RE: Submissive Conflicts / Contradictions

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RE: Submissive Conflicts / Contradictions - 5/15/2006 12:47:32 AM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

I don't see an actual question here.. so I'll just share what I had to overcome to realize the truth of myself and finally feel comfortable in my own skin. Top, switch, bottom, slave. My biggest issue was trying to understand and balance that part of me that serves from that part of me that enjoys pain, both the giving and receiving of it. It was so hard to figure things out. How could I be so subservient on the one hand, but enjoy hurting and being hurt so much on the other? How could I get to a point where I can't walk away, but at the same time want to make people bleed. Asking that question .. what the hell am I wasn't easy to answer.. and it took several years before I was able to separate the part of me which liked S/m and the whole of me that was and is a slave. So, I call myself a switch.. but the reality is that the S/m is the least of things for me and if Himself never picked up another whip or knife and used it on me, I'd be fine with that.. because that's 'play'.. that's for the fun of it.. amusement, entertainment and doesn't have a lot of weight or meaning for me in any other capacity. It's disposable. The M/s though.. that's where the choices end. That's the inner part of me that is what it is and that I wouldn't want to do without. That said, I will live without if I have no choice because it's not the entirety of my being. But again.. that is not 'my' choice, but something which would be forced on me.. either through release from the collar of Himself.. or through his death or some other dire situation. It took about 18 years or so before I finally accepted exactly what was true for me, so consider that 18 years of self-questioning damn near every move I made. Glad the questions are over, to tell you the truth. :) You appear to know yourself pretty well and feel pretty comfortable in your own skin. If you have an occasional question.. it'll sort it self out.. eventually. Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to cloudboy)

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Post #: 21

RE: Submissive Conflicts / Contradictions - 5/15/2006 5:05:36 PM

Sensualips

Posts: 1013
Joined: 10/8/2005
Status: offline

quote:

My fantasy is to see you and protagonistlily in a boxing match, or if not that, in a death defying game of speed chess with dire consequences for the loser.

I got twenty on Amayos. Lily has been noticeably absent from the cm training grounds of late -- I suspect being in love and happy has turned her soft.

quote:

I have always respected the honesty of the M/s interaction

That may be one of the attractions for me as well, despite the over romanticism.

quote:

Well, you're just lucky I'm not your DOM, for you'd have to answer for this rude defiance.

Bring it, bitch. :)

(in reply to cloudboy)

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Post #: 22

RE: Submissive Conflicts / Contradictions - 5/15/2006 6:41:25 PM

Lionesse

Posts: 29
Joined: 5/8/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: cloudboy
I suppose all of us ask ourselves "who/what the fuck am I" on occasion.

Introspection leading to increased self-knowledge is an incredibly valuable tool. One of the most crucial functions of the BDSM community both online and offline is that it gives us the ability to compare our relationship models and expectations to what works (or doesn't) for other people.

quote:

#4: Lastly, I felt conflicted about the Domme who wanted to conquer and enslave her beloved. Somehow, the removal of his freedom seemed semi tragic to me, albeit the enslavement process was also enticingly seductive.

Mmm, that would be me, if I read your post correctly. That's an interesting take on the situation. I would not refer to the ongoing evolution of our D/s relationship as the "removal of his freedom". I would describe it as two people successfully working out a healthy, sustainable D/s relationship that makes us both happy. YMMV.

quote:

In sum: I have stong individualist, anti authority and rule breaking/bending tendencies. I also have submissive urges. Clearly you can see the conflict and contradiction here.

I think that many submissives share your experience. Mine certainly does. The key for us was engaging his sense of personal responsibility and honor. We both know that we are fundamentally not vanilla people; we both need and want a relatively high degree of D/s in our relationship. We agree that we both share the responsibility for maintaining a healthy, enjoyable and sustainable D/s dynamic. He feels less of a need to "fight my authority" because the model we consciously want to establish for our relationship is that we are partners in what we do, and we are both working to accomplish the same goals. Eg, maintaining a dominant/submissive dynamic in the household that we both find enjoyable and erotic as well as comfortable to live in. There is no "authority" to fight here, just a couple with a shared relationship goal.

(in reply to cloudboy)

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Post #: 23