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RE: Disabled - 6/13/2011 6:03:47 AM   
Arieno


Posts: 32
Joined: 2/4/2011
Status: offline 		Just wondered if i could ask the Ladies why it seems so hard for a disabled sub to find a Mistress?
i am a potential cuckold, and would be around 24/7 to serve and / or do chores and control is of course facilitated by my lack of mobility.
Ok, may not be able to do yardwork, but can drive etc.
Is it me or is there a drawback to a disabled sub that i haven't thought of?
Also advice on how to market myself to potential Mistresses would be very welcome
Thank You
bob [/quote]

Bob, I have a wheelchair driven woman working with me, she has been with me over 10 years and I have relied on her so heavily I have made her a full partner. The reason I hired her as opposed to others more qualified was the following comment she made during our first interview.

“Sir, to begin with, I am not disabled, inconvenienced indeed but certainly not disabled. I can be an asset to your company and all I ask is you allow me to prove it.”

(in reply to indibob)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Disabled - 6/13/2011 8:50:02 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: indibob

You pick me up on hehe after calling me Dude???? You really think thats becoming in the least?
sorry laughing for real about that one!!


I call everybody "Dude" when I'm in 'shoot from the hip' mode.  It may or may not be becoming, but I'm not the one in the position of having to worry about it. 

I'm also not the one who is going to treat you differently just because you have a disability.  I'm going to treat you the same as the other hundred submissive males that sign up to this site every day.  That's not an exaggeration, by the way.  It's the truth.  So, unless you're specifically wanting the sympathy angle, I'm betting that you don't want special favors or to be treated differently than anybody else.

Competition is darn fierce on a site like this for males.  It's really important to know what you want and how to express it well.  Presentation is everything on a written medium.  If people get a bad impression of Me because of the way I express Myself, there's really no consequence to it.  I've already got what I want. 

Come next week, somebody else will start another thread with some version of 'why is it so hard to find a Mistress'.  We'll tell him why and something will get picked out that person doesn't like, too.  It happens pretty consistently around here,


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to indibob)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Disabled - 6/13/2011 9:23:27 AM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		Yet WE are the mean ones! Honestly, LP, hats off to ya for even bothering. I think that most men who start these threads are looking for hand holding and validation, not femdom reality.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]



(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Disabled - 6/13/2011 4:14:48 PM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline 		Hib, you are in fact a mean girl.  Just saying.

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Disabled - 6/13/2011 5:37:30 PM   
MissAsylum


Posts: 1863
Joined: 1/9/2009
Status: offline 		I will have to agree with LP on this one.

Don't mean to be rude, but yeah- you're disabled...so what?

I, as well as any profile here that seems to belong to a woman, gets tons of messages from people like you every...single...day. You focused on being disabled. And that's all you focused on.

My sympathies. I shall send you a fruit basket.

If a person like you messaged me, i'd move on to the next one.

As many people have stated on this thread, what can you do? All we know is what you can not do.

_____________________________

I hate when I'm wearing my apple bottom jeans, but i can't find my boots with the fur.

(in reply to sunshinemiss)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Disabled - 6/13/2011 11:40:53 PM   
indibob


Posts: 7
Joined: 4/18/2007
Status: offline 		Where oh where did all this come from? Not asking for sympathy at all. Was asking for advice, which i believe is what this forum is for?  So you couldnt give a care if I'm disabled or not...so what? Is that really helpful? I mean why bother posting if it's just to say that?
If a person like me messaged you, believe me, it would be in error.
As to the nice Ladies that actually gave advice. especially in regards to my profile, i thank You. Some of you are really decent to take that time

(in reply to MissAsylum)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Disabled - 6/14/2011 3:52:21 AM   
BonesFromAsh


Posts: 1362
Joined: 6/17/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: indibob
Is it me or is there a drawback to a disabled sub that i haven't thought of?


It's you...or should I say it's the way you present yourself.

In your profile, you mention 24/7 attention, a high sex drive and other cliche words/phrases that every other male sub mentions. In other words...a fantasy and little reality.

quote:


Also advice on how to market myself to potential Mistresses would be very welcome


Simple...accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative. In your long list of "lives for/loves/likes", you only have 5 non-kink activities listed which gives me the impression you're mainly nothing but kink. Boring.
If you want a woman who desires to have you around "24/7", you need to offer more than just a willing body for her to use.

Also, after a read through of this thread...you need an attitude adjustment. Being pissy with people because you don't like their response shows a lack of maturity and an inability to assimilate and appreciate advice regardless of the way it's delivered.

< Message edited by BonesFromAsh -- 6/14/2011 4:06:26 AM >

(in reply to indibob)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Disabled - 6/14/2011 4:33:17 AM   
jbcurious


Posts: 717
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline 		It is a difficult position to be in... I also have some disabilities from being in a gas explosion and being scarred quite badly and it's hard to know how to handle it.  I don't discuss it in my profile because my disability isn't who I am... so my profile is who I am and what I'm looking for... I do however, include a journal entry that explains my situation and when I'm approached my someone that appears to be a possibility, I ask them to read my journal and then contact me again if they're still interested.

So many of the things tied to being a sub aren't possible for me... bondage, on my knees, I can't get up from the ground unassisted, some very light spanking is possible but the use of crops, cains, whips etc. isn't possible... I'm able to offer the mental aspects of being a sub... but not a lot of the physical unless I meet someone really creative.

So while you need to let a prospective partner know that you have a disability it shouldn't be what defines you...


_____________________________

'Smile... it's the second best thing to do with your lips.'


I have an explosive personality...


(in reply to BlackTigerDragon)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Disabled - 6/14/2011 5:57:07 AM   
MissAsylum


Posts: 1863
Joined: 1/9/2009
Status: offline 		Honestly, you missed the point of my post.

I said "you focused on being disabled, and that's all you focused on"

also, "As many people have stated on this thread what can you do? All we know is what you can not do."

Everybody has "drawbacks" in life. Focusing on them is not helpful to anybody.

For example: I am of African-American heritage. Do you know how many stigmas there are about that? I couldn't even being to expand on that for a lack of knowing where to start.

Guess how the world sees me? "Ok, you're black....so what?"

quote:

ORIGINAL: indibob

Where oh where did all this come from? Not asking for sympathy at all. Was asking for advice, which i believe is what this forum is for?  So you couldnt give a care if I'm disabled or not...so what? Is that really helpful? I mean why bother posting if it's just to say that?
If a person like me messaged you, believe me, it would be in error.
As to the nice Ladies that actually gave advice. especially in regards to my profile, i thank You. Some of you are really decent to take that time



to the bold print above, really? How old are you supposed be?

_____________________________

I hate when I'm wearing my apple bottom jeans, but i can't find my boots with the fur.

(in reply to indibob)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Disabled - 6/14/2011 6:04:40 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: indibob

So you couldnt give a care if I'm disabled or not...so what? Is that really helpful? I mean why bother posting if it's just to say that?
If a person like me messaged you, believe me, it would be in error.
As to the nice Ladies that actually gave advice. especially in regards to my profile, i thank You. Some of you are really decent to take that time



And there is your true disability.  You want to try to play a victim card and try for attention from sympathy.

MissA has messaged me many times, although in response to my messages.  We've chatted.  I've teased her, she's teased me, we've just had fun with each other.  Her messages to me were not in error, but just because she enjoyed the interplay.

Also, that "some of You are really decent to take the time"... Not needed and sounds suck-up-y.

Be a man.  Make conversation with the ladies.  BUT talk to them about their interests from their profiles and their posts.  And your interests.  If you can make them enjoy conversing with you, you'll never lack for conversation.

And nothing else will happen till after the conversation does.


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to indibob)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Disabled - 6/14/2011 6:53:47 AM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		"Be a man". Thank you, Steven!

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]



(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Disabled - 6/14/2011 8:24:01 AM   
LadyConstanze


Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: indibob

Where oh where did all this come from? Not asking for sympathy at all. Was asking for advice, which i believe is what this forum is for?  So you couldnt give a care if I'm disabled or not...so what? Is that really helpful? I mean why bother posting if it's just to say that?
If a person like me messaged you, believe me, it would be in error.
As to the nice Ladies that actually gave advice. especially in regards to my profile, i thank You. Some of you are really decent to take that time




Yes it IS really helpful, because as she said, you make the big deal out of being disabled, she doesn't.

As far as I see it, your disability doesn't stop you from communicating, yet your communication skills are everything but good, instead of trying to improve them, you go on about your disability. It's almost like a flash back to a work situation I had maybe 2 years ago, we looked to fill a position and made it quite clear that you have to be flexible especially when it comes to work hours as we were dealing a lot with the US and Asia at the time, that there would be days when overtime on short notice was required, that frequent business trips are part of the job, a lady with 2 kids applied and insisted it would not be a problem at all, her mom and her husband are supportive of her career. Otherwise she ticked all the right boxes, marketing background, even some Chinese, we trusted her word, that was a mistake, when it mattered, she could not do the overtime, she couldn't travel, she said "Well, it's not possible with the 2 kids" - otherwise she was fine but she simply wasn't getting any promotions and she always claimed she's discriminated because she has 2 small kids. Well nope, she simply couldn't bring the same commitment to the table as others and others had to fill in for her, so to promote her wouldn't have been fair to the others who pulled their weight. In the end you're not getting paid by a company to raise your children but to do the job you signed up for.

You're not being discriminated for being disabled or not being able to do certain things, as long as you don't promise those things and make it clear what you can and can't do. Focus on what you can do (as others have said), explain why you can't do yard work etc. and that should be fine. But don't expect that somebody will come along and pander to you because you are disabled, you don't want a relationship based on pity, do you?

As to

quote:

Just wondered if i could ask the Ladies why it seems so hard for a disabled sub to find a Mistress?


You got the answer several times, it's hard for male submissives to find a Mistress, maybe it's even harder for somebody who's disabled but improve your communication skills and overcome that hurdle. Bring something else to the table, you know most people with bad eye sight hear a lot better, because the ears compensate (which is why when you are blindfolded all other senses seem to be more alert) - find something you are very good at and offer that. I mean your disability possibly doesn't stop you from taking a manicure or pedicure class or learn gourmet cooking - that would be something that would help you a lot in your search.

quote:

Also advice on how to market myself to potential Mistresses would be very welcome


See above, skills, get some skills... You didn't need us to tell you that, you must have known that yourself.

We keep on saying over and over again that we are women first, dominants later and if you can't grab the interest of the woman, forget about the rest and as a woman I can tell you, a guy who'll say "I can do this, that and the other!" and has a can do attitude is much much more attractive than a guy who tells me why he can't do certain things and concentrates on the negatives. Just like the CMails we get with "Why is it so hard for a guy to find a Mistress..." Oh hell, last thing I want to do is to reply to the mail of somebody who wants a pity party...

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to indibob)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Disabled - 6/14/2011 8:59:33 AM   
MissAsylum


Posts: 1863
Joined: 1/9/2009
Status: offline 		I'm glad you and Steven understood what i was saying. I thought I was speaking in a foreign language with his reaction.

_____________________________

I hate when I'm wearing my apple bottom jeans, but i can't find my boots with the fur.

(in reply to LadyConstanze)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Disabled - 6/14/2011 10:50:53 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Just a general reply.

OP, I don't know how often you actually read the forums around here.  According to you join date, you've been on the site just a little bit short of what I have.  In that time, we've had a lot of threads about various reasons why it can be harder for some folks to find potential partners.  Physical disabilities, mental illness, age, height, weight, education level, finances, and the list goes on and on.  The very same kind of things that people use as preference criteria in the non kink world.  The bottom line is, if it's a factor that reduces potential partners in vanilla land, it's also going to effect how many prospects you are going to find among kinky folks.  When you're male, it's even worse because the numbers are already stacked against you in the first place.

For some reason, guys come on to this site and think all of the rules change just because they are dealing with kinky folks.  It's just not the truth.  If anything, women get to be more selective here because the odds are so much in our favor.  The worst thing you can do is focus on anything you can't provide that the twenty other guys who sent an email today can. 


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to MissAsylum)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Disabled - 6/14/2011 9:46:16 PM   
MistressK2011


Posts: 39
Joined: 4/19/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MissAsylum

I'm glad you and Steven understood what i was saying. I thought I was speaking in a foreign language with his reaction.


I got it too.
Wasn't going to say anything but it's actually a one word solution to this entire problem for the OP:
Attitude

- K

(in reply to MissAsylum)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Disabled - 6/16/2011 9:06:03 PM   
MaamJay


Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline 		To the OP:
Firstly, the potential cuckold would put Me off too, because it IS a kink, I believe, from both sides. In fact, possibly from all 3 sides, ie the Domme has to like the idea of not having sex with Her sub partner but having it with someone else (that is most definitely NOT Me), the bull has to cope with the idea of having sex with a female knowing some other male might be lurking around watching or at least knowing the woman is in an emotional relationship with someone else, as well as the cuck being able to emotionally handle the whole scenario. Not a place I want to go!

Secondly, the attitude and communication skills definitely need some work. I agree, focus on what you CAN do not on what you can't. If vaginal sex isn't possible, but you CAN provide other forms of pleasure (and enjoy doing so), better to say that simply, instead of grabbing a label that probably isn't appropriate. If you can't do yardwork, ok, tell more things you CAN do (besides just driving a car, not all Dommes want to relinquish control of the wheel!). And don't get pissy when corrected otherwise We will surmise that what you can't do is actually SUBMIT!

Finally, perhaps you think the pic makes you look submissive ... it doesn't! If you know anything about body language (and you should) ... that posture is in fact an aggressive dominant pose ... sitting and leaning back with hands behind head is the sort of gesture a boss makes when he wants to make the employee in front of him quake! If you don't know this, I suggest you go get a book by Allan Pease out of the library and do some reading ... might help you communicate more meaningfully!

MaamJay aka violet[A]

_____________________________

Life is a song ... and I love singing it! (By me!)

(in reply to MistressK2011)
Profile   Post #: 36
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