So confused... (Full Version)

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Luvbug -> So confused... (5/11/2006 4:20:41 PM)

Hi Everyone!
I really need someone to talk to.   I'm in a bad place right now and really need some support.  I'm sorry to be asking but I don't have anyone else. 
I met my Master 6 years ago.  He moved from out of state to be with me.  I was new to the lifestyle...he wasnt.  I wanted to learn - he promised to teach.  Things were going well for a long time.  It was hard to be 24/7 hardcore since I have a daughter and it makes it somewhat complicated to introduce the lifestyle when there is a child.  We did fairly well but he had told me he would teach me so many things and it never happened.  I do everything for him.  I respect him and offer him my all.  He is the Master.  I love him. 
Two years ago I found out that he had placed many personal ads on the internet.  I confronted him - he denied. It became obvious-he couldnt lie about it anymore.  He said he hadnt met anyone and that I shouldnt be upset at what he had done.   I asked him to leave.  He moved out for a couple of months and then he came to me and told me he loved me more than anything and that he never meant to hurt me.  He was good.  I should have kept moving on with my life but I didnt.... I have always loved him and couldnt let it go.  He moved back in with the promise that we would work on things and he would never again hurt me.
That was two years ago....over the past 2 years things have been good.  We live the D/s lifestyle its a natural 24/7 thing....you name it I do it and enjoy serving his every need and making him know he is the Master.  He has a job where he is obviously bored.  He told me he couldnt acess the internet from work.   He lied.  I found out about a month ago that he actually could acess the internet and had been doing it regularly for some time.  Over the past week I have found out that he has a few personal ads once again on the internet.    I am heartbroken.   I don't know what to do.  I don't understand how someone can hurt another person.  And it isnt just me he will hurt....my daughter loves him!
What have I done wrong?  Why is this happening again?  I can't go through this again.  I really feel like I am going to have a nervous breakdown.   Can someone please help me?
 




SirCumsSlut -> RE: So confused... (5/11/2006 4:32:40 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Luvbug

Hi Everyone!
I really need someone to talk to.   I'm in a bad place right now and really need some support.  I'm sorry to be asking but I don't have anyone else. 
I met my Master 6 years ago.  He moved from out of state to be with me.  I was new to the lifestyle...he wasnt.  I wanted to learn - he promised to teach.  Things were going well for a long time.  It was hard to be 24/7 hardcore since I have a daughter and it makes it somewhat complicated to introduce the lifestyle when there is a child.  We did fairly well but he had told me he would teach me so many things and it never happened.  I do everything for him.  I respect him and offer him my all.  He is the Master.  I love him. 
Two years ago I found out that he had placed many personal ads on the internet.  I confronted him - he denied. It became obvious-he couldnt lie about it anymore.  He said he hadnt met anyone and that I shouldnt be upset at what he had done.   I asked him to leave.  He moved out for a couple of months and then he came to me and told me he loved me more than anything and that he never meant to hurt me.  He was good.  I should have kept moving on with my life but I didnt.... I have always loved him and couldnt let it go.  He moved back in with the promise that we would work on things and he would never again hurt me.
That was two years ago....over the past 2 years things have been good.  We live the D/s lifestyle its a natural 24/7 thing....you name it I do it and enjoy serving his every need and making him know he is the Master.  He has a job where he is obviously bored.  He told me he couldnt acess the internet from work.   He lied.  I found out about a month ago that he actually could acess the internet and had been doing it regularly for some time.  Over the past week I have found out that he has a few personal ads once again on the internet.    I am heartbroken.   I don't know what to do.  I don't understand how someone can hurt another person.  And it isnt just me he will hurt....my daughter loves him!
What have I done wrong?  Why is this happening again?  I can't go through this again.  I really feel like I am going to have a nervous breakdown.   Can someone please help me?
 


From what I am reading, I personally see no wrong on your part....and again there are always two sides to every story.  However, in your case, you have a child's feelings involved as well as your own......There is an old saying (my adaptation) screw me once shame on you, screw me twice shame on me....He has now done this twice to you, it may just be time to sit down and talk minus the Master/sub relationship.  You need to get all cards out on the table, and let him know that you are not going through this with him again and that you and your child's feelings do not need to be treated this way.
 
In my humble opinion it is time to send this man packing....Notice I did not say Master, as a good Master is never supposed to lie to his sub/slave......lieing is one big NO NO in this lifestyle....
 
Just be assured that from what I have read you again have done NO WRONG, he has and he is not worth the breakdown.




Luvbug -> RE: So confused... (5/11/2006 4:36:48 PM)

Thank you for the response!  I was thinking about the screw me onceonce/twice thing earlier today.  Its crazy.  Yes, I do agree with you about the lying - what the purpose of lying anyway?    When I first met him I thought the D/s world would be much different than what we have.
I hate to be alone.....But I hate to be lied to!   How can we be together when there is absolutely no trust? 
Its so sad.




kittensmailbox -> RE: So confused... (5/11/2006 4:36:59 PM)

i agree with 150% Sircum's slut.. It would be different if he was upfront with you, but he wasnt.... get out while you can... What else has he lied to you about... That is the question....




slavejali -> RE: So confused... (5/11/2006 4:37:04 PM)

I'm sorry for what your going through Luvbug. Ok, I'm thinking about this problem and trying to be impartial and fair, cuz I'm the type of person who thinks betrayal is the worst crime of humanity...to break someones trust is just the meanest thing another person can do to another.

ok, so maybe ask yourself these questions.

1. Do you think he is meeting up with people? You would possibly know this by whether he is working longer hours than he should.
2. Is there an undercurrent of secrecy and like your being excluded in the relationship?
3. Is your home life being effected on a day to day basis?
4. Is the happiness of your daughter being effected by whats going on?
5. Could these personal ads just amount to some kinda innocent kinky pass-time...kinda like a man looking at porn...he isnt betraying you...exactly....
6. Do you really believe in your heart is he looking for someone else to replace you?
7. Can you forgive his lies again?
8. Can you live without always doubting him...or are you willing to work towards that?

If you decide to split from him....i think this time you need to be really really strong and not take him back..burn your bridges.

If you decide to stay and do damage repair..be prepared for a long hard road ahead of you.

I don't know what else to say.....I feel for you.




littleone35 -> RE: So confused... (5/11/2006 4:37:13 PM)

luvbug,  you did not do anything wrong it is him who is wrong.  I know it hurts but you have to make a clean break.  he keeps lying to you.  if he is lying to you about this it makes you wonder what else he lies about.  I think if he loved you as much as he said he did he would not do this to you.  if you need someone to talk too feel free to e mail me.  Best of luck.

Matt's littleone




Guest -> RE: So confused... (5/11/2006 4:52:06 PM)

Please don't post the same topic in different sections. I've deleted the one in "Ask a Master".

Regards
Mod15




KatyLied -> RE: So confused... (5/11/2006 4:53:50 PM)

Introduce him to the curb.




atiya -> RE: So confused... (5/11/2006 5:16:21 PM)

some times its easy to feel someones hurt and tell them what to do in our hearfelt outrage and anger.........the truth is that isnt our place nor is what we are here for in my opinion.  i see you both have alot of time invested here luvbug something has to be there unless he is such a fantastic liar to fool you for aslong as he has about how he feels......not condoning what he has done....if it were me i would of course sit and examine my feelings about him.....about the situation....and what you think the outcome should be......then talk to him make him be honest ask him maybe why he feels the need to do what he is doing .....to me it looks like a self destruct mechanism.....but thats just me...maybe counciling might be something your willing to look at for both of you together.
hope things work out for the best either way you go luv
atiya




shygirldesires -> RE: So confused... (5/11/2006 5:22:46 PM)

*echo   ))))))) always another side to a story  (((((((
 
obviously bored in more than just his job..........
seriously, do you care more about your child or him
furthermore..alone is not bad.... alone is something good if looked at the right way. 




MissDiandSirHugh -> RE: So confused... (5/11/2006 6:02:20 PM)

We are sorry to hear that you are going through this again and that from what you have writen have done nothing wrong but as stated already a coin has two sides so we are working on yours.
You do indeed need to talk to thos Man and do so with strength to hammer it all out and if you are given the same answers as 2 years ago or nearly the same close the door behind him and paddlock it for ever.
Doing this should help answer your first two Questions but the most Important one we see is that you can not go through with it again and what you feel will happpen to you and so on that it is your health that is more important than anything else as you have a special person in your daughter who even though as you state loves this Man would much rather have a very healthy and loveing Mother who can care for her and not her haveing to care for you so put her first and from that thought your strength should be toughened to talk and to bolt the door if need be.
We wish you well in what ever decision you make and in the future.






ShiftedJewel -> RE: So confused... (5/12/2006 2:41:45 AM)

Apparently you aren't the only one that doesn't like being alone. I don't know if he is meeting up with other people or not, and really, it doesn't matter. Is cybering with someone else cheating on you? That would be up to you to answer, but my opinion is yes it is. Because he is being dishonest about it.
 
And my opinion is yes, he is looking for a replacement for you, not necessarily because he is planning on leaving you, but just in case you are planning on leaving him.. he doesn't want to be alone. That's obvious by the way he reacted the first time. Been there, done that... I was on the same end as you. I found the emails, then I started checking cell phone records and found the phone numbers as well. You can bet I considered it cheating.
 
As shygirldesires said, being alone isn't all that bad, it's a chance to evaluate your self, your needs and desires. It's also a chance to work on self emprovement... a chance to do something for yourself and your daughter. I know that six years is a long time to throw away.. but a lifetime is a lot longer. Think about it that way, is it something that you want to live with for the rest of your life?
 
Jewel




Raethepain -> RE: So confused... (5/12/2006 3:03:56 AM)

You definately shouldn't feel guilty for being upset. This man has betrayed your trust, and trust is the key element to a D/s relationship.

However, don't just be angry with him. It's a hard thing to be able to do, but you have to consider why he did it. There must be a reason. I'm definately not saying its all your fault and you should shoulder it, but look to the situation, perhaps talk to him and ask him why. There's always a reason for these things happening.

Good luck to you x




Loch -> RE: So confused... (5/12/2006 3:16:35 AM)

To me it's not what exactly he is doing that is a big red flag, it is all the lying!  Can you really respect someone, as your Master or even as an equal partner or even a friend, who continually lies?

If you cannot respect him, is there a future?

My only idea would be to get some counselling together, lying in a relationship is not limited to a D/S interaction. If he's not willing then I just do not see what future there is. You'll never be able to trust him.

By the way I've been in a similar situation, the man I was engaged to continually lied about things that I would not even have minded if he had told me the truth. When I left him I instantly felt saner.




RavenMuse -> RE: So confused... (5/12/2006 3:28:41 AM)

Without trust how can there be a relationship? Without trust how can you submit?

You gave him his chance to learn from his "Mistake" two years ago, he can't claim to not know where this has to go from here given he's doing the same thing with the same lies. That is a clear choise not to be trustworthy!




bandit25 -> RE: So confused... (5/12/2006 3:37:09 AM)

Don't focus on being alone.  Focus on yourself and your daughter.  It isn't a bad thing...being alone.  It gives you time to work on what needs work.  You could try counseling, I suppose, but broken trust is so hard to mend.  And it's been broken more than once.




bills944 -> RE: So confused... (5/12/2006 3:44:43 AM)

Q. What have I done wrong?  Why is this happening again?  I can't go through this again
A.YOU NEED TO BECOME THE DOM.
http://www.elisesutton.homestead.com/Main.html




bills944 -> RE: So confused... (5/12/2006 3:48:30 AM)





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    How To Unleash Your Female Power
  And Thus Train The            Perfect Male

   By Elise Sutton








Ladies, what are you looking for in a man? How would you describe the perfect man? How about a man that would worship the ground that you walked on? A man that would focus his energy and his attention on you all of the time. A man that would treat you like a Queen, would pamper you, give you foot and body massages, and who would get more pleasure out of pleasuring you than receiving pleasure himself. How about a man that do whatever you told him to do, without arguing or complaining? A man that would not only do all of his chores like cutting the grass and washing the cars, but would also do housework, the laundry, the grocery shopping, and even the cooking.  How about a man that would wine and dine you and shower you with gifts? A man that would not cop jealous attitudes whenever you talk with or spend time with another man. Above all, a man that would love you with all of his heart and who would view you as his Goddess.

Sounds like the perfect man, huh? Sounds almost too good to be true, doesn't it? A fantasy, a dream that naïve young girls have. Well, I am here to tell you that you can have such a relationship with such a man. As a matter of fact, you are probably already living with a man that has the potential to become this perfect man. You are already working with men like this and you pass men everyday who are like this. There are men everywhere that have the potential and even the desire to be this perfect man that I just described. The key is not where to find the perfect man but how to find the perfect man? The answer to this question lies within. You have the power to draw these men to you and to train them to be the perfect boyfriend, husband, and lover. You, as a female, hold the key.

Females have a power over men. It is within you and you just need to release it. If you will release this dominant female power within you, you will have men begging to serve you. This power can do wonders for you in life. Not only in your relationship, but also in your social life, in your career, and in every other area of your life. Right now in our society, men hold the positions of power and authority. However, they hold these positions by deceiving women into allowing them to be the dominant gender. The truth is that women are the superior gender and that once a woman unleashes her dominant power, no man will be able to stand up to her. Men become submissive and like little puppy dogs when they are confronted with a powerful woman. The good news is that you have this powerful woman on the inside and men desire to submit to her.

If you don't believe me, allow me to refresh your memory a little. I am now talking to women who are married or who were married before. Remember when you were dating? Remember how submissive your future husband was. Think back. Remember how he was so sweet and kind. Remember how he use to bring you flowers? He would do whatever you wanted to do and go wherever you wanted to go. Remember that?  Remember how much you loved him then? Let me ask you this. What changed? Once you got marred, he changed, didn't he? He became selfish and he ignored you. He started to hang around his friends again or he watched television all the time. He started to refuse to go with you to visit your friends and family, didn't he? He refused to go with you shopping or to the places that he once loved to go along with you just to be near you. Everything became a fight and an argument, didn't it? The flowers and gifts stopped. He became cheap and tight with his money, didn't he? Then there is the sex. Sex use to last all night and be so exciting but now it has become boring and fast. Once he gets his sexual release, it's time to go to sleep. Forget about you. After all, bringing you to orgasm is too much work. What happened to the passion? What happened to the guy that you were dating?

What happened is that he is a typical male. What happened is that you didn't realize how you had him under your spell. Your female beauty and your sexuality had captured him and he fell for you. He would do anything for you back then. You probably didn't realize it at the time, but you were the dominant one and he was the submissive one during the courtship. You didn't have to know about D&S and Female Domination back then. Your sexual energy and female ways naturally caused him to become submissive toward you. For a short time, his macho ways and male pride was overcome by your female power. However, once the two of you got married or entered into a serious relationship, his male pride and societies ways caused him to become the dominant one and you surrendered that power and the spell was broken. Now he expected you to be the good little wife and he expected you to obey him. He started to call the shots and the euphoria was over, for the both of you.

Well I want to encourage you to get that power back. That power is still there within you. As a matter of fact, you only used a little of your sexuality and power during the courtship. There is much more power within you that if released, will not only bring back the man that you fell in love with, but will drive him into total submission to you. Not just him either, but all men will sense your female power and they will either desire to serve you or they will be afraid of you. So let me tell you how to release that Tigress within.

First of all, realize that you are a miracle made by God. Men are also miracles and they are beautiful and valuable creations made by God. Men are made in the image of God. However, Women are superior to them. Women are God's last and greatest creations. Women are beautiful, intelligent, and sexual. Women are kind, gentle, tender hearted, yet also strong and resourceful. So begin to see yourself as the superior female that you are. Feel good about yourself and cast off your former low self-image. God does not make junk and losers. God made you to be special and a winner.

God also made you to be in authority over men. God created Eve to be Adam's "helper". The word helper in the Bible is translated from the Hebrew word "ezer". That word means one who helps from a position of authority. It is the same word that is used to describe God in many scriptures that declare how God will help us. It is always from a position of strength and authority. That is the position the female has over the male. So no longer view yourself as a second-class citizen. You are a powerful creation and you are special.

Next, begin to use your sexuality. I don't mean to be promiscuous or to flaunt it. What I am talking about is dress sexy and act sexual. Don't dress sleazy, but sophisticated and lady-like. Don't run around in baggy clothes and sweat pants. Your dress reflects your self-image. Wear nice clothes. They don't have to be expensive clothes, but they should be nice. Wear high heel shoes whenever you can. A lot of men have foot and leg fetishes and seeing an attractive woman wearing high heel shoes can make them weak and submissive. Now, I understand about how uncomfortable they can be at times so you don't have to wear them all of the time but whenever you are going out somewhere and you want to feel extra sexy, don't forget about your shoes.

Also, get some leather clothing. A lot of men have a real leather fetish. A pair of leather pants or a leather skirt can make you feel sexy and powerful and at the same time make men feel weak and submissive. Again, look sophisticated and sexy but not sleazy.

Go to a salon and learn which hair style looks best on you. Also, learn how to properly apply the right kind and the right amount of make-up. Learn what shades look best with your hair color and complexion. If you dress sharp and look good, it will give you confidence and that confidence will radiate from you. Also, exercise and eat right. You want to look good and fit. If you need to lose weight, there are many quality weight loss clinics out there that can help. Don't use fad diets or the lose weight fast schemes. Go to a doctor and lose weight the medically safe way. Also, exercise and tone up.

You don't have to be skinny. As a matter of fact, many submissive men like a larger woman. However, you don't want to be fat and you do want to be fit. If you are over weight and out of shape, don't feel bad about yourself and don't get discouraged. You can lose the weight. It just takes a quality decision. It will help you to feel so much better about yourself and the better you feel both physically and mentally, the more confident you will be and the more sexual energy that will be radiating from you.

Another thing you need to do is to get out there and experience life. Don't spend all of your time home watching television and surfing the Web. Go back to school and take some classes. Join some clubs or organizations that you are interested in. Get around people and become the confident woman that you really are. Excel in your career and use your sexuality and your dominance at the work place to get the promotions and the better paying position. Again, I am not talking about "sleeping" around. I am talking about walking and talking like the sexual and the confident woman that you are. Don't take any crap from any man. Remember, you are superior.

Now as you make these slight adjustments to yourself and your self-image, also allow that dominant nature to flow out of you. Be bold and be strong. Expect good things to happen and they will. In your relationship with your man, begin to dominate him both in and out of the bedroom. Do my "psychoanalysis of the submissive male" on him. Begin to train him to be that perfect man that you desire. Expect excellence out of him and don't allow him to take you for granted. Begin to discipline him, as men need this. Men grow up being disciplined and nurtured by women. Deep inside they still need and desire this.  So learn how to discipline a man and how to properly train him.

During sex, begin to learn about D&S and Female Domination. Some of these activities may seem strange, but they are powerful tools in getting a man to submit. Wear fetish outfits and use his fetish against him. D&S and Female Domination will really spice up your sex life and it will never be boring or routine again. If you will overcome your inhibitions and allow for sexuality and dominance to flow and to grow, you will begin to be amazed at how intense and enjoyable sex can be. Also, start to view sex as being for your pleasure and get into the habit of denying your man sexual orgasms. If you deny him and keep him aroused and frustrated most of the time, he will be so much more eager to serve you and to obey you. He will focus on you and your needs if his sexual drive is on high. You need to control it in order to control him.

By dong these things, you will be unleashing that Tigress within you and you will allow your dominant nature to come forth. This will in turn cause men to act submissive around you and will draw them to you. If you have any questions or if I can be of any help or encouragement to you, please don't hesitate to e-mail me. Good luck and enjoy.










feastie -> RE: So confused... (5/12/2006 4:18:09 AM)

Your child and your own sense of well-being and happiness should be your focus now.  Kick the bum out the door.  Once he's gone, accept that he's gone.  You don't owe him another chance to talk about things, etc.  That's how he weaseled his way back in again.  Yes, you will feel some pain, unfortunately, your daughter will feel more.  Not only will the man she's come to love be gone, but he'll have hurt Mom and that's a big thing for a kid.  Get yourself tested for every STD there is.  If he lied about the personal ads, he's probably lied about meeting people.  Maybe not, but how do you know?

Realize that it is okay to be alone. 

feastie




fastlane -> RE: So confused... (5/12/2006 4:19:30 AM)

Confused.....welcome to my world hon....and I'm in this state 24/7

I'm not saying that what your Master did is right.....understand that. However, you two have a lot of time invested together and for the most part things between you sound very good. I would hope that you can work things out? Many individuals play on line with no intention of hurting their significant other, both men and women. Is it right..no!  is it a deal breaker? It doesn't have to be!  Cyberchatting has become an addiction to many, just look around.
I hope you two work it out!
Always confused, Kevin




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