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sad slave - 5/3/2011 11:48:15 PM   
slavesally22


Posts: 24
Joined: 5/3/2011
Status: offline 		i thank you for your in put. i just am having trouble i try to talk to him.about my conserns he alway said i could talk to him. he tells me were forever. and the outher slave is married and has a child. he told her she could never leave her husband for her. he gave her the title of Alfaslave. im happy with.i do everything for him he asks and try to make him happy and make her happy. he used to hug and kiss me we would play togeather was alway happy to see me. that has changed sence she came into the pitcher. i know longer get any attention. and when i ask him why. he gets very angry. so i get angry and we fight i try so hard not to say anything wrong. so i stay silent. they both say i do and say everything wrong. i talk to her and she back stabs me. and i get punished. she always smiles about it. he told me if i dont respect her witch i do he'll send me away. i cry all the time and dont feel good any more i feel like i should just keep quite and let her take him away i love him so much any sugestions am i stupid?

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RE: sad slave - 5/3/2011 11:55:12 PM   
HannahLynHeather


Posts: 2950
Joined: 4/4/2011
From: where it's at
Status: offline 		walk away sally, just pack your things and walk away. its a fucked up siutation and its not going to get better. walk away.

hannah lynn

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RE: sad slave - 5/4/2011 1:42:04 AM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline 		Does the other woman’s husband know your Master is dicking his wife? 

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RE: sad slave - 5/4/2011 2:04:01 AM   
EvilAndFantasy


Posts: 9
Joined: 3/4/2010
Status: offline 		Wow, just wow. The question that really needs to be asked, is he just a master to her or does he cuddle and tend to her like they are in a loving relationship? Being a master is a privilege not a right you have given him permission to be your master and you have the right to take that away. I understand that this is your lifestyle and that you need to be controlled to be happy but where is the happiness? I really think the situation is not so much inviting of a like minded soul into your relationship to please you and him but him cheating on you with your permission. He has forgotten that the relationship is only good when both yours and his needs are fulfilled. This is not in anyway healthy and I would advise you to either remove her or yourself from the situation.

(in reply to ResidentSadist)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: sad slave - 5/4/2011 2:12:59 AM   
tazzygirl


Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline 		Op, I do believe the wrong person is in control. Sounds like the alpha slave is dragging your Man by his cock.

quote:

he told me if i dont respect her witch i do he'll send me away.


Says it all sweety.

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RE: sad slave - 5/4/2011 2:23:05 AM   
Charnegui


Posts: 1352
Joined: 5/1/2011
From: Puzzled
Status: offline 		First of all, I understand your feelings so well, believe me.

But crying all day is not the way to stay in a relationship, when 2 people love eachother then there should be laughter and happiness, sillyness and so on.
Please leave, you're to much a wonder to be treated like that.


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RE: sad slave - 5/4/2011 3:08:47 AM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline 		As it is now, you portray him as a major asshole . . . that you spent 7 years with as his slave.  With only one side of the story, I have to ask:  

He takes time to train you (punishments), but you feel  you “no longer get any attention”.  
Does the other woman ever get punished? 
Are you jealous of the attention she gets or discounting the attention you get?
Does the other woman ever go home to her husband, do you get his attention then? 

You say you “try to make him happy and make her happy” but you don’t say you succeed.  
Do you make them happy?  
Did you make him happy for 7 years?
If he was happy, why did he take someone else’s wife and make her alpha?
Were you poly during the 7 years?   

You talk to him and he gets angry.  Then you get angry. 
What are you saying to him?

You talk to her and she betrays you resulting in punishment from him. 
What in the hell are you saying behind his back?

It is the answer to these questions that should give us some perspective.  As your story stands without these answers, either he is major asshole or you changed creating conflict making everyone unhappy and angry.  I suspect neither is correct and the truth lies somewhere in between.


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I give good thread.

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RE: sad slave - 5/4/2011 3:09:52 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slavesally22

i thank you for your in put. i just am having trouble i try to talk to him.about my conserns he alway said i could talk to him. he tells me were forever. and the outher slave is married and has a child. he told her she could never leave her husband for her. he gave her the title of Alfaslave. im happy with.i do everything for him he asks and try to make him happy and make her happy. he used to hug and kiss me we would play togeather was alway happy to see me. that has changed sence she came into the pitcher. i know longer get any attention. and when i ask him why. he gets very angry. so i get angry and we fight i try so hard not to say anything wrong. so i stay silent. they both say i do and say everything wrong. i talk to her and she back stabs me. and i get punished. she always smiles about it. he told me if i dont respect her witch i do he'll send me away. i cry all the time and dont feel good any more i feel like i should just keep quite and let her take him away i love him so much any sugestions am i stupid?


How long has he been seeing her?  It might be a case of new slave syndrome.  Assuming all you say is true (you are very jealous of her and that may could things), then he's infatuated either with her or more likely, with the notion that he has two women.

Try to rephrase things to him.  Instead of asking why you don't get any attention, tell him you'd like to get more attention.  Ask what to do in order to get it.

From the way you presented this, I'd suggest that maybe you're not cut out for poly.


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

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Profile   Post #: 8
RE: sad slave - 5/4/2011 3:17:14 AM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline
quote:

From the way you presented this, I'd suggest that maybe you're not cut out for poly.

That is why I asked if they were poly for 7 years?  She sounds like she has a jealous and broken heart.  I can't imagine 7 years and suddenly he only has criticism and punishment for her.


_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

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Profile   Post #: 9
RE: sad slave - 5/4/2011 3:22:03 AM   
ranja


Posts: 2111
Joined: 11/1/2007
Status: offline 		reconsider your relationship(s)
talking honestly obviously is not working in your poly set up:
your man is taking the piss, you either man up and somehow muscle the other woman out of the picture...
like sending her husband a note or something...
(be careful, the shit might hit the fan, people can get very ugly when things don't go their way)
or dump the geezer and the bitch...
you might still want to let the husband know... just out of spite

(in reply to slavesally22)
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RE: sad slave - 5/4/2011 3:54:53 AM   
NavyGirl18


Posts: 14
Joined: 4/14/2011
Status: offline
quote:

you might still want to let the husband know... just out of spite
Wow! You're mean!

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Profile   Post #: 11
RE: sad slave - 5/4/2011 3:57:42 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline 		If you had a daughter in this situation, would you advise her to stay or get the hell out?

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Profile   Post #: 12
RE: sad slave - 5/4/2011 4:20:47 AM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline 		I think there may have been something going on within your relationship before she entered the picture.

My reason for suggesting this is the fact that he made her the Alpha slave.

I also think that if I were in a relationship with someone and had some insecurities because things had been a bit rocky and then another person entered the picture AND he put her above me... ?
I think I would be feeling F.I.N.E.! (Fucked Up, Insecure, Neurotic and Emotional).

My guess is you have emotional outbursts over this.

It isn't just that you have to respect her as a member of the household but he is presenting it to you in such a way that she is preferred over you and that is just undealable.

So, unless the 2 of you can work out what was at the heart of the trouble within your relationship (which is the reason why is is probably unaproachable now?)..., you aren't happy and you are making everyone else miserable. That isn't going to change, no matter how much you love the guy. You are feeling too angry and too hurt and if you are honest with yourself, this is something you just aren't going to be able to get over, no matter how much you wish you could.

After you leave, and you have some distance, try to figure out what happened before she came into the picture: what went off track then.

Give yourself time to mourn, time to heal, and time to work on you.

I am sorry for your pain.

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(in reply to slavesally22)
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RE: sad slave - 5/4/2011 4:22:51 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

If you had a daughter in this situation, would you advise her to stay or get the hell out?


This says it all. If your daughter or best friend were in this situation, where it was obvious they were no longer wanted or loved, would you tell them to take more and more mistreatment or would you want them to find happiness with someone trustworthy?

Because you deserve better than this. Go find it.


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Cynical and proud of it!


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RE: sad slave - 5/4/2011 5:07:39 AM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline 		Here's the concern that pops into my head, Sally.

You are coming to a message board to pour out your heart. This is a very private thing that is happening to you, and you don't have anyone in your real life that you can do this with. I'm not criticizing you for this. Many of us (including me) have done just this. However, I've learned that generally speaking if someone doesn't have a best friend / buddy / confidante in real life to pour one's heart out to, then there are more problems here than just the obvious one that has caused the heart outpouring.

What is happening in your world that you don't have someone to share this with? What has happened to your life? How have you altered your life so that you have NO support? What are you willing to do about it?

Sally, may I suggest that you get thee to a 12 step program - Co-Dependents Anonymous, Al-Anon, Adult Children of Alcoholics... one of these. You see, they work with people who have difficulty separating themselves from another person. They can help you become clear about what you need, what you want, and what you won't tolerate. It doesn't matter if there is not an alcoholic in your life. What matters is that you are living your life absent from yourself. You have gotten yourself caught up in a bad situation, and you need support to help you tease out the most important thing you need to do, and what happens next and next and next.

I wish you luck, patience, and lots of big deep breaths to help you throught this difficult time, whatever decision you come to.

best,
sunshine



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Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

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RE: sad slave - 5/4/2011 5:34:54 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

quote:

From the way you presented this, I'd suggest that maybe you're not cut out for poly.

That is why I asked if they were poly for 7 years?  She sounds like she has a jealous and broken heart.  I can't imagine 7 years and suddenly he only has criticism and punishment for her.



Agreed, RS.  She's clearly upset and I get the feeling that her emotions could be causing her to slant the story.  I'd love to get his side of it.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ranja

you might still want to let the husband know... just out of spite



Oh, my GOD no!!!!!!!!!  That could destroy the marriage, and will demolish any trust that OP's Dom has in her.  Right now, there's still the chance that they could get back together.


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to ResidentSadist)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: sad slave - 5/4/2011 5:57:30 AM   
Charnegui


Posts: 1352
Joined: 5/1/2011
From: Puzzled
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

Oh, my GOD no!!!!!!!!!  That could destroy the marriage, and will demolish any trust that OP's Dom has in her.  Right now, there's still the chance that they could get back together.



Personally, based on this summier information and given state of mind of OP, I wouldn't even consider to get back together.
But I wouldn't be the snitch either.


< Message edited by Charnegui -- 5/4/2011 5:58:29 AM >

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There's a difference between my personality and my attitude; My personality is who I ám, my attitude depends on who you are.

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RE: sad slave - 5/4/2011 6:04:08 AM   
ranja


Posts: 2111
Joined: 11/1/2007
Status: offline

quote:

quote:

ORIGINAL: ranja

you might still want to let the husband know... just out of spite



Oh, my GOD no!!!!!!!!!  That could destroy the marriage, and will demolish any trust that OP's Dom has in her.  Right now, there's still the chance that they could get back together.



The trust is already gone... the op is miserable and it shows... she has tried to tell him, but he is obviously choosing the other woman over the op... otherwise he would stop his shenanigans with the married woman and concentrate on the op first
i think he had a 7 year itch, maybe caused by the op, but the married woman is scratching it... and he is enjoying it too much to pay attention to anything else.

i am generally against interfering in extra marital affairs... but the woman has dropped it on the op's doorstep... is rubbing her face in it getting her sex on with the op's man... if she is cheating- the married woman is not discreet, in effect she is asking for trouble
i do think it is a spiteful thing to drop somebody else in the shit, but if the op wants to safe her own... relationship... and is prepared to ruin the other woman to get her man back, well then she can consider taking steps to drop her into her own shit... the op could be sly about it and her master never need know it was her...
the trouble is would the master not be doing something similar to her again... is he even worth fighting(dirty) for...

(in reply to DarkSteven)
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RE: sad slave - 5/4/2011 6:07:22 AM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline 		While I agree in spirit with ranja, I agree in action with Steven (ah, so complicated).
I think ranja is correct that the trust is gone. However, acting spiteful is just going to make a bad situation worse, and the gal has to look in the mirror every day. I would hope she would have more dignity than that. Cheaters get found out. She doesn't have to shoot herself in her own foot.

Just a thought or two.

Good night folks,
sunshine

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

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RE: sad slave - 5/4/2011 6:20:49 AM   
ChatteParfaitt


Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline 		This seems like a very screwed up situation, but w/o more detail it's hard to advise the OP beyond "run, don't walk, away."

I wish she would come back with answers to some questions others have put to her. Hopefully that will happen, she seems to have created her current profile so she could start this thread and get some advice.






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