad breath and teeny peenies.


LMAO. You hit the nail on the head

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