Disabled (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress



Message

indibob -> Disabled (6/11/2011 6:33:23 PM)

Just wondered if i could ask the Ladies why it seems so hard for a disabled sub to find a Mistress?
i am a potential cuckold, and would be around 24/7 to serve and / or do chores and control is of course facilitated by my lack of mobility.
Ok, may not be able to do yardwork, but can drive etc.
Is it me or is there a drawback to a disabled sub that i haven't thought of?
Also advice on how to market myself to potential Mistresses would be very welcome
Thank You
bob



AcademyForSlaves -> RE: Disabled (6/11/2011 6:38:04 PM)

Hello,

I do not mind a disabled slave because there are plenty of ways a slave can serve and please Me. I do not look at what he cannot do but what he CAN do to serve Me. he should look at his abilities in this positive way also.



Lockit -> RE: Disabled (6/11/2011 7:00:43 PM)

indibob, it is challenging for anyone that is disabled to find just the right person. Many people are afraid of what the disability might mean to their life and many don't understand it all and are too afraid to get close enough to find out. I sometimes think this is a kindness, as they don't want to hurt your feelings and are afraid they would if they found things to be a bit more than they could handle. People are afraid of the unknown a great deal of the time, or they shy away from it.

It is challenging to those around us and to those of us that have some disability. When people take the time to get to know me, they don't see the ugly they might expect. However, they could see it or it could come one day and I am sorry to say... most can't deal with that. They don't think of it happening to someone healthy or doing well... and with those of us that already have it going on, for many reasons and many good reasons, they just don't wish to go there. In a way you have to accept that and maybe even harden to it and not see it as depressing or feel abandoned by people. You have to find the strength within yourself to enjoy life with or without a partner. That will be something people are attracted to and those that see deeper and might be able to handle things some don't want to handle... and that is okay(!)... might bring someone wonderful into your life.

Be all you can be, be true to who you are and let your light shine. Don't worry about what people want or will accept or are willing to do. Just be yourself and let people see who you are. Then with some luck... which those that aren't disabled need too... you may find someone. It is hard to find someone that fits our lives with all we have going on. Its a bit harder for the disabled. However... you can't look at it from a stand point of being disabled and lacking... you need to look at it as... disabled and able to love the person that is a right fit.



Hisprettybaby -> RE: Disabled (6/11/2011 7:13:15 PM)

I would make a point of saying in your profile what you CAN do and what you CAN offer to the right Domme. You could mention that you are disabled, of course, but focus on the CAN DO's instead of the AREN'T ABLE's. I'm a sub also, not a Domme, but that's what I would do. I have bipolar disorder and fibromyalgia and Daddy still loves and accepts me for who I am and what I CAN do, rather than focusing on the CAN'Ts.

~Hisprettybaby~



LadyHibiscus -> RE: Disabled (6/11/2011 7:18:51 PM)

"Potential cuckold" is what stopped me. How can you be a cuck if you are not in a relationship? Be clearabout your limitations, and approach the lady that interests you as a PERSON. We really are looking for companions, not servants.



LadyPact -> RE: Disabled (6/11/2011 9:00:41 PM)

I try really hard to be as honest in answering questions around here as I can be.  I don't pat people on the head or blow smoke up their ass.  I'm not trying to be harsh here, but I am going to be blunt.

As a poly person, any additional sub that I take on also has an impact on the people that I'm already involved with.  That means that I'm not even going to consider people with certain disabilities.  It isn't fair to the other members of the household if My impression of you to begin with is on all of the things that you're *not* able to do, which basically means that they would be responsible for by default.  They already put up with My ass.  Trust Me, that's a big enough challenge. 

There is a lot of competition for the situation that you are trying to find.  If you don't focus on what you *can* do, you're going to get left in the dust. 



sunshinemiss -> RE: Disabled (6/11/2011 9:46:21 PM)

Sunny
Quote of the Day
goes to
Lady Pact
[sm=ass.gif]
for
(The members of my household)
already put up with My ass. 
Trust Me, that's a big enough challenge.

http://www.collarchat.com/m_3717762/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm#3717955
(no disrespect is intended by the smiley, but it IS an ass after all.... [:)]
I'm sure yours is MUCH more attractive... would be happy to compare... )



peppermint -> RE: Disabled (6/12/2011 6:36:04 AM)

Disabled people are nearly always going to have to try harder to find a partner.  There will be many potential partners who are put off by the disability and how it will affect the relationship.  Rather than concentrate on the internet for finding a partner, a disabled person would benefit from attending munches and events.  Wowing a person with your sense of humor and great personality is much easier in person than through a computer screen.

I say this from experience.  Gary is disabled.  Not only that, he's in an older age category than I would have considered.  We were both members of Collarme but had not included people from each others' states, considering that too far away.  Gary had 3 strikes against him, disability, age, and location.  We met at an event.  No one bothered to ask age.  I was able to spend time with someone who was able to do so much and who was fun to be around.  By the end of the event we had swapped emails and phone numbers.  Six months later I had quit my job, got a plane ticket, and we were living 24/7.  He literally wowed me with his personality and with his persistence to not give up when I had doubts as to whether I wanted to be with someone who had health issues so soon after my husband's passing. 




LadyConstanze -> RE: Disabled (6/12/2011 7:05:51 AM)

The cuckold stuff would put me off much more than a disability...



LadyNTrainer -> RE: Disabled (6/12/2011 9:00:25 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: indibob
i am a potential cuckold, and would be around 24/7 to serve and / or do chores and control is of course facilitated by my lack of mobility.


I don't really give a shit about the disabled part.  I lift weights and I can carry my own heavy shit; it's just another workout.   I had a disabled live-in sub for years, and the reason we are not still together has nothing to do with his disability.  What I do care about is the 24/7 part.  Anyone I am spending a big chunk of my life with HAS to be someone whose charm, intelligence, personality and wit make me a happier person every day.  They have to be educated and able to hold a conversation with me on subjects of interest, and they have to share at least some of my vanilla hobbies and passions so that we do have things to talk about.

You're not offering any of those things.  In fact you're offering nothing here except chores and kinky stuff.  That is really not appealing when offered by a stranger.  If I'm proposing to spend my life with someone 24/7, it has to be someone I genuinely like and want in my life because of who he is as a person.  I need to enjoy how he thinks, how he talks, and how he interacts with me.  That includes OUTSIDE the bedroom and the dungeon. 

And I'm just not seeing any of that here, so I think you're very unlikely to attract a partner as your profile stands now.  And it's not because you're disabled.  



indibob -> RE: Disabled (6/12/2011 9:50:48 AM)

Thank You al so much for Your replies.
Some of them certainly have me scratching my head... like ......"Potential cuckold" is what stopped me" and "The cuckold stuff would put me off much more than a disability... "
how could the potential to be a cuck put anyone off? It's an option.... One i would offer if the Lady so desired to offset the effects of my disability. Certainly not a priority or a need, that is why the word potential is there.
Apart from that, some very constructive ideas and i shall certainly redo my profile to accomodate them. Thank You all :)



LadyConstanze -> RE: Disabled (6/12/2011 10:01:18 AM)

No, it is a kink and you mentioning it explicitly shows that it is a strong desire, it's personally something that turns me off, I know it's not what happens but it just awakes associations of a peeping tom watching me having sex, that's a complete and utter turn off.

Let me ask you, if it isn't important to you and just a possibility, the why do you label yourself as a potential cuck? Why not say "I would not expect the dominant to be exclusive to me and she would have the liberties she sees fit to take with others..."



indibob -> RE: Disabled (6/12/2011 10:17:32 AM)

simply because to me there is a big difference between them. i am not personally seeking ot be a slave. i am looking for a loving D/s relationship. i would not therfore be happy being in a situation where my Dominant partner would excercise those liberties. If She decided that She needed extra stimulation for a better word, then i would wish to be included at least in Her plans.
I am also confused as to why You state it is a kink. I don't believe it is and if i were able bodied, it would not be an option unless i was forced into accepting it. It's certainly not a strong desire of mine. i am disabled, i cannot perform in that way which i felt was one of the most important things that would be offputting to a partner. Shouldn't i make it clear that i would be open to such things??



Rochsub2009 -> RE: Disabled (6/12/2011 10:34:25 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: indibob

i am looking for a loving D/s relationship. i would not therefore be happy being in a situation where my Dominant partner would exercise those liberties.


If you don't want to be a cuck, then why bring it up?

If you seek a loving, monogamous relationship, then say that.  A Domme who also seeks that might be put off by your implication that you want to be a cuck.

It's probably only fair to let her know that you are unable to perform in that way, but there are other options available.  Is your tongue handicapped?  Are your hands/fingers handicapped?  Do you know how to use a vibrator?

Most men would suggest those options before offering to be a cuck........unless cuckolding was their kink.  [;)]



MistressDarkArt -> RE: Disabled (6/12/2011 11:10:40 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: indibob

i am disabled, i cannot perform in that way which i felt was one of the most important things that would be offputting to a partner.



Here we go again, yet another man's perception it's all about the penis. If you feel that a fully functioning cock is first and foremost on a potential Domme's agenda, 1) revisit your perceptions of vanilla women accepting of your 'disability' and apply it to kinky ones. We are women first and kinky second. 2) ask yourself if marketing to the type of people who only care about whether the peen performs or not is what you really want.



Lockit -> RE: Disabled (6/12/2011 11:25:26 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: indibob

simply because to me there is a big difference between them. i am not personally seeking ot be a slave. i am looking for a loving D/s relationship. i would not therfore be happy being in a situation where my Dominant partner would excercise those liberties. If She decided that She needed extra stimulation for a better word, then i would wish to be included at least in Her plans.
I am also confused as to why You state it is a kink. I don't believe it is and if i were able bodied, it would not be an option unless i was forced into accepting it. It's certainly not a strong desire of mine. i am disabled, i cannot perform in that way which i felt was one of the most important things that would be offputting to a partner. Shouldn't i make it clear that i would be open to such things??



I hope you hear this loud and clear... I understand trying to fit your situation in with what you want and need in life. We all do that to some degree, but most especially those of us with extra challenges. You can do this to the point of personal blindness, pain and a lack of success. You have been given good advise and you are still holding on to conforming to what you think you must, rather than what you want, from your heart as the person you are. Stop it or risk never being truly happy.

You have to find your own path.. but as a dominant and a woman with extra challenges that knows the loneliness or the pain of not having a partner and whom has found her peace and way... I know you must go this on your own, but please listen.



indibob -> RE: Disabled (6/12/2011 11:52:56 AM)

appreciate your points of view and your advice. i just threw the cuckold option in for this discussion to try to show that i was amenable to a partners possible needs. It has never been included in my proile and certainly wont be after this hehe... Thank you all



LadyPact -> RE: Disabled (6/12/2011 1:53:28 PM)

Dude, you're older than I am.  The 'he he' thing isn't becoming.

Ignorance is also not becoming.  There is a vast difference between "cuckhold" and "understanding and accepting a situation where the woman will want sexual fulfillment other than what you can provide".  I'm actually with you on this one.  It's a lot to ask a person to enter a monogamous relationship where there is not any hope of consummating it by vaginal coitus.  Hey, I'd give up physical sex if My husband acquired a health condition where it was no longer an option.  A new person in My life where I wasn't getting some form of sex at all?  Probably not.  That's coming from someone who has had service only dynamics where sex wasn't in the picture and even taking on My current boy who had a hard limit of physical sex at first. 

I have a feeling that you have some self-analysis/awareness to go through before you try to enter a relationship.



indibob -> RE: Disabled (6/13/2011 2:50:25 AM)

You pick me up on hehe after calling me Dude???? You really think thats becoming in the least?
sorry laughing for real about that one!!



BlackTigerDragon -> RE: Disabled (6/13/2011 3:50:28 AM)

I wouldn't mind a disabled sub/slave either. A man is a lot more that his mobility.



Page: [1] 2   next >   >>

Valid CSS!




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy
0.03125