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RE: Former Flames - 6/20/2011 4:39:32 AM   
Charnegui


Posts: 1352
Joined: 5/1/2011
From: Puzzled
Status: offline 		My very vanilla ex mailed me last week........ just to try to manipulate me back into the life of my mother (and problably his, whilst he's still in contact with her) so I actually told him that I really do not have the interest to have him or my mother back into my life again.

I've struggled some years to be as I am right now and leave some issues of the past behind me.

So I do not need the past to walk next to me again!



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Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Former Flames - 6/20/2011 7:41:34 AM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1
I chalk it off to having fond memories and reaching out to see if I feel the same or if I had a memory lapse.



No kidding, eh?

The last call I answered from the ex owner, I said "I thought we weren't going to be in touch anymore."  He said "Well I wanted to see if your perspective on that had changed."  Uh...nope.


_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.



(in reply to sexyred1)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Former Flames - 6/20/2011 8:44:09 AM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		I am friends with a number of ex lovers and ex partners and we often drift in and out of each other's lives. I was at a bookstore this weekend and bought a beautiful book on rare maps as a gift for an ex of mine who loves maps. I choose women who's company and intellect I actually enjoy and they never become lovers, let alone partners if they are not the sort of people who I could be friends with and thus those qualities are still there long after the romance dies.

Frankly, if all of a woman's ex partners are jerks, assholes, whatnot, I tend to take that as a red flag and move on.

(in reply to NuevaVida)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Former Flames - 6/20/2011 9:30:14 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

I am friends with a number of ex lovers and ex partners and we often drift in and out of each other's lives. I was at a bookstore this weekend and bought a beautiful book on rare maps as a gift for an ex of mine who loves maps. I choose women who's company and intellect I actually enjoy and they never become lovers, let alone partners if they are not the sort of people who I could be friends with and thus those qualities are still there long after the romance dies.

Frankly, if all of a woman's ex partners are jerks, assholes, whatnot, I tend to take that as a red flag and move on.


So much this.

I wanted so badly for my kid's sake to remain friends with my ex-husband but his two mistresses just would not allow it. Now, because of them, his mental and emotional capacity just is not longer there to even attempt it.


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Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Former Flames - 6/20/2011 9:45:15 AM   
Iamsemisweet


Posts: 3651
Joined: 4/9/2011
From: The Great Northwest, USA
Status: offline 		I have remained friends with many of my exes. One is my business partner, another I am buying investment properties with. I have several exes as clients. On the other hand, none of these people are trying to rekindle the relationship. I am talking about the ones I told to drop dead, who don't have the good manners to stay dead. I can't imagine what they are thinking, but like I said, a more threatening tone when ending the relationship should work.

_____________________________

Alice: But I don't want to go among mad people.
The Cat: Oh, you can't help that. We're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.
Alice: How do you know I'm mad?
The Cat: You must be. Or you wouldn't have come here.

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Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Former Flames - 6/20/2011 9:46:14 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida

I have a girlfriend, though, who constantly goes back and contacts guys she's gone out with but who ended it with her.  I've asked her why she'd want to reach out to someone who made it clear didn't want to be with her, and she's never really answered it.  I think she remains hopeful that maybe they''ll suddenly want to give it another try with her.



I would think it more likely that it still rankles that they dumped her, and she's hoping for a do over so this time she can be the one to dump her. But that unfortunately she doesn't acknowledge to herself that this is the driving motivation. And of course, not being aware of it means she gets rejected again and again which is the exact opposite of her desire to be the one doing the rejecting.


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(in reply to NuevaVida)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Former Flames - 6/20/2011 9:46:55 AM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

Frankly, if all of a woman's ex partners are jerks, assholes, whatnot, I tend to take that as a red flag and move on.


I totally understand this philosophy, even though it makes me a walking red flag.

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.



(in reply to SimplyMichael)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Former Flames - 6/20/2011 9:52:29 AM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		Laughs. I was just thinking the same thing.

Except it was really only one asshole, so perhaps I am a pink flag?

(in reply to NuevaVida)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Former Flames - 6/20/2011 9:57:25 AM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline 		DES you may be onto something. In the plus-twenty years Ive known her she has never been the one to end things. Mostly she's just unhappy and lonely and doesnt let go. She won't admit it but she'd rather be with the wrong person than alone.

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.



(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Former Flames - 6/20/2011 9:59:31 AM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

Laughs. I was just thinking the same thing.

Except it was really only one asshole, so perhaps I am a pink flag?


LOL just two here so I'm dark pink.

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.



(in reply to sexyred1)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Former Flames - 6/20/2011 10:14:40 AM   
Phoenixpower


Posts: 8098
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Awareness

Christ.  So "Ask A Master" has officially become the "whine about miscellaneous shit" forum.  That explains a lot.


Well...certainly better as another fake or troll thread


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The PAST is history, the FUTURE a mystery, NOW is a gift - that's why it's called the PRESENT

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Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Former Flames - 6/20/2011 10:31:25 AM   
Icarys


Posts: 5757
Status: offline
quote:

I totally understand this philosophy, even though it makes me a walking red flag.

Yeah, I've never agreed with that either. Sometimes you just have a bad run of bitches and or assholes and sometimes it is you..Just not always the case.


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(in reply to NuevaVida)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Former Flames - 6/20/2011 10:41:22 AM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Icarys

Yeah, I've never agreed with that either. Sometimes you just have a bad run of bitches and or assholes and sometimes it is you..Just not always the case.



Oh I admit I had a lot to do with it, but people do get enlightened, and change.

But I'm OK with being dark pink, lol. 


_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.



(in reply to Icarys)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Former Flames - 6/20/2011 12:15:12 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida

DES you may be onto something. In the plus-twenty years Ive known her she has never been the one to end things. Mostly she's just unhappy and lonely and doesnt let go. She won't admit it but she'd rather be with the wrong person than alone.


And that is the biggest mistake people make in relationships. Bar none.

(in reply to NuevaVida)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Former Flames - 6/20/2011 12:15:27 PM   
Iamsemisweet


Posts: 3651
Joined: 4/9/2011
From: The Great Northwest, USA
Status: offline 		Hot pink, actually.

_____________________________

Alice: But I don't want to go among mad people.
The Cat: Oh, you can't help that. We're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.
Alice: How do you know I'm mad?
The Cat: You must be. Or you wouldn't have come here.

(in reply to NuevaVida)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Former Flames - 6/20/2011 12:28:41 PM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline 		It took me so long to leave my last LTR that I worked through all the bad feelings and stayed friends. We talk several times per week. I would have stayed friends with my ex husband (14 years of marriage) but he doesn't believe in remaining friends with exes.

For other people, if the relationship didn't work out, but the sex was good, I'll hook up if available.

I have an ex gf who tracks me down through my mother every few years. While I no longer wish to have sex with her, I love her dearly. (Lost her to crack.)

Sometimes, though, I decide I just don't want to go there again.

(in reply to Iamsemisweet)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Former Flames - 6/20/2011 1:16:40 PM   
lally2


Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline 		i think people think theyve changed and can do a better job.  someone said to me once that it wasnt until hed lost me that he realised what he had.  well tough frankly.  actually thats been said to me in various ways a few times, ive often wondered what that was about.  did i need to kick them in the head and yell 'pay attention asshat!'

rehashing is all about looking back with rose coloured specs at what might have been.  that is no basis for rehashing but its really really sweet when they ask... lol.

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

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Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Former Flames - 6/21/2011 9:14:14 AM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida


quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

Frankly, if all of a woman's ex partners are jerks, assholes, whatnot, I tend to take that as a red flag and move on.


I totally understand this philosophy, even though it makes me a walking red flag.


Nueva,

Red flags to me mean "pay attention" and look carefully. In your case, having met you a time or two, you are a really cool woman and have clearly done a great deal of growth and are a very cool woman.

(in reply to NuevaVida)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Former Flames - 6/21/2011 12:23:42 PM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline 		Thanks! I kinda like being pink though. Matches my nail color

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.



(in reply to SimplyMichael)
Profile   Post #: 39
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