Would a Real Dom do this? (Full Version)

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BendMeOverSir -> Would a Real Dom do this? (6/15/2011 8:11:06 PM)

In the vanilla life men would see a  girl & would do his best to have her if he was attracted to her.. How do Dom's in  this lifestyle carry themself when they find a submissive girl wanting to learn all she can of  enjoy this lifestyle if she is married and the husband doesnt want this kind of fun... Or would you walk away ?



coookie -> RE: Would a Real Dom do this? (6/15/2011 8:16:48 PM)

Men are no different because they are dominant. Women are no different because they are submissive. We are just people. Some men will go for it. Some men wouldn't/ Some men would want to talk to the husband to make sure he consented.



lizi -> RE: Would a Real Dom do this? (6/15/2011 8:24:28 PM)

Some would take the sex and some wouldn't. BDSM doesn't really color the reaction too much I don't think. Sure, Doms are supposed to be all about taking the high road and whatnot, but really those who see an opportunity and feel like having it will justify things in whatever way they want. Just like any other person in the world.



leadership527 -> RE: Would a Real Dom do this? (6/15/2011 9:37:55 PM)

In my totally vanilla little life, I value honor over pussy. So no, I wouldn't grab my buddies wife even if she had the hots for me. Amazingly enough, getting into BDSM has not corrupted my sense of honor and integrity nor has it made me so addicted to pussy that I can't control myself.

Now.... if that friend's wife wanted to learn something that I knew, sexual or otherwise, and HE was good with that then that'd be a different story.



MasterSlaveLA -> RE: Would a Real Dom do this? (6/15/2011 10:38:05 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: BendMeOverSir

...if she is married and the husband doesnt want this kind of fun... Or would you walk away ?



I don't view this as having anything to do with which side of the slash one is one... if the person is married, and is hiding/CHEATING (as that's what it is) from their husband/wife, most men, women, dominants, and submissive would "walk away".





coookie -> RE: Would a Real Dom do this? (6/15/2011 11:18:14 PM)

Well she doesn't say that the husband doesn't know. She says the husbands doesn't want this kind of fun. So he is aware of the wants now the question of consent is left dangling.



MasterSlaveLA -> RE: Would a Real Dom do this? (6/15/2011 11:32:44 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: coookie

Well she doesn't say that the husband doesn't know. She says the husbands doesn't want this kind of fun. So he is aware of the wants now the question of consent is left dangling.


Right... she doesn't say he "doesn't" know... nor does she say he does know -- only that he "doesn't want this kind of fun", which may or may not mean he knows?!!  It's for that reason that I included the bolded part below in my answer:

quote:

 
"...if the person is married, and is hiding/CHEATING (as that's what it is) from their husband/wife, most men, women, dominants, and submissive would "walk away".


As an aside, I've always found it interesting how some think those involved in BDSM don't care about whether someone is married (and concealing it from their spouse) or not?!!  Weird.






Awareness -> RE: Would a Real Dom do this? (6/16/2011 2:15:52 AM)

  If she's married, she's useless to me.  There appear to be two main distinctions wherein some types Dom or sub in a service capacity and for others there's always an erotic charge which is heightened by the D/s interaction.

999 men out of 1000 who approach you online want to fuck you - and this number is probably conservative.

The service type just seems like a cold interaction and anything aside from that always contains the probability of eventually growing into a dangerously emotional interaction which directly conflicts with any relationship you may be in - unless, of course, you're explicitly poly.

For my money, telling someone what to do is a pale imitation compared to possessing them body and soul.



tiggerspoohbear -> RE: Would a Real Dom do this? (6/16/2011 2:57:47 AM)

I know for a fact that the husband isn't aware.  He's posted overseas.  Hun, it doesn't matter if it's D/s or not, a cheater is a cheater.  BDSM doesn't change how a person acts.  It doesn't give them license to cheat on their spouse.  It's the person you are at the very core that determines your course of action.  Either you're honest and forthcoming or you're not.  Things get muddled sometimes, people go off the reservation so to speak, they don't care enough about their S/O, they come up with every excuse in the book.  This is a life led astray and two people who just don't care the hurt that will eventually be caused as it's pretty well guaranteed that the hubby will find out.  



ExSteelAgain -> RE: Would a Real Dom do this? (6/16/2011 3:24:57 AM)

Oh, I'd just be her PROTECTOR. Heh, heh, heh.



Kana -> RE: Would a Real Dom do this? (6/16/2011 5:37:31 AM)

The critical question is whether the hubby knows. If he doesn't, you're a wife stealing scumbag. If he does, then things may or may not get tricky/interesting/fun/"OMFG, you bastard right there again please," depending on personal ethos and whether one indulges in "open" relationships or not.



poise -> RE: Would a Real Dom do this? (6/16/2011 6:03:03 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: BendMeOverSir

In the vanilla life men would see a  girl & would do his best to have her if he was attracted to her.. How do Dom's in  this lifestyle carry themself when they find a submissive girl wanting to learn all she can of  enjoy this lifestyle if she is married and the husband doesnt want this kind of fun... Or would you walk away ?


As others have said, it has nothing to do with vanilla vs D/s, but with integrity.
Each relationship is built and grows with trust. I would not only lose respect for
myself if I were to go behind His back to selfishly get my needs met, but I would
soon lose respect for any man that had no compunction in stepping in.
And it's really hard to trust someone you can't respect.



ranja -> RE: Would a Real Dom do this? (6/16/2011 6:11:18 AM)

It does not matter whether it is kink, bdsm or vanilla;
there are always men willing to fuck you...
(or if that is a 'hard limit' willing to 'play' with you)
but cheating is cheating, so a dangerous thing to do if you value your marriage
you have to decide if you want to- or need to- go that way
assess if you will have to lie or if your husband might be ok knowing so you can have a lover openly.
It is your life, be careful but live it

If i were you i would just take up dancing
it is safer and ever so great



LillyBoPeep -> RE: Would a Real Dom do this? (6/16/2011 6:13:24 AM)

some people cheat, some people don't. they're all just as real as each other. =p
you say the husband doesn't want it, but does he know that she's getting involved with someone else? if the husband doesn't know, then i'd call that cheating. if he does know, but just doesn't want to be involved, then that's different. there are people who will get involved with you in either scenario, though.
personally, i probably wouldn't get involved with a someone whose spouse was not aware.



Charnegui -> RE: Would a Real Dom do this? (6/16/2011 6:22:27 AM)

I once met a Dom who is married and his wife is not into bdsm lifestyle. He is and did not tell her about his 'other' life. That's a dealbreaker for me, because I cannot see myself as someone to be cheated over.

I was cheated myself twice in a relationship and I don't want to be the cause of a relationship going wrong, without knowledge. So I broke of all contact.



kalikshama -> RE: Would a Real Dom do this? (6/16/2011 6:58:03 AM)

quote:

In the vanilla life men would see a  girl & would do his best to have her if he was attracted to her.. How do Dom's in  this lifestyle carry themself when they find a submissive girl wanting to learn all she can of  enjoy this lifestyle if she is married and the husband doesnt want this kind of fun... Or would you walk away ?


If you are asking if you can get action despite being married, the answer is yes. Integrity does not come with the Dom Certification.

A better questions for you to ask is, "I'm married. My husband's not into kink. What do I do?"

The honorable thing to do is discuss it with him. I've never been with a man who wasn't into trying some new things. They may not be the same things you're into, but it's a start. Try sharing When Someone You Love is Kinky with him.

You could have an agreement with him where you get your kink fix outside the relationship with his consent. It could be a no sex deal if that would make him feel better. There are many, many facets of BDSM that do not involve intercourse. I've met a surprising amount of guys who just like kink but don't fuck.

If he's not open to any of this you have to decide what's more important to you - your integrity and marriage or kink. I would personally not be happy in a vanilla-only relationship.



Rochsub2009 -> RE: Would a Real Dom do this? (6/16/2011 7:20:21 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Awareness

999 men out of 1000 who approach you online want to fuck you - and this number is probably conservative.



Wow!  This may be the first time that I've ever agreed with anything that Awareness has said on these boards.  Well done, Sir.  [:D]



DarkSteven -> RE: Would a Real Dom do this? (6/16/2011 7:26:10 AM)

Tricky.  If he doesn't know, and is healthy (e.g., there is a local woman whose husband is terminally ill and in a coma), then I'd likely steer clear.

If he's consenting, it still couldn't work for me because I'd want more from a woman than a few scraps of time.  But I'd be happy to refer her to local groups and resources.



BOUNTYHUNTER -> RE: Would a Real Dom do this? (6/16/2011 7:33:43 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: BendMeOverSir

In the vanilla life men would see a  girl & would do his best to have her if he was attracted to her.. How do Dom's in  this lifestyle carry themself when they find a submissive girl wanting to learn all she can of  enjoy this lifestyle if she is married and the husband doesnt want this kind of fun... Or would you walk away ?

[/quote..yes..b



tazzygirl -> RE: Would a Real Dom do this? (6/16/2011 7:41:04 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: BendMeOverSir

In the vanilla life men would see a  girl & would do his best to have her if he was attracted to her.. How do Dom's in  this lifestyle carry themself when they find a submissive girl wanting to learn all she can of  enjoy this lifestyle if she is married and the husband doesnt want this kind of fun... Or would you walk away ?



If the hubby knows you are seeking.... no problem.

If the hubby doesnt know.... huge problem.

Trust is an integral part. How can you declare your ability to trust a Dominant if you cant be trusted?



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