RE: unfair punishment

RE: unfair punishment (Full Version)

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littlewonder -> RE: unfair punishment (5/22/2011 9:38:04 AM)
thankfully I only have one of those and so I've never had to referee and there's no dad around to referee between me and her so it was always that she sucked it up and was angry at me or she rebelled which only got her into deeper shit. She's an adult now and so she's on her own now. Now there have been times when Master has talked to both of us and understood both of our sides and as adults we both have worked out our disagreements as adults do. Thankfully i have a very mature adult child. :)

Kana -> RE: unfair punishment (5/22/2011 9:44:06 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ranja quote: ORIGINAL: Kana if the kids get to the point where Dad's gotta get involved, I don't thing either is gonna care for the results. And that is exactly my point if you referee in bias to one it stinks in my opinion Funny. I had a Prof who swore that true mediation is about coming up with a result that leaves all parties equally dissatisfied. Anyhow, who's biased? I levy justice, not mercy.

ranja -> RE: unfair punishment (5/22/2011 10:55:49 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sirsholly The fact that LilOne remains upset about this issue tells me the referee feels he was correct in his decision and comfortable that he made the best call within his power. because someone remains upset that means the referee was right? How do you get there? i suppose you refer to me as LilOne... not so much upset... more annoyed but amused at the same time... for me it is very difficult to respect authority if it is not fair... then punishment becomes a joke to me and i will try my hardest to make sure i get my point across. i think if two pupils of equal stature have a barny and then a tell-tale goes running to the teacher... and then the teacher barges in and punishes one with exclusion but allows the other to not only take part in classes but even teach... well... i think it is wrong... and not only for the excluded one i have to say i personally don't believe exclusion is the proper way to go about things anyway, unless gross misconduct has been committed... like illegal things... but if it is just a tiff between two people, why not let them fight it out?

ranja -> RE: unfair punishment (5/22/2011 11:01:12 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Kana Anyhow, who's biased? I levy justice, not mercy. in my opinion the ref prefered another user over me... so it is the referee that is bias wouldn't it the other user was very capable of fighting her own corner and as far as i was concerned we were having very entertaining rounds.

ranja -> RE: unfair punishment (5/22/2011 11:32:38 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Lockit Self accountability would dictate and guarantee that I wouldn't cross a line and I would expect my submissive to be the same. In any other situation in life, I would expect this to be the way of it as well. People know... when they are crossing lines. Even little people. It all starts with you and if you are crossing a line, even if others are guilty or unfair... what matters is what you are doing and how you conduct yourself. If you feel you haven't crossed any lines and bear no guilt, go forth and stand up for yourself as long as you aren't crossing any of those lines. If at that point things are still unfair, you might have some decisions to make. I think of picking my battles and in gambling... know when to hold them or fold them. Only you can make that decision. Bottom line... you are an adult, you decide. Be with someone you feel is unfair... or whatever or remove yourself in some manner whether that is distancing yourself or removing yourself. It all comes back to you and what you decide to do in handling something. know when to hold them or fold them... that sounds good about crossing lines... what if you think something is acceptable based on how you have seen others interact and respond... but then it turns out someone has decided it is not acceptable at all... how do you determine what exactly is acceptable and what is not.... because that is what tit for tat fights are about isn't it... i say this and you say that... who is to determine who was the first to cross a line.. and does it matter? is it fair to punish the one who made the last move if the line was crossed by the other first?

CalifChick -> RE: the mods were mean to me, and I am mad and think I'm going to get sympathy (5/22/2011 11:53:10 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ranja you changed the title...can you do that?? i suspect if i would have posted it like that in the first place it would have been pulled. I think the most amusing part of this whole thread is you think, or are giving the appearance that you might think, that the moderators didn't know what this was about. When someone calls you a name in a discussion, do you call them a name back, or do you tell them you will continue the discussion when the namecalling stops and everyone can act like adults? I have a feeling it's the former and not the latter, or else we wouldn't be seeing the equivalent of, "but mommmmmy.... he did it too!". Cali

ranja -> RE: the mods were mean to me, and I am mad and think I'm going to get sympathy (5/22/2011 1:05:24 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CalifChick I think the most amusing part of this whole thread is you think, or are giving the appearance that you might think, that the moderators didn't know what this was about. When someone calls you a name in a discussion, do you call them a name back, or do you tell them you will continue the discussion when the namecalling stops and everyone can act like adults? I have a feeling it's the former and not the latter, or else we wouldn't be seeing the equivalent of, "but mommmmmy.... he did it too!". I do think it is funny indeed... but i had no doubt the Mods would know what this was about... i was testing if they would let it stand as they have pulled many of my posts... and i think a lot of them unneccessarily... and now this is the only thread i am allowed to contribute to without this [awaiting approval] thing for too long. and indeed: but mommmmmmmmy.... he did it too! that is indeed my point entirely... either punish both or keep out of it i say.

LadyConstanze -> RE: the mods were mean to me, and I am mad and think I'm going to get sympathy (5/22/2011 1:52:20 PM)
FR Honestly, I can see why you are moderated because you got a bit out of hand in another tread, on the other hand there are posters who are allowed to get away with this,I don't pretend to understand, but on the other hand, I don't moderate, I don't know what is going on, I speak my mind, the odd wanker or insecure little flower has a wobble, shows "itself" up as not really in charge of all facilities, I laugh and move on... (usually aided by a few friends) Life can be easy...

CalifChick -> RE: the mods were mean to me, and I am mad and think I'm going to get sympathy (5/22/2011 2:01:59 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ranja either punish both or keep out of it i say. Well, good luck with that. I've participated in many forums, and back before the worldwide web was available and accessible, BBS. I've never seen a "stay out of it" to moderators go over better than a lead balloon. So are you going to give us a link to the new website you're starting? Cali

littlewonder -> RE: the mods were mean to me, and I am mad and think I'm going to get sympathy (5/22/2011 2:06:32 PM)
oooohhh...duh...so THAT'S what this is about. Geez I'm dense sometimes. In this case...this ain't a democracy here. Sorry but if you want that then you're only gonna get it when you start your own website/forum. Either shrug it off and deal with it or move on. That's my opinion on such things.

NocturnalStalker -> RE: the mods were mean to me, and I am mad and think I'm going to get sympathy (5/22/2011 2:10:44 PM)
The worst part about any forum in any online community is when moderators actually get involved with the antics. Then they appear to be less of a neutral party and more of a gun people can use to point at the people they don't like and pow-pow.

gungadin09 -> RE: unfair punishment (5/22/2011 2:34:44 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ranja when you are being ignored and excluded as a punishment and you are convinced the treatment you are getting is unfair do you give in and keep a low profile and sit it out all meakly? or do you make an effort to try and get your point across to the 'authority' and witnesses and try to find justice for yourself? or do you pretend to be all submissive and take your punishment untill you see an opportunity to take 'revenge' and then hit back? do you think it makes a difference in attitude towards this dilemma as to whether you are sub of Dom? If You're talking about a D/s relationship, i take whatever punishment i'm given, unless i'm prepared to walk. i have trouble speaking out when i think something is unfair. i'm trying to work on that, because it just builds resentment, which can cause problems later on. For the time being, i'm in the slow lane. When i got involved with BDSM (a little over a year ago) i started out in an M/s relationship, and found out very quickly that it doesn't work for me to jump in at that level of power exchange. i need to take baby steps. Right now i feel like i have a lot of emotional issues, and i need to work through those before i can put myself into a serious relationship. i play with this guy and his wife, but that's it for right now. i think the goal is for the relationship to become more serious someday, but for now i'm not ready for that, so i'm taking it slow, and they're okay with that. i know this sounds selfish, but right now i'm just focusing on what i need. i've had a rough time for a few years, and i really need to heal that before i can go on and start worrying again about what other people need. In past relationships (sexual, work related, or family relationships), i took whatever was handed out, no questions asked. That was part of my problem, i think. On the other hand, when i have said that i think it's unfair, and the authority brushes off the complaint instead of trying to talk about it, or if they retaliate for the fact that i said anything, or if they're not straightforward with me (saying one thing to my face, and another behind my back, or engage in some kind of passive- aggressive manipulation)- that is where the situation starts to deteriorate. i NEED people to be completely honest with me, even if it means telling me something i won't like, or something i will disagree with. Even if i think a person is being patently unfair, i still don't have a problem accepting a punishment when it is dealt out directly instead of them being manipulative. i hate that passive-aggressive shit. As long as they tell me what they're punishing me for, tell me that they are punishing me, tell me that i've done something wrong, and this is what it is, and this is what they expected me to do instead... we're cool. That's all i ask, to know when i'm being punished, and what for, and what correction i am expected to make for next time. Sometimes i argue when i think a person is being unfair. Other times i just accept it meekly. What i do in those circumstances often depends on the specific situation. But i have never feigned meekness in order to retaliate later on. i think that's kind of dumb, and, again, comes back to the honesty and directness issue. pam

ashjor911 -> RE: unfair punishment (5/22/2011 3:13:42 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: littlewonder I tell him how I feel in a respectful manner and then I deal with my punishment. I apologize to him for whatever I did and then thank him for the punishment, listening to me and being with me. Sure sometimes I feel it's unfair but ya know, I'm his slave. We don't have an equal relationship. If I wanted equal wouldn't have agreed to be his slave. The idea of revenge just seems childish and immature to me and those who feel they have to make a huge drama over it makes me wonder just why they signed up to be a slave if that's what they label themselves. wow

gungadin09 -> RE: unfair punishment (5/22/2011 3:28:50 PM)
Oh, i get it, this is about the mods. You know, there have been times where i thought both parties were instigating, and one of them got put on moderation, and the other didn't. i'm not sure i always understand why one is violating TOS and the other isn't. Then again, i don't really have to understand, because my relationships with the mods is the same as my relationship with every other authority in my life. Whether i think they're right in a particular case, the fact is that they're word is law around here. i can accept that, or i can leave. i guess i'm kind of a conformist that way. i believe in abiding by the decisions of a legitimite authority, regardless of my personal feeling on the matter, and around here the authority is the mods. For the most part, i think they're pretty fair. i don't know what i would do if i had a serious problem with the moderation on collarme. Probably i would just leave. i'm not really one to fuss. i don't know if that's good or bad. i'm not usually involved in the controversial threads, so i usually don't know exactly why someone is put on moderation. i may be a coward or a conformist, but i believe in abiding by authority. For example, if i'm speeding, and a cop pulls me over to give me a ticket, i don't start arguing that i don't like the speed limit. i just take the ticket. He's (she?) right. i was speeding. What can i say? He got me. If i feel really, really strongly i might say something, particularly at work, when i think an authority is making a serious mistake. But the bottom line is it's their decision, not mine, and if i don't like it i can walk. People who constantly argue with authority bug me. Dude, did you KNOW what the rules were, or not? Because if you did, then there's no question that you have to pay a price for breaking them. You knew that when you started. What's the problem? OKAY, CALL ME A DOUCHE. i believe in abiding by the rules or paying a price. i usually don't have a problem following the rules around here. Which rules do you think are unfair? Feel free to email me privately if you wish. pam

RedMagic1 -> RE: unfair punishment (5/22/2011 3:40:32 PM)
I think you were put on moderation because you were behaving like a catty teenager. I also think exactly one person was behaving that way, which would probably explain why exactly one person was put on moderation. So, to respond to your op, I believe the proper course of action is for you to thank the mods for doing the right thing.

VaguelyCurious -> RE: unfair punishment (5/22/2011 4:10:30 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ranja what if you think something is acceptable based on how you have seen others interact and respond... but then it turns out someone has decided it is not acceptable at all... Do you know who you are in this situation? You are the child who sees the other children play-fighting, and then walks over and sucker-punches someone. You are that un-self-aware. You see your behaviour as the same as those around you. That's both ridiculous and faintly hilarious.

littlewonder -> RE: unfair punishment (5/22/2011 4:16:33 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ashjor911 quote: ORIGINAL: littlewonder I tell him how I feel in a respectful manner and then I deal with my punishment. I apologize to him for whatever I did and then thank him for the punishment, listening to me and being with me. Sure sometimes I feel it's unfair but ya know, I'm his slave. We don't have an equal relationship. If I wanted equal wouldn't have agreed to be his slave. The idea of revenge just seems childish and immature to me and those who feel they have to make a huge drama over it makes me wonder just why they signed up to be a slave if that's what they label themselves. wow ?? Explain?

angelikaJ -> RE: unfair punishment (5/22/2011 4:33:48 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RedMagic1 I think you were put on moderation because you were behaving like a catty teenager. I also think exactly one person was behaving that way, which would probably explain why exactly one person was put on moderation. So, to respond to your op, I believe the proper course of action is for you to thank the mods for doing the right thing. QFT I do think it is human nature to sometimes not see how we are being seen by others, as well as sometimes holding onto the idea that we are right. The OP evidently feels her behavior was no different than that of other people's. Everyone was repeatedly warned. Not everyone made the appropriate shifts in behavior. Actions have consequences. It is one's choice to decide whether or not to accept responsibility for one's actions and behaviors.

juliaoceania -> RE: the mods were mean to me, and I am mad and think I'm going to get sympathy (5/22/2011 4:34:26 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze FR Honestly, I can see why you are moderated because you got a bit out of hand in another tread, on the other hand there are posters who are allowed to get away with this,I don't pretend to understand, but on the other hand, I don't moderate, I don't know what is going on, I speak my mind, the odd wanker or insecure little flower has a wobble, shows "itself" up as not really in charge of all facilities, I laugh and move on... (usually aided by a few friends) Life can be easy... I agree with this completely. Sometimes it is hard to understand why some people never get modded, and others get it without much cause. Life ain't fair, we are all biased at times,and the bias that may or may not exist here is so trivial it isn't even worth contemplating. I am sure it isn't intentional, either.

juliaoceania -> RE: the mods were mean to me, and I am mad and think I'm going to get sympathy (5/22/2011 9:05:55 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NocturnalStalker The worst part about any forum in any online community is when moderators actually get involved with the antics. Then they appear to be less of a neutral party and more of a gun people can use to point at the people they don't like and pow-pow. Thankfully I haven't seen that on this site. The mods may joke with us, but that does not mean they get in the middle of stuff either

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