RE: Proper Equitte?

RE: Proper Equitte? (Full Version)

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RapierFugue -> RE: Proper Equitte? (6/11/2011 5:55:45 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious I...have no idea what that means. Cultural reference has gone over my head. Which one?

VaguelyCurious -> RE: Proper Equitte? (6/11/2011 5:57:26 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RapierFugue quote: ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious I...have no idea what that means. Cultural reference has gone over my head. Which one? Time-share properties. Also: I'm supposed to be making things easier for you? Who knew? What am I, your carer? [8D]

RapierFugue -> RE: Proper Equitte? (6/11/2011 6:02:48 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious Time-share properties. Something that looks like a perfectly fair and reasonable deal, and a good idea, but which is most likely a pile of crap :) c.f. "Political Debate on CM", "Modern French Cars", "A dinner date with me", etc. quote: ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious What am I, your carer? [8D] Your fantasies are none of my business ;)

VaguelyCurious -> RE: Proper Equitte? (6/11/2011 6:05:36 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RapierFugue Something that looks like a perfectly fair and reasonable deal, and a good idea, but which is most likely a pile of crap :) Ah. Well in that case: how very dare you?!? [8D] quote: Your fantasies are none of my business ;) I think I just got out-crazied. Well done. I'm sure MrHC will be impressed when he comes back, because it's something he manages only rarely. Maybe you should provide lessons.

RapierFugue -> RE: Proper Equitte? (6/11/2011 6:12:55 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious quote: ORIGINAL: RapierFugue Something that looks like a perfectly fair and reasonable deal, and a good idea, but which is most likely a pile of crap :) Ah. Well in that case: how very dare you?!? [8D] Oh I dare baby, I dares me and then some :) quote: quote: ORIGINAL: RapierFugue Your fantasies are none of my business ;) I think I just got out-crazied. Well done. I'm sure MrHC will be impressed when he comes back, because it's something he manages only rarely. Maybe you should provide lessons. I would but I'm so busy these days that causing cute girls mild disquiet is about my limit ATM ;) And, with that, I'm off to wash my bloodstained foot, and then take a basket of goodies to my aging but sprightly mother. And no, that isn't a euphemism. only I could turn the simple act of getting out of bed into a claret-filled mini-drama

Charnegui -> RE: Proper Equitte? (6/11/2011 6:30:29 AM)
Ow.... djeezzzz Now I'm reading why no-one's reacting on my profile............ I'm a collared one....... grinn Luckely for me, I do not need permission to write msgs on the boards or on the other side. My only restriction is my phonenumber. (and since I have skype smiling saintly)

sunshinemiss -> RE: Proper Equitte? (6/11/2011 8:14:03 AM)
Sunny Quote of the Day goes to RapierFugue [sm=violin.gif] for *only I could turn the simple act of getting out of bed into a claret-filled mini-drama http://www.collarchat.com/m_3713537/mpage_4/key_/tm.htm#3716944

Awareness -> RE: Proper Equitte? (6/11/2011 8:20:11 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious And for Awareness, as to the value of your time as a neophyte, I've got one word: networking. Owned submissive women have unowned submissive friends (as well as dominant and submissive friends with particular skill sets to learn from - useful for a neophyte - and dominant friends who might be looking - also important for a switch like the OP, maybe.) Talking to everyone maximises your chance of getting that crucial introduction that'll change your dating landscape. No doubt they do, however I'm going off the context of his original question which was "What do you feel is the proper way to contact someone who has a master?" I'm not suggesting he turns up at a meet, questions every sub and dispense with those who are owned. He's talking about online. I'm saying that even bothering to try and contact an owned sub or slave is not going to profit him whatsoever. Given that the numbers game implies it's rare that a woman will even read his email, let alone respond to it, when you factor in the reality that owned subs have less interest, they are even less likely to reply than an unowned sub would. All in all, an exceptionally long shot with a low return. There is simply no profit in it. He's better off aiming for the women who have a greater incentive to reply and who are at least available. And this doesn't even begin to consider the various masters out there who screen or read their sub's emails. Who the heck wants to have a conversation with a sub while an invisible paranoid chaperone lurks in the background and reads every word?

Arpig -> RE: Proper Equitte? (6/11/2011 8:22:30 AM)
quote: I don't pay much attention to people's relationship statuses when I talk to them, unless they specifically bring it up. If someone makes me laugh I'll say hello, and I'd be gutted if any partner of mine said something funny/amusing/interesting and was avoided because of her/his relationship to me. Also, I expect my partners to have a sense of proportion and a bit of common sense - that means not allowing themselves to be upset by internet randoms. (We are just talking about the internet here, right? I'm guessing you wouldn't avoid someone in a room full of people because of their relationship status...) Why is it always the fucking lesbians who get it!!! Fucking God damned evil, lesbians.....I love you all! If the person you want to contact states in their profile or demeanor that they do not wish to be contacted directly, do it their way if you must, but as a rule I just ignore them as twits. Especially on CM..if they can't figure out how to use the mail filters, screw it. There's plenty of sane folks to talk to. VC's idea about networking is excellent advice, and just ignore anything and everything posted by Awareness, he's....well..."special". Even the Goreans want nothing to do with him. I write to people of all stripes and sorts. If you're not attempting to hook up with them who cares what their relationship status is. Go ahead and write, and if they don't respond, do NOT write back to ask why. If they write back frothing at the mouth about being owned, just delete. And if some make-believe-master writes you to bitch about you having the nerve to write their property...just delete it as well. Those types are doing you a big favour, they are helping you avoid wasting your time.

GreedyTop -> RE: Proper Equitte? (6/11/2011 8:25:41 AM)
quote: If the person you want to contact states in their profile or demeanor that they do not wish to be contacted directly, do it their way if you must, but as a rule I just ignore them as twits. Especially on CM..if they can't figure out how to use the mail filters, screw it. There's plenty of sane folks to talk to. VC's idea about networking is excellent advice, and just ignore anything and everything posted by Awareness, he's....well..."special". Even the Goreans want nothing to do with him. I write to people of all stripes and sorts. If you're not attempting to hook up with them who cares what their relationship status is. Go ahead and write, and if they don't respond, do NOT write back to ask why. If they write back frothing at the mouth about being owned, just delete. And if some make-believe-master writes you to bitch about you having the nerve to write their property...just delete it as well. Those types are doing you a big favour, they are helping you avoid wasting your time. QFT

VaguelyCurious -> RE: Proper Equitte? (6/11/2011 9:55:33 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Awareness There is simply no profit in it. He's better off aiming for the women who have a greater incentive to reply and who are at least available. Nah. Think about it - any woman in a committed and exclusive relationship on this site is by definition not looking - if they're still here then they're here for conversation, which makes them more receptive to a platonic, friendly email (if it looks genuinely friendly and platonic). I don't think you quite understand how much the women on here can chat to each other. Don't discount the potential of networking online just because it's online. I've certainly done my share of 'hey, you ought to have a drink with this guy' CM matchmaking.

LadyPact -> RE: Proper Equitte? (6/11/2011 10:02:30 AM)
Sorry, but UNtruth. We actually did have a problem with someone a little over a year ago that clip and I both ended up having to block. She does happen to be a forum participant who lived roughly an hour or so away from Me at the time. She got it into her head that it was perfectly acceptable to write him emails asking him if he knew of subs in his area that could ride with him when he came out to visit Me, etc. When I wrote her directly to say that it wasn't appreciated and she had no position to be asking an owned submissive for "favors" without going through Me first, she didn't seem to understand that My sub's time IS My time because he happens to belong to Me. There's no way to set up your mail filters for that kind of garbage. All you can do is block the offending individual and move on.

VaguelyCurious -> RE: Proper Equitte? (6/11/2011 10:32:56 AM)
You and I have had this debate before, Lady P. I said then and will say now that it's not entirely reasonable to expect the rest of the world to hold to leather protocol without first telling them about it. A situation where someone's continuing after you've told them that that contact is unacceptable in your relationship is not the same as a first contact saying hello in an environment that is not specifically leather.

Arpig -> RE: Proper Equitte? (6/11/2011 4:10:04 PM)
That's what you consider a problem?? I want your life, that's for sure. quote: She got it into her head that it was perfectly acceptable to write him emails asking him if he knew of subs in his area that could ride with him when he came out to visit Me, etc. Personally I can't see any reason why it wouldn't be perfectly acceptable to do that. She wasn't asking to fuck him, she was inquiring about a ride for God's sake! quote: When I wrote her directly to say that it wasn't appreciated and she had no position to be asking an owned submissive for "favors" without going through Me first Why not? He's the one doing the driving, why would anybody feel the need to "go through you" first. quote: she didn't seem to understand that My sub's time IS My time because he happens to belong to Me. And she wasn't asking to take any time away from you, so what relevance does that have? Sorry LP, but unless you've left out a lot of details, you completely over reacted, and it was your behaviour that was inappropriate. If that's really your approach to an innocent email, then you're one of those twits I referred to in my earlier post. Which saddens me a great deal.

Hisprettybaby -> RE: Proper Equitte? (6/11/2011 7:06:47 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: bhamliving Hello! First off, I am relitivly new to the D/s relationship dynamic. I do not claim to be a master, but since my enterance into the kinky world, I have come in contact, both directly and indirectly, with those who classify themselves as masters. For that reason, I have a question 1) What do you feel is the proper way to contact someone who has a master? Please include: - some unwritten rules that get assumed - some reasoning behind it (just informative, not to prove that your viewpoints are correct) As I said, I am new to this side, and don't want to step on anyone's toes or cross any lines that I do not know about. I appreciate everyone's on topic responses. I can't speak for all Masters, but I know my Daddy likes for someone to contact him first before wanting to "friend" me. But on collarme we share one profile. On fetlife.com we each have our own. Daddy just said it's good etiquette is all. ~Hisprettybaby~ Who also happens to live in Bellingham and sent you a private cmail on the activities available in our area.

Awareness -> RE: Proper Equitte? (6/11/2011 7:29:53 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious Nah. Think about it - any woman in a committed and exclusive relationship on this site is by definition not looking - if they're still here then they're here for conversation, which makes them more receptive to a platonic, friendly email (if it looks genuinely friendly and platonic). Dear God woman, where have you been? Heterosexual men do NOT do platonic with heterosexual women - we only say we do because that gets us close enough to make a play for their panties. wink Seriously though, I get what you're saying and I'm not undervaluing networking but I still have some scepticism about the odds of him getting a reply. quote: I don't think you quite understand how much the women on here can chat to each other. Don't discount the potential of networking online just because it's online. I've certainly done my share of 'hey, you ought to have a drink with this guy' CM matchmaking. Oh believe me I do. I imagine all this nattering on going back and forth constantly and I'm just glad I don't have to witness it because I'm positive the sheer volume would make my head hurt.

juliaoceania -> RE: Proper Equitte? (6/11/2011 9:07:26 PM)
fast reply I was involved with someone on this site for a few years, many long time posters remember him, he no longer posts here... When we were together he had me direct my emails to him, in other words I would tell people to ask him if they could email me... not because he was worried about me, because he knew that no matter what was written in my profile there would be some men that would contact me anyways (a lot of them, actually). The reason he did this was to show I was being polite, and not just ignoring emails. He also knew I liked the fact it kept unwanted emails down. I also liked the fact I had to have his permission to answer people (I would ask if I could reply to people that would email me from the forum, even submissives, not because he cared, but it made me feel controlled, and I liked that feeling at the time). I had a profile here because of my interaction via the forums, and it let people know who I was, etc... I asked him if he wanted my password to my account, he didn't. He never read my emails unless I wanted him to read them because some were downright hilarious (freaky or HNG). He never told anyone that asked for permission to email me that they couldn't, but he would tell them my response was up to me, and I never got the vibe he did this for any other reason other than to lighten the load off my inbox... and he was happy to do that, since I was here for the forums and no other reason.

sunshinemiss -> RE: Proper Equitte? (6/11/2011 9:29:18 PM)
I think Aynne was the only one I've actually contacted the domly about before talking to. The way they wrote it on her profile appealed to me, and I chose to respect it. Usually, I don't. Here's my take on it. Being at a play party or much or some such thing, I'll hold back and see what's what. I do the same thing when I'm with vanillas. Just try to ask a married man to dance. Geesh, more than once I've turned to the woman who has dared to give me what for and said, "I don't want to blow him, I just want to dance with him." A play party, where certain presumptions can be made about the expectation of protocol, is a different thing entirely. Online? Look, YOU have a dynamic. Bully for you. I am not in that dynamic. If I want to write to someone, I will. It is THAT PERSON'S responsibility to manage their own damn dynamic and rule-laden mail. If you don't want to read my letter, delete it. If you don't want to talk to me because I didn't suck up to your sweetie, don't talk to me. I did not sign up for your dynamic. It is the height of arrogance to presume that you can dominate the whole fricking internet because your sub doesn't know how to behave in a way that works for you. Frankly, if people aren't grown up enough to manage their own mail, they got bigger fish to fry than dealing with my charming self. That's all. Sunshine

juliaoceania -> RE: Proper Equitte? (6/11/2011 9:35:54 PM)
quote: Online? Look, YOU have a dynamic. Bully for you. I am not in that dynamic. If I want to write to someone, I will. It is THAT PERSON'S responsibility to manage their own damn dynamic and rule-laden mail. If you don't want to read my letter, delete it. If you don't want to talk to me because I didn't suck up to your sweetie, don't talk to me. I did not sign up for your dynamic. It is the height of arrogance to presume that you can dominate the whole fricking internet because your sub doesn't know how to behave in a way that works for you. Frankly, if people aren't grown up enough to manage their own mail, they got bigger fish to fry than dealing with my charming self. That's all. Sunshine That is exactly right, at the time I had restrictions, it was my dynamic... and I followed the rules set up within my dynamic because it turned us on and pleased us, and it really had nothing to do with anyone else or how they felt about it... If someone wanted to email me regardless.. he didn't email them and rant on about what they should have or should not have done... the email just went unanswered, that's all... no biggie. I believe it said in my profile "If you want to email me I will only respond if you email my daddy first"... it didn't tell them they couldn't email me, it just said, if they wanted a response they should email him first.

sunshinemiss -> RE: Proper Equitte? (6/11/2011 9:39:32 PM)
That makes sense to me.

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