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RE: Spice or No Spice??? - 5/11/2011 4:17:30 PM

littlewonder

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Aynne88

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana

Toys are fun and all, but the greatest spice remains touch.

Yes. I don't need a single toy or accroutement. I need his huge hands around my throat, a firm slap, or even a yank of my hair when he growls he is going to "hurt me." I hate seeing these posed photos of Doms with 50 toys spread out on their bed....it's so "Hey look what I can do!" No thanks. I like pain, and I like feeling at his hands. Too many gadgets and toys irritate me. Planning a scene would ruin all the spontanaity for me, and it makes me feel foolish like I am choregraphing what should come so primally I guess. Dressing up, well, I usually wear pretty sexy underthings anyway, so that's not an issue.

He is my spice, what we do together is the key to this, not what we use to do it with. Him and a room, that's it. I'm all set with that.

Oh yeah..his hands, his body, his mind...all I really need. <swoons and shudders just thinking about that>

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RE: Spice or No Spice??? - 5/11/2011 4:43:19 PM

mummyman321

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When I started this thread I fully expected people on both side and inbetween and we see that. The one thing that suprised me were the people who wanted less spice after as they gained more experience or as their relationship grew over time.

I have experienced the opposite effect, where I want more. I am not 100% sure why but I suspect it is due to my experience level. As time has progressed so have me experiences in BDSM like most people. My pain tolerence has grown greatly, so has my endurance level and my mental acuity. Remember I approached this from the standpoint that the Spice led to sensory overload for me. So now as time has progressed is takes much more to acheive sensory overload on my mind and body. Sort of like a drug. You are always wanting a little bit more.

For clarification, I am not seeking this all the time/everytime. But I defintely enjoy it on a regular basis.

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RE: Spice or No Spice??? - 5/11/2011 5:54:40 PM

littlewonder

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maybe you're an adrenaline junkie

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RE: Spice or No Spice??? - 5/11/2011 7:35:23 PM

mummyman321

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Not sure if it is adrenaline rush or endorphine high? Probably both!

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RE: Spice or No Spice??? - 5/11/2011 11:21:13 PM

SexyBossyBBW

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quote:

The Spice ( the outfits, the toys, the gadgets, her mannerisms etc) all feed into the sensory overload whether they are actually used or not. At this point the last item is the mind fuck ( pardon my French). What is going to happen next? Will it be a quiet evening of serving? Will it be enduring night of torment? Will it be sensory deprivation? The mind is going full tilt trying to process all the sensory inputs.

No spice for me, in terms of toys, outfits, etc,

I've bought a few pieces in the past, but honestly, they are not what would make a relationship, for me.
The basic relationship, with obedience, and mutual understanding of expectations, is how I would roll. M

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RE: Spice or No Spice??? - 5/12/2011 5:52:55 AM

submitting4U

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For a time in my life I repeatedly partook in corporal scenes like the one in my profile. During that time, I was addicted to the adrenaline rush of being whipped and caned ... so much so, I would physically hurt from the withdrawal between video clips ... That scene was never sensual for me while I often noticed that Dominas were "wet" and aroused while beating me and that other men on the set had erections during the beatings. For me, I separate play that is harshly physical from sensual strict domination. For me, the "spice" is the latter ...

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RE: Spice or No Spice??? - 5/12/2011 1:03:30 PM

mummyman321

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SexyBossyBBW

quote:

The Spice ( the outfits, the toys, the gadgets, her mannerisms etc) all feed into the sensory overload whether they are actually used or not. At this point the last item is the mind fuck ( pardon my French). What is going to happen next? Will it be a quiet evening of serving? Will it be enduring night of torment? Will it be sensory deprivation? The mind is going full tilt trying to process all the sensory inputs.
No spice for me, in terms of toys, outfits, etc,

I've bought a few pieces in the past, but honestly, they are not what would make a relationship, for me.
The basic relationship, with obedience, and mutual understanding of expectations, is how I would roll. M

Sexy,
I would hope that no relationship was ever based on the toys, outfits etc. Spice is merely something to add once in a while for added fun. Variety the the Spice of life and I like a lot of varierty. I like playing the full range, so that include toys and outfits sometimes, to the simplist and most basic of scenes :)

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RE: Spice or No Spice??? - 5/12/2011 1:09:14 PM

LadyConstanze

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It's nice to have toys around in case you want to use them, it's just another option and something dressing up and getting ready to use all the toys is pretty much of an excitement itself...

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RE: Spice or No Spice??? - 5/12/2011 7:46:31 PM

jewelsthepoet

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quote:

ORIGINAL: mummyman321

quote:

ORIGINAL: jewelsthepoet

i personally like a little spice. i can't do the pain stuff, but i like the idea of the skimpy outfits my Dom/Daddy may make me wear, the blindfolds, the restraints.... i am more into the role-play than anything else, and the little details can matter a lot. All those little things that help build up that scene can make a huge difference for me.

I can honestly say I was not into the pain part either when I first got involved. But see what 20 years in the lifestyle will do! I do now have a high tolerance for pain but I do not consider myself a pain slut. Its those little things that distract your mind from feeling the pain. Getting it to the point where I actually cannot tell the difference between pain and pleasure. What I like to call ultimate sub space

I have fibromyalgia, a condition which causes increased sensitivity to pain. What would register as a virtually no pain situation for the average person is moderate or worse pain for me, thus the lack of interest in pain related activities.

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RE: Spice or No Spice??? - 5/12/2011 7:48:54 PM

gothikbutterfly

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THE HOTTER THE BETTER!

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RE: Spice or No Spice??? - 5/12/2011 7:51:15 PM

jewelsthepoet

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

No spice please. Sensory overload isn't pleasurable to me. Mind fucks cause panic attacks. For me it's the emotional connection with The Man. And sensory deprivation is more likely to elicit a good reaction from me. Bondage, gags, blindfold. If there's music it has to be soft and without vocals. The less other input, the more I can focus on him and what he wants from me.

I kind of agree with you here, except if there's any noise besides his voice and my screaming, i can't concentrate on anything. I like the mild sensory deprivation, blindfold, bondage, sometimes even ear plugs, but not the gagging... that will put me into a panic attack because if something goes wrong, i can't use my voice to speak up and i'm not very good with hand signals when tied up lol

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RE: Spice or No Spice??? - 5/12/2011 8:13:15 PM

PdxJ

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I love the toys - no, I don't use them daily or even for weeks on end sometimes but there is something special about the feel of a flogger in my hand and the sound of it cracking across a subs back.
Sometimes, nothing else but a tightly bound sub and hours of tormenting them (via toys) will do.

As far as the outfits, etc - IMO that is just extreme. I have never and will never buy one or wear one nor will I buy one for a sub.

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RE: Spice or No Spice??? - 5/12/2011 9:50:53 PM

AttendToYou

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Good original post and I think you did a good job getting into the meaning behind all the "spice." That is helpful for someone like me who is generally not into all that stuff. I have to admit that I have often equated it with a lack of imagination, but your post has convinced me not to judge so harshly. Some folks are just wired differently and enjoy things differently.

My all-time fear is that a mistress will walk into the room with some fancy leather outfit, expecting it to do wonders for me and get me excited or afraid or something, and I'd be embarassed for both myself and for her how unaffected I would be by it. Now, if through her clothing she was able to channel a different attitude, that would be different, but for me it is all about the attiude and not about the trappings. The "spice" is a means to an end, but not an end itself.

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RE: Spice or No Spice??? - 5/12/2011 10:41:35 PM

SexyBossyBBW

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse
I can totally live without all the gadgets and crap cluttering up my life.

I would much rather use my imagination and utilize what is at hand.

Much like this, I don't want to worry about spice.
When I've met the right person, simply being, is spicy enough.... Than my imagination, or his imagination brings us to a playful place, where there is still the feeling of a quiet dominance and submission dance.

I have a couple of outfits, and a few toys, I bought, before I knew who I was, and how I wanted to live. Those things, are no longer necessary, though there may be a day, someday...
Spice, to me, happens when similar minds, and chemistries come together. It's a taste, a feel, it is not any particular thing. M

< Message edited by SexyBossyBBW -- 5/12/2011 10:45:04 PM >

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RE: Spice or No Spice??? - 5/12/2011 10:54:56 PM

jewelsthepoet

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Well, i happen to like the cute little... slutty clothes.. the crotchless hose, the short skirts, the umm.... low cut shirts/tops.. things that make a role-play situation more fun because well.. there's easy access and because it's got that hint of humiliation in there, since i was raised strict pentecostal where the women wore dresses to their knees all the time or longer and so part of that is still ingrained in my brain. For me, the little outfits just heighten the experience.. but i can so do without the toys. The only things i keep regularly in my drawer is sensitive lubricant, tingling gel and usually a bullet that is never used as a vibe.

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RE: Spice or No Spice??? - 5/12/2011 11:04:27 PM

FelineFae

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when your eyes are closed, little of the visial items matter so much.
i do like incense and music though.

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RE: Spice or No Spice??? - 5/13/2011 3:54:45 AM

mummyman321

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quote:

ORIGINAL: jewelsthepoet
Well, i happen to like the cute little... slutty clothes.. the crotchless hose, the short skirts, the umm.... low cut shirts/tops.. things that make a role-play situation more fun because well.. there's easy access and because it's got that hint of humiliation in there, since i was raised strict pentecostal where the women wore dresses to their knees all the time or longer and so part of that is still ingrained in my brain. For me, the little outfits just heighten the experience.. but i can so do without the toys. The only things i keep regularly in my drawer is sensitive lubricant, tingling gel and usually a bullet that is never used as a vibe.

An interesting statistic to find out would be what % of people with a strong religious upbringing have things like these as turn-on triggers versus those with more relaxed raising. In my case I was raised a strict catholic. So for any of you Psychology majors out there, here is an excellant topic to do your Senior Thesis! :)

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RE: Spice or No Spice??? - 5/13/2011 12:34:49 PM

EclipseAbove

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That would be interesting. However, I think you'd have to measure the humiliation aspect because I suspect there is a high corolation between strong religious upbringing and the humiliation/shame aspect (those two just seem to go hand-in-hand). I would guess that the skimpy/slutty aspect would appeal to the entire population pretty equally. But then, I'm just guessing...

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RE: Spice or No Spice??? - 5/13/2011 2:08:19 PM

SinFix

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for me it is whatever is felt at that moment... time.... how far do we want to go... where do we want to go... I love hands on me, so toys are not as much a turn on but more a humiliation for me... the dressing up... sometimes I love to do it... other times it seems too contrived and not flowing through what is being felt between us...

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RE: Spice or No Spice??? - 5/13/2011 2:34:59 PM

leadership527

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quote:

ORIGINAL: mummyman321
The one thing that suprised me were the people who wanted less spice after as they gained more experience or as their relationship grew over time.... Remember I approached this from the standpoint that the Spice led to sensory overload for me

Perhaps that answers the question then. I am one of those people who's relationship has definitely grown... sexually and every other way over a long period of time. But still, the "spice" you're talking about isn't appealing. At this point, if I wanted to experience all the BDSM things I could. If I wanted Carol to enjoy them, she would. But still, our exploration is slow and not particularly "driven". It certainly isn't a question of availability or unwillingness to experiment.

I think the why of that is pretty obvious from the second part I quoted. Carol and I routinely achieve "sensory overload" during sex... I'd say pretty much every single time. I would try to clarify that by saying, "That feeling when time, space, up & down have all lost all meaning and when it ends it takes several minutes to even start focusing back on THIS plane of reality." We just don't need or desire the BDSM trappings to get there. But both of us can identify with that "sensory overload" statement and it's something we actively seek. I think it's just a question of different paths if I'm understanding this correctly.

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