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Can a Dom be 'trained'? - 10/12/2004 12:37:14 PM   
hazeRDA


Posts: 2
Joined: 2/8/2004
Status: offline 		I have just a little question that i would like from a Dominant's point of view.....


Is it possible for a Dom to be brought in to the lifestyle?
Guess a better way to ask is....
Is a Dominant born 'naturally' or can He be trained? I've heard a lot of people saying (not here mind You) ..but a lot have said that .."Oh my god...He can't be a Dom unless he knew he was..it can't be brought out of a person.."

Just wondering Y'alls take out that....

~hazey~
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RE: Can a Dom be 'trained'? - 10/12/2004 2:09:39 PM   
NoCalOwner


Posts: 241
Status: offline 		I think that this thread is quiet because we're all waiting for proudsub to direct you to the numerous threads in which this topic has been discussed.

Meanwhile, I think it's a safe bet that most people will say that Dom/mes are born, but that innate qualities will usually only get one so far, and that some learning is needed for one to become a good Dom/me. I don't think there's any amount of training that can turn someone (who is not naturally suited) into a dominant. Even if they could act like a Dom/me, they would be unlikely to enjoy it, so they would be, in effect, submitting to you, not the other way around.

(in reply to hazeRDA)
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RE: Can a Dom be 'trained'? - 10/12/2004 2:37:54 PM   
Destinysskeins


Posts: 267
Joined: 7/1/2004
Status: offline 		Greetings,

Well, i'm naught but a lil subbie so since your question was directed specifically towards Doms i'm not sure if you'll want my opinion or not. But since that's never stopped me before onward i proceed!

First, i would say that the verbage you first used would be the most apt. While i don't think that a Dom can be 'trained' perse i do believe that a Dom can be 'brought into the Lifestyle'. i find the idea that 'a Dom must know that He is a Dom' to be a bit absurd - how else do Those who have never be exposed to the Lifestyle find out what They are? In most cases, the Man in question will most likely just consider Themselves to be a bit wild in bed, or to be protective of Their partners, so on until that exposure occurs.

Secondly, i've first hand experience in 'bringing a Dom into the Lifestyle' so i do know that it can be done. Is it likely to happen and if so, how likely? *shrugs* that i've no idea about. Did i 'train' Him to become a Dom? Hell, no! The Dominant urges & feelings that He displays are His and His alone - i merely provided a welcoming outlet for Him to explore all of the things that He'd not felt comfortable to do before.

Now for the grain of salt - by no means do i think that a Person who has never had an interest in the activities encompassed by BDSM can be 'made into a Dom'. If these things do not appeal to them and they are doing it just to satisfy a desire of yours then the relationship is pretty well doomed. D/s relationships, just like any others, are built first upon a ground of compatible interests, thoughts, beliefs, what have you. One can only indulge another's interests for so long until feelings of misuse, ingratitude, etc begin to slowly poison the relationship.

Well wishes!

(in reply to NoCalOwner)
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RE: Can a Dom be 'trained'? - 10/12/2004 4:03:03 PM   
topcat


Posts: 1675
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Tidewater, VA
Status: offline
quote:

i merely provided a welcoming outlet for Him to explore all of the things that He'd not felt comfortable to do before.


My dear Destiny-

Not 'merely'- nothing has made me more of what I am today than a few wonderful ladies who simply said things like 'more', 'harder', 'hit me' or 'I'd really like it if...'.

As you so aptly observed, most of the growth is ( or has been for me, anyway) simply learning that what I wanted in bed could be welcome by many women.

Stay warm,
Lawrence

_____________________________

-there is no remission without blood-

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RE: Can a Dom be 'trained'? - 10/12/2004 4:10:55 PM   
siamsa24


Posts: 2426
Joined: 2/2/2004
Status: offline 		I am also a submissive and agree mostly with Destinysskeins. When I met my Dom a little over a year and a half ago he was just like any other vanilla guy that I had tried to date. I started suggesting things and after a while (about 6 months) he started to come up with his own. He had never done any of the things that I was introducing him to up until that point, but once he had tried them he liked them and wanted to expand.
I believe that he may have been born with that, but it would have never come to be if I hadn't said anything.

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RE: Can a Dom be 'trained'? - 10/12/2004 7:29:11 PM   
Katriina73


Posts: 3
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Hi everyone, i am new to answer on the boards, but i have been lurking for quite a while, and finally found a question i felt i could add my two cents to.

i have to say i agree with siamsa. i have been in a D/s relationship with my husband, since last December. We have been married for 9 years, and until i brought up BDSM or D/s up last fall, he had never really thought about it twice. We talked about it alot, and he decided to give it a whirl. i think he had dominant tendencies all along, and my interest in it helped him realize that it could be a really wonderful, sprititual, and gratifying addition to our marriage. We have had some rough spots, but making friends in the lifestyle has helped him grow into his dominant role. i think that in our case, he was dominant all along, but needed some training, education, and nurturing from friends, and a healthy dose of encouragement from me to realize his potential.

kat

(in reply to siamsa24)
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RE: Can a Dom be 'trained'? - 10/12/2004 8:14:32 PM   
proudsub


Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline
quote:

I think that this thread is quiet because we're all waiting for proudsub to direct you to the numerous threads in which this topic has been discussed.


Gee put me on the spot will ya. Here you go:

Here is the most recent thread:

born or learned...

In the following thread there are links to 3 more thread on this topic:

born or learned

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proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan


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RE: Can a Dom be 'trained'? - 10/12/2004 10:03:27 PM   
NoCalOwner


Posts: 241
Status: offline 		Maybe instead of "born" or "trained," a better answer would be "discovered."

(in reply to Destinysskeins)
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RE: Can a Dom be 'trained'? - 10/18/2004 6:13:13 AM   
masterLon3446


Posts: 48
Joined: 10/17/2004
Status: offline 		Can a Dom be trained, lol...I like what NoCalOwner said, "discovered" is a much better word, dominance must come from the heart and soul of a person, it has to be there already to be discovered, no a person can not be trained, to be something, that is not already there, anyone think that they can, are in for a rude awakening, dominance and submissiveness can be brought out from within, but like I said it has to be there already, just in a dormant state, like so many subs state that they always had this feeling, but, did not have a name for it and was not real sure what it was, they really wanted , well, the same is true for the dominant...some realize their potential, others never will, the vanilla world supresses these tendancies ( sub/slave...Dom/me ) and most are never found...

(in reply to NoCalOwner)
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RE: Can a Dom be 'trained'? - 10/18/2004 7:59:52 AM   
MrThorns


Posts: 919
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline 		I think a dominant can learn or be taught techniques and philosophies, but I don't think you can teach someone how to be dominant, just as I dont believe you can teach someone how to be submissive.

Many of us were unaware of our identities as dominant or submissive until someone or something opened the door. Maybe we became aware by reading a book, magazine, website or watched a movie, talked with a friend, etc. There is usually some form of catalyst that got us moving down the path that we are on.

~Thorns

_____________________________

~"Do you know what the chain of command is? Its the chain I beat ya with when ya don't follow my command."

"My inner child is a mean little fucker"

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RE: Can a Dom be 'trained'? - 10/18/2004 10:18:30 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline 		~hazey~
A Dom can be trained in the physical; how to tie someone, how to use a flogger, etc. But a person can not be trained to dominate.

There are no subliminal Doms. Those that have any dom potential beaten out of them or repressed by life experiences, work, or a spouse; can realize their true Dom-ness when these encumbrances are removed. But they were repressed Doms, not Doms needing training.

Being born a Dom is a gift. providing you have found a person to dominate; or a curse, if you can't. But basically a Dom - IS.


(in reply to hazeRDA)
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RE: Can a Dom be 'trained'? - 10/18/2004 11:10:48 AM   
happypervert


Posts: 2203
Joined: 5/11/2004
From: Scranton, PA
Status: offline 		I'll make the same point as others by arguing the extreme: if someone is submissive, they cannot be trained to be dominant.

Of course, someone who is dominant or has latent unexplored dominant tendencies can certainly learn more about it.

(in reply to hazeRDA)
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RE: Can a Dom be 'trained'? - 10/18/2004 11:39:54 AM   
subbiejenn


Posts: 631
Joined: 7/12/2004
Status: offline 		*slips in, looking around before posting in wrong section* Hope No one minds -- *smiles*

i agree with the happypervert --- i am submissive deep inside and no way i could learn to be Dominant. It is who i am naturally and i am sure this is the same for Males rather if they are submissive or Dom it is who they are inside naturally. i think there has to be some kind of natural dominance in there nature before learning to be a Dom. Some Men just weren't intended to be Dominant but God bless those who are *wiggles*

JMO

_____________________________

~Subspace is my perfect paradise vacation from busy-mind... blessed be to the Dominant who can stamp my ticket there.~

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away"

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RE: Can a Dom be 'trained'? - 10/19/2004 10:22:02 AM   
DeerAbbie


Posts: 4
Joined: 10/19/2004
Status: offline 		No healthy HUMAN is dominant or submissive ALL THE TIME. With that in mind, I'm an Opera Lover. Was I born that way? No. I grew to appreciate it and learned to love it.

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RE: Can a Dom be 'trained'? - 10/19/2004 10:57:19 AM   
Destinysskeins


Posts: 267
Joined: 7/1/2004
Status: offline 		*looks at DeerAbbie quizzically* Did i miss something somewhere in this thread? Guess i'm going to have to re-read through or perhaps this merits another thread? *weg*

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RE: Can a Dom be 'trained'? - 10/19/2004 11:18:54 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:


No healthy HUMAN is dominant or submissive ALL THE TIME. With that in mind, I'm an Opera Lover. Was I born that way? No. I grew to appreciate it and learned to love it.



Damn! - Now I'm un-healthy! But I take vitamins and work out? Maybe they ran out of the "Non Dominant All the Time" vaccine too when I was little. And are you absolutely sure your parents didn't strap headphone on you mom's belly and play opera for you before you were born?

Merc

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RE: Can a Dom be 'trained'? - 10/19/2004 11:36:33 AM   
INSIDEYOURMIND


Posts: 483
Status: offline
quote:

No healthy HUMAN is dominant or submissive ALL THE TIME. With that in mind, I'm an Opera Lover. Was I born that way? No. I grew to appreciate it and learned to love it.


Last year at back to school night, my 7 year old's 1st grade teacher told me, "Your daughter has an executive personality" Was she born that way?, I just think she's a chip off the old block!

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If I got smart with you.................
How would you know?

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RE: Can a Dom be 'trained'? - 10/19/2004 12:02:29 PM   
happypervert


Posts: 2203
Joined: 5/11/2004
From: Scranton, PA
Status: offline 		I'm an opera hater. And I WAS born that way.

(in reply to DeerAbbie)
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RE: Can a Dom be 'trained'? - 10/23/2004 8:18:49 PM   
Nagatzhul


Posts: 19
Joined: 3/21/2004
Status: offline 		Tops are trained; it is a mechanics thing, as Mercnbeth pointed out. Dominants are self-actualized. It is one of the reasons, I think, why you find most (not all; this is a generalization) good dominants getting it together in the late 30's and early 40's. It takes time to pull your shit together.

_____________________________

"The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong
about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly
taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time."
-George Bernard Shaw

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RE: Can a Dom be 'trained'? - 11/8/2004 2:25:37 PM   
Kinkypupper


Posts: 713
Joined: 9/26/2004
From: Portland oregon
Status: offline 		NO....


Educated.... yes



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Phil Moulton
A Sensual Touch
Locopony Racing
Portland Oregon

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