RE: Why Male Profiles Fail to Achieve Results

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Padriag -> RE: Why Male Profiles Fail to Achieve Results (5/11/2006 1:32:29 PM)
Just a few counter points... quote: ORIGINAL: allspicey Okay, this one is for the fellas. Doesn't matter if your sub or dom, I see the same mistakes made over and over again. First, remember you are one of literally thousands of men out there hitting on the women. And that alone is the chief obstacle for any man trying to contact any woman on this site through her personal ad alone. The fact that she may be receiving 100, 200, 300 or more emails per day is likely going to result in a) his one email being lost in the flood, b) her sending all but a very narrow range of emails from men to bulk mail. Until that problem is resolved, for men trying to contact women on this site solely through their personal ad is playing long odds. But... that has nothing to do with men's profiles so back to the topic. quote: Second, remember there are only hundreds of women profiles for you to be hitting on... Actually there are a few more than that, but why quibble. For me there are only dozens... but then I'm picky, I don't have any velcro collars and that expensive custom made collar isn't going to just anyone. As for your list, bit of counter advice to you and to all the other ladies. Stop wasting your time. The guys that would actually care enough to read all this... probably aren't guilty of any of it in the first place. They guys who are most guilty of it probably don't even read the forums and they surely don't read those rants in your blogs either... they don't care. So here's a short cut for you ladies, if he doesn't seem to care, neither should you... move on to the next one. The unpleasant fact is there are a lot of HNGs here who are about as dominant as my tea mug (don't ask, its sitting in front of me, first thing I thought of). I realize they pester you ladies to death... learn to ignore them. Block emails, put them on ignore in the chat rooms... move on. Wasting your energy on the negativity doesn't do anything good for you. Maybe the ranting helps you feel better, lets you blow off some steam. But here's a thought... its unattractive and unappealing. A few months ago I was contacted by a young lady. Like others, she has a lot of ranting to do about men, their emails, their profiles, etc. ad nauseum. She's apparently even created a web site devoted to this obsession. She wanted to know why I had added her to my favorites list but not contacted her (actually her tone came across as demanding), she thought it was rude. Now while I applaud any lady having the initiative to make first contact, being hostile isn't exactly a good approach. I calmly explained that the favorites list was simply a bookmark and that I was only considering contacting her, I hadn't decided yet... that didn't seem to sit well with her. Oddly enough I suspect that somewhere underneath all that anger there's a nice person who had let things get to her far too much. But frankly, I'm not inclined to dig through it to find it. I'm a creative person, I don't need hostility and anger in my life (its poison to my creativity), especially not from a potential slave. She was soon removed from my favorites list. Point being ladies, are you so busy being angry over the email you didn't want, that you miss what you were looking for completely? Are you so busy being angry that you are actually turning away the very dominant you were hoping to find? Too sum up ladies, don't worry so much about what various guys are doing wrong. Focus on the ones that are doing something right, that's where your attention should be if you want it to pay off for you. If there are really that many men with lousy profiles and lousy emailing habits (and I've seen enough to know that there are that many), then it ought to make the minority of us with nice profiles and good manners shine like stars. Which begs the question, why aren't you beating a path towards those stars? Go to the light.... go towards the light... Just a thought. Edited to remove something that on consideration I thought might embarass someone and that isn't my intention.

meatcleaver -> RE: Why Male Profiles Fail to Achieve Results (5/11/2006 1:41:49 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: caitlyn Well, I certainly didn't think I was advocating lying, ha-ha! I sort of thought I was advocating telling the truth ... you know, not every girl has a problem with guys just being horny, etc ... Well maybe lying is too strong a word but the truth isn't admitted to each other even though each knows what the other wants. The game has to be played for whatever reason.

Wulfchyld -> RE: Why Male Profiles Fail to Achieve Results (5/11/2006 1:44:12 PM)
No romance? WTF???? Can't I smack that hiney and love her too?

plantlady64 -> RE: Why Male Profiles Fail to Achieve Results (5/11/2006 2:00:48 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Rumtiger May I ask a favor then? because I think i've followed most rules...can someone look at my profile and tell me if i'm doing something wrong? Hi There, New, rather young, not completely ignorant, arms not quite toothpicks anymore is what I get from your profile. I'm not a Domme, but if I was that would just not thrill me at all. You (to me, cause you ask) seem insecure in yourself and like you're trying to prove something. If you put Relatively new to BDSM but very interested in finding a Mistress to train me instead of "had a couple of mistresses so am not completely ignorant" that might help for starters. Then I'd mention what activities and hobbies in vanilla life you have and maybe what special sub skills you'd like to share with a Domme. I think a more simply precise profile may help you a lot. I also wouldn't mention anything negative about your body or self in your current situation or past tense like you did about the photo being old. Good Luck, Suzanne

allspicey -> RE: Why Male Profiles Fail to Achieve Results (5/11/2006 3:06:47 PM)
After reading all the postings with interest I thought I might put in a word or ten about having created this thread in the first place. First I want to say that I am one of those people who doesn't actually use the terminology HNG, wanker, time waster, etc when talking about other people seeking. I actually believe everyone has the right to look for what they want and figure people are on here because they ARE seeking...something. They may be confused what it is, they may not know how to go about it, they may have a terrible approach pattern that makes them crash land every time...but they are simply the vast masses of humanity looking for something in all the ways we do that. As for horny men...LOL...I don't have a problem with them either! I figure most men are born horny and stay in that state most of the time. I work mostly with men and have great relationships with my colleagues. Being a tiny bit warped however, straight sex has no appeal to me, never had, even when I was young. Spent 10 years celibate after the birth of my daughter because I was simply too busy to be bothered. So if I do indulge the wants of the men around me, it's simply for their benefit and I'm usually left bored while they get on with it (please don't tell me that you are such an extraordinary lover you can change this, it's hardwired folks. My sexual buttons get pushed in other ways.) Because I actually like and (yes, it really is true) respect men for what and who they are, I enjoy hearing their view point of the world and in a social gathering you're more likely to find me talking with a group of men rather than women because I simply find the conversations more interesting and challenging. This post was an attempt at helping out the many, many men that I believe are out there genuinely looking but haven't a clue how to approach women through the medium of a profile in a manner that will engage her interest. Yes, it IS easier in person...but that isn't what this thread was about. It was about that first written impression. Someone likened it to a resume. Well...it is rather. There is a problem with this? Why? When I set my initial profile up on alt it was for the specific purpose of finding D/s longterm interaction. It wasn't for romance, it wasn't for love (gawd forbid) and it wasn't specifically for sex. When Master and I came together I told him I was not looking for a love relationship and wan't keen on developing that aspect. What I was looking for was specific. I wrote my profile to find that specific thing and I browsed only those profile that contained some reference to it. I especially appreciated those that could provide references (as I do myself). For me, the lifestyle is a very different beast than "normal" relationships and I don't approach it the same way. I think it wasn't until Master and I had been together a year that we referred to an outing as a "date" and that was more because his daughter said it and we thought it was funny. (He also told me rather quickly to get over the love thing, he did and I was stuck with it. We had many a "lively discussion" over it before I capitulated.) So there is my slant on things. I try to answer every email I get (when I popped a profile on here, I woke up to 30 emails the next day. I think I managed to answer them all in the first 24 hours). I try to be polite and simply redirect those that aren't looking for what I am. That's my strategy here and in real life. I simply can't see being annoyed by people being people. As I said, the thread was written in a fairly light hearted vein in a simple attempt to shed some light on those particular souls out there that might appreciate it. For those that aren't in need of such advice, my next advice is to ignore it as irrelevant data [:D] spicey

stevepops -> RE: Why Male Profiles Fail to Achieve Results (5/11/2006 3:18:26 PM)
YESSSSS!!!!!! What a great post. May I add to #4 "and please read and understand my profile before sending me an email" Cheers SP

Wulfchyld -> RE: Why Male Profiles Fail to Achieve Results (5/11/2006 4:09:19 PM)
Pulls out his seeds of discontent and sews them into everyone’s bellybuttons I will go ahead and pile the wood (almost said faggots, that would have caused an uproar) round my feet know and save you the trouble. Most of us here know that you cruise over profiles to troll for interesting stuff. Someone in your area, kinks of a feather, and so on and so forth. However, I know just as the rest of you that the merit of the person you are looking for isn’t in the profile it is in the forum posts. Reading the user’s posts reveals that what you truly want to know… the inner mind. So we can babble tirelessly over profiles but the bottom line is the truth is in their words and not their profile. Respectively

shygirldesires -> RE: Why Male Profiles Fail to Achieve Results (5/11/2006 4:13:25 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Kedikat What a load of crap. I see tons of the same things in females profiles. A few of the tips sound like encouragement to lie or obscure. I hope that profiles don't devolve to the level of " professional resumes ". I so seldom hear women ripping other women about their pussy shots, but there are many on such sites. And why should I spend a huge effort on an email that likely gets no reply? I drop a quick note, sometimes with something pertinant to their profile that struck me particularly( if they said much of anything in it ), and say to feel free to drop a quick reply. Occasionally a womans profile is inspiring enough for me to write more, and I do. Tit for Tat. I do state quite clearly in My profile about sexual submission. I don't consider that a minor detail that we can get around to after I might have hooked you. Some consider sex and BDSM to be quite separate, I don't, so I state it clearly. Maybe another reason that serious profiles, male or female get little response, is the number of cyber masturbators on line, with no intention to get real. i am not sure i would call all if this a load of crap...but i would agree some need to learn how to write profiles. Kedikat...your profile describes your wants, needs and desires succinctly...most don't cause they don't know their desires, needs, wants.And i agree, female profiles have the same issues going on ....my fav is "i am service oriented...will do anything to please my Master."so the question remains, what sort of "service" are you wanting to perform? domestic? then scrubbing the house with a toothbrush is a service you will obey readily? sexual? if you want sex 24/7 then be prepared to whore your body out cause it just ain't happening.... your mouth will not be attached to My cock when I get to work .... LOLOLOLthe answer always seems to be... well any kind of service.... duh...be specific???? pussy shots?...arggggg.... its against the rules to show close up body parts on profile ...but when asked for a pic...we get 5 or 6 naked shots with no face...well, what site was that copy and pasted from? And yes, most definitely i agree that sexual submission is definitely and uniquely different than just getting cock down at the club, so i disagree with the OP if it is sexual submission she is talking about when on the prowl for a fuck.and i DEFINITELY agree with the cyber masturbators (male and female) who just tease and have NO real intention to be genuinely present and ready when NOT in front of the puter screen.

meatcleaver -> RE: Why Male Profiles Fail to Achieve Results (5/11/2006 5:18:37 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Wulfchyld No romance? WTF???? Can't I smack that hiney and love her too? Of cause you can. Romance is a veneer, an illusion but we appear to need it. Skin life of the romantic veneer and we'd see the ugliness of it. That would be depressing. However, I maintain that that is all romance is, a veneer.

Chaingang -> RE: Why Male Profiles Fail to Achieve Results (5/11/2006 6:05:15 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: allspicey First I want to say that I am one of those people who doesn't actually use the terminology HNG, wanker, time waster, etc when talking about other people seeking. You've been on this site what - a couple of weeks? Give it time. At some point the rudeness, the disappearing profiles, the fake profiles, the dual sub/dom profiles, transgendered in the wrong category, etc. will make you believe in HNGs, wankers, and time wasters. There are ways to mitigate the amount of effort that might be wasted on such persons but the idea that they don't exist is simply absurd. My personal solution is to have a profile so devoid of content that only a brain damaged person would seek to contact me based solely on that. I am of course grateful for the many that have been kind and gracious to me privately based on what they perceive of me from the message boards - amazing, ain't it?!

Chaingang -> RE: Why Male Profiles Fail to Achieve Results (5/11/2006 6:08:07 PM)
Meatcleaver: Would you change your mind if you looked at your argument as pointedly raising the ancient issue of determinism versus free will? Just curious...

allspicey -> RE: Why Male Profiles Fail to Achieve Results (5/11/2006 6:26:06 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Chaingang You've been on this site what - a couple of weeks? LOL...Chaingang, I remember when this site was first built. I began my submissive journey almost 10 years ago with a lovely dominant who flew me to New York for a week with him after I'd chatted a couple of months in a room on Dalnet called #submission. I have been a regular in chatrooms and message boards since 1996 and had another profile here a couple of years ago. I've been active in the Melbourne Australia scene since I first arrived here 8 years ago including the rise and fall of such clubs as Dominion and Whiplash, the birth of Hush Now, Purgatory and Abode (and the immenent new club, Chains) and been part of as well as hosting discussion groups, munches, workshops and fun general events (like the car rally). I enjoy socialising with people in all available ways and I still love humanity with all it's quirks. Things would be so very boring without them [:D] This is simply the way I choose to view life and people and it's amazing how many people try to persuade me to their negative view by saying I don't have enough experience. After 44 years on this planet, I think I have a bit [:D] I simply don't see what they get out of being negative when I know I get a lot of joy and fun out of seeing the positives and enjoying people as they are. spicey

Chaingang -> RE: Why Male Profiles Fail to Achieve Results (5/11/2006 6:41:15 PM)
It's not a negative viewpoint, it's simply one that recognizes a very real problem with places such as CollarMe. You must be the first person to tell me she enjoys wasting her time - or do you simply mean to say that you use the same techniques we all do to avoid wasting time? If the former, well done Pollyanna. If the latter, you are no different from anyone else here in that regard.

feastie -> RE: Why Male Profiles Fail to Achieve Results (5/11/2006 6:49:10 PM)
Evelay, ouyat ightmay antway otay econsideray ethay igpay atinlay ingthay... A profile can't be all things to all people, but the OP did make some good points. I agree with just about everything she said, but will reiterate some and some of my own. We really have seen enough cock pics. Really, we have. We won't be interested in your little buddy until we're interested in YOU. Don't send pics of your "skill". Read that as, "Don't send pics of your current/previous partner, dressed, nude or otherwise." Just...don't. Don't send the pic taken from the angle of the camera pointing up your nose. Need I say more? Don't tell us how strict you are or how harshly you punish. Tell us about you as a person, the other stuff can come later. Tell us if you're married, engaged, have another girl collared...whatever. If you're new, then say you're new. It's really ok. Give us some honest info, but don't write a novel. Do not send your profile as your email. Send an email to introduce yourself; we'll take care of lookin at the profile if we're interested. Use regular, daily usage language. Refrain from using language that makes you sound like a reject from the Round Table. Most of all, just be yourself.

Padriag -> RE: Why Male Profiles Fail to Achieve Results (5/11/2006 6:55:31 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Chaingang quote: ORIGINAL: allspicey First I want to say that I am one of those people who doesn't actually use the terminology HNG, wanker, time waster, etc when talking about other people seeking. You've been on this site what - a couple of weeks? Give it time. At some point the rudeness, the disappearing profiles, the fake profiles, the dual sub/dom profiles, transgendered in the wrong category, etc. will make you believe in HNGs, wankers, and time wasters. There are ways to mitigate the amount of effort that might be wasted on such persons but the idea that they don't exist is simply absurd. My personal solution is to have a profile so devoid of content that only a brain damaged person would seek to contact me based solely on that. I am of course grateful for the many that have been kind and gracious to me privately based on what they perceive of me from the message boards - amazing, ain't it?! A little over ten years of chatting online, visiting various message boards, etc. and watching the names and faces change while the game remains the same taught me a few things. I may be a stubborn Irishman with an overly active Don Quixote complex, but after awhile even I stopped tilting at the windmills. HNGs certainly exist, fakes and liars definitely exist. When that young lady turns out to be a 32 year old house wife with two kids and issues, when that cocky dom turns out to be a 14 year old boy, when that 21 year old turns out to be a 15 year old girl using her older sister's pic (and worse she actually does live across town from you and wants to meet), yeah... you get just a tad jaded... wary... you learn that lots of things on here aren't what they seem. It gets even worse when you meet a young woman from New Zealand who says she really wants to be your slave, she's taken with you, thinks you're the bomb and happens to be drop dead gorgeous... and then all your "friends" tell you she's a fake, that she's playing around and playing you for a fool... so you confront her and it breaks her heart and she disappears... and just when you think its over and your online "friends" were right... six months later she shows up on vacation and wanted to meet you anyway. And you stand there slack jawed looking at a gorgeous young woman from New Zealand who used to want to be your slave, who was a walking wet dream... and for the second time she walks out of your life... and all because of the internet bullshit and backstabbing online friends, and you being dumb enough to trust people online you don't really know instead of keeping your cards close to the vest. Yeah, I been round this block a few times before. Its nice that Allspicey wants to help folks and give some guys a clue, I honestly to admire that in a person. I tilted at that windmill a few times myself. But in the long run not much, if anything changes, most of them don't want a clue... they just want a piece of cyber ass before their wife/husband/parents get home. Believing their all just misguided in their search for something is just being naive. A lot of them aren't misguided at all, but they'll mislead you in a heartbeat. Reality can be harsh... so can I. And before you paint me all cynical, bitching and moaning... I'm not. Anyone who knows me knows I'm still the eternal optimist. I still believe in romance and fairy tales, I know they can happen cause I've lived a few. I just know better than to think its all alright, there's some deep shit out there folks, watch where you step.

Wulfchyld -> RE: Why Male Profiles Fail to Achieve Results (5/11/2006 7:03:27 PM)
Verally feastie, thou art the scoundrel of thy threads. Thou doth lead’eth those wild strumpets into rebellion with thou wicked ways. Fain not listen unto she… the advocate of discontent. Obey thy Lords and ladies thou art vassals of thy forums. Smiling

BBBTBW -> RE: Why Male Profiles Fail to Achieve Results (5/11/2006 7:14:31 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: allspicey Okay, this one is for the fellas. Doesn't matter if your sub or dom, I see the same mistakes made over and over again. First, remember you are one of literally thousands of men out there hitting on the women. Second, remember there are only hundreds of women profiles for you to be hitting on. The ratio of women exploring bdsm to men wanting to explore bdsm is way out of kilter. Okay, keeping that in mind, here are my top "drop him in the X basket, he's a waste of my time" profile writings: I must say, I have to agree with all of your points. Fella's give us some MEAT and I don't mean PENIS'. If your penis is all you are about, what happens when even viagra doesn't work? Just because it is BDSM doesn't mean it is sex and only sex. I love to know the heartbeat of the men I involve myself with.

Rumtiger -> RE: Why Male Profiles Fail to Achieve Results (5/11/2006 7:25:13 PM)
I want to thank all the lovley ladies who contacted me when I asked for help, I've made a few changes to my profile, added more "meat" as it where, and I hope everything is right in the jungle lol.

feastie -> RE: Why Male Profiles Fail to Achieve Results (5/11/2006 8:03:52 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Wulfchyld Verally feastie, thou art the scoundrel of thy threads. Thou doth lead’eth those wild strumpets into rebellion with thou wicked ways. Fain not listen unto she… the advocate of discontent. Obey thy Lords and ladies thou art vassals of thy forums. Smiling yawnsssssssssssss

Vancouver_cinful -> RE: Why Male Profiles Fail to Achieve Results (5/11/2006 8:44:33 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Padriag Too sum up ladies, don't worry so much about what various guys are doing wrong. Focus on the ones that are doing something right, that's where your attention should be if you want it to pay off for you. Go to the light.... go towards the light... Kudos, Padriag, such a voice of reason you are What goes around, comes around. Keep true to yourself, keep positive, and eventually it'll all work out. All this focus on other people just gives them power over you. Cin

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