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PeonForHer -> RE: Are doms and dommes looking for revenge on the sex that wronged them? (5/31/2011 5:00:42 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus
Really, I've always thought that LadyPact and I are pretty transparent.
Yes, about what you want, but not the root drive for it.
Normally, I go about understanding people on the basis that they're like me and have the same mixture of characteristics, only in different proportions. I can understand a Conservative because I have something of a conservative's temperament in me; more so a socialist, a liberal or an anarchist. I can even 'feel' my way into understanding ultra racists (because I know I've had prejudices). Hell, I can even have a sense of what makes a Nazi tick. But dominants have a mixture that doesn't contain different proportions to mine, they have a few different ingredients.
Except for one, that is: the narcissistic thing. I *do* understand the 'worshipping' thing. I've had GFs who've had sub-feelings towards me, and I've been able to see what they see, in that regard alone. When I've topped, that's been my only route into being able to do it. Simple - it goes 'I want you to be vain!' and I can do that, because, yup, I certainly do have a dose of vanity in me. I can be called 'Sir', know where it comes from, and it can trigger me.
I used to think that all dominants were like that - narcissistic - but just a lot more than I am. But not now. A few are like that, but not many. That was just my projecting onto them. This projection thing is the mistake we see being made all over these boards, every day, of course: subs attacking what they think are Dommes, but what are really just bits of themselves. Or not attacking, but adoring, bits of themselves rather than the Dommes to whom they're talking. (And the reverse happens too, natch.)
Either way, though, that projecting isn't a route to understanding everything about certain people who are very, very different in important respects. At times you're best off starting with the assumption that you're entirely ignorant. Then you at least don't have a wall between you and what's still mist on the other side of it.
Well, put it this way, and as an example: Oldhen's comments about this feeling of 'ownership, complete possession' that some dominants have: that makes it a lot clearer why I fell out with a particular femdom so badly a couple of years ago. She wanted such 'ownership' of me, and already felt it, and I had no idea of that. I think I do see it now, a fair bit more. I still don't get why it's there and can't feel it myself towards another person - but, then, that's maybe because I'm not a dominant.
The moral of the story seems to be: you have sort out the ways in which you can understand people a) on the basis of their having the same mixture of ingredients as you and b) understand them on the basis of ignorance, because they have a few ingredients that you don't have at all.
Er . . . right, now I'd better have some coffee. I promise to get out of the house at some point during the day. I'm reliably informed that there's a big light in the sky called the 'Sun' which can be pleasant to feel.
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