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what to do? - 6/3/2011 2:55:41 AM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline 		Is there something you do when you really dig someone (REALLY dig them) but you know darned well they aren't interested in you?  Do you avoid them?  What if they are regularly in your life - a co-worker, a  friend of a friend, the only person in town who can fix your vintage car, etc.?  I'm not talking about switching coffee shops because the object of your affection also goes there... I'm talking - you'd have to give up something important to you to get away from them.

*looking for some inspiration to shake off somebody who blows my skirt up but is like "sunshine?  Yeah, nice gal.  I like her but ... you know... not THAT way."*


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RE: what to do? - 6/3/2011 3:26:11 AM   
NocturnalStalker


Posts: 3858
Joined: 12/4/2010
Status: offline 		I don't have this problem, sadly.

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RE: what to do? - 6/3/2011 4:18:41 AM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline
quote:

looking for some inspiration to shake off somebody who blows my skirt up
Stop trying to tell your heart what to do...it is an effort in futility.

As hard as it is...you owe it to yourself to do nothing. You have worked your ass off to get where you are in life and, in the long run, surrendering an achievement will hurt you more than your unrequited feelings.

Dry those tears, hold your head high and carry on...but do not berate yourself when the tears come again.

Hug, Sweetheart!!!


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RE: what to do? - 6/3/2011 4:26:27 AM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		That Hols! She is so smahhhhht! :)

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RE: what to do? - 6/3/2011 4:29:31 AM   
sirsholly


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Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

That Hols! She is so smahhhhht! :)
*blushes*

_____________________________

PICKED UPON
TECHNO-DOLT
MEMBER OF THE SUBBIE MAFIA
GRACEFULLY CHALLENGED :::::splat:::::
BOOT WHORE
VAA/S FAN

GIVES GOOD HEART (Lushy)

CREATOR OF MAYHEM (practice)


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RE: what to do? - 6/3/2011 4:39:08 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		You may not be able to avoid them entirely but you don't have to go to lunch with the co-worker, you can call your friend and arrange to see her/him alone instead of in a group, you can write out a script for dealing with the mechanic - call and ask for an appointment, drop it off and pick it up with no extra conversation.

Lessen your exposure as much as possible and be careful to not do anything that gives the impression that you view them as someone other than an acquaintance. Chat about impersonal things, not personal.


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RE: what to do? - 6/3/2011 8:42:23 AM   
pahunkboy


Posts: 33061
Joined: 2/26/2006
From: Central Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		Yeah- that happened to me recently.  I was crushed.   Guys pursues me then drops it.    Guys are a dime a dozen- so I am flirting with some other guy. I know it will never be anything- but it makes me feel good.   He is on the same page too. 

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RE: what to do? - 6/3/2011 9:32:05 AM   
HeatherMcLeather


Posts: 2559
Joined: 5/21/2011
From: The dog house
Status: offline 		I don't think I would avoid them. I probably wouldn't seek them out, but I would go about life as normal. I'd flirt as well, but I am a shameless flirt.  Flirting is fun, and who knows the O-o-A may just be repressing more substantial feelings for any number of reasons, and your flirting might just give him/her the nudge needed to make a try. A lot of people don't even try to make a move if they think it will not pan out. If this is the case, then wonderful, you get a little more than wind up your skirt. And if it isn't then you're right where you are, but have a fun side aspect of the relationship now. That and when you get home you can hop in the shower and give yourself a few whopping good orgasms imagining how the encounter "should" have gone if you were running the world.

I think one should approach every new attraction as something to enjoy and have fun with, rather than as something you have to fulfill. There's a few members on here who are regulars in my shower, and I enjoy their company enormously.




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RE: what to do? - 6/3/2011 10:53:18 AM   
0ldhen


Posts: 2221
Joined: 12/27/2010
From: Henhouse in Trolltopia, Harleyville USA
Status: offline
Sunshine, perhaps fantasize about them in a compromising posistion everytime you see them. One that holds zero appeal to you?

It can be damn hard, I know. On the other hand, have you brought the subject up with them? You could be very surprised.

I worked in a club, they hired this drop dead gorgeous guy to manage it. I was a bit older than he, I figured too pretty for me. But oh my, did the guy make me sweat! Until one day he called me to his office to chat, common enough for new personnel, right?

UH HUH, he had a JD and a coke on his desk for me, when I leaned forward to pick it up, well, lets just say he needed a new desk blotter! Oh my, we rocked and rolled on stage after hours many a fine time over the years, well me, the owners wife, lmao...and every other big titted blond who worke there. Seems he had his freak on for the Munroesque built performers, not the itty bitty model types everybody expected him to want to bang.

So you never know until you (discreetly maybe) ask.

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RE: what to do? - 6/3/2011 11:32:50 AM   
pahunkboy


Posts: 33061
Joined: 2/26/2006
From: Central Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		I vote - to rip his pants off of his naked ass and give him a good hard paddling. 

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RE: what to do? - 6/3/2011 11:34:15 AM   
LinnaeaBorealis


Posts: 8595
Joined: 10/5/2008
From: Insanity & beyond
Status: offline 		I've had this happen so many times in my life that I've somehow learned to be near the object of my, *ahem* affection with no undue difficulty. Sometimes it's merely lust, other times it's someone I really want to spend a whole lot of time with. There was a surgeon I worked with during my days as a Lesbian whose mere presence in the same room could get my panties wet. He was a total slut so I knew that he just exuded that sort of sexual vibe for a whole lot of women. I actually would go out of my way to talk with him because I so enjoyed the attraction. And I knew I wasn't going to do anything about it because he had that penis thing.

My most recent one has been in the last month. We met & talked at a munch, he's unbelievably hawt, witty & smart. I reached out to him in emails. He came to the next munch which was pretty far away from where he lives. I sat next to him, we talked & laughed & I flirted unmercifully. And there has been no contact from him since. So I've given up, but it made me a little sad.

The thing is, I like this guy on so many levels that if he was at the same event as I, I'd seek him out just to spend time with him. I don't do the avoidance thing in real life when I'm attracted to someone, but I am able to give up on the desire. It's sort of a compartmentalizing thing I guess.

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Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack in everything
That's how the light gets in
~~L. Cohen

Just one of the yahoo's

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RE: what to do? - 6/3/2011 12:34:46 PM   
ParappaTheDapper


Posts: 190
Joined: 4/28/2011
Status: offline 		This may or may not help:

There is a woman at work right now who is into me. I know this both because of vibes she gives off and because mutual friends have brought the attraction to my attention. She's very bright and sweet and cute and I think the world of her but the attraction is not mutual.

The thing is, we have to spend time around each other both at work and socially since we have overlapping circles of friends. I don't think any less of her at all and I don't feel awkward. One sided crushes are not the end of the world and they happen to pretty much everyone at one time or another. I know there's probably a little bit of weirdness for her, especially since we're both single so it has to feel a little like rejection that I'm just not interested, but I can honestly say that I don't think any differently of her knowing what I know.

So my advice would be to just grin and bear the situations where you can't help being around the object of your desire and minimize unnecessary contact until the screaming meanies you get from being in orbit around them (and the screaming meanies will die! they will!) and then everything will be cool again! Basically one sided crushes are awkward but not the end of the world and I can say speaking as someone on the receiving end of one right now they don't diminish the esteem in which the object of your affection holds you!

So chin up! Stiff upper lip! Play up play up and play the game and all that!

quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

Is there something you do when you really dig someone (REALLY dig them) but you know darned well they aren't interested in you?  Do you avoid them?  What if they are regularly in your life - a co-worker, a  friend of a friend, the only person in town who can fix your vintage car, etc.?  I'm not talking about switching coffee shops because the object of your affection also goes there... I'm talking - you'd have to give up something important to you to get away from them.

*looking for some inspiration to shake off somebody who blows my skirt up but is like "sunshine?  Yeah, nice gal.  I like her but ... you know... not THAT way."*




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You can't say A is made of B, or vice versa. All mass is interaction--Feynman

...and if you missed it, I'm the one who said "Just grab 'em in the biscuit"--either Feynman or Humpty Hump, I forget






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RE: what to do? - 6/3/2011 3:28:47 PM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: HeatherMcLeather
There's a few members on here who are regulars in my shower, and I enjoy their company enormously.



*peaks at the list.... Oooo... Sunshine  .... top five!  Excellent! 

To everybody,
Oh it's not like I've not had this before.  I'm in my 40's - I've had more mad crushes than ... well I don't know what.  But as I'm getting older, my crushes tend to be more ... realistic?  They are not people I'd want to spend the night with so much as people I'd want to spend my life with.  I've been so flirty flirty, fun for a long time!  Only once before have I felt these really strong yearnings about someone who is not a "no way" in my head - and they were for a man I nearly married.  (and then I only went out with him after he asked me for months - he was so fricking perfect I knew I'd fall in love - I did - and he'd break my heart if we broke up - we did, and my heart was broken). 

I think there is an age / beauty thing going on here too.  I've always been attractive, but as I'm getting older, I'm getting invisible.  That's hard.  Even when people weren't into me, they still dug me as a person.  Nowadays, the invisibility kind of erodes my woman's soul.

Thanks for the great advice and the wonderful stories.  I must admit that this thread has become a fun read - all the sweet little stories.  Do continue please! 

Best,
sunshine


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Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

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RE: what to do? - 6/3/2011 3:41:10 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		You are not getting invisible; you are just becoming harder for assholes to see.

Anyone with taste will have no problem seeing you.

As for how to shake off a crush; I really don't know. I don't have crushes too often and when I do, I make it known by flirting and they take the bait, cool; if not, oh well, next!


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RE: what to do? - 6/3/2011 4:01:49 PM   
0ldhen


Posts: 2221
Joined: 12/27/2010
From: Henhouse in Trolltopia, Harleyville USA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

I think there is an age / beauty thing going on here too.  I've always been attractive, but as I'm getting older, I'm getting invisible.  That's hard.  Even when people weren't into me, they still dug me as a person.  Nowadays, the invisibility kind of erodes my woman's soul.



Aw...sweet..I get it. That is how I felt about the new help.

You know we all get older, rounder, parts head south, and it does strip away a bit of our self confidence. Believe it, it is not the aging that makes us less attractive, it is actually the apparent loss of confidence.

I haz seen a photo of you, smiling, laughing on the beach, you are beautiful. That smile could light up any room. Be yourself, be proud, be confident. Nobody will be able to ignore that!



_____________________________

Everyone crashes. Some get back on. Some don't.

Za'beeta Regal, Et Vogo O' Lurwadra'd Wyka Go Abosh Inunsey.

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RE: what to do? - 6/3/2011 4:16:01 PM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline 		aww Old Hen.  You made the sun rain.  I send you one shiny rainbow.  *smooch.

*sadly I can't post one because of the program my computer is running (but I'm sending you a rainbow in my mind.... CATCH IT!)


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Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

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RE: what to do? - 6/3/2011 4:18:49 PM   
0ldhen


Posts: 2221
Joined: 12/27/2010
From: Henhouse in Trolltopia, Harleyville USA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

aww Old Hen.  You made the sun rain.  I send you one shiny rainbow.  *smooch.

*sadly I can't post one because of the program my computer is running (but I'm sending you a rainbow in my mind.... CATCH IT!)




Gots it, the chickie thank you ever so kindly. I think I shall wear it as a hat today! Thank You!

_____________________________

Everyone crashes. Some get back on. Some don't.

Za'beeta Regal, Et Vogo O' Lurwadra'd Wyka Go Abosh Inunsey.

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RE: what to do? - 6/3/2011 4:56:50 PM   
LinnaeaBorealis


Posts: 8595
Joined: 10/5/2008
From: Insanity & beyond
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: 0ldhen


You know we all get older, rounder, parts head south, and it does strip away a bit of our self confidence. Believe it, it is not the aging that makes us less attractive, it is actually the apparent loss of confidence.




Thank you for posting this. These are important words, indeed!!!

_____________________________

Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack in everything
That's how the light gets in
~~L. Cohen

Just one of the yahoo's

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RE: what to do? - 6/3/2011 5:02:03 PM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

You are not getting invisible; you are just becoming harder for assholes to see.



By the way... I love that.  :)

I think it's true that fewer assholes see me, but also fewer wunnerful people see me as well.


_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

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RE: what to do? - 6/4/2011 12:07:32 AM   
tazzygirl


Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline 		I moved.

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