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RE: What we learn from failure? - 5/14/2006 6:53:44 PM   
Sinergy


Posts: 9383
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline 		Hello A/all,

Interesting thread.  I have a few thoughts on it.

First off, I was a martial arts student for years and years and years, I played various games to the point where I could probably have gone professional playing them.

I would seek out people who were better than I was in both venues and sign up for my daily losses.  As a martial arts instructor, I very seldom learned much from people I was much better than.  However, people who were much more skilled than I was taught me a lot.  Eventually, I would learn what I needed to learn and succeed in defeating them.

One guy (4th degree black belt) told me he could not be thrown unless he let the other person do it.

Took me 3 years of him making a complete idiot out of me, and one day...

Is it truly a "failure," or is it a growth opportunity?  The only real opponent I ever feel I am facing is myself and my own inexperience.  The person I am facing is helping me to learn more about myself.

Secondly, from a neurolinguistic standpoint, I would recommend people not look at them as failures.  Sometimes things just dont work out.  The scientific term is "impedence mismatch."  Two things which work perfectly and pass all the diagnostic tests, when joined, fail to achieve the desired result.  It is not your fault.  It is not the other person's fault.  It was not meant to be, and the reason may not be one which can be arrived at by linear reasoning.  Viewing it as a failure is you programming your brain to perceive YOU as being a causative factor in a "failure."  I.e., you failed.  Not sure that is a great message for a person to tell themself.

But that is just me, and I could be wrong.

Sinergy

_____________________________

"There is a fine line between clever and stupid"
David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle


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RE: What we learn from failure? - 5/14/2006 10:32:01 PM   
akisha


Posts: 2071
Joined: 6/25/2005
Status: offline 		Every experience in life is a learning experience. Just because the results were not what you had hoped does not mean you failed. You only ever truely fail when you do not learn from what you do.

I look on everything as a way to improve myself. If it doesn't not work you sit and think on what happend that you did not get the results you were looking for.

I accept the way things turn out and try to find a better way to achieve the goals i want.

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RE: What we learn from failure? - 5/14/2006 10:55:50 PM   
DesertRat


Posts: 2774
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: NM/USA
Status: offline 		For me, the only way to avoid failing is to avoid trying new things. I'm a pretty good bicycle mechanic and really excel at wheel building. In the process of becoming an accomplished journeyman, I had to really blow it fairly often. Fortunately, most of my greatest failures were on my own equipment. The mistakes and out-and-out failures are part of the learning process. In my emt classes, I managed to 'kill' my partner at least a dozen times. Again, part of the training. Any sucesses I enjoy now in my career, my volunteer activities, and, most important of all, my relationships with others, are largely due to the info gleaned from my failures, big and small.

Bob

< Message edited by DesertRat -- 5/14/2006 10:57:19 PM >

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When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro--Hunter S. Thompson
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Damn the crops. I'll only find peace at the end of a rope.--Winston Van Loo, 1911

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RE: What we learn from failure? - 5/14/2006 10:58:55 PM   
Phoenixandnika


Posts: 748
Joined: 4/22/2005
From: Aberdeen Maryland
Status: offline 		The world is a classroom.Some lessons come easy. Some come hard. How we learn them is up to us.
 
Some of the most important things I have learned.
 
  • No one can make me happy but me.
  • Forgivness is not about the other person its about allowing myself to move past an act and letting those scabs heal.
  • I have to take life one day at a time
  • I have to be true to myself otherwise I betray myself
  • That the right thing is typically the hardest thing to do
  • That true heros often go unnamed and I must remember those I consider heros
  • Love my children unconditionally, protect them at all costs even from themselves, to guide them then trust them.
  • Tactfulness
  • The moment I act in anger towards a person I am giving them control over me.

Blessed Be,
Phoenix's Nika
 

< Message edited by Phoenixandnika -- 5/14/2006 11:00:39 PM >

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"Life is neither a bed of roses nor a carpet of thorns, it's just what you make of it."



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RE: What we learn from failure? - 5/14/2006 11:08:00 PM   
ElectraGlide


Posts: 1246
Joined: 11/25/2005
From: Maryland
Status: offline 		Most people fail because they are doing something they do not want to do. Face it sometimes in life you have to do things you do not want to do, the weak walk away and fail. The strong survive by being determined and persistent even though they cant stand it. They become determined rocks that have an unbeatable consistency that is second to none. Desire can beat out even younger stronger competiters. Remember that you young whipersnappers lol.

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RE: What we learn from failure? - 5/14/2006 11:13:47 PM   
Phoenixandnika


Posts: 748
Joined: 4/22/2005
From: Aberdeen Maryland
Status: offline 		*smiles*
 
Strong people fail too, sometimes they just go about things the wrong way. But then again to me weakness or strenght is perpective.
 
Sometimes people fail at things they want to succeed at.
 
 I mean look at all the failed marriage do you think all these people wanted to fail horribly at being a husband or wife?
 
Look at addicts. How many times do they slip when sobriety is what they want.
 
You simply have to decide if you lay there and cry or get up and try again.
 
Blessed Be,
Phoenix's Nika
 
 
 

< Message edited by Phoenixandnika -- 5/14/2006 11:14:09 PM >

_____________________________

"Life is neither a bed of roses nor a carpet of thorns, it's just what you make of it."



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RE: What we learn from failure? - 5/14/2006 11:14:50 PM   
Dustyn


Posts: 1044
Joined: 4/5/2006
Status: offline 		I have never failed in my life, simply never achieved the end result that I was driving myself towards.  When I come up short, I regroup, examine which choices I made that might have impeded me in the first attempt and try again.  To give up is to go against everything that I am and everything that the people in my life have taught me over the last 3 decades.  I refuse to disgrace their memory simply because I refuse to keep fighting.

I know the movie is goofy, but Tim Allen's line from Galaxy Quest is actually important to keep in mind.

Never give up.  Never surrender.

- Dustyn


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Murderer?! Murderer! Let me tell you something about murder. It's fun; it's easy; you gonna learn ALL about it. - Tin Tin

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RE: What we learn from failure? - 5/14/2006 11:33:25 PM   
MistressLove999


Posts: 201
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: Daytona Beach, Florida
Status: offline 		I know what I learn from failure is.......it is ONLY a failure if I didn't learn anything from it.
Each time I screw something up, it is a learning experience.
But, when you figure it out and make it work then doesn't that make you feel  good about you?
I always refer to it as the school of hard knocks.

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Play nice & Be Well,

Mistress Love

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RE: What we learn from failure? - 5/14/2006 11:41:53 PM   
ElectraGlide


Posts: 1246
Joined: 11/25/2005
From: Maryland
Status: offline 		I never compete against others because you will only be as good as they are. I focus my concentration on myself so I am not totally distracted from what I am trying to accomplish. Guess what sometimes fate steps in and we dont succeed no matter how hard you try. Then you cant miss a beat on getting restarted at the task ahead of you.

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RE: What we learn from failure? - 5/15/2006 7:39:56 AM   
Ceyx


Posts: 89
Joined: 8/23/2005
Status: offline 		Properly studied-- this doesn't always happen-- my failures teach me about personal shortcomings that may impact my relationships. If I'm aware of them, if I can keep them in the corner of my eye, then I can often correct for them.

For example, I've learned through failure that I become testy if miss and I have gone too long without "quality time" together as Master and slave. When this happens, I tend to be persnickety about petty things in her conduct; it's not dominance, it's nit-picking, but it comes from a desire to be "closer" than the circumstances at that time allow us to be. Knowing this about myself, I try to watch myself more carefully when we've gone a while without; I want to make certain that the control I exert is in the spirit of our relationship, as opposed to mere badgering or fault-finding.

Acknowledged failure gives me clearer if less rosy sense of myself. Ideally it makes me more responsible and more mature.

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RE: What we learn from failure? - 5/15/2006 9:10:36 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		I was an honor student throughout college and HATED missing anything on a test or having a paper marked with red. I usually scored at the top of the class, no matter what the subject was... I was also very sick and exhausted at the end of the semester. I was succeeding, but I was failing myself because I feared making mistakes... I feared failure. I learned though, I learned we not only can benefit from mistakes, but the things we learn when we make them we are more likely to remember. I do not remember the things I got right in life as well as the things I got wrong. It impresses itself on my mind. So now I welcome some failure.

My mom used to say this to me, and I finally own it emotionally, If you never fail you are not doing anything. It is easy not to fail if you don't live...

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

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RE: What we learn from failure? - 5/15/2006 11:18:55 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		I have learned a few very important things.

My husband's opinion of a potential slave is very valuable. Time an again he has seen through the fakes when I was feeling with my groin instead. By extension after 6 years, my slave Fox's opinion is very valuable too.

Never agree to rules or rituals that I do not myself create and feel strongly about. If I cannot maintain them, then my dominance loses a great deal of meaning.

When I know it won't work out, say it now, don't drag it out. The training contract allows for this, TammyJo, use it for your benefit and theirs.

They are unlikely to burn the kitchen to the ground, go ahead and let them help out in there.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

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RE: What we learn from failure? - 5/31/2006 3:31:50 PM   
moontearz


Posts: 11
Joined: 5/18/2006
Status: offline 		I have since January been dealing with an issue of an ex sub and an ex friend switch who broke protocol.  When i posted on the local subs list i was on and the moderator was the switch about the breaking of protocol, the switch accused me of flaming.  The sad thing is1) my Master told me to stay away from the switch and 2) the subs list was supposed to be for a safe place for subs to go to have a voice and share their concerns.  Of course she took me off the list, my sub was also on that list but i had not mentioned any names so i was confused about the whole flaming issue. I was on another forum in which the moderator of that list was on the switchs list and voiced my concern about the breaking of protocol. The switch was on that list as well.  Again i was acuused of flaming.  another list i was on for subs and it was a local one the switch was on it too and i posted another concern and the switch called my Master /husband and told him what i had said. The switch broke protocol with that as well for no one was to be privy to that information especailly doms.  Now i found out that this switch is accusing me of stalking.  I feel that my right to have a voice has been shut down becuase this switch who is in a postion of power, owns a local group and several yahoo group lists does not want people to know what she has done.  I'm confused about what flaming is and just how do you go about sharing your huts and conflicts without flaming.  I thought that by not naming names and all that stuff was the proper thing.  it seems to me that this switch is so afraid of being found to not be the person that she is so strongly advocating in this lifestyle that she will go to any lengths to leagally shut my mouth.  But i'm doing everything in my power not to flame. I really need some help with this. The only thing i'm learning is that the truth in some circles realy don't matter and is is always seems to be a subjective opinion.   Thank you moontearz

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RE: What we learn from failure? - 5/31/2006 3:37:05 PM   
Sinergy


Posts: 9383
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline 		Hello A/all,

The use of the term "failure" bothers me.  What some might see as a failure I personally see as an opportunity for growth.

Just me, could be wrong, but there you go.

Sinergy

< Message edited by Sinergy -- 5/31/2006 3:38:45 PM >

_____________________________

"There is a fine line between clever and stupid"
David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle


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RE: What we learn from failure? - 5/31/2006 3:45:05 PM   
JessicaLashes


Posts: 16
Joined: 5/30/2006
Status: offline 		Failure, one of the cruelest mistress' to serve.  Even when she teaches a lesson of true value.

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RE: What we learn from failure? - 5/31/2006 3:58:42 PM   
Sinergy


Posts: 9383
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo

They are unlikely to burn the kitchen to the ground, go ahead and let them help out in there.


I had to forbid my two submissives from going in the kitchen.  Their talent at cooking was fairly marginal, but what I found discouraging was their unwillingness to actually try to learn how to avoid burning water.

I suspect it is one of those things where they were so afraid of failing they were unwilling to try to succeed.

Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

Just me, etc.

Sinergy

_____________________________

"There is a fine line between clever and stupid"
David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle


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RE: What we learn from failure? - 5/31/2006 8:59:27 PM   
NCSilverWolves


Posts: 123
Joined: 5/31/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble
If at first you don't succeed..
Celeste


Hide all evidence that you even tried....LOL

No seriously... Bita.. I agree with you and the others. Failure though to me is not a word I like to use around my home. More like... screwed it up.... gotta do better next time. I learn from it and go on myself. And I teach my girls the same. Failure is only a nasty word to try to get you to quit. Kick it out and try again and learn from what you kicked.

Note on failure.... I failed to notice date of this threads begining..... i'm such a screw up ......lol


< Message edited by NCSilverWolves -- 5/31/2006 9:01:32 PM >

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Wisdom is knowing what to do next, Skill is knowing how to do it, and Virtue is doing it.

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RE: What we learn from failure? - 6/1/2006 12:08:23 AM   
ZenDragoness


Posts: 372
Joined: 1/21/2006
From: Berlin/Germany
Status: offline 		I live by a sentence a friend gave to me some 20 years ago, this sentence was the answer to a question i asked him: Without fears from the past and without hopes(expectations) into the future. I aim to live in the everpassing moment, this sentence is helpful.

To be open if today i am presented with a situation and tomorrow the seemingly same situation will be presented to me, and the only difference is the place in time, than i strive to be able to act anew tomorrow, maybe in the same way and maybe in another way.

So, I do not use failure or something like that, i use experiences, good, bad or mediocre. All experience should be fluid, in the sense of, dont attach me to a certain point in time.
.
If i have the feeling that i *pardon my french* fucked up, than i think about the sound of one clapping hand, i go for a walk or i sing (i am a trained singer). I use my experiences on this fulfilling swim through life.


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RE: What we learn from failure? - 6/1/2006 12:59:26 AM   
CERCKL


Posts: 1039
Joined: 3/4/2006
Status: offline 		I think that we seem to learn lessons from painful experiences...if we choose to identify those as failure or not depends on our own perspective. Recently, I have been trying to identify why it seems to be that our life lessons are primarily fueled from pain and not positive experiences. It is almost as if, the positive can just be experienced and the pain must be identified, accessed, etc. I am not certain if this is because we want to either deny the pain or just try to not have to experience it period. Another thing which I have noticed is that if something is positive or pleasurable and yet one has doubts, insecurities or it doesn't fit into their expectations, then that experience can be turned into a painful one through over-analyzing, tearing it apart and looking for the hidden...
I believe that either pain, failure, positive, what-have-you are just artificial judgements which we make to try to identify and quantify when truly it all comes to perception; the experience itself just is...for me failure, for you a challenge and for another a success.
I still tend to struggle with allowing things to be, tend to complicate, attempt to locate the gnostic, when there is nothing to actually know.
What do I learn from failure? That I know nothing and understand even less...and it isn't mandatory to repeat past patterns. Just as happiness, success, fulfillment is not mandatory neither is a sense of failure, sorrow, etc. It just is.

C


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RE: What we learn from failure? - 6/1/2006 1:04:26 AM   
becca333


Posts: 1050
Joined: 4/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: smilezz

"I'd rather be a failure in something that i love, than a success in something that i hate"    George Burns

I have always enjoyed this quote.

~smilezz~


That's a wonderful quote - thank you, it gave me a smile.

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