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fun2getspanked -> RE: Why Male Profiles Fail to Achieve Results (5/13/2006 11:55:17 PM)
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Okay, this one is for the fellas. Doesn't matter if your sub or dom, I see the same mistakes made over and over again.
First, remember you are one of literally thousands of men out there hitting on the women.
Second, remember there are only hundreds of women profiles for you to be hitting on. The ratio of women exploring bdsm to men wanting to explore bdsm is way out of kilter.
Okay, keeping that in mind, here are my top "drop him in the X basket, he's a waste of my time" profile writings:
1. Sex - keep any wordage about sex to a minimum. Sex is EASY for women. All she has to do is whisper the word in a high wind in the middle of a rain forest in some remote unknown corner of the earth...and she will have at least a dozen men lined up for it in the next 5 minutes. (I have tested this theory out, under slightly different conditions...trust me, it's true). The man who writes "I have a high sex drive. I am looking to broaden my sexual horizons with a like minded woman." is just plain stuffed. Fat chance! Like minded women who just want sex on the same basis as a man are as rare as a blue moon. Women are rarely driven into BDSM exploration for the sex. It just happens to be BETTER with BDSM...but sex is still easy, even here. What OTHER things do you have to offer her than your cock, which she can generally have her pick of?
2. Cock pictures - "Yawn" What's that phrase? See one, seen em all? I still haven't figured out this love affair men have with their cocks. Do you really see that as your most attractive feature?? Maybe seeing one isn't seeing them all (I AM aware they come in different sizes and colours) but really, after the 20th or 30th picture, they do tend to start to blur. I could wallpaper my house with the number of cock pictures I've seen. But since a picture of a cock just doesn't really do anything for me, I think I'll leave it the way it is.
3. Two line profiles - You know the type. "Hi, I'm new, I want to learn things. Message me." Very appealing. So much intellectual challenge there I'm starting to feel my brain cells rot. How many submissives do you think enjoy training newbie doms?? And just what are they getting out of it while they do? Oh, I forgot....his cock. And...even if you DO take one on (and I have), most the time they come to realise they just want kinky sex (what a surprise) and aren't interested in the deeper aspects of dominance and submission. There should be a rule that you can't write a profile until you actually have something to put in it. I have never understood how anyone could expect a response to a profile like that.
4. Two line emails - Even worse than the profile. You have taken the time to actually pull up an email to write to me...but then have nothing to say. I think my favorite is "Tell me something about yourself." Meaning really, "Tell me all about your dirty sex life so I can get off on it and I"ll tell you mine." That even tops the one I got that said..."I want to marry you." I simply wrote back to that one and said Master might object. You want to know something about me, take the time to peak my interest in YOU. Why are you writing me? Who are you? Why are you here? Why are you of any interest to me at all??? Why should I take time out of my busy day to write to you?
5. Boring profiles - Okay. You need to capture someone's attention. Be creative boys! This is your big sales pitch. And you have a hell of a lot of competition out there. BDSM is full of people looking for inventive and creative ways to enjoy life. If you write a boring profile, what does that say about your ability to be inventive in other areas? Trust me, she is looking for your personality in there. Sometimes I run across a particularly good profile and I will write to the guy telling him so. I think that much effort should be appreciated and applauded.
6. On offer - What the heck have you got to offer her besides great sex? How do you know she isn't already getting great sex? (We know you aren't...or you wouldn't be writing). Don't tell me about your great tongue, your big stiffy and your ability to bring the most frigid of women to her knees with your great sexual technique. Most girls are looking for the OTHER stuff. YES THERE IS OTHER STUFF! They want to know if you're honest, trustworthy, caring, committed, knowledgable, dominant, if there is something special about you (everyone has something special about them) and what you are looking for in BDSM aside from sex. Are you looking for service? What kind? Are you looking for play? Impact, bondage, temperature, medical? Sex is, after all, a given for a girl. She already knows you're going to want sex unless you've specifically stated you are looking for a non sexual relationship (and she won't believe that anyway until you prove it). She has already, by putting up her own profile, basically said she was also looking for interesting and/or great sex. It's a given. It's a moot point. Why do you spend so much effort and time talking about it? Move on and get to the stuff that interests HER. After all, it's her attention you are trying to get.
7. Familiar terms - This one puts my back right up. Darling, love, sweetheart, babycakes, pet, etc. I don't know you from adam. I am none of those things to you and you aren't hitting any of my softy buttons using them. Treat me like a person first, later I might be your pet and you can call me what you please. But this one goes to the X bin faster than any other. The lack of respect is palpable and respect is the underpinning of everything I live. You don't respect me, we don't need to talk.
So...there you go fellas. Seven things NOT to do with your profile. Girls, feel free to add things I've missed that make you X bin someones profile or email...aside from obvious rudity that is.
Wow, excellent points made here, and I know there are probably quite a few guys that read this and say "ah ha!". I don't think the post was meant to be male bashing at all. I suspect she (like many women here and on other sites) are just more than a little frustrated with the replies they/we get to our personal ads. We all put our ads up with the hope that we meet that very special someone to share our interests, lives, and fantasies with. It gets almost depressing to open up a ton of email (and yes, most women get tons and tons of emails from their ads compared to what probably most men get), and find that most of them are not what we even asked for in our ads. The penis shots, I am so glad you mentioned that. I too am so tired of opening pics, only to find a close up shot of some mans hairy privates. What the heck is up with that? Yes, most men like to look at naked women, and up close and personal vaginal shots seem to be great to many men. I don't know many women who look at penis shots and say or even think "hubba hubba". We aren't wired that way! When I get a penis shot in my email (or see that on an ad, with no other photos), I think that man doesn't know women very well. If he doesn't understand women very well, he is probably going to be less than fun in many areas. I also automatically assume that the person behind the penis shot believes he is his penis. That is SO boring!! Maybe if he was trying to attract a gay man it would make more sense, I dunno.
Photos make or break the deal for me as far as considering if I want to meet someone. I like to see a recent face photo that shows a happy and relaxed man. I agree on the "posed domly" photos being a tad silly. Just be yourself! I have met quite a few people over the last year from personal ads, in my quest for my spanking soulmate. I would say at least 80% of the time, the man has looked nothing like his photos. The biggest complaint I have is they usually were taken years ago! I expect a 40 year old to show up, and I get a guy who looks closer to 60. That is not a good thing guys! Please, please, please, look like your photos!! I look like my photos, in both face and body, and I do expect the same from the man I am considering meeting. If you false advertise with your photo, you have started the relationship out on a lie, and it can only go downhill from there. The honesty factor has already been breached, does this make sense?
And yes, I only have "bottom" shots on my profile (recent, BTW), as I am a spanko. I do exchange recent face shots with someone if I think we have chemistry and have a chance of sparks!
The other thing that turns me off (and again, this is just me) are one or two liner emails with a phone number that say "call me". Sorry, but I am not going to call some guy I don't have any information on. Make an effort. You found the site, you created some sort of profile, and you found me and emailed me. This is not the place to get lazy! Say something! Don't tell me you hate typing, and I need to call you. I will call you if and only if, we have both shared a couple of emails about ourselves and I think you sound like someone I would like to get to know better. Then and only then, will I call you or arrange a time to meet you for a drink or coffee.
Lastly, read my profile BEFORE you write! I pretty spell out in detail what works for me and what I am looking for. I am still surprised by the men who write me that have clearly not even read my profile (and it is not THAT long!). I am a spankoholic looking for another spanko, I am not a slave, not looking for a daddy, etc. I get zillions of men telling me they are perfect for me, that they will turn me into the perfect little slave slut, etc. HUH??? Why do they write, when my profile states I am NOT into that? Do they write to every woman, with the same stuff? I am not slamming them, I am more confused that this is a continual thing. If you don't fit what someone is looking for, don't write to them. It doesn't make sense. (to me anyway.)
And lastly, if I am not interested, don't go off on me, calling me a fake, or whatever. I know many ladies here are probably nodding their heads, LOL!! Hook ups don't happen for many, many reasons. It doesn't mean we think there is anything wrong with you, maybe you look like our brother, or write like our ex boyfriend, or say things in a way that doesn't work for us. That is compatability, or lack of. Just accept our "no thanks" gracefully and do not take it personally. Because it really isn't personal, as we haven't even met you yet! It does not mean we are not serious, it means we don't think we will work out. I know, that is a drag when it happens, but it happens to us too!
Anyway, great post, thanks for sharing! I hope it helps a few more people tweak their ads, photos and emails so that more people find each other! For that is why so many of us are here in the first place. To find that like minded person to explore this wonderful side to us :)
Best, Spanked
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