quote:

ORIGINAL: allspicey

Dominance, like submission, is a personal journey.  The best thing you can begin to do is educate yourself.  Submissives are looking both for personality and skill sets.  The skill sets you can begin to work on well before you find a sub (for instance, were you a Boy Scout? Are you handy with rope?  Do you know things like pressure points on the body to be able to do safe bondage?).

Books I'd highly recommend:
Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns - excellent first reading
S&M 101 - bit dry but technically brilliant
Loving Dominant - A great book about the psychological aspects of dominant

There are many many more good books out there but those are the first three I always recommend.  Find out about your local or near local BDSM clubs and gatherings.  Depending on where you are at, there should be something.  Munches are social gatherings, very good places to meet people and talk.  Don't hide that you are new!  Anyone with experience will figure it out in about 10 minutes anyway.  Take every opportunity to talk with people and to learn from them.  Sort it out as you go along, what you like, don't like, things that interest you for more exploration, things you decide are way to far out there for you.  Take advice the same way you do in any other aspect of life...with a grain of salt!  Get a couple of toys and practice, practice, practice.  If you want to use a flogger or a whip, find something like a post or even a pillow and practice until you can hit exactly where you want at the speed and intensity you want.  That will make you points!  If you aren't good with rope and don't want to be, limit your bondage to safer toys like leather cuffs and chain.

Again...learn learn learn everywhere you can.  Meet people, get to know them, accept help from other doms if they offer it.  The passing on of knowledge from one person to another is still, to me, the best way to learn.

Good luck!

spicey

quote:

ORIGINAL: DKNS

Hi
I'm a SWM, 41 years old, never really thought about this, until fairly recently, Now want to explore as a Dom. How do I start? What are subs looking for? In short, how do I explore this?  Let me ad that I've dated only since I hit my 30's, and only (count 'em!) 4 women.