Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

Hesitant on sharing your actual years of experience???


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> Hesitant on sharing your actual years of experience??? Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
Hesitant on sharing your actual years of experience??? - 5/31/2011 1:02:02 PM   
mummyman321


Posts: 2102
Joined: 10/31/2005
From: Dusseldorf
Status: offline 		Are you ever afraid to tell your true years of experience in BDSM when first meeting a potential partner?

Let me preface this question with a little background first. I have a passion for certain types of play. I have over 20 years of experience in BDSM and actually closer to 25 years. In particular, I enjoy teaching and sharing information. In my younger days I gave demos and taught classes in both Indy and Columbus (nearby cities with much better scenes than Cincinnati). As I have gotten older, I really do not enjoy the group scene and prefer to do smaller settings.

If I run across a Domme who is interested or curious about a particular topic that I am well versed in sometimes I will approach her and ask if she is interested in learning from a sub who is experienced in that area.

Sometimes this goes really well. Other times the initial contact goes well but then I have had the Dommes shy away shortly after the initial contact with the hesitancy to play with a sub who was much more experienced that herself. For that reason I am sometimes somewhat hesitant to share how long I have actually been into the scene. Now I do not think this is right or wrong of the Domme and this is just an observation on my part. Whether I am right or wrong for being elusive on my actual years of experience is a topic for another discussion. No I will not actually lie about it, but I can be creatively elusive sometime.

Back to the questions,

Dommes:
Do you shy away from subs who are much more experienced that you are?

Subs:
Are you ever hesitant to share your true years of experience when meeting a new Domme who has many year less experience than you?



_____________________________

Life - Its not about where you are but about the journey to get there - I prefer to choose the road less traveled
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Hesitant on sharing your actual years of experience??? - 5/31/2011 2:03:00 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		This was something I had to deal with and I am sure will again... if I am lucky. lol In talking to someone with far more experience than I had, I could see where I could fumble around a bit... maybe be a bit shy or insecure or be less entertaining than I would hope to be and might have a few moments of.. oppsss! lol I knew he would have to teach me or I would have to learn it somewhere else and I had no problem with that, if it were actually something I wanted to learn. However in my experience, my interest was expected and no matter how many times I said... no... I have no interest... he continued to imply that I hadn't tried it... well.... with him. I had tried it and I had no interest in it. No way would I wish to go further and nothing about him or the situation was going to bring a change in my interest levels. lol I didn't want to take a class or have him teach me a darn thing about it. Of course I did get up in arms about being pushed. lol

A local dominant here is someone I wouldn't mind learning some things from, but just this weekend, I said something to the effect... my god, the things she knows.. I wouldn't mind watching, but no way am I doing! lol

I don't want to lie about my lack of experience and I don't want anyone hiding their experience or lack thereof because of my lack of experience or any other reason. If I can't put on my big girl pants and deal... then maybe I am not the one someone should be playing with. I don't see dominant's as people that need to be coddled so that they don't take offense or get weird. It's just a fact. They don't know something... why be offended or anything negative, if someone else does? I won't shy away unless I have no interest in something. Then I typically am pretty bold about not wanting any part of it.


_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!


(in reply to mummyman321)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Hesitant on sharing your actual years of experience??? - 5/31/2011 2:19:00 PM   
mummyman321


Posts: 2102
Joined: 10/31/2005
From: Dusseldorf
Status: offline 		Lockit,
I agree on the no part. No is no. If the Domme does not find it enjoyable I will get bored with it very quickly anyways. That interaction of the inquizative Domme enjoying herself is one of the things I seek :)



_____________________________

Life - Its not about where you are but about the journey to get there - I prefer to choose the road less traveled

(in reply to Lockit)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Hesitant on sharing your actual years of experience??? - 5/31/2011 2:32:09 PM   
LadyConstanze


Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline 		No, no and another no...

Learning wherever you can, and being shown or told when you are not doing something 100% is great, to be honest I learned more from subs than from other dommes, not to belittle them, some were amazing but a sub who's feeling it all and can guide you is the best teacher ever. On the other hand, I love doing doubles, it's fun, and often a domme who's less experienced just brings a new take, a new energy and approach to the scene, so hell no, learning more is always welcome and part of the beauty of BDSM is that there is always more to learn and to discover.

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to mummyman321)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Hesitant on sharing your actual years of experience??? - 5/31/2011 2:37:01 PM   
mummyman321


Posts: 2102
Joined: 10/31/2005
From: Dusseldorf
Status: offline 		LC,
One of the things I have always said is learning is half the fun. The other half of the fun is going back and doing it again if you enjoy it!

_____________________________

Life - Its not about where you are but about the journey to get there - I prefer to choose the road less traveled

(in reply to LadyConstanze)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Hesitant on sharing your actual years of experience??? - 5/31/2011 2:38:46 PM   
LadyConstanze


Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline 		We are so going to have that bottle of wine and I shall pick your brains!!!!

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to mummyman321)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Hesitant on sharing your actual years of experience??? - 5/31/2011 2:45:26 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		I have a long river of experience behind me, too! And if I can learn something new and interesting, I do! Who cares if a sub is teaching it?

The only thing about the very very experienced, from both sides, is that we really know what we want, don't want, and just plain don't like. Sorry, I will NEVER be good at shibari, because I am not motivated to learn. I love being tied in shibari myself, though. No, I really don't want you to kneel at my feet all day. Sitting at my feet, maybe, sometimes. Sorry if Ms X was all into the kneeling, blah blah blah.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]



(in reply to LadyConstanze)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Hesitant on sharing your actual years of experience??? - 5/31/2011 3:37:44 PM   
BonesFromAsh


Posts: 1362
Joined: 6/17/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mummyman321

Are you ever afraid to tell your true years of experience in BDSM when first meeting a potential partner?


Nope, not at all. It's a topic that comes up early in communication.

quote:


Dommes:
Do you shy away from subs who are much more experienced that you are?


Gosh, no...in fact, it's something I'm very open to right now as I'm wanting to explore quite a few things ( one of which is mummification, thanks to the OP's thread in Health & Safety) I don't have experience in. That being said, I'm aware of what I bring to the table...my own set of skills and experience...which I would hope could be new and/or different for any sub I choose to interact with.

ETA...I would have a problem with a more experienced sub if he was jaded or constantly compared me to his previous partner. That gets old pretty quick.

< Message edited by BonesFromAsh -- 5/31/2011 3:42:03 PM >

(in reply to mummyman321)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Hesitant on sharing your actual years of experience??? - 5/31/2011 4:18:50 PM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ETA...I would have a problem with a more experienced sub if he was jaded or constantly compared me to his previous partner. That gets old pretty quick.


My exboyfriend used to say the same thing. Dog breath douche bag.

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to BonesFromAsh)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Hesitant on sharing your actual years of experience??? - 5/31/2011 4:24:20 PM   
mummyman321


Posts: 2102
Joined: 10/31/2005
From: Dusseldorf
Status: offline 		I think that is one of the fun and exciting things in BDSM is meeting new people. Even though I have been into the lifestyle for a while, I certainly have not done it all, and I am certainly not an expert in all areas. So I enjoy hearing other peoples techniques on how they do things. I like how 1 simple idea in one person can spark a whole bunch of ideas in another.

LC had just mentioned to me the techniqu using 2 or 3 condoms over a person's had to immobilze the hand. Now I am dying to go out an try it because I love the idea. I can imagine still being able move the hand a little bit but not being able to grab and thing. LOL....now where can I go get packs of condom's in Colonge at 1:30 in the morning!

_____________________________

Life - Its not about where you are but about the journey to get there - I prefer to choose the road less traveled

(in reply to BonesFromAsh)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Hesitant on sharing your actual years of experience??? - 5/31/2011 4:30:52 PM   
VaguelyCurious


Posts: 5264
Joined: 12/2/2009
From: United Kingdom
Status: offline 		FR

I'll maybe fudge the dates a bit about how long I've been doing a particular activity if it's something I started in my teens, because that can make people uncomfortable.

But experienced partners are a wonderful thing. Input of all possible varieties, I love it!

_____________________________

Sthetic on FetLife.




(in reply to mummyman321)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Hesitant on sharing your actual years of experience??? - 5/31/2011 4:30:54 PM   
LadyConstanze


Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mummyman321



LC had just mentioned to me the techniqu using 2 or 3 condoms over a person's had to immobilze the hand. Now I am dying to go out an try it because I love the idea. I can imagine still being able move the hand a little bit but not being able to grab and thing. LOL....now where can I go get packs of condom's in Colonge at 1:30 in the morning!


Filling station or one of those little corner shops...


_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to mummyman321)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Hesitant on sharing your actual years of experience??? - 5/31/2011 6:33:22 PM   
mummyman321


Posts: 2102
Joined: 10/31/2005
From: Dusseldorf
Status: offline 		LadyC,
Thanks for the tip where to find. It takes at least 4 on my hand! LOL

_____________________________

Life - Its not about where you are but about the journey to get there - I prefer to choose the road less traveled

(in reply to LadyConstanze)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Hesitant on sharing your actual years of experience??? - 5/31/2011 6:40:10 PM   
hausboy


Posts: 2360
Joined: 9/5/2010
Status: offline 		Hi Mummyman
thanks for the thread...
I am in a similar boat as you--I've got a long history of experience, and that includes teaching/education for both sides top and bottoms-- I have no problems or reluctance about playing with someone with less or no experience, as long as they are willing to learn.  I will not play with someone who refuses to learn...or doesn't know what they don't know.

The people I play with now really run the gamut from 30 years of experience to novice--it's important to me to have open and honest communication from the very beginning. If someone is intimidated by my past experience, then they aren't going to be a good match for me anyway.

(in reply to mummyman321)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Hesitant on sharing your actual years of experience??? - 5/31/2011 7:00:18 PM   
SnowRanger


Posts: 503
Joined: 5/25/2008
From: Sinsinnati
Status: offline 		Hello A/all,

I took the plunge into the scene in 1992. Since then my experience has been intermittent at best. (Did somebody say something about the scene in Cincinnati?)

My question is this. How much experience do I really have?

I am not hesitant to discuss my past. However I am hesitant to put a number value on it.

Respectfully,
Mike
SnowRanger

_____________________________

You can't help where you were born; and, you may not have much to say about where you die; but, you can and you should try to pass the days in between as a good man.
Anton Myrer Once an Eagle

(in reply to hausboy)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Hesitant on sharing your actual years of experience??? - 5/31/2011 7:10:31 PM   
mummyman321


Posts: 2102
Joined: 10/31/2005
From: Dusseldorf
Status: offline 		Okay, quick paraphrasing to save time on this.


hausboy,
Agreed. I will not attempt anything with someone who has a closed mind. I am all for honest and open communication. LOL, sometimes I think I ask to many questions!

SnowRanger,
Yeap, I am a local Cincinnati native. LOL but there is no scene in Cincinnati LOL. The PEER group here is doing better now compared to 10 years ago. I think Dayton has a better scene the Cincinnati though.

I too tend the hide my numbers when feeling a person out. Its the slow intro versus the full in your face shock effect.

_____________________________

Life - Its not about where you are but about the journey to get there - I prefer to choose the road less traveled

(in reply to hausboy)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Hesitant on sharing your actual years of experience??? - 5/31/2011 7:20:42 PM   
HeatherMcLeather


Posts: 2559
Joined: 5/21/2011
From: The dog house
Status: offline
quote:

Subs:
Are you ever hesitant to share your true years of experience when meeting a new Domme who has many year less experience than you?
No, I'm never tempted to understate or overstate my experience.

Tell you what, when I have 1 year of experience, I'll give you a slightly less unrealistic answer.

And if she's got many years less experience than me, well she's in Jr. High.

< Message edited by HeatherMcLeather -- 5/31/2011 7:37:35 PM >

(in reply to mummyman321)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Hesitant on sharing your actual years of experience??? - 5/31/2011 7:42:58 PM   
mummyman321


Posts: 2102
Joined: 10/31/2005
From: Dusseldorf
Status: offline 		HeatherMcleather,
First, I just love your name! Awsome.
Second, you have so much energy in your writing. I can only imagine you bouncing off the walls in person

_____________________________

Life - Its not about where you are but about the journey to get there - I prefer to choose the road less traveled

(in reply to HeatherMcLeather)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Hesitant on sharing your actual years of experience??? - 5/31/2011 9:04:25 PM   
SexyBossyBBW


Posts: 1693
Joined: 2/25/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mummyman321
Are you ever afraid to tell your true years of experience in BDSM when first meeting a potential partner?
No, but this is only because my kink list is ultra short.

quote:

Let me preface this question with a little background first. I have a passion for certain types of play. I have over 20 years of experience in BDSM and actually closer to 25 years. In particular, I enjoy teaching and sharing information. In my younger days I gave demos and taught classes in both Indy and Columbus
My favorite submissive, was one, who is older, and is WAYYYYYYYY MORE experienced than I am. What made us work, was his offering information, and knowing that I would kill the idea, or run with it. He served me like a greatful made/wife (I don't mean fem), and submitted at all times. Having had top from the bottom experience (with a prior slave), I knew when information was flowing freely, versus someone suggesting I do him. You may ask how I knew? Tact, and that feeling: when someone is sharing information, he usually isn't miserable, or in any way, disrespectful, until he gets "act X" done to him.

My experience is limited, so I wouldn't be at all, turned off by someone who is more experienced. What is potentially problematic, is anyone dating me, in the hopes that I will eventually come around to learning about, and experimenting with something he desires/needs. I am about having it my way. I'm not into having it my way, with someone who wants something different, and isn't happy for simply being with me, and my way of doing thing. M

_____________________________

"..touching was and still is and always will be the True Revolution" Nikki Giovanni
"Only when there are many people who are pools of peace, silence, understanding, will war disappear." -Osho

(in reply to mummyman321)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Hesitant on sharing your actual years of experience??? - 5/31/2011 9:19:13 PM   
Rochsub2009


Posts: 2536
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mummyman321

Subs:
Are you ever hesitant to share your true years of experience when meeting a new Domme who has many year less experience than you?



Sometimes.  I tend to find that newbie Dommes seem to think that they're supposed to know it all.  But of course, they can't possibly know everything. 

I like sharing my experience with my partner, but sometimes, younger/newer Dommes get insulted and go into the "Don't tell me what to do!  I'm the Domme!" act.  So I tend to walk hesitantly when it comes to sharing my knowledge/experience with a Domme that I'm just getting to know.


(in reply to mummyman321)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> Hesitant on sharing your actual years of experience??? Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.109