Positive traits

Positive traits (Full Version)

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tazzygirl -> Positive traits (5/15/2011 2:39:16 PM)
I recently had an exchange in cmail with someone (and if that person wishes to out him/herself, thats fine with me, but I wont) involving positive traits. After explaining to this person what I felt about "positive traits, I thought it might make a good discussion. My definitio of a positive trait is one that is positive for the relationship. If it works for both, its positive. Some snips from the conversation... but only from my side.. quote: A word on the "positive" traits. I never said they were positive, and I hope I didnt imply they were. They just are a man's traits... positive or negative has nothing to do with it. A better way to try and explain... a man may have no problems with lying to get what he wants. thats his "value" system and one he has no problem living by. Now, he may not allow lying from his slave, but he sees that distinction as definitely different. I have huge issues with lying. Its something I cannot bring myself to do. To me, a man would not be exhibiting a positive trait by lying... but if that is his value... than I either accept or go. Another man may demand no lies, ever. That is his value system. I would view that as positive, while another slave may see it as a detriment because she may have no issues with lying to get what she wants, as long as lies are not within her personal relationship. So, its hard to say what is positive or negative... its all based on personal values. Then I was asked about Universally positive traits. quote: Universally positive traits? Like not killing? Im not so sure. I would kill for my child, so for me to say someone else could not kill for the same reason would be a bit hypocritical. Not being a thief? Again, are they stealing for the thrill? Or is it to survive? To me, and this is only my belief, you would have to ask others how they feel, the only universally positive trait I would accept is that they live their life by their standards and not pretend. I have my own moral code. But would I break that code for a man who has mastered me? I have. I cannot say I haven't, nor can I say I would not do so again. It all depends on the issue. At the point I say no, I am no longer mastered. Then it is a moot point because I am once again following my own morality and not his. Since I mentioned to the other person that they should ask others how they feel... I decided to ask myself. Opinions, comments?

MasterSlaveLA -> RE: Positive traits (5/15/2011 2:46:17 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: tazzygirl quote: I have huge issues with lying. Its something I cannot bring myself to do.... Universally positive traits? Like not killing? Im not so sure. I would kill for my child... You'd probably "lie" for your child too, no???

tazzygirl -> RE: Positive traits (5/15/2011 2:51:44 PM)
lol.. for my kid, I would kill for him.,... but I wont lie.

juliaoceania -> RE: Positive traits (5/15/2011 2:57:45 PM)
Depending on the situation I might lie for my kid.... never say never The people who scream the most about lying are often the ones most guilty of it in my experience. I do not think much about lying. It isn't something I worry about from other people. I do not invest a good deal of my time looking for the truth. I do not think I lie very often, at least I try not to. Anyone that says they never lie is lying... As far as positive or negative traits, I do not think that there are traits that are universally positive or negative. For example, it is good to communicate with your mate, but smart people know that they shouldn't rattle off every damn thing that goes through their noggin. People without social filters are usually alone a lot of the time. Just because I think my mate can be clingy in some situations doesn't mean I should blurt it out there, especially when it isn't a big issue for the relationship. Sometimes biting your tongue is the better thing to do, and many people do not understand this.

tazzygirl -> RE: Positive traits (5/15/2011 3:00:22 PM)
He is well past 18 and I haven't lied for him yet, so I don't foresee that happening in the future.

slaveluci -> RE: Positive traits (5/15/2011 3:03:05 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: juliaoceania Anyone that says they never lie is lying... Totally agreed. I don't encourage lying or deception of any kind but am realistic and know that it happens and is sometimes the best way to handle a situation. People who swear their honor and moral code is so high that they never do this worry me because either, as you said, they are liars or they're pretty much rude assholes who don't filter as you also mentioned. There is a middle ground between being someone who would lie than tell the truth and just blurting out your own "truth" to everyone as part of your moral crusade. As to the OP's original issue, I think if everyone universally had COMPASSION and EMPATHY for each other, that would fix so many problems. It would cause people to want the best for others and to understand how things feel to someone besides themselves. That would be a huge improvement........luci

tazzygirl -> RE: Positive traits (5/15/2011 3:22:00 PM)
quote: People who swear their honor and moral code is so high that they never do this worry me because either, as you said, they are liars or they're pretty much rude assholes who don't filter as you also mentioned. There is a middle ground between being someone who would lie than tell the truth and just blurting out your own "truth" to everyone as part of your moral crusade. There are also those who would rather say nothing. Always another option.

juliaoceania -> RE: Positive traits (5/15/2011 3:24:33 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: tazzygirl quote: People who swear their honor and moral code is so high that they never do this worry me because either, as you said, they are liars or they're pretty much rude assholes who don't filter as you also mentioned. There is a middle ground between being someone who would lie than tell the truth and just blurting out your own "truth" to everyone as part of your moral crusade. There are also those who would rather say nothing. Always another option. You mean the lie by omission? [:D]

tazzygirl -> RE: Positive traits (5/15/2011 3:30:19 PM)
LOL.. hardly. If asked how the man looks in something, I would hardly tell him he looks like shit. I would instead say, "I dont like that" and make a suggestion for him to wear something else by saying "You would look better in ____". No omission.

slaveluci -> RE: Positive traits (5/15/2011 3:56:25 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: tazzygirl There are also those who would rather say nothing. Always another option. True, that would be in that "middle ground" area I just mentioned. However, standing there mute is not always an option and being brutally "honest" isn't always appropriate either. Kinda shows that there really is some gray area and everything is not all black and white (i.e either lie or tell a brutal "truth"). One's opinion is not "the" truth. It's simply their "own" truth and doesn't necessarily always need to be broadcast........luci

tazzygirl -> RE: Positive traits (5/15/2011 4:00:37 PM)
I agree luci. It always makes me wonder why people speak of "white lies" within relationships. Brutal honesty is only needed, in my opinion, when someone is about to be affected physically. Even an emotional hurt doesn't need to be brutally assaulted. That doesn't mean lies are being told, or omissions are occurring. Its not what you say, but how its said.

juliaoceania -> RE: Positive traits (5/15/2011 4:03:31 PM)
Personally I do not see why the words "brutal" and "honesty" have anything to do with each other. Usually when people use the term brutal honesty... they aren't after the honesty, they are after the brutality... Just my opinion

DomImus -> RE: Positive traits (5/15/2011 4:05:04 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: juliaoceania The people who scream the most about lying are often the ones most guilty of it in my experience. I do not think much about lying. It isn't something I worry about from other people. I do not invest a good deal of my time looking for the truth. I do not think I lie very often, at least I try not to. I would say yours is a pretty realistic perspective. I am always amused by the 'total honesty' crowd. Totally blunt and unvarnished honesty all of the time is neither practical nor desirable. You don't want someone in your life who lies all of the time or lies about important matters but lying is a part of human nature and it is why we have the phrase 'white lie'. The one person you should never trust is the person who says they never lie.

tazzygirl -> RE: Positive traits (5/15/2011 4:09:10 PM)
LOL.. who says you have to be brutal to be honest?

LadyPact -> RE: Positive traits (5/15/2011 4:12:11 PM)
Oh, this is the part where somebody pulls up the hypothetical, "but if you were being attacked by an intruder in your home, with a gun to your head, and he asked you if anyone else is home..........." Or "Your kid is under investigation for a crime, and if he were to be convicted of that crime would be sentenced to the death penalty, would you provide an alibi." No offense, but is there any possible way that we can actually do this topic without the life and death, odds of one in a million scenarios, and just address it the way most of us have our day to day lives in the bell curve? I'm not in any form of relationship (authority dynamic or otherwise) where anybody is stealing to feed their family, so without that exception, I don't want somebody who steals in My life. Unless it's self-defense or war, I don't want them shooting anybody. If I ask MP a straight question, I expect a straight answer. The same goes with clip. On the "lies of omission" bit that people like to throw around, I would love to know how this has transpired into 'if you don't mention that you didn't want tomato on your sandwich at lunch, you're omitting the truth'? Can't people decide between the two of them through communication what is important and what isn't? Somehow, if I don't like a shirt and tell someone so, that means I lack empathy? It's not the same thing as forgetting to mention that you had a nooner in the parking lot because the other person at home thinks you are being faithful to them. If you can't prioritize what the person in your life expects you to be forthcoming about or not, such as sex during your lunch break rather than whether or not you had tomato, there's a bigger issue than what can be handled on a message board.

MasterSlaveLA -> RE: Positive traits (5/15/2011 4:14:50 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: tazzygirl lol.. for my kid, I would kill for him.,... but I wont lie. Liar.. Liar... Panties on FIRE!!! See... now I'm going to have to stalk you, just to catch you in a lie -- just so I can leap out from behind the couch, point, and shout, "AAAAAAH... YOU TOLD A LIE... YOU TOLD A LIE... GOTCHA!!!" [;)][:D] lol

tazzygirl -> RE: Positive traits (5/15/2011 4:16:55 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact Oh, this is the part where somebody pulls up the hypothetical, "but if you were being attacked by an intruder in your home, with a gun to your head, and he asked you if anyone else is home..........." Or "Your kid is under investigation for a crime, and if he were to be convicted of that crime would be sentenced to the death penalty, would you provide an alibi." No offense, but is there any possible way that we can actually do this topic without the life and death, odds of one in a million scenarios, and just address it the way most of us have our day to day lives in the bell curve? I'm not in any form of relationship (authority dynamic or otherwise) where anybody is stealing to feed their family, so without that exception, I don't want somebody who steals in My life. Unless it's self-defense or war, I don't want them shooting anybody. If I ask MP a straight question, I expect a straight answer. The same goes with clip. On the "lies of omission" bit that people like to throw around, I would love to know how this has transpired into 'if you don't mention that you didn't want tomato on your sandwich at lunch, you're omitting the truth'? Can't people decide between the two of them through communication what is important and what isn't? Somehow, if I don't like a shirt and tell someone so, that means I lack empathy? It's not the same thing as forgetting to mention that you had a nooner in the parking lot because the other person at home thinks you are being faithful to them. If you can't prioritize what the person in your life expects you to be forthcoming about or not, such as sex during your lunch break rather than whether or not you had tomato, there's a bigger issue than what can be handled on a message board. Thank you LP! As always, a voice of reason!

LadyPact -> RE: Positive traits (5/15/2011 4:26:26 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MasterSlaveLA Liar.. Liar... Panties on FIRE!!! See... now I'm going to have to stalk you, just to catch you in a lie -- just so I can leap out from behind the couch, point, and shout, "AAAAAAH... YOU TOLD A LIE... YOU TOLD A LIE... GOTCHA!!!" [;)][:D] lol That fire bit can be arranged, you know. [8D]

MasterSlaveLA -> RE: Positive traits (5/15/2011 4:39:50 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact That fire bit can be arranged, you know. [8D] You never miss an opportunity, do you?!! [;)][:D] lol

LadyPact -> RE: Positive traits (5/15/2011 4:51:13 PM)
Can't help Myself, MSLA. As to positive traits, it might be a bit hard to define. We covered the actual sins but those are just part of the picture. If we'd like to think that we live in a world that has generally decent people in it, most of them aren't out killing and stealing for kicks. Even at that, we can't get some universal definition of where the lines are. When I saw the personality traits part, I'm thinking stuff like sense of humor, responsibility, temperament, and traits of that nature. Even there, you can't really ascertain that they are good or bad until you start interacting with the person who is doing the interpretation. Much easier to ask an individual where they lie on the scale in various areas than try shots in the dark.

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