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jewelsthepoet -> RE: Why the hesitation to meet? (5/14/2011 12:39:06 AM)
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While i've stated reasons why some people don't want to meet immediately, i've never stated my stance on it, though i've gotten quite a bit of flack from people for defending people who don't want to meet right away and stated reasons why it's good to err on the side of caution.
To me.. if someone's not willing to spend time getting to know me online a bit before meeting somewhere, then that's a bit of a red flag. I've done the whole... let's meet within a week or two of starting to talk to someone and the first thing i know of is because we met, we're exclusive, in a relationship, etc. "I" do not jump into anything anymore. That was me 15+ years ago before i suffered trauma to an already traumatized back and ended up spending a year of my life in a wheelchair.
I don't have access to public or private transportation and while i'm not using a walker or wheelchair anymore, i still do have to use a cane sometimes. Between drunk drivers and abusive people, my back has taken about all it's going to take and i am more than a little shy about meeting someone i want to impress and it being a day where a cane is necessary. Since i can't predict which days those are going to be, i usually wait until i feel comfortable enough with the person to explain my physical handicaps and that's generally before meeting, because i would like to meet them on a good day when pain doesn't make me agitated or irritable or have a tendency to snap at people. I haven't been in any relationships in 2 years because of the fear of trying to meet someone who could handle my physical situation.
Yes, i am an overly cautious person. And while i don't really give a shit what people think of me, i do like to at least try to give off a good impression the first time around, or at least a decent one. Hard to do when you're severely restricted on what activities you can participate in on that day because of a physical problem that is, to put it best, sporadic in how severe it is. While you expect that Doms are supposed to be at least reasonably empathetic and caring people, a lot of them see you the first time with a cane and you can hear the thought.. what have i gotten myself into. When in a submissive state, those kinds of judgments can and do sting. Most days i do fine with minimal, if any, help.. other days... i'd rather someone just numb me from the skull down because i can't bear the pain.
Public places make the entire scenario even more humiliating if someone just up and leaves you there, especially in this extremely small, ultra conservative town who thinks i'm the devil because i have a nose ring. Also, our cab only works during certain hours of the day, not at all at night and they don't get much broker than i am. So i have to rely on friends and their schedules to get anywhere because nothing this side of town is ever open after the sun goes down except gas stations, only one of those, and no where suitable for meeting people is open that i am physically capable of walking to. Not to mention i'm recovering from agoraphobia and i've not been out of the wheelchair a whole 2 years yet, so that makes meeting people a little more difficult than what some of you seem to appreciate. I'm 30 minutes away from Kansas City Metropolitan area. Does that mean i can get there? No, it does not. I don't like crowded places, they make me antsy, but i can handle that, however, any potential meeting has to be where i live, at least the town anyways, and because it's such a small town and i'm seen as an oddity around here, i am very careful about who i meet, simply because it's easier to be cautious than to be barraged with a bunch of stupid it's not your business questions later. If i was anywhere else, the situation would probably be different, at least to some degree.
So now, are you happy? There are some situations that call for hesitation in meeting someone initially because a) if it doesn't seem promising online then it's a waste of their gas to drive down here and gas is not cheap and we are all not made of money and b) there are days when i simply cannot get out of the house as well as c) some people i just don't know well enough from online to meet them in person because like with anything else, i like to take my time to get to know people. And before anyone says anything rude or otherwise, i have gone to messenger with 3 people, spoken to (not all of the same) 3 on the phone, met 1 in person. One person i met on here i knew before but it turns out that he isn't so nice when it comes to the whole he is in the position of control and it's more than just a casual fling kinda thing, so i didn't ever meet him, and we went straight to phone off here instead of to messenger because i'd known him before and he almost made me not come back to this site.
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