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Needs - 5/11/2006 8:53:22 AM

heartfeltsub

Posts: 1641
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline

There was recently a thread on here asking slaves/submissives if they needed the pain or wanted the pain and some responded with a list of the things that they needed which prompted me to wonder what most submissives/slaves would consider to be a list of their needs.

Post #: 1

RE: Needs - 5/11/2006 9:25:10 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: heartfeltsub
There was recently a thread on here asking slaves/submissives if they needed the pain or wanted the pain and some responded with a list of the things that they needed which prompted me to wonder what most submissives/slaves would consider to be a list of their needs.

Do you mean "things I need in order to survive" or "things I need in order to thrive in myself"?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_306103/mpage_1/key_needs%252Cwants/tm.htm#306103
wants vs needs and what's worth fighting for?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_185257/mpage_1/key_needs%252Cwants/tm.htm#185257
needs/wants/desires

http://www.collarchat.com/m_61790/mpage_1/key_needs%252Cwants/tm.htm#61790
needs,wants,desires (yes it's a different thread)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_42540/mpage_1/key_needs%252Cwants/tm.htm#42540
wants vs needs

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to heartfeltsub)

Post #: 2

RE: Needs - 5/11/2006 9:36:17 AM

heartfeltsub

Posts: 1641
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline

That is probably a better question. What prompted my question was list by beth of mercandbeth stating "this slave NEEDS to serve, as well as regular hydration, nourishment, shelter and occasional meds. everything else, including the desire for pain is a want."

And i was wondering does things like knowing your place in a poly family is secure or just your place with your Master (whether poly or not) is secure, would that be classified as a need or a want?

Would something like structure, feeling controlled, by classified as a need or a want?

i am heavily service-oriented and feel a strong need to be able to serve, but some would classify my desire to serve as a want not as a need.

i was just curious what others thought.

heartfelt

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 3

RE: Needs - 5/11/2006 10:20:01 AM

piscess

Posts: 101
Joined: 5/10/2006
Status: offline

Only a person can determine what they consider their needs and what is considered their wants.

I need to breathe, nourish myself, bathe, have shelter.

Those are very primal, basic needs. IMO ofcourse.

I also feel that I need to be loved, disciplined, cry, laugh, and have pleasure in my life. Some would call those wants and not needs.

The question of wants vs needs are rarely used IMO in real life scerenios..if I only received my basic needs, I can tell you that I would be looking elsewhere.

piscess

(in reply to heartfeltsub)

Post #: 4

RE: Needs - 5/11/2006 10:42:25 AM

fastlane

Posts: 2159
Joined: 5/26/2005
Status: offline

I need a blindfold, duct tape and a willing participant to turn any bad day into a great day!

Winks, Kevin

_____________________________

Just because it hurts, doesn't necessarily make it a bad thing.

(in reply to piscess)

Post #: 5

RE: Needs - 5/11/2006 10:49:36 AM

slaverosebeauty

Posts: 1941
Joined: 12/12/2004
From: Cali
Status: offline

Needs, wants, desires and must haves are all different. What I may need is not neccessarly what I may get or what I desire. Must haves are uncompermising. Desires may be needs as well. {confused yet??}

As for my needs, I need to find someone who is understanding, intelligent, good looking, will stick with me through thick and thin, have and use common sense, guidance and a way to get rid of all this extra energy that I seem to have an abundance of as of late, somone that I can get along with in and outside of the bedroom, someone will unlock the door to my heart, soul, mind, body and submission.

Thats all I can think of for right now. Its a slow brain day, sorry.

_____________________________

http://slaverosebeauty.livejournal.com/

"Friends live on in our hearts, regardless if they are here or not."

(in reply to heartfeltsub)

Post #: 6

RE: Needs - 5/11/2006 10:53:56 AM

mixielicous

Posts: 1283
Joined: 4/6/2006
From: Boston area, Massachusetts
Status: offline

i need love, and i need to serve to thank for that love. it became a need after i experienced it.

(in reply to slaverosebeauty)

Post #: 7

RE: Needs - 5/11/2006 11:12:18 AM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: heartfeltsub

That is probably a better question. What prompted my question was list by beth of mercandbeth stating "this slave NEEDS to serve, as well as regular hydration, nourishment, shelter and occasional meds. everything else, including the desire for pain is a want."

And i was wondering does things like knowing your place in a poly family is secure or just your place with your Master (whether poly or not) is secure, would that be classified as a need or a want?

Would something like structure, feeling controlled, by classified as a need or a want?

i am heavily service-oriented and feel a strong need to be able to serve, but some would classify my desire to serve as a want not as a need.

i was just curious what others thought.

heartfelt

this slave spent a long time getting "in touch" with and identifying needs vs. wants. the comment this slave made in the other post about needing pain or wanting pain, and has made in several other posts addressing the needs vs. wants debate is her own personal B.L., a conclusion that was come to after 36 years circling the sun on this rock and the result of the last of those 3 years being a time of intense introspection and personally guided therapy. it is in no way a statement that those needs are the only things Master provides---far from it.

this slave understands all too well that one's misguided perception, negative attitude or subconscious hang-up's about their needs and wants fills shelves with self-help books and generates endless debates, research studies and billed hours at the psychologist. as well, needs vs. wants usually get a thorough inspection on any spiritual journey one embarks upon or path one chooses to follow.

this slave fully embraces her need to serve, it has been a part of her life since she can remember. it is as much a need as any of the other needs of liquids, nourishment, shelter or occasional meds because if either of those things were denied for too long,(length of time according to circumstance), as surely as the sun will come up tomorrow, this slave would cease to exist.

having to have structure or being controlled, or even security in her position, spankings, electronic device access,trips to the salon, nipple clamps, attending social events---for this slave, those things are gravy, not needs.

(in reply to heartfeltsub)

Post #: 8

RE: Needs - 5/11/2006 11:23:26 AM

heartfeltsub

Posts: 1641
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline

Thank you for answering my question.

heartfelt

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

Post #: 9

RE: Needs - 5/11/2006 11:55:29 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

My list of needs in my dynamic would be as follows, but the order would change depending on the situation

I need to feel loved
I need respect
I need affection
I need someone that will expect my best
I need honesty and loyalty

Sexually speaking

I need to feel dominated and I need to be told how to please so I can succeed at pleasing my One
I need erotic pain

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to heartfeltsub)

Post #: 10

RE: Needs - 5/11/2006 12:10:17 PM

petcerina

Posts: 143
Joined: 4/4/2005
Status: offline

There is a list of needs on castle realm that i have found to be quite helpful. Most of the time when a sub or slave is having trouble with the relationship, it is because one or more of those needs listed are not being met.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 11

RE: Needs - 5/11/2006 12:23:20 PM

VvShadowspawnvV

Posts: 218
Joined: 3/27/2006
Status: offline

There are things i "need" in order to survive, and then there are things i "need" in order to make it worth surviving. Water vs. being owned.

becca

(in reply to heartfeltsub)

Post #: 12

RE: Needs - 5/11/2006 12:36:45 PM

Kirei

Posts: 146
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

It is rare to find a sub/slave that really has sat down and knows their life needs, including being in a lifestyle relationship. Balance is the key and each person has to know their own balance and what they can handle. We do tend to balane more stuff than we may think, work, friends, family, etc....all this stuff contributes to a balancing act where needs and wants sometimes must shift sides. The real problem is that most people do not wish to look into themselves too deeply to try and see these things. It one thing the lifestyle does seem to make someone do, but still they must choose to go there, to push their limits and allow the process to happen.

Koneko

(in reply to VvShadowspawnvV)

Post #: 13

RE: Needs - 5/11/2006 12:47:24 PM

Merritt27

Posts: 82
Joined: 8/10/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kirei

It is rare to find a sub/slave that really has sat down and knows their life needs, including being in a lifestyle relationship.

Have you done a poll??? Seems like you just lumped us all together and threw us in a box marked "unthinking subs/slaves".

_____________________________

Proud Partner to PlayfulOne

(in reply to Kirei)

Post #: 14

RE: Needs - 5/11/2006 1:52:28 PM

littleone35

Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline

Need well that is a really easy question i have all i need in my Master.
When i am in his arms there is nothing else in the world i need.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to Merritt27)

Post #: 15

RE: Needs - 5/11/2006 2:12:06 PM

Littlepita

Posts: 1430
Joined: 10/6/2005
Status: offline

I need all the basics that everyone needs, i.e. food, clothing *minus panties of course!* sleep, hot showers, conditioner so I can get a comb through this mop, ect.

I need the love and support of my Master. Plus, his discipline and high expectations that I can achieve my goals.

I need to feel wanted

I need my faith in God.

I need to lose this damn weight so I can have some chocolate again!!!

_____________________________

“I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.” – Anais Nin

(in reply to littleone35)

Post #: 16

RE: Needs - 5/11/2006 5:26:06 PM

kyraofMists

Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

I mentioned some of this in the Pain - Need or Want thread...

There are needs that people have in order to survive and then there are needs that we have, as Lucky put it, in order to thrive. These can be individual needs and needs of the relationship.

A need for myself that I am coming to understand more and more about, is the need I have to be touched. This isn’t a need for survival and isn’t really an individual need to thrive. It is a need for my intimate relationships to thrive. Moment to moment, the desire for touch is just an extreme want, but if I was deprived of touch in my intimate relationships, the health of the relationship would suffer.

I think our needs are also based on our wants. I want to keep my job, so I need to do certain things to make that want a reality. I want a loving, healthy relationship with my Lord and alandra, so I need to do things to make that happen.

I have needs to live, the relationship has needs to live and then the relationship and I both have needs based on our wants.

Knight's kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to heartfeltsub)

Post #: 17

RE: Needs - 5/11/2006 5:44:19 PM

slavejali

Posts: 2918
Status: offline

I need to feel useful and productive.

_____________________________

Freedom in Bondage

Different Strokes for Different Folks

"I'll always have a *soft spot* for Sadists"

(in reply to kyraofMists)

Post #: 18

RE: Needs - 5/11/2006 11:53:21 PM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

I need things to keep my body alive and I need different things to keep my soul alive and different things still to keep my submission alive.

So, it's all relative. ;)

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to slavejali)

Post #: 19

RE: Needs - 5/12/2006 1:25:25 AM

HCWT1

Posts: 161
Joined: 7/7/2005
Status: offline

My view is,all i can exspect are,respect,honesty,loyalty and a little love.When im serveing ,i consider my wants and needs to be totally irrelevant.
Dont actively question an activity,keep your head in the right space and over time you'l find all your wants and needs eill be taken care of.It won't happen over night,but it will happen.

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 20

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