Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

What'd I DO Wrong?


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> What'd I DO Wrong? Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
What'd I DO Wrong? - 5/10/2006 9:35:29 PM   
redtalldeb


Posts: 4
Joined: 12/7/2005
Status: offline 		My experience with the people of Collarme.com has been a positive experince.  But the man that directed me to site it has not been so positive.  I wonder if anyone could give me insite so I'd know how to put closure on it.  Regardless of what he says I ended up moving closer to him, he moved me with his trailer, he even discouraged my moving in with gf back home, discouraged talking to my son because he didnt help us to move which turned into 3 months of not talking.  When I did start talking to my son, man was yelling at me about "Who started that?"  It was a understanding that I would come down and until I got on my feet I would clean his house and work off any money I owned him.  He did replace my tires, gave me gas and kept receipts for everything.  He also told me to tell him price I would work for and keep track of my hours which I did not.  I have to say I'm on disability from working in a state max prison, was assaulted several times, but injuries are more to my mind.  I had severe panic/anxiety sydrome and depression.  I have short term memory loss also.  Okay I moved down, we probably go to bed twice, never the D/s.  He was telling me we'd start vanilla. I agreed, because it was all new to me but I was excited about the prospect. He told me soon after that it wasn't working as a relationship, even though we could continure to cuddle naked?  That stopped within a couple weeks.  Anyways I became concerned when he mentioned it more and more, I ask if there was chance for a relationship, he said yes that he was still attracted to me.  But then I made wrong comment about female friend that he spent time with every week. I wasn't jeaulous just making observation because she was gone to Mexico getting married, its during this time that I made comment and that was it!, HE hit the roof and came over to my house screaming so I had neighbors ask afterwards if all was okay. , "Said I am done with you!" "I'll give you bill for money you owe me and under circumstances I'll keep your furniture until total is paid off."  To tell you the truth I fell in love with him, probably rebound who knows, but there was alot to love.  I am stluck in this town, he feels no responsibility for that, I had been writing emails to him, for most part he ignors. (I've called a total of 3 times in the last 2 weeks) Said he had health issues tonite, that I'm one that made choice about not getting back together, so of course I write letter back saying please call me, please talk to me, thats what friends are for, we can forgive and forget and for about fourth time he says you just don't give up!  But its like he gives me a inch then I run with it.  I want to walk away, it is hard, I am alone in this city, I am not doing well fiancially, I'd rather be with my family and friends.  What did I do wrong?   Anyone says take it as a lesson and I'm going to scream.  I'm going to be 49 next month and have had enough life lessons.  I did look at this as new start, have lost a beloved brother, 2 dogs, my house and cars all within the last year.  This is not the start I wanted.  He did ask me to make a list tonite of things I needed, he actually knows their pretty much all in his 30 foot trailer.  So what is wrong with me????
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: What'd I DO Wrong? - 5/10/2006 9:47:01 PM   
NakedOnMyChain


Posts: 2431
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: Indiana
Status: offline 		I am so sorry to hear about your situation.  It sounds as though you gave too much trust too quickly, and it was abused.  I have to ask you an important question, though.  At any point did you sign a written contract with him where your possessions and work are concerned?  If you didn't, then he is illegally holding your belongings.  I would write him a notarized letter that states as much, and if he still won't return them, get the police involved.  It sucks, because it sounds like you still love him, but he took advantage of you and you need to stand up for yourself.  It'll hurt like hell, but I advise discontinuing all but official contact with him. 

In the meantime, contact any friends and family you might have and see if they can help you get back on your feet, or at least out of town.  You need your loved ones now more than ever.  Good luck with everything.

_____________________________

"Oh, it's torture, but I'm almost there."
~The Cure

"I ask for so little. Just fear me, love me, do as I say, and I will be your slave."
~The Labyrinth

(in reply to redtalldeb)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: What'd I DO Wrong? - 5/10/2006 9:54:03 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		It sounds like you have had a bad time, but anyone that would try to keep you from talking to your kids (short of your children being some sort of physical threat to your person) is nothing but an abuser... period, end of story. Never quit talking to family because some new man in your life has decreed that you should, that is not what a dom does, that is what an a**hole does... thats my opinion, but I could be wrong and all that jazz .

I would try to call the cops and have them escort me to get my things from the trailer if he is not willing to let you have them.

< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 5/10/2006 9:56:38 PM >

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to NakedOnMyChain)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: What'd I DO Wrong? - 5/10/2006 10:20:38 PM   
buffiyum


Posts: 119
Status: offline 		redtalldeb.....
Sometimes it is very hard to keep the temper in check when one read of things on the threads..... one wish very much to go there and pound the living shit out of that One after reading this what you wrote.
That is not going to happen but one hope very much, if you didnot have any written contract with that man, that you go to a Notary of the Public (well  that is what they are call here in canada), and do as the 'NakedOnMyChain' Lady suggested.
That man is not a good man, and you need ones who truly care about you, around you now k?
As juliaoceania mention too, anyone who would try to keep you from contacte with your own children (unless the child is abusive to you yup), is an abuser. That man is not someone you (or anyone else actually), should be with as it sounds as if he has major issues which are not going to go away, any time soon without a lot of therapy or (in his case), perhaps a frontal lobotomy.  It is a pity that you have grown to love him but one also understand how that occur too - you need to love you as well though k?
you gonna have to be strong here luv and to do that you need to get some supports in place (eg. family, and friends - and sometimes that may mean maybe having to say that you made a mistake - and thats ok because we all make mistakes).
you need your stuff back and you need your life back. Guess what? buffy believe, that you will!
*rooting for you up on vancouver island*
this is buffiyum

< Message edited by buffiyum -- 5/10/2006 10:23:40 PM >

(in reply to redtalldeb)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: What'd I DO Wrong? - 5/10/2006 10:34:06 PM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline 		(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
 


_____________________________


Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."




(in reply to buffiyum)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: What'd I DO Wrong? - 5/10/2006 11:16:31 PM   
redtalldeb


Posts: 4
Joined: 12/7/2005
Status: offline 		NakedOnMyChain, juliaoceania ,buffiyum and crouchingtigress.   Thank-you so much.  By the time I got to the last post I was crying again. But this was relief I think that I'm normal, that maybe he has issues I just never saw.  I never signed a written contract but he says I violated the verbal contract by not showing up.  I think this is convient memory on his part,  I didn't show up for 1 week because I was absorbing the friend bit and another week-end in which my dog that was also staying with him got killed in road.   We much later had decided on Mondays, on one monday I told him I couldn't make it, mammogram, bloodtests and another visit to sick mother.  Email tonite was:  just can't leave it alone can you....  ok lets put an end.... give me a list .... a final list and I will let you know when it is gathered up and you can comeget it on a date certain..... all is lost  
I probably did write 3 times after that, One was Whats lost?  I didn't understand that.  Another one was previous letter he said it was my decision to break off? thats where I told him I more than cared for him which I never verbalized.   So I wrote him another one about I will get you list tomorrow.  I was prepared to take him to small claims but really thought I could salvage something.  So thats when he said he had personal problems at the moment.  I don't know it could be weight or test he was having this week.  Or another excuse.  Anyways, I'm also sign lease for this place, but was told today depending on circumstances maybe I could get out of it.  SO, I then would have to figure out how to move stuff back without the use of his trailer. LOL  Oh WEll  LIke I said, you all gave me much relief and alot of joy that it wasn't me.  At easter I did salvage relationship with my son which was joyful.  Family and friends have been my support system via cell phone. They know of situation and will help if they can.  Thank you.  DEB




(in reply to crouchingtigress)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: What'd I DO Wrong? - 5/10/2006 11:23:43 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline 		Deb,

You'll want to double check the laws in your state, but in most places, he can't legally keep your belongings because of a debt. You need to get them and get them fast. The best way to do this is to call a cop to go to the home with you and take your stuff. He'll have the option of suing you later in small claims (or a higher court if your bill to him is over your states legal limit) but he'll have to prove that the money he gave to you was a loan and not a gift. You can try making payment arrangements with him if you feel you do owe him money, which is what I would suggest if it's possible, but don't leave your stuff there! Perhaps, if you have no room right now, you can put it into a storage unit. If he refuses to give you back your stuff, then you have the option of suing HIM in court. Don't let anyone bully you. You have rights! Try contacting legal aid if you need some further help with things like paperwork. A lot of places do pro bono work or have sliding fee scales and it sounds like you would qualify for assistance.

I wish you the BEST of luck! Please, at the very least, call legal aid. You deserve to have your things with you.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to redtalldeb)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: What'd I DO Wrong? - 5/11/2006 3:52:26 AM   
becca333


Posts: 1050
Joined: 4/11/2006
Status: offline 		You deserve way better than that, and than him.  Get your stuff back, and make a true, fresh start without him. Reconnect with your kids, look around and find your feet, then start building a good life.

And, as I said before, you deserve way better than him.  NOTHING he did with or for you is worth the way he treated you.

(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: What'd I DO Wrong? - 5/11/2006 4:01:25 AM   
Kedikat


Posts: 680
Joined: 4/20/2006
Status: offline 		Sounds like a weak person, using control over you to feel strong.
Some friends of friends are in this situation. Control, not for the erotic BDSM passion of it, but as a crutch for a weak person.
If your partner is afraid to let you interact with the world, it is usually because they fear the world will show you what a strong good person is. So they try to keep you from it, so they won't be revealed for the fearful small person they are.

(in reply to becca333)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: What'd I DO Wrong? - 5/11/2006 4:03:52 AM   
slavejali


Posts: 2918
Status: offline 		i don't really know what to say except for... I wish you all the best.

_____________________________

Freedom in Bondage

Different Strokes for Different Folks

"I'll always have a *soft spot* for Sadists"

(in reply to Kedikat)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: What'd I DO Wrong? - 5/11/2006 4:21:44 AM   
feastie


Posts: 1793
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline 		Ask one of your family or friends to come stand beside you.  You need some support to get your belongings.  Bita is correct, he most likely cannot hold your personal belongings because you owe him money.  Since you have no written agreement between you regarding what you may or may not owe him, his receipts may be viewed as gift receipts and you do not owe him a dime.  You need to check that out.  You also need to contact the police or sheriff's department, as applicable, to make the gentleman allow you to get your personal belongings.

Best of luck to you.

_____________________________

Snarky and loving it.

Disclaimer: Any views expressed in any post are my opinions only. They may or may not be yours.

(in reply to slavejali)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: What'd I DO Wrong? - 5/11/2006 5:06:31 AM   
Kendra


Posts: 92
Joined: 5/17/2005
Status: offline 		Shoot the dog and bury his sorry carcase in the desert !

or

do what the  other ladies suggest  above...
I would just shoot him then you get everything....

_____________________________

kendra... freedom through submission......

(in reply to feastie)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: What'd I DO Wrong? - 5/11/2006 5:18:11 AM   
UtopianRanger


Posts: 3251
Status: offline
quote:

My experience with the people of Collarme.com has been a positive experince.  But the man that directed me to site it has not been so positive.  I wonder if anyone could give me insite so I'd know how to put closure on it.


Celeste and Feastie have given you some excellent advice - I'd go with it!


Good luck!


 - R




_____________________________

"If you are going to win any battle, you have to do one thing. You have to make the mind run the body. Never let the body tell the mind what to do... the body is never tired if the mind is not tired."

-General George S. Patton


(in reply to redtalldeb)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: What'd I DO Wrong? - 5/11/2006 5:36:02 AM   
piscess


Posts: 101
Joined: 5/10/2006
Status: offline 		Sorry for all of this Deb.

You have received great advice here.  Please use it.

Most court houses have a 'lawyer of the day'.  You may need to wait a couple of hours to see him, but he will know your rights for the state you are in.  Other suggestions are:

Don't contact him through email anymore.
Speak with the police and lawyer about the items he has.
Call your family and ask for help to get home.

If there was any mistake made here, it was just that you trusted a jerk.  Lesson: maybe not to trust so quickly next time.  It is best in long distance relationships to meet several times before making a commitment to move to the other. 

Good luck,
piscess

(in reply to redtalldeb)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: What'd I DO Wrong? - 5/11/2006 5:39:19 AM   
Wulfchyld


Posts: 2618
Joined: 12/7/2005
Status: offline 		By all means correct me if I am wrong here. I was under the impression that Internet fraud included someone inviting you into a life that they represent one way and turns out to be a different way, much like you describe. As I understand it, again please correct me if I am wrong, that it will become his financial burden to return you to the life you left. If anyone knows the facts or can dig up the facts please do so. Again I state I could be wrong and have no facts to base this on and If anyone can confirm or refute this, please dive in.

_____________________________

Loki, forum god of Mischief

Submission is not a gift... it is plunder!
Where there is a whip, there is a way!
Dom/mes of a feather, beat the f*ck out of slaves together


(in reply to UtopianRanger)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: What'd I DO Wrong? - 5/11/2006 7:05:01 AM   
Proprietrix


Posts: 756
Joined: 7/15/2005
From: Ohio/West Virginia
Status: offline 		I went through the situation of someone keeping my belongings & furnishings when I moved out of their house. I went to the police. They said property is a civil matter and without a warrant, they cannot go into the home to retrieve possessions. In retrospect, I agree with that law. I wouldn't want the police to have the option of waltzing in *my* home without a warrant and retrieving anything someone else claimed was theirs.

You can get a civil attorney to hash it out in court, but I would advise you to think about it first. Is it worth your time (months to a year), money (to pay the civil atty, court costs, etc.), energy, and continued involvement with this man, to get your sofa? For me, it wasn't worth it. Material possessions are replaceable. You aren't. And in a strange way, there comes a sense of accomplishment and independence as you slowly replace those material possessions on your own.

I'd also advise you reconnect with family. We all make mistakes and even if they don't understand, they might welcome you back and help you get on your feet. If family can't help, there are organizations. If you are on disability, you might qualify for other social assistance, like housing, and free counseling (which often comes with case managers who know what's available out there.) Sometimes if you spend the night in a homeless shelter, you automatically qualify for expediated services.

As with any painful situation, it's often more productive to look forward instead of looking back or dwelling in the present rat trap. Trust yourself to take control of your life.  Good luck to ya! 

_____________________________

IMO, IMHO, YMMV, AFAIK, to me, I see it as, from my perspective, it's been my experience, I only speak for myself, (and all other disclaimers here).

(in reply to redtalldeb)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: What'd I DO Wrong? - 5/11/2006 7:45:13 AM   
Tamerofwild1s


Posts: 1765
Joined: 12/5/2004
Status: offline 		I happen to read this today. this "gentleman is a sorry excuse for a Dom. first off we often come into relationships with children ... as a Dom it would have been the right thing to do to help you make a better life with your children. they were there first and should have importance. it sounded like his weakness in himself and his Dominance could only be corrected if he made you leave everything you were behind. His making you give him your belongings was his way of making sure he kept his control over you .. if he leaves you weakened and defenseless he thinks you will come cowtow to him. unless there is an actual written contract between the two of you signed and notorized by someone then verbal agreements don't mean anything.you have full right to get all your belongings back. this man was using you in a very bad way and gives true Doms and Masters a bad name .. I truely feel for your situation and wish there was something I could do to help. let him know by e-mail and keep accurate records of everything said back and forth let him know if ALL your possesions are not returned in the condition he took them then you will go to court with this and you will sue him not only for your belongings but court costs ... costs to purchase new belongings of likeness and storage fees for those belongings. you maybe a submissive or a slave but it doesn't mean he can walk all over you. it's goodto hear your healing things with your family and son .. thats a very important step .... and ask him this also . how will he feel when you start telling everyone of what an abusive jackass he really is. good luck with your future . hold your head high and walk with a smile your journey will get better.

(in reply to redtalldeb)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: What'd I DO Wrong? - 5/11/2006 8:54:39 AM   
masterdeltafire


Posts: 81
Joined: 9/26/2005
Status: offline 		Sorry for your bad experience.  Been there once, done that, got the t-shirt on going through it. 

As for courts,  good luck with that idea.  If you can back it with testimony from family and friends, work, and all, you have a chance.  It becomes his word against your's though which is hard to prove.

I do not envy you. I went through this for three years in a relationship.  I got trapped financially and once that happens there is not much you can do, especially since the girl in question in my case was so psychotic she cheered the death of my sister in law, if that tells anything.

Take it one day at a time. work ont he family bonds tand make them strong again.  You need family in your life, and it is a good sign they are still there.  Rebuild, learn from all of this, and keep going.  As for the predator who did this, I would love to see his ars in jail for doing this to you.

Good luck on things.  Hope things get better for you.







< Message edited by masterdeltafire -- 5/11/2006 9:02:24 AM >

(in reply to Tamerofwild1s)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: What'd I DO Wrong? - 5/11/2006 9:06:42 AM   
darq


Posts: 443
Joined: 4/21/2006
From: under a rock
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: redtalldeb

My experience with the people of Collarme.com has been a positive experince.  But the man that directed me to site it has not been so positive.  I wonder if anyone could give me insite so I'd know how to put closure on it.  Regardless of what he says I ended up moving closer to him, he moved me with his trailer, he even discouraged my moving in with gf back home, discouraged talking to my son because he didnt help us to move which turned into 3 months of not talking.  When I did start talking to my son, man was yelling at me about "Who started that?"  It was a understanding that I would come down and until I got on my feet I would clean his house and work off any money I owned him.  He did replace my tires, gave me gas and kept receipts for everything.  He also told me to tell him price I would work for and keep track of my hours which I did not.  I have to say I'm on disability from working in a state max prison, was assaulted several times, but injuries are more to my mind.  I had severe panic/anxiety sydrome and depression.  I have short term memory loss also.  Okay I moved down, we probably go to bed twice, never the D/s.  He was telling me we'd start vanilla. I agreed, because it was all new to me but I was excited about the prospect. He told me soon after that it wasn't working as a relationship, even though we could continure to cuddle naked?  That stopped within a couple weeks.  Anyways I became concerned when he mentioned it more and more, I ask if there was chance for a relationship, he said yes that he was still attracted to me.  But then I made wrong comment about female friend that he spent time with every week. I wasn't jeaulous just making observation because she was gone to Mexico getting married, its during this time that I made comment and that was it!, HE hit the roof and came over to my house screaming so I had neighbors ask afterwards if all was okay. , "Said I am done with you!" "I'll give you bill for money you owe me and under circumstances I'll keep your furniture until total is paid off."  To tell you the truth I fell in love with him, probably rebound who knows, but there was alot to love.  I am stluck in this town, he feels no responsibility for that, I had been writing emails to him, for most part he ignors. (I've called a total of 3 times in the last 2 weeks) Said he had health issues tonite, that I'm one that made choice about not getting back together, so of course I write letter back saying please call me, please talk to me, thats what friends are for, we can forgive and forget and for about fourth time he says you just don't give up!  But its like he gives me a inch then I run with it.  I want to walk away, it is hard, I am alone in this city, I am not doing well fiancially, I'd rather be with my family and friends.  What did I do wrong?   Anyone says take it as a lesson and I'm going to scream.  I'm going to be 49 next month and have had enough life lessons.  I did look at this as new start, have lost a beloved brother, 2 dogs, my house and cars all within the last year.  This is not the start I wanted.  He did ask me to make a list tonite of things I needed, he actually knows their pretty much all in his 30 foot trailer.  So what is wrong with me????


Please don't take this the wrong way ...

I've done it myself ...

What I keep seeing over and over in your post is a victim mentality.

There's nothing *wrong* with you so don't think like that. Its just counter productive in the long run.

Yes, you're in a terrible situation right now and I'm so very sorry that you find yourself stuck for now. You trusted too quickly and you have been abused but now its up to you to change that situation. You clearly see whats happening, you know you're unhappy with it and its not healthy for you to remain there so what are you going to do about it?

I don't mean to sound rude or harsh but I've been in the same position you're in. I stayed in that position until I went to a support group and the first thing I was asked was, OK now what do you plan to do about this?

Being asked, so point blank, made me realize that I am responsible for my choices in life. If I get hurt, yes its a bad thing but its up to me to pick myself back up and learn from that experience. You cannot change him. You cannot go back and undo whats been done.

You can, however, pick up the pieces, chalk this up to one of life's lessons and progress.

Go ahead and scream if it makes you feel better ...

Ok, so you said you'd rather be with your family and friends. Is there any way they can send you a bus ticket so you can get back to them then? You said you've lost the dogs, the cars, the house ... Whats left? Yourself and your family and friends ... It sounds like you need that support system.

Get back to your family and friends, soak up a little love and regain you strength and then get the police involved if you need to and get your life back! There's no easy way around this but it is possible to progress from victim to survivor to overcomer ...

Please don't get too down on yourself. It happens to the best of us.

_____________________________

So you found a girl who thinks really deep thoughts ...
Tell me, whats so amazing about really deep thoughts?

I speak my mind because it hurts to bite my tongue.

(in reply to redtalldeb)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: What'd I DO Wrong? - 5/11/2006 11:55:25 AM   
LadiesBladewing


Posts: 944
Joined: 8/31/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: redtalldeb

What did I do wrong?   Anyone says take it as a lesson and I'm going to scream.  I'm going to be 49 next month and have had enough life lessons.  I did look at this as new start, have lost a beloved brother, 2 dogs, my house and cars all within the last year.  This is not the start I wanted.  He did ask me to make a list tonite of things I needed, he actually knows their pretty much all in his 30 foot trailer.  So what is wrong with me????


This is probably going to be one of those posts you either get angry at or skip, but I hope that you read it through and get something from it.

You say that you're 49 years old and don't need any more life-lessons... well, we stop learning, we start dying. This -is- a life-lesson, and if you don't want to use it for what it's worth, you won't get anything of value out of a really sucky experience, and will just end up making the same mistakes all over again.

What did you do wrong? 1. You didn't listen to your instincts or the voices inside the 1st, 2nd, 3rd or -more- times this guy went off in a direction you weren't willing to go. Next time you start looking, take your time. If he can't wait for you to be ready, and -you- can't wait to be sure this is a smart move (including making sure that you have a job and a place to live that -doesn't- depend on the new "master" until you're sure of the situation), you don't need to -be- in that situation. It -may- turn out ok, but in 85% of the cases or more, it doesn't... so go with the odds.

2. Never give up your contact with the people who already ground you. You may not like what they say, if your heart is going pitter-patter and you think you have the master of your dreams, but, in most cases, they are seeing things from the -right- side of Oz's curtain, and can help you from making huge mistakes like this again.

3. Call the cops. If they're willing to help you get your stuff (usually, in my experience, where there is no marriage involved, they just stand around outside while you go in and get your stuff, then they confirm with the homeowner that the stuff you've taken is yours --oh.. bring a witness for your side, and pictures of your property if you want to get to go home with anything --, and keep violence from breaking out at the scene. They don't actually go in and get anything.

If your local cops aren't willing to help, let the stuff go and just get the heck out of there. Stop emailing the dude and stop calling or writing. He isn't worth your time, and you're only going to end up frustrated and hurt, because he's NOT your friend and has no interest in helping you to get your life together.

3. Invest in yourself. A one-way bus ticket, with a week's advanced purchase, is less than $100.00 to anywhere in the States. That's a week's groceries, so be prepared to do the mac/cheese and rice/beans shuffle... but your appetite for life is going to die if you stay where you are.

4. When you get back with your support system, get help. Find a minister, therapist, analyst or something who works on a sliding scale near where you live (to keep transportation costs down) and get into a group to help you build your self esteem.

As another self-esteem builder, -volunteer-. Use some of that serving energy you have and give it to the community. The kudos and appreciation will help you to respect what it is that you're offering in future relationships.

5. Last, but not least, don't tell people that you ask for advice not to give you advice that you don't want to hear. Telling you what you -don't- want to hear, and doing it in a way that still respects that you are a human being, with feelings and providing validation for the things you already -know- so that you can USE the information is part of being a good friend. If our friends are only telling us what we want to hear, we're not getting the full story from the very people that we depend on to be on our side and to steer us out of trouble.

Hopefully, the next time this comes up, you'll have a circle of friends and a clear game plan so you won't leave yourself to be victimized -- you'll make better choices and come out ahead.

Lady Zephyr

_____________________________


"Should have", "could have", "would have" and "can't" may be the most dangerous phrases in the English language.
Bladewing Enclave

(in reply to redtalldeb)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> What'd I DO Wrong? Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.107