Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: Hesitant on sharing your actual years of experience???


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> RE: Hesitant on sharing your actual years of experience??? Page: <<   < prev  1 [2]
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: Hesitant on sharing your actual years of experience??? - 5/31/2011 9:37:18 PM   
mummyman321


Posts: 2102
Joined: 10/31/2005
From: Dusseldorf
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SexyBossyBBW


My experience is limited, so I wouldn't be at all, turned off by someone who is more experienced. What is potentially problematic, is anyone dating me, in the hopes that I will eventually come around to learning about, and experimenting with something he desires/needs. I am about having it my way. I'm not into having it my way, with someone who wants something different, and isn't happy for simply being with me, and my way of doing thing. M


Sexy,
I would hope if I am dating someone that we are already on a close wave length and have similar interests.

In teaching, I will simply suggest a couple of different approaches to the subject being explored and let the Domme choose what feels right. In teaching there are 2 things I want to do. One is I want the Domme to enjoy herself and thats what it is really about. Two is I want her to be knowledgeable enough about the subject to be able to make informed decisions.

I often find that after after some key things are learned the lightbulb goes off and her imangination runs with it.

< Message edited by mummyman321 -- 5/31/2011 9:38:17 PM >

_____________________________

Life - Its not about where you are but about the journey to get there - I prefer to choose the road less traveled

(in reply to SexyBossyBBW)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Hesitant on sharing your actual years of experience??? - 5/31/2011 10:05:36 PM   
HeatherMcLeather


Posts: 2559
Joined: 5/21/2011
From: The dog house
Status: offline
quote:

First, I just love your name! Awsome.
NocturnalStalker gave it to me. I thought it was wonderful as well, so I adopted it.

I'm not really a hyper person, I'm usually pretty quiet and introspective, but I do have a lot of energy to burn. And I'm almost always silly

(in reply to mummyman321)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Hesitant on sharing your actual years of experience??? - 5/31/2011 11:21:02 PM   
SexyBossyBBW


Posts: 1693
Joined: 2/25/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mummyman321
I would hope if I am dating someone that we are already on a close wave length and have similar interests.
That is usually where most of the consideration comes in, isn't it? The measure of being on similar wavelength, is hardly precise, huh?!.

quote:

In teaching, I will simply suggest a couple of different approaches to the subject being explored and let the Domme choose what feels right.
Teaching a domme (and usually her ego), you have to thread carefully. I don't know a great number of things, when it comes to kinks, and don't care about that. My only "married to kink," is someone is going to rule/dominate, and someone is going to work hard to impress/obey, while being happy/greatful, for being in his position.

quote:

In teaching there are 2 things I want to do. One is I want the Domme to enjoy herself and thats what it is really about. Two is I want her to be knowledgeable enough about the subject to be able to make informed decisions.
I can agree with this; needing to know what I'm doing, in order to do no harm to him, while having fun, is important to me. If, said idea, is something I don't find "a gross turn off," than it's only a matter of time, before I try to practice said activity, and get a feel for how I feel about it, and how he receives it. M


_____________________________

"..touching was and still is and always will be the True Revolution" Nikki Giovanni
"Only when there are many people who are pools of peace, silence, understanding, will war disappear." -Osho

(in reply to mummyman321)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Hesitant on sharing your actual years of experience??? - 6/1/2011 3:58:02 AM   
LadyConstanze


Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline 		You know, this whole thing of "how many years of experience" can be really overrated, some people get into it and then maybe play once a year, so technically they might have decades of experience, others play only in a certain way, so they might not have experience with other toys, some people are quick learners and have a lot of fantasy...

Nobody can be an expert in everything, as long as all the safety measures are in place and people know what they're doing, it's all about fun...

The only thing I won't compromise on is hygiene...

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to SexyBossyBBW)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Hesitant on sharing your actual years of experience??? - 6/1/2011 9:34:06 AM   
DarkWaterDreams


Posts: 1
Joined: 5/3/2011
Status: offline 		I'm not hesitant about sharing my actual years of experience (7years on and off) nor am I adverse to dealing with a sub who has more years in the lifestyle than me. I've had a wonderful experience with a sub who actually introduced me to a fetish that is now a part of my sexuality. If a sub approaches me with a fetish that is beyond my experience, I don't hesistate to tell him of my inexperience with it and politely decline. I'd rather turn down a sub who is looking for more than I can offer than to place myself in a situation where we would both be quite disappointed.

(in reply to Rochsub2009)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Hesitant on sharing your actual years of experience??? - 6/1/2011 11:35:04 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		No, I don't shy away from subs who have more years of experience than Me.  Being a later in life Domme and even later in life sadist, **** I figure there's a decent chance that anybody My age may have been doing this longer.  I only got started in 1999 and the sadism didn't kick in until after that.  There's always going to be someone out there with more experience.

As others have said, it's really about how you handle it.  If the sub is constantly telling the less experienced Domme that she's not doing it right or how the former tops did the play when she's doing just fine doing it her way, that's nothing but a killjoy. 

****  Translation - wasn't always kinky and doing this from the age of eighteen.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to DarkWaterDreams)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Hesitant on sharing your actual years of experience??? - 6/1/2011 12:16:01 PM   
onlyfreelycaged


Posts: 254
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline 		considering that I've barley explored being a top.... I think I'd prefer someone who's experienced. Especially because they can jump in when I flounder with some idea that I never would of had in a million years. (well, likely would, But I'm not waiting that long.)

(in reply to Rochsub2009)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Hesitant on sharing your actual years of experience??? - 6/1/2011 1:03:26 PM   
mummyman321


Posts: 2102
Joined: 10/31/2005
From: Dusseldorf
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze

You know, this whole thing of "how many years of experience" can be really overrated, some people get into it and then maybe play once a year, so technically they might have decades of experience, others play only in a certain way, so they might not have experience with other toys, some people are quick learners and have a lot of fantasy...

Nobody can be an expert in everything, as long as all the safety measures are in place and people know what they're doing, it's all about fun...

The only thing I won't compromise on is hygiene...


Good point, So I can now down grade my actual YOE to 12? :)

My father would disagree on the expert thing thought, he always said I was an expert at goofing off!

_____________________________

Life - Its not about where you are but about the journey to get there - I prefer to choose the road less traveled

(in reply to LadyConstanze)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Hesitant on sharing your actual years of experience??? - 6/1/2011 1:12:50 PM   
mummyman321


Posts: 2102
Joined: 10/31/2005
From: Dusseldorf
Status: offline 		Lady P,
I think the approach is very critical. I like to approach it the same way I mentor people at work. I will let a co-worker actually do it his way the first time around. Then afterwards if I see things I think he/she could do better I simply would say you might consider this approach and then state what the advatages of that approach is. I will also encourage multiple approaches to be tried to hopefully spark their thought process.

No one likes to be constantly told they are doing it wrong. Why am I getting this mental picture of my 4th grade teacher (a Nun( screaming at me for writing with my left hand? (Catholic thing) So if I ever do that simple smack me upside the head and hard. And I do not mean writing with my left hand LOL

_____________________________

Life - Its not about where you are but about the journey to get there - I prefer to choose the road less traveled

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Hesitant on sharing your actual years of experience??? - 6/1/2011 2:17:10 PM   
ChatteParfaitt


Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline 		Back when I was looking for a dom, I found many intimidated by my years of experience. This despite me explaining that as a sub, I really do not have a great deal of *breadth* of experience, b/c I've had so few dom partners. I do have *depth* of experience, b/c I was with my ex for 20 years.

On the dom side, the male sub I play with is in his early 60s. He has both kink experience and life experience commensurate with my own. This means sometimes he knows things I don't, and vice versa. That's called a relationship to me.

Anyone who gets testy b/c their sub knows more than them I would suspect of  having a self esteem issue. Poor self esteem does not make for good dominance. Amended to add: poor self esteem does not make for good relationships, no matter what side of the kneel you are on.


< Message edited by ChatteParfaitt -- 6/1/2011 2:18:05 PM >

_____________________________



(in reply to mummyman321)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Hesitant on sharing your actual years of experience??? - 6/1/2011 5:32:17 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mummyman321


Subs:
Are you ever hesitant to share your true years of experience when meeting a new Domme who has many year less experience than you?




I wouldn't hesitate but neither of us would have any experience of each other so we are both "noobs" in that respect and the rest, like play, that's just tricks which I am happy to learn or happy to share.




_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to mummyman321)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Hesitant on sharing your actual years of experience??? - 6/1/2011 7:02:29 PM   
mummyman321


Posts: 2102
Joined: 10/31/2005
From: Dusseldorf
Status: offline 		ChatteParfaitt,
Luckily I never ran into a Domme who got testy with me. What I have run into ....I do not want to really call it shyness but more that she felt she had nothing to offer me. And if you know me, you would know I wouldn't even attempt to push the Domme any further. I simply leave it as give me a call or send me an email if you ever have any questions on the subject.

The other thing I want to state is while I do have many years of experience there are many areas I have not played in. So I hppe the thread does not come off as me tring to be a know it all. I would like to learn it all, but this darn thing of work keeps getting in my way. LOL!

_____________________________

Life - Its not about where you are but about the journey to get there - I prefer to choose the road less traveled

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Hesitant on sharing your actual years of experience??? - 6/1/2011 10:39:29 PM   
Arpig


Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
Status: offline
quote:

Do you shy away from subs who are much more experienced that you are?
I'm glad you worded it "shy away from" rather than avoid. My answer has to be yes, not because I am intimidated, or have no desire to learn, or only want virgin territory, but because I'm concerned they will be unsatisfied. It's not like I will refuse to be with a more experienced sub, but I will take a while longer in the communication/negotiation phase to insure she knows exactly what my level of experience is and which of her stated desires I don't feel qualified to engage in.


_____________________________

Big man! Pig Man!
Ha Ha...Charade you are!

Why do they leave out the letter b on "Garage Sale" signs?

CM's #1 All-Time Also-Ran


(in reply to mummyman321)
Profile   Post #: 33
Page:   <<   < prev  1 [2]
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> RE: Hesitant on sharing your actual years of experience??? Page: <<   < prev  1 [2]
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.094