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Self-Disclosure - 5/9/2011 8:17:22 PM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline 		Hello everybody,
I've noticed that when people begin a thread and ask others to express how they do something, why they do it, their experience, etc. and yet don't tell their own story, it irritates me. My hackles go up. Why does this person want to know? It's not quite that strong, more like a little nagging thing in the back of my head, but there it is.

When it is someone new, I can't help but wonder about the logistics of trust. When someone who is a known entity - a regular poster - asks a question, I don't have this response. I already have built a relationship of trust (or distrust or neutrality) with them and then make an educated choice about responding. When it is a new person, though, I can't help but wonder about their motivation. My initial, knee-jerk reaction is "you first".

How 'bout you all? Do you have a "show me" kind of attitude? Any thoughts about this trust / distrust continuum regarding posting?

best,
sunshine


_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Self-Disclosure - 5/9/2011 8:30:12 PM   
Rochsub2009


Posts: 2536
Status: offline 		Funny you should start a thread on this topic.  I was having very similar thoughts myself. 

There's a certain newbie who has started a bunch of threads today, but he doesn't give us any basis for his questions, nor does he reveal his own thoughts or experiences on most of the questions that he's asked.  It actually started irritating me a little bit. 

To me, it's rude to enter a room and immediately begins peppering strangers with  personal questions.  Particularly when you don't reveal anything about yourself in return. 

But that's just me.

(in reply to sunshinemiss)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Self-Disclosure - 5/9/2011 8:42:25 PM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

Hello everybody,
I've noticed that when people begin a thread and ask others to express how they do something, why they do it, their experience, etc. and yet don't tell their own story, it irritates me. My hackles go up. Why does this person want to know? It's not quite that strong, more like a little nagging thing in the back of my head, but there it is.

When it is someone new, I can't help but wonder about the logistics of trust. When someone who is a known entity - a regular poster - asks a question, I don't have this response. I already have built a relationship of trust (or distrust or neutrality) with them and then make an educated choice about responding. When it is a new person, though, I can't help but wonder about their motivation. My initial, knee-jerk reaction is "you first".

How 'bout you all? Do you have a "show me" kind of attitude? Any thoughts about this trust / distrust continuum regarding posting?

best,
sunshine



The few topic posts I've made here my reasoning for not including personal experiences is so I get a fresh perspective and I don't want to "taint" the replies with my view.

BadOne

_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

According to SwithNSpanky
We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

(in reply to sunshinemiss)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Self-Disclosure - 5/9/2011 8:42:44 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		it doesn't really bother me.
I just assume they made a topic because they're too bored but yet too afraid to give their own side.

Or they're just looking for something to jerk off to.

I just respond because well...why not? I'm bored and it's great entertainment value.


(in reply to Rochsub2009)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Self-Disclosure - 5/9/2011 9:59:26 PM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline 		It doesn't bother me too much, although I'm less likely to reply.

I think people come newly into forums with a bit of tunnel vision, thinking it's simply a place to ask questions and get answers, without considering give and take dialogue. In time, they see there are actually people answering those questions, and there's a bit more sharing.


_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.



(in reply to sunshinemiss)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Self-Disclosure - 5/9/2011 10:06:59 PM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

The few topic posts I've made here my reasoning for not including personal experiences is so I get a fresh perspective and I don't want to "taint" the replies with my view.

BadOne


I think that's fair Badone; in fact I will do the same at times.

However, you and I are both known entities. People know who we are, we have been around enough that anyone who's been here more than a couple of weeks has seen us around. We have a history. We've already self-disclosed mroe or less.

To Roch Sub -
Yes, it's that fellow that prompted my question.

best,
sunshine


_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to SailingBum)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Self-Disclosure - 5/10/2011 4:33:47 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		If it's asking for explicit sexual details, then hell yeah, it's irritating. As far as the new kid asking all these questions, he's very young, so I'm putting it down to that adolescent self centeredness. That he doesn't even think about how he comes across or that there are real people out here in the ether. 

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to sunshinemiss)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Self-Disclosure - 5/10/2011 5:11:16 AM   
Palliata


Posts: 371
Joined: 8/9/2010
Status: offline 		It's social reciprocity - that person is asking you to expose yourself by talking about something private (in this case usually something intimate) but they aren't exposing anything about themselves in return. Hence, if you DO express yourself you've imbalanced the equation. With regulars, they've already said so much in the past you feel like the equation is already more or less in balance regardless.


_____________________________

I speak not of The Way, but only My Way. Think it not an indictment of Your Way.

I'm male. I know it sounds female. Work with me.

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Self-Disclosure - 5/10/2011 5:11:48 AM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

Hello everybody,
I've noticed that when people begin a thread and ask others to express how they do something, why they do it, their experience, etc. and yet don't tell their own story, it irritates me. My hackles go up. Why does this person want to know? It's not quite that strong, more like a little nagging thing in the back of my head, but there it is.

When it is someone new, I can't help but wonder about the logistics of trust. When someone who is a known entity - a regular poster - asks a question, I don't have this response. I already have built a relationship of trust (or distrust or neutrality) with them and then make an educated choice about responding. When it is a new person, though, I can't help but wonder about their motivation. My initial, knee-jerk reaction is "you first".

How 'bout you all? Do you have a "show me" kind of attitude? Any thoughts about this trust / distrust continuum regarding posting?


The ones who annoy me most are the OP's who ask for input on a particular circumstance then announce they'll give their own opinion of it later - once they "gauge the mood".... More often than not, the topic skews in all directions because of the OP's lack of specifics or examples in what they began.

I don't see it as a trust issue (more a "stone in my shoe" thing) and I'll make allowances for those who are indeed new, be it to the site or lifestyle or both.

Sugar.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to sunshinemiss)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Self-Disclosure - 5/10/2011 6:02:59 AM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

Hello everybody,
I've noticed that when people begin a thread and ask others to express how they do something, why they do it, their experience, etc. and yet don't tell their own story, it irritates me. My hackles go up. Why does this person want to know? It's not quite that strong, more like a little nagging thing in the back of my head, but there it is.

When it is someone new, I can't help but wonder about the logistics of trust. When someone who is a known entity - a regular poster - asks a question, I don't have this response. I already have built a relationship of trust (or distrust or neutrality) with them and then make an educated choice about responding. When it is a new person, though, I can't help but wonder about their motivation. My initial, knee-jerk reaction is "you first".

How 'bout you all? Do you have a "show me" kind of attitude? Any thoughts about this trust / distrust continuum regarding posting?

best,
sunshine



I don't have a show me attitude, but there are a plethora of posts, and some posters, which I regard with a jaded eye.
At that point I usually either don't comment, or I heckle.


_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to sunshinemiss)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Self-Disclosure - 5/10/2011 6:28:52 AM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline 		Ok.
I admit it.
I totally dig me some Focus.
Yes, I do.


_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to Kana)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Self-Disclosure - 5/10/2011 6:55:56 AM   
DomImus


Posts: 2004
Joined: 3/17/2009
Status: offline 		Trust/distrust over a question someone asked in a forum?   If they are asking me how I handle a given situation and I choose to answer I need not know their situation or how they do the same thing. Matters not. Most of the time I could not care less.

What does irk me is when people ask advice about their situation but it is page five and a dozen posts later before they've told us the whole story. I realize it's difficult to touch every base from jump street but if several pages in the OP's situation has changed so significantly based on further disclosure that it's the proverbial horse of a different color then sometimes I get the feeling that they were intentionally not being forthright in the first place.




_____________________________

"Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable." Sidney J. harris

(in reply to sunshinemiss)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Self-Disclosure - 5/10/2011 7:02:50 AM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DomImus

Most of the time I could not care less.



So, you DO care.


_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to DomImus)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Self-Disclosure - 5/10/2011 7:06:44 AM   
Charnegui


Posts: 1352
Joined: 5/1/2011
From: Puzzled
Status: offline 		Well thanks for this thread Sunshine :)
As a newbie I try to fit in....

Trying to be one of the old shoes


_____________________________

There's a difference between my personality and my attitude; My personality is who I ám, my attitude depends on who you are.

(in reply to DomImus)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Self-Disclosure - 5/10/2011 7:16:24 AM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		Charne. IMO you fit in quite well.. you havent (that I have seen) asked any questions that could be construed as 'wank fodder'.

Many newbies to the boards do.

and yes, I tend to judge a question by a newbie by how wankerish it appears.  Meh.  EVERYONE JUDGES.  I am willing to change my POV if given newbie clarifies quickly (like within the first 10 posts).

BTW:  this is MY opinion only, YMMV

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to Charnegui)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Self-Disclosure - 5/10/2011 7:31:09 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		I think I view it similarly to what Greedy has said.

If someone new is being a yutz, my only real consideration is whether or not there would be any entertainment value. Kinda like the German godboy. Or the occasional 'IamGoddessKissmyfeetandshowmeyourworthy' sort. They crack me up. Then there are the submissive women that are old enough to have their AARP cards yet ask questions that lead one to believe they've not got a brain cell rattling around in their skulls......humorous and pathetic. Then there are the submissive/bottom guys that make me think of really stupid, frantic, leg humping, little dogs. I tend to ignore those......too stupid to be fun and too irritating to want to read.

My favourite are the new characters, usually D or M types, that create threads to postulate their version of one true way. Then proceed to get their panties in a wad and toss a right gorgeous hissy fit when most people don't agree with them. I just love love LOVE seeing, over inflated, fragile egos, dance. I am often reminded of Beetlejuice, when he is small and having a little snit fit in the street of the mini town.


_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to GreedyTop)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Self-Disclosure - 5/10/2011 7:37:14 AM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline 		The hands down, best response to a newbie question/wank fodder...

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Self-Disclosure - 5/10/2011 7:40:37 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		Definitely!

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to sunshinemiss)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Self-Disclosure - 5/10/2011 8:38:54 AM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DomImus
Trust/distrust over a question someone asked in a forum?   If they are asking me how I handle a given situation and I choose to answer I need not know their situation or how they do the same thing. Matters not. Most of the time I could not care less.

OK, I'm somewhat stunned, but I agree with Dominus. I try not to say "You should..." and instead opt for "We do..."

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to DomImus)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Self-Disclosure - 5/10/2011 9:00:29 AM   
Charnegui


Posts: 1352
Joined: 5/1/2011
From: Puzzled
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

The hands down, best response to a newbie question/wank fodder...


Thanks Sunshine........
This is today's second time I can clean my screen...... *grinning*


_____________________________

There's a difference between my personality and my attitude; My personality is who I ám, my attitude depends on who you are.

(in reply to sunshinemiss)
Profile   Post #: 20
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