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RE: height a deal breaker? - 5/17/2011 6:24:00 PM   
juliaoceania


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quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

I can also weigh more and get away with it


Biotch!

(Do people even say biotch anymore?)

I know what you mean about feeling less feminine if you're taller than the guy, though. I haven't run into that much but I did experience it once and I didn't like it.  I don't think that's shallow, though.  Because, yanno, I'd never admit to being shallow. 




I experienced the outer limits on the entire weight and height ratio thing a couple of months ago, so maybe that makes me less of a bitch...

I have been eating reasonable portions and exercising again....I would rather be doing the eating part of the entire "eat, pray, love" thing

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RE: height a deal breaker? - 5/17/2011 6:26:14 PM   
NuevaVida


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quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

I have been eating reasonable portions and exercising again....I would rather be doing the eating part of the entire "eat, pray, love" thing

You & me both, sistah (to both your comments here).


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RE: height a deal breaker? - 5/17/2011 6:29:40 PM   
Tantriqu


Posts: 2026
Joined: 12/29/2006
Status: offline 		I'm a coupla inches above average height. I get squicked at the thought of doing bad, bad thangs to someone shorter than I am, and hooboy, have I seen 'short-guy syndrome' at full tilt! I used to be attracted to men about my height or a little taller, but lately it's been long and lean.
So yes, it's a very heady power when a long, lean man kneels [which also makes him the perfect height for several lovely bad bad thangs!].

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RE: height a deal breaker? - 5/17/2011 6:31:41 PM   
needlesandpins


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needles

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RE: height a deal breaker? - 5/17/2011 6:32:24 PM   
hausboy


Posts: 2360
Joined: 9/5/2010
Status: offline 		Hi needlesandpins--
I go to 2 munches (and 1 play party) on average per month....I'm incredibly social and have a wide array of interests and activities.  Getting out there isn't the issue--and I date a wide variety of women--not just kinky ones.  Physical characteristics really don't mean much to me--I've dated what our society would call "gorgeous" women, and after talking to them for 10 minutes, I can't find anything attractive about them. 

There are hundreds of cliches about beauty being skin deep-- and they may be cliche, but they are damn true.  I'm sorry--it's my opinion--if someone is too concerned about "what they look like as a couple", that's absolutely ridiculous and shallow.

This whole thing about being with a tall guy so you can feel safe--not buying that either.  I've taken down guys who were three times my size.  Not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.  My ex-wife knew that if anyone threatened or tried to harm her or a member of my family, they'd be taking that guy away in a ziploc baggy.

It's nothing more to me than excuses for someone's own insecurity about their own looks.  They won't go out with a shorter guy because they lack the self-confidence to not give a shit about what anyone thinks.

Self-confidence is much sexier to me than a size 4 dress and big breasts.

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RE: height a deal breaker? - 5/17/2011 6:37:56 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		I think that post is rather judgmental. Human beings have a biological imperative like any other animal on the face of the planet. We get hard or wet based upon what turns us on. If something like someone's weight or their height or their smell leaves us cold, that is just the way the cookie crumbles.

I don't pick men based upon their looks, lord knows not all of the men I have been involved with were gorgeous by society's standards.... but they turned ME on, they made ME hot... and that was what was important to me.

Like you, I am attracted to what is between the ears more than any other body part, but to say that physical attraction isn't important is to defy nature... unless you think the human animal is superior to every other mammal on the planet, I just ain't buying that, either

_____________________________

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Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

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RE: height a deal breaker? - 5/17/2011 6:41:05 PM   
tj444


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Status: offline 		My ex was 6'1" and I like tall guys, I love that I have to stretch and get up on my tippy toes to kiss him. I find that I feel more submissive when doing that. But its not exactly a deal breaker if the right guy isnt tall, but 5'7" would be acceptable if most other things lined up.

I do have deal breakers tho, no bald or shaven men, no facial hair, no couch potatoes, must be in reasonable shape, fat is a deal breaker. Smoking, drinking too much, drugs, those are definately deal breakers. Religion too, deal breaker. Cheaters, liars, deal breakers. Oh, and snoring too, deal breaker. I would rather be alone and available to meet the right guy than spend time with the wrong guy and miss they guy I am supposed to meet.

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RE: height a deal breaker? - 5/17/2011 6:41:10 PM   
Hillwilliam


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quote:

ORIGINAL: hausboy

Hi needlesandpins--
I go to 2 munches (and 1 play party) on average per month....I'm incredibly social and have a wide array of interests and activities.  Getting out there isn't the issue--and I date a wide variety of women--not just kinky ones.  Physical characteristics really don't mean much to me--I've dated what our society would call "gorgeous" women, and after talking to them for 10 minutes, I can't find anything attractive about them. 

There are hundreds of cliches about beauty being skin deep-- and they may be cliche, but they are damn true.  I'm sorry--it's my opinion--if someone is too concerned about "what they look like as a couple", that's absolutely ridiculous and shallow.

This whole thing about being with a tall guy so you can feel safe--not buying that either.  I've taken down guys who were three times my size.  Not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.  My ex-wife knew that if anyone threatened or tried to harm her or a member of my family, they'd be taking that guy away in a ziploc baggy.

It's nothing more to me than excuses for someone's own insecurity about their own looks.  They won't go out with a shorter guy because they lack the self-confidence to not give a shit about what anyone thinks.

Self-confidence is much sexier to me than a size 4 dress and big breasts.


To add to hausboy. When I was in college, I was nationally ranked in Greco Roman wrestling at 5'6 and 149# My IQ is 156. My workout partners were routinely 100# or more heavier and left the gym in pain. Yet, when folks spoke of me, I frequently heard either second hand or when they didnt realize I could hear. "if he was taller....."?

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RE: height a deal breaker? - 5/17/2011 6:46:50 PM   
needlesandpins


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quote:

ORIGINAL: hausboy

Hi needlesandpins--
I go to 2 munches (and 1 play party) on average per month....I'm incredibly social and have a wide array of interests and activities.  Getting out there isn't the issue--and I date a wide variety of women--not just kinky ones.  Physical characteristics really don't mean much to me--I've dated what our society would call "gorgeous" women, and after talking to them for 10 minutes, I can't find anything attractive about them. 

There are hundreds of cliches about beauty being skin deep-- and they may be cliche, but they are damn true.  I'm sorry--it's my opinion--if someone is too concerned about "what they look like as a couple", that's absolutely ridiculous and shallow.

This whole thing about being with a tall guy so you can feel safe--not buying that either.  I've taken down guys who were three times my size.  Not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.  My ex-wife knew that if anyone threatened or tried to harm her or a member of my family, they'd be taking that guy away in a ziploc baggy.

It's nothing more to me than excuses for someone's own insecurity about their own looks.  They won't go out with a shorter guy because they lack the self-confidence to not give a shit about what anyone thinks.

Self-confidence is much sexier to me than a size 4 dress and big breasts.



well i was only suggesting as i know nothing about you. it's great that you are like you are, but not everyone else is the same. i spent 16 years with my ex and would never have called him gorgeous as i didn't think he was. but he was attractive to me and had alot of other things about him going for him. it's true that 'beauty' isn't everything but if something doesn't do it for you then it just doesn't.

i have freely admitted to the guy i see now that my choice of him was totally shallow. it was all in the eyes in the first instance, although my contacting him had nothing to do with actually wanting to meet him. after chatting alot i decided i wanted more and so did he. however, if he'd turned out to be not able to string two words together that would also have been a deal breaker for me. personality has to be there too or i'm not interested in the rest.

as for the safety thing. on my behalf saying what you have you'd be totally missing the point. it's about that fact that he can make me feel very unsafe. i'm sorry but a short guy isn't going to do that for me when i'm in 4" heels. you pinning me against the wall is not going to have the effect i want when i'm looking at the top of your head. from what you say it would seem alot of other women think the same. i don't care what anyone else thinks, i care about what i think and how i feel. it's very selfish, but why should i go against what i want to make someone else happy.

needles

edited for a silly typo

< Message edited by needlesandpins -- 5/17/2011 6:50:47 PM >

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RE: height a deal breaker? - 5/17/2011 6:54:47 PM   
hausboy


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quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

I think that post is rather judgmental. Human beings have a biological imperative like any other animal on the face of the planet. We get hard or wet based upon what turns us on. If something like someone's weight or their height or their smell leaves us cold, that is just the way the cookie crumbles.

I don't pick men based upon their looks, lord knows not all of the men I have been involved with were gorgeous by society's standards.... but they turned ME on, they made ME hot... and that was what was important to me.

Like you, I am attracted to what is between the ears more than any other body part, but to say that physical attraction isn't important is to defy nature... unless you think the human animal is superior to every other mammal on the planet, I just ain't buying that, either


Well, quite frankly, juliaoceania, what I wrote may very well be judgmental, but not any more so than "I won't go out with you because of your height."  I've never been "attracted" to someone that I met online--it was usually something about their profile or their ad that sparked my interest. Finding someone to be attractive and being attracted to them are two different things. 

Of course attraction is important--but I remember many years ago when I met my first wife.  I wasn't physically drawn to her--she wasn't "my type"--she was witty, smart, fascinating and our first date we ended up spending hours sitting in the car in front of my house, engaged in conversation.  I remember thinking "this is someone I want to know better", not "I want to jump her bones".  The longer I was with her, the more in love/attractive I found her. (Amazing what divorce will do--the sight of her turns my stomach now)

But when someone doesn't even know what you look like, hasn't even had a chance to get to know you....but won't even consider you because of height---to me, that is shallow.  I definitely find some body types more attractive than others, but I would never bypass the chance to meet someone because they didn't fit my "criteria."







< Message edited by hausboy -- 5/17/2011 6:55:11 PM >

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RE: height a deal breaker? - 5/17/2011 7:00:18 PM   
hausboy


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quote:

ORIGINAL: needlesandpins

. i'm sorry but a short guy isn't going to do that for me when i'm in 4" heels. you pinning me against the wall is not going to have the effect i want when i'm looking at the top of your head. f

needles

edited for a silly typo


Believe me, if I was pinning my girl against the wall, she wouldn't be looking at the top of my bald head....

The two scariest tops I ever had were 5' and 5'1 respectively.  They taught me a heckuva lot about having a dominating presence despite our, ahem, short comings.

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RE: height a deal breaker? - 5/17/2011 7:08:15 PM   
juliaoceania


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From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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quote:

But when someone doesn't even know what you look like, hasn't even had a chance to get to know you....but won't even consider you because of height---to me, that is shallow.  I definitely find some body types more attractive than others, but I would never bypass the chance to meet someone because they didn't fit my "criteria."




So, you are saying there is NOTHING that someone writes about on their profile that would put you off in regard to their physical appearance. You have no weight limit, for example?

There are many men who email me that I pass by because they are 5 foot 4, that would make me half a foot taller than they are. As I said earlier, I know it maybe shallow, but hell, it is how I feel about it. You have reduced my feelings to being about the rest of society, and to me that is just ridiculous. I could give a crap less what the rest of the world thinks about my relationship choices.

Feelings are not rational. They are not something that we can always change, even if we want to. To pass someone for a relationship is a personal decision based upon many factors, but it usually comes down to someone's gut feelings. I think telling other people that the way they feel in their gut is bad is just wrong.

I might agree with you if you said that turning down someone you are attracted to because of money, looks, societal approval is shallow, but telling people that they are shallow because they are driven by how they feel... well that is just bullshit

< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 5/17/2011 7:09:36 PM >

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RE: height a deal breaker? - 5/17/2011 7:20:10 PM   
hausboy


Posts: 2360
Joined: 9/5/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

quote:

But when someone doesn't even know what you look like, hasn't even had a chance to get to know you....but won't even consider you because of height---to me, that is shallow.  I definitely find some body types more attractive than others, but I would never bypass the chance to meet someone because they didn't fit my "criteria."




So, you are saying there is NOTHING that someone writes about on their profile that would put you off in regard to their physical appearance. You have no weight limit, for example?

There are many men who email me that I pass by because they are 5 foot 4, that would make me half a foot taller than they are. As I said earlier, I know it maybe shallow, but hell, it is how I feel about it. You have reduced my feelings to being about the rest of society, and to me that is just ridiculous. I could give a crap less what the rest of the world thinks about my relationship choices.

Feelings are not rational. They are not something that we can always change, even if we want to. To pass someone for a relationship is a personal decision based upon many factors, but it usually comes down to someone's gut feelings. I think telling other people that the way they feel in their gut is just wrong.

I might agree with you if you said that turning down someone you are attracted to because of money, looks, societal approval is shallow, but telling people that they are shallow because they are driven by how they feel... well that is just bullshit


Well, I call it bullshit when someone turns down someone based on a physical characteristic that has no measure of a person's character, fortitude or personality.  You just typed that it would be shallow if I turned someone down who I was attracted to, because of looks....  that is exactly what I'm saying here.    Short people get told all the time--I like you, I'm into you, but I just can't date someone shorter.

Believe it or not, there is actually a "short person's national group"-- and networking with a lot of those folks made me realize that it wasn't just me--it was something that short people all over have to deal with.

No, I would not turn down a date with someone due to weight....or any ofher physical characteristic.  My ex-wife was fat.  I've dated a number of women since that were probably twice my weight.  I dated a woman who is deaf..... went out with a woman who had a physical disability...   the body is a shell. a vessel. 

I'm not saying a person is shallow if they don't find a short person attractive-- I am saying that a person is shallow if they won't give the person a chance and get to know them better strictly based on height.

And FYI, juliaoceania, I'm not calling you anything--I don't know you.  If this thread strikes a nerve, that's for you to determine why.  --it's just a forum.  We express our opinions.... you don't agree with me....I don't agree with you. 

You're obviously not alone in your opinion--and neither am I.





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RE: height a deal breaker? - 5/17/2011 7:30:07 PM   
LillyBoPeep


Posts: 6873
Joined: 12/29/2010
Status: offline 		i have to agree with hausboy. there are quite a few groups for short people because they (ESPECIALLY short men) are often not given a fair shake based on something that's entirely arbitrary; just like race.
if someone said "i won't date an Asian man; i don't like how we look together," people would definitely respond negatively to that.

being a short woman is a little different and has less stigma associated, but you still have to deal with people referring to you with diminutives, jokes about how short you are -- people think it's funny, but it gets really OLD sometimes.

at the same time, though, people really ARE more shallow than they like to think they are. most people who say "oh i totally would do X with a person who was Y" really never would in their lives. i freely admit that i like big scruffy ruff-n-tumble types. i've met one man in my life who was shorter than me, and i wouldn't date him for a ton of other reasons; height wasn't at the top of that list. it isn't something i've really ever had to consider, so i can't really say what i'd do. =p

everyone has different physical characteristics they respond to, but when you won't even give a person a chance or get to know them because height isn't in a certain range, i have to agree with hausboy that that's on the shallow side.


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RE: height a deal breaker? - 5/17/2011 7:32:57 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		I learned ASL because I dated a deaf guy. I have dated over weight men. I have dated bald men. I was involved for three years with a man that was about 3 inches shorter than myself....I do not expect a brownie button or a merit badge for this. I never even bring it up because, guess what, I don't think it is heroic to date someone that wouldn't qualify for the Next Top Model search.

I suppose I should join a tall woman's support group, because there are A LOT of men that like petite women. I will never be a petite woman. Do I think they are shallow? No. I want them to go and find the woman that makes their cock hard.... go them!

Women prefer tall men. It is biological. I didn't make the rules of biology up. It is kinda like men preferring young nubile women.... it is what it is

_____________________________

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RE: height a deal breaker? - 5/17/2011 7:40:12 PM   
hausboy


Posts: 2360
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Status: offline 		Thanks LillyBoPeep--

It's true--there are statistics on height and workplace discrimination as well.  I used to work in a warehouse, and I can't tell you how many times I was told--you don't "look" like you can do the job.  I'm a firefighter/EMT in my spare time-- I have patients screaming "he's too small...he'll drop me!"  It's enough to make me WANT to drop them.  (I always tell them...."I haven't dropped a single patient all day....")

Men think it's fucking hilarious to use you as an elbow rest....or put a drink on your head because it's just so damn funny and will impress their date....not to mention all the demeaning "hey there little man....." or even more demeaning "Hey there big fella..."   I'm not a two-year old--I'm 41.

I deal with the cards I'm dealt-- I do not let my height stop me from doing anything I want to do. 


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RE: height a deal breaker? - 5/17/2011 7:42:01 PM   
hausboy


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quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

Women prefer tall men. It is biological. I didn't make the rules of biology up. It is kinda like men preferring young nubile women.... it is what it is


WOW..... Now THAT...is some serious bullshit

edited to add:  women are completely judged based upon their looks....it isn't right...and yes, there are social groups for tall people too.....and I do know women that are very tall who have trouble getting dates because of it.  And guess what? those men who won't date them because of it.....are SHALLOW. 


< Message edited by hausboy -- 5/17/2011 7:44:30 PM >

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RE: height a deal breaker? - 5/17/2011 7:44:12 PM   
heartcream


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From: Psychoalphadiscobetabioaquadoloop
Status: offline 		I do prefer the tall guy, size of a door would be nice. I am ultimately looking for a really good fit so if he was shorter than a door it wouldnt be a deal breaker. Although if I had my druthers he would be a nice big guy inside and out. I prefer all sorts of things but ultimately the entire deal is what I really want. Being able to trust a guy is the main deal breaker.



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RE: height a deal breaker? - 5/17/2011 7:46:18 PM   
DomImus


Posts: 2004
Joined: 3/17/2009
Status: offline 		I'm 6'1" and she is 5'9". I prefer taller women - say 5'7" or above. Is it a deal breaker? For a long term "until death do you part" type of relationship - probably so. Several years ago I had a casual play partner for a few months who was barely (and maybe not even) 5'2". That was okay and the height differential actually served to enhance the dominant/submissive aspects of the pairing. I could do that for the short term or under certain conditions but I prefer a taller significant other.




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RE: height a deal breaker? - 5/17/2011 7:48:29 PM   
fallon0627


Posts: 42
Joined: 1/22/2011
Status: offline 		For me if the man/Dom was shorter than me it would be a deal breaker. I am 5'3 and the shortest I've dated or been with is 5'8. For me taller is better, but so is he's presence.

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