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ORIGINAL: CrappyDom

Rose,

Insecurity arises from within and can only be dealt with by you, although others can help, you have to do the heavy lifting.   Develop what is called an inner observer, it is a sort of watcher in the back of your head that is detached from what is going on.  When you get a hard pang of insecurity, try and look back to see what is really behind it.  This stuff is very much like an onion, you keep peeling back layers to find a brand new one underneath it, but as you do so, the insecurities do tend to lose their power.  Another thing that helps is finding someone safe to talk to about them.  I have found that when I drag my terriffying inner demons out into the sunshine, they lose much of their hold over me.  So, anytime you have a reaction that seems too strong, out of place, look inward to see what is driving it and you will be surprised at what you find.

Bottom line, insecurity comes from a lack of self worth on some level.  The thought of losing ones partner will make anyone insecure.   However, is that fear brought on when they go to the store or when they play with a new casual partner, the former isn't healthy and the latter one is a bit more realistic. 

For ME, when I first entered the scene I had a flare up of insecurity because the women who find me attractive are ones many others do as well, something a bit less true in my vanilla life.  Since I play in a rather large pond (San Francisco) there are some very very big fish.  To deal with that, I had to come to a place where I could tell myself that women do find me attractive and thus it is likely that my mate does so as well.  If she leaves me, it isn't because I am worthless (or too perverted, or insert your worry here) but because we are on different paths and her choice is about her, not me.

So my approach to helping someone deal with insecurities is to first let them know it is okay to have them.  Surprising how much that helps.  I then have them repeat little mantras, cheesy but it does work.  Things like "I am talented" or "I am worth loving", so in your case you have to find what it is you feel you aren't and find a way to teach yourself that you are.  Another thing that is harder than most will admit is have a dominant who is consistent and reliable, something I am much better at than I was years ago but am far from perfect.  I also play with those insecurities, in a constructive way.  Say you think you are ugly, I would slowly start to push you to take better care of yourself.  Buy you things that you would be too embarrassed to wear and praise you in them.  I would do it on a very subtle level because if it is over the top, it doesn't sink in.  This is tricky stuff at this end, but it can be done with love, and real open and honest listening by both of you (google "mirroring" as a communication skill).

Another think that is crucial is your dominant cannot expect progress, there can be no disappointment that you are not "fixed".  This is a process that is slow and pretty much continues till you die.  Trying to force it generally ends in disaster.  I would highly recommended reading Consensual Sadomasochism and Tantric Loving.

quote:

So my approach to helping someone deal with insecurities is to first let them know it is okay to have them. Surprising how much that helps. I then have them repeat little mantras, cheesy but it does work. Things like "I am talented" or "I am worth loving", so in your case you have to find what it is you feel you aren't and find a way to teach yourself that you are. Another thing that is harder than most will admit is have a dominant who is consistent and reliable, something I am much better at than I was years ago but am far from perfect. I also play with those insecurities, in a constructive way. Say you think you are ugly, I would slowly start to push you to take better care of yourself. Buy you things that you would be too embarrassed to wear and praise you in them. I would do it on a very subtle level because if it is over the top, it doesn't sink in. This is tricky stuff at this end, but it can be done with love, and real open and honest listening by both of you (google "mirroring" as a communication skill).

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ORIGINAL: HoosierScorpio

You need to figure out were these inscurities come from and try to understand why. To figure this out can help you to come to terms with and they will go away.