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RE: It IS All About the Sex! - 5/15/2006 9:57:43 AM

meatcleaver

Posts: 9030
Joined: 3/13/2006
Status: offline

I can't imagine having a sub and not indulging sexually. Having her bent over for a good paddling and not being aroused by her reddening butt? Impossible. Why bother if there is no sex involved, I've got better thengs to do. I hate having a woman fussing around me. I can make my own coffee and whatever else I need to do. I cook better than the women in my life too.

Hmm Hate hate ironing my clothes, that does seem like hard labour but it seems a lot of harder work to maintain a relationship just for that.

(in reply to shyfem)

Post #: 21

RE: It IS All About the Sex! - 5/15/2006 9:59:57 AM

LadyHugs

Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Dear Mercnbeth, Ladies and Gentlemen;

I was introduced into the lifestyle, it was a romantic draw into the lifestyle, to which in art slavery was portrayed very sexual, very seductive and always male over female domination. Athough my sexual draw started much earlier than normal perhaps, by time I reached my legal age; I was driven by sex but not driven by logic. It was primal. Well, as sex was important I changed in the lifestyle in a M/s dynamic. As much as I enjoyed sex, I craved more than sex, was the gentle touch of the hand and hugs. I became a 'hug' slut. Having more sex than natural perhaps, I came to the point of dreading sex.
It lost it's magic as well as it's hold on me. I was used more like a sperm bank instead of a loving soul, that had feelings but, those days I was a slave with no entitlement to such. I was already in the lifestyle before "Deep Throat" came out. [Giving a time marker of the old days]
Lifestyle philosophy has changed a lot through the years. What I was exposed to then, would be considered abuse by todays standards.

I jump forward now, into the present. As a dominant, sex is the last thing I want however, I remain sensual and aroused. However, as far back into my slave days, I switched from sexual driven to servant driven. I have my sexual satisfactions met without sexual acts. I know I am unique but, I am a product of the "all about me Masters" where their sexual needs, fantasies and such was unchallenged by women who had a dominant nature but passive to a point. I am also a product of serious injuries from a fatal accident, to which I survived. So, I also factor in my body has changed drasticly so, I do not have that sexually attractive body of which draws men. I am sensual, I also sensual minded and geared. I also have my S&M side as well.

It is my belief, that female dominants have different approaches but, are no less sensual and or sexual.

The need for "sex" and or "sensuality," is natural, primal and needed, as it affirms our "being." It also is needed as to be the reaffirmation that the other mate still finds the other mate attractive and drawn in the "human primal sex drives and satisfaction factors." The excuses we hear so often on TV, for those breaking up is often over the sex factor.
That said, I believe the lifestyle has the advantage over many others, due to the fact that we (in general terms) require of ourselves more communication and limits are respected. Lifestyle philosophy also encourages both parties to be having fun, or something is wrong. Lifestyle knowledge, education, skills given and enhanced, helps us more as the sexual being to continue the sex energy/sensual energy which keeps fires kindled.

That said, I also feel that individuals who do not feel as sex "is" high on the list and on the scale of 1-10 (Ten highest), rates 1; should not feel pressured into feeling they are less if they are not sex driven. Many factors come into mind, such as medical issues, mental issues (residue of rape, other sex issues that have forever etched into another's sexual being) and other factors.

I personally know of many M/s couples who practice such a lifestyle without sex period. They are in a M/s relationship extremely happy without sex and or sensuality. But, sex sells. That is the sadness of it all.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

Post #: 22

RE: It IS All About the Sex! - 5/15/2006 10:09:17 AM

Cristalin

Posts: 84
Joined: 10/16/2005
Status: offline

For some of us( tops and bottoms) BDSM is all about sex...for others (me included) is a lifestyle, but sex is also a part of it...i don`t think that a D/s relationship can grow up and develop without sex...i`m not sure about M/s relationships, there are slaves who are used only for domestic purposes, at least i`ve heared so.

(in reply to LadyHugs)

Post #: 23

RE: It IS All About the Sex! - 5/15/2006 10:13:25 AM

MistressImp

Posts: 162
Joined: 3/6/2006
Status: offline

Okay I'm one of those Oddball Not In It For The Sex people chiming in here.....

If after a scene your ready to throw it down sexually, and your partner is too I say ROCK ON WITH YOUR HORNY SELVES! I've been called totally bizzare because I just don't get turned on when I'm in my Dominant Mode. Don't get me wrong I love being a sexual sensual person in this lifestyle, I've just never finished a scene, and been sexually aroused. After a scene the last thing on my mind is sex, I'm more interested in kicking back, and enjoying my space with my sub enjoying theirs.

_____________________________

Ms Imp

Life is what you make of it, personally I'm making mine an Amusement Park with all the cool rides.

(in reply to LadyHugs)

Post #: 24

RE: It IS All About the Sex! - 5/15/2006 10:16:09 AM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

Before this becomes polarizing, I hope no one is inferring from the OP that this is about defining "one true way". Even the reference to witnessing "cathartic enemas" in NYC shouldn't be considered a 'dig' at those people. Trying very hard not to be colloquial, but some of my best friends in the lifestyle back east exclusively pursue that type of play. Nothing 'wrong' or 'right' was implied. Only honest disclosure.

We are asked what types of BDSM activity we like, or think we would like, in setting up our profile. Other than sexual gender preference, and some allusion of sexual practices, there is no place to check off any interest in sex. We can 'Live For', 'Love', 'Tolerate', 'Hate', or 'Hard Limit' everything from dilation, to housework. Yet can't determine from a profile, a person's thoughts regarding sex. Can it be that puritanism, even within this 'liberated' sub-set of humanity still wants to keep personal sexual desires as the last bit of information we disclose to a potential partner? It's humorous that we can actively pursue and point out in a profile that we seek someone to pee on or be peed upon and say we "Live for it"; but regarding sexual contact in any form, we've got to meet the person first.

Yes, these thoughts wonder through my brain as I observe the world. I was looking at the profiles and just found the dichotomy interesting. Hopefully this discussion can continue with no judgment regarding anyone's preferences or capacity to participate with or without intimacy. Regardless of which side, I would think it would be universally desired to include a person's sexual relationship goals, at least as much as knowing their opinion of being kept, or keeping someone, in a cage.

(in reply to shyfem)

Post #: 25

RE: It IS All About the Sex! - 5/15/2006 10:24:51 AM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

For me, M/s is about power and control and BDSM is what it is, bondage, discipline and/or sadomasochism. Sometimes that includes sex, sometimes it doesn't.. if I'm not with Himself neither D/s nor BDSM will include sex. Sex is only a menu option when Himself is the Chef.. not for anyone else. I don't get a sexual charge out of piercing someone, I get a power charge from it. I like the energy, the adrenaline and it's the same sort of adrenaline I get from skiing or high diving and I don't think that would be mistaken for sex by anyone. I like sex. It's a hell of a lot of fun and whether I was or was not into the kink of BDSM or the power of M/s, I would still like it and they mesh together very well in a lot of situations.. but they can also be exclusive of one another and everyone can have just as good a time without any sex or sexuality. The only person I bump uglies with is Himself but I 'play' ::and that is ALL it is:: with a lot of people. Himself is a straight male and he will engage with other straight males for BDSM scenes just for the power rush.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to shyfem)

Post #: 26

RE: It IS All About the Sex! - 5/15/2006 10:29:17 AM

LadyHugs

Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Dear Cristalin, Ladies and Gentlemen;

Master/Mistress-slave relationships can be sexual indeed, without the Master/Mistress having sex with their slave(s). Perhaps, if one would consider a poly household, where the Master/Mistress may "couple" two slaves as to sexually enjoy to their total orgasms, releases and exhaustion. As well as, the possibility of two Masters/Mistresses who couple their solo slaves as to arouse, to orgasms, to releases and exhaustion of their sexual needs.

Not all M/s relationships are just domestic. Not all non-sexually driven Masters/Mistresses leave out the slave's needs for sex.

So also, some Masters/Mistresses may be extremely sex driven, their slaves are not--so, they have others to take up that aspect.

Nothing in M/s relationships are pre-packaged. And, most times sex is not a part of the conversation, as there is more to any relationship than just sex. That is what the beauty of a diverse lifestyle.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to Cristalin)

Post #: 27

RE: It IS All About the Sex! - 5/15/2006 10:30:27 AM

Najakcharmer

Posts: 2121
Joined: 5/3/2004
Status: offline

With an intimate partner at home, it's all about the sex. At a play party with a stranger I've never met before and may never see again, it is NOT going to be about sex.

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

Post #: 28

RE: It IS All About the Sex! - 5/15/2006 10:35:16 AM

slavejaggy

Posts: 1
Joined: 3/25/2004
Status: offline

I don't need sex (in some interactive form) or BDSM either separately or together all of the time, but I couldn't do without either and both at least some of the time. And I don't mean just on my birthday. ;)

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 29

RE: It IS All About the Sex! - 5/15/2006 10:45:27 AM

PlayfulOne

Posts: 1047
Status: offline

Sex has become the big elephant in the room no one wants to talk about. I have no problems with how anyone conducts their relationships. I amy not understand it, but I don't need to. they have the right to practice how they wish just as I do.

We ignore sex, there is no way on the profiles to acknowledge interest and involvement in sexual acts. It also seems lately if sex is brought up on the forums the attitude of sex equals only kink keeps popping up.

Should we not be as free to discuss sex as we are flogger choices?

K

< Message edited by PlayfulOne -- 5/15/2006 10:48:45 AM >

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

Post #: 30

RE: It IS All About the Sex! - 5/15/2006 10:53:22 AM

NINASHARP

Posts: 295
Joined: 4/23/2006
From: NJ/NYC
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

For me, M/s is about power and control and BDSM is what it is, bondage, discipline and/or sadomasochism. Sometimes that includes sex, sometimes it doesn't.. if I'm not with Himself neither D/s nor BDSM will include sex. Sex is only a menu option when Himself is the Chef.. not for anyone else. I don't get a sexual charge out of piercing someone, I get a power charge from it. I like the energy, the adrenaline and it's the same sort of adrenaline I get from skiing or high diving and I don't think that would be mistaken for sex by anyone. I like sex. It's a hell of a lot of fun and whether I was or was not into the kink of BDSM or the power of M/s, I would still like it and they mesh together very well in a lot of situations.. but they can also be exclusive of one another and everyone can have just as good a time without any sex or sexuality. The only person I bump uglies with is Himself but I 'play' ::and that is ALL it is:: with a lot of people. Himself is a straight male and he will engage with other straight males for BDSM scenes just for the power rush.

Celeste

I can not have sex without some kind of BDSM. I have tried it and it just doesn't do it for me. But I can have BDSM without sex, pretty much like Celeste has stated here, it is electricfy, and full of sexual energy, but does not need to end in sexual gratification. Ok so I have been a little frustrated after, but its my call. Maybe some self inflicted torture by my own doing..

During my slave days, I use to be brought to orgasm, and would go into what I read here, "sub space". We called it the float. It was a trance like state of mind and while in float, some pretty weird things came from it. I became afraid of it and would fight it. This was always as a submissive, always linked to bondage, and usually linked to orgasms, and it felt like I was possessed or something!! I guess thats another reason I like to be on top now and don't need sex when I'm dom. When I am dominating, I never go into a float.

_____________________________

My stiletto boots fit like gloves around his wrists.. as I locked them on I knew we were a match!

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 31

RE: It IS All About the Sex! - 5/15/2006 10:58:30 AM

Najakcharmer

Posts: 2121
Joined: 5/3/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: PlayfulOne
We ignore sex, there is no way on the profiles to acknowledge interest and involvement in sexual acts. It also seems lately if sex is brought up on the forums the attitude of sex equals only kink keeps popping up.

Should we not be as free to discuss sex as we are flogger choices?

You *can* write anything you want in your profile about sex, but it probably won't have any good results.

Let me explain. A woman who puts "oral sex" under likes in her profile is guaranteed to get a whole lot of explicit bombardment from total strangers offering to do this to her or telling her to do it to them. Right now. Some will include pictures. It may be true that she likes giving or getting oral sex in her intimate relationships, but it probably isn't true that she wants to do it with all 2,735 people who will email her this week with explicit demands. And that's what is going to happen to any woman who puts that in her profile on an adult site.

The folks at CM have wisely decided not to even open that can of worms, and I support and agree with the reasoning. You are free to *discuss* sex acts all you like, on the forums and in the written area of your profile.

(in reply to PlayfulOne)

Post #: 32

RE: It IS All About the Sex! - 5/15/2006 11:03:31 AM

PlayfulOne

Posts: 1047
Status: offline

one would not be required to fill that information out, just as they currently are not reuqired to fill in certain information. It would make things simplier for many. While you may write anything, ther is no way to check things as with any other subject, We can select an interest in sky diving but not oral sex.

Please

K

(in reply to Najakcharmer)

Post #: 33

RE: It IS All About the Sex! - 5/15/2006 11:17:42 AM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

I look at it this way.. if the profile is from a guy, I assume they are into oral sex.. they can always straighten me out on the subject later. ;) I do put into my profile that I enjoy anal, so it's not like you 'can't' put it up there if you want to, but if you mean have it there for the search criteria, well, I guess there are just too many activites to list them all so which ones should be included? I think the owners have done a pretty good job at making things diverse plus give us the option to create and tweak specifics in our profiles. If it was easy.. everyone would be doing it, right?

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to PlayfulOne)

Post #: 34

RE: It IS All About the Sex! - 5/15/2006 11:19:40 AM

talltxsub

Posts: 173
Joined: 11/10/2005
Status: offline

HURRAY! Finally finding people willing to admit that they love the sex as part of the overall activity.

Thank you!

(in reply to Sensualips)

Post #: 35

RE: It IS All About the Sex! - 5/15/2006 11:49:05 AM

Najakcharmer

Posts: 2121
Joined: 5/3/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: talltxsub

HURRAY! Finally finding people willing to admit that they love the sex as part of the overall activity.

Problem is, most guys who are contacting women on an adult site seem to be incapable of distinguishing between "Yes, I enjoy sex as part of BDSM activities in the context of an intimate relationship" and "I am willing to have sex with YOU, right now, so send me photos of your penis and a graphically explicit suggestion about what to do with it."

Most normal, healthy human beings do have a sex drive and want to have sex. Those of us who are BDSM oriented may be having our sex in the context of a BDSM relationship. But there are good reasons for not saying "Hey everybody, I LIKE SEX and I WANT TO HAVE SOME SEX" in a profile on an adult site.

(in reply to talltxsub)

Post #: 36

RE: It IS All About the Sex! - 5/15/2006 11:55:22 AM

valeca

Posts: 403
Joined: 1/9/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: PlayfulOne

Our sexuality and our M/s relationship are completely entangled. Hell, we could take out the garbage and have it evolve into sex, lol.

Our BDSM is sexual, physical, and mental. One aspect feeds the other in a never ending loop. I have never understood the post in past threads where people claim that if there is sex involved it is not BDSM but just kink. We are a couple, are we not supposed to have a sex life because we are M/s?

I think this issue does have to with compatibilty and relationships not moving forward. I could never be involved in a serious relationship with someone who felt that sex had no place (nor could my little one). When two people are that far apart on this large an issue I don't see how you can find a middle ground.

K

This struck home...in a "it feels right" sort of way. The concepts of a satifying relationship, sexual excitement and the mental connection are so intermingled in our relationship, I don't think we could pick out the separate elements and nail them down.

Stimulation in all its forms are a part of our relationship/marriage.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

What would happen if unattached submissives and dominants indicated that the reason they were pursuing a BDSM relationship was because they found it highly sexually stimulating and arousing? Would that help or hinder them in their search? Is that type of 'honesty' something to keep hidden until getting to know the other person better? Is this aspect of compatibility a reason that some relationships don't go beyond the initial "getting to know you" period?

There's always the concept of timing to take into consideration with sharing any sort of information. If it's one of the first things put out there, I'd be likely to get the impression that sex (getting their rocks off) was the most important thing and that's all the individual was looking for. In that case, I'd say it would hinder. But, I know there are several who only want that sort of relationship and to share the information with them would be a help.

When presenting information about yourself, timing is crucial with any type of new relationship. Too much can be detrimental just as much as too little. It could narrow the feild going too far in either direction.

_____________________________

~valeca, Owned and Operated by Loraith.

(in reply to PlayfulOne)

Post #: 37

RE: It IS All About the Sex! - 5/15/2006 11:59:19 AM

Sab

Posts: 325
Joined: 5/2/2006
From: Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: talltxsub

HURRAY! Finally finding people willing to admit that they love the sex as part of the overall activity.

Thank you!

We love having sex together - it is a bond that is always tightning as we move down the path of our relationship. We live in this lifestyle with love and mutual respect - her knowing that she is Mine and, even though to some I should not say this, I am hers.

From the warmth of making love to the torrent of the rope - we love our sex life because it is just one of the things that binds us.

_____________________________

God blessed it and it brought me to her.

(in reply to talltxsub)

Post #: 38

RE: It IS All About the Sex! - 5/15/2006 12:03:13 PM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Najakcharmer

quote:

ORIGINAL: talltxsub
HURRAY! Finally finding people willing to admit that they love the sex as part of the overall activity.

Problem is, most guys who are contacting women on an adult site seem to be incapable of distinguishing between "Yes, I enjoy sex as part of BDSM activities in the context of an intimate relationship" and "I am willing to have sex with YOU, right now, so send me photos of your penis and a graphically explicit suggestion about what to do with it."

Most normal, healthy human beings do have a sex drive and want to have sex. Those of us who are BDSM oriented may be having our sex in the context of a BDSM relationship. But there are good reasons for not saying "Hey everybody, I LIKE SEX and I WANT TO HAVE SOME SEX" in a profile on an adult site.

Najak,
Your points would be reasons I would want the option of putting sex into the profile checklist were I a woman, regardless if it was a "hard limit" or a "lives for". What better way to eliminate the foreployers and one-handed web surfers who are there anyway? This wouldn't create any more or less of these creatures, but it would make them more identifiable for the purpose of exclusion.

You only see the roaches scatter when you turn on the light. But to get them to congregate in mass in the middle of the room you may have to set out some bait. Only exposed can you determine if they should be eliminated or turned into pets.

(in reply to Najakcharmer)

Post #: 39

RE: It IS All About the Sex! - 5/15/2006 12:41:09 PM

MrRodgers

Posts: 10542
Joined: 7/30/2005
Status: offline

SEX vs KINK (kink=bdsm)
For those who have and will, because of my insistence on and emphasis in sex skills being important, call me an apostate from the church of kink, need to answer two questions. Is recognizing sex skills and their importance such a deviation from doctrinal purity that it becomes sufficient grounds for excommunication ? Is our creed so monomaniacal about our kinkdom here that we are allowed no lattitude to tack with the shifting winds within those affairs, or are we singularly hung up on just the kinkological or painful fetish ? Existing innovations in our sex and kink are the ones that sometimes blur the distinctions of just what is sex and kink, don't they ? The fact is, playing your cards right here, we discover...it is all about sex and kink...both, am I right ?.

In part, Iam in agreement here with LuckyAlbatross. Every vanilla site is almost all about the sex. Here in the kinkosphere, it is about the sex and then the kink with sex often being the great motivator.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 40

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