FirmhandKY
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Joined: 9/21/2004
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How to succeed in your search - Hunting the Femsub Part I.
This post is related to two other posts I have already made.
The first is "How to succeed in your search" although I should have titled it "How to succeed in your search - Know Yourself"
The second is "How to succeed in your search - The "Numbers" game"
This post is in reaction to a lot of comments I hear about 95% (or some such number) of submissive women's profiles being "fake".
I write this simply from my point of view, with all my own prejudices and narrow wants and desires, and understand that your mileage may vary, and that you may violently disagree. I am open to differing viewpoints, and am not trying to "lay down the law", saying "this is the one true way".
I'm just giving my thoughts on the subject. While this post is fashioned for male "doms" hunting for female "subs", I think a lot of it can be transferred over to any other category of one person hunting for a relationship of another person.
I also suspect that most of the negative comments I get will be people who haven't read my other two posts, or, who having read them, either don't understand them, or don't agree with them, or - most importantly - have not implemented the two main suggestions that are contained in those posts in their own lives.
For reference, those two main suggestions are:
1. Know yourself.
2. Treat each person uniquely as an individual.
This main idea of this post takes off from the second point, treating each woman as an unique individual.
Your Attitude:
The most important part of finding a femsub is in your own attitude.
Let me repeat that: The first and most important part of finding a woman to be your submissive is IN YOUR ATTITUDE. Put that in your pipe and smoke it. Read it again, and again. Print it out on a piece of paper and post it next to your computer. Take a magic marker and write in on the top of your computer monitor. Turn off your computer, and stay away from all the profiles and searches and think about it. Take a long drive in the country and let it roll around in your head.
The biggest difference between the maledom who has success, and the one who doesn't - is in his attitude.
Your attitude shapes your actions and your reactions. Your attitude is what comes across to a woman before almost anything. Your attitude is what most women look for in your introductory email, it's what jumps out at them in your forum post, it's what they hear in your voice - attitude.
If you do much reading about the differences between men and women, one of the things that you will discover is that women are generally much more socially aware and astute when it comes to social interaction. They are generally multi-taskers, while men are more focused on a single track to the exclusion of others. Women's brains ARE different, physically and psychological. They see more colors than men, they see more nuances than men. They are much harder to "fool" and can see right into your soul in a heartbeat, even if you are fooling yourself.
No matter how "dominant" you are (or think you are), you are at a disadvantage when you either consciously or unconsciously try to look and act like something that you aren't 100% comfortable with. All of your little subterfuges and hesitations and games may look and feel to you like "just the thing she is looking for". To the femsub, they scream "faker", "wannabe" and "hng".
Most of the time, after they have had some experience with enough such men, they become very very skittish about even opening a conversation with anyone. A lot of them give up the search. They become cynical, and a lot of emails go unanswered, or you only get short "blow off" responses - if you get a response at all.
Their Attitude:
I can't speak for each and every female submissive out there, but I do have my opinions about the general process a lot of women go through as they start to discover her submissiveness - and then to act on it.
For most women, being "submissive" isn't something our popular culture values, or encourages, so she is at a disadvantage from the very beginning. Assertiveness in a man is still a valued cultural trait (although it has taken a beating in the last few decades).
So as a woman starts to discover and embrace her submissiveness, it takes a lot of strength (or longing) to post a profile to CollarMe (or any other similar site). She is in a quandary about the whole thing, and isn't really sure how she fits in, or whether she really should be doing this. She has heard and read all the horror stories about online predators, meetings gone bad, and women abused and discarded.
The fact that she is trying to "come out" means that she is fighting against her very nature. A submissive, by definition is a woman who prefers to be "acted upon" rather than be "the actor". Personally, I think it takes a lot of internal pressure and soul-searching to allow her to take that giant step into this world.
Her basic attitude when she finally does? Skittish. Let's look at some of the meanings of this word.
Skittish:
1 a : lively or frisky in action : CAPRICIOUS
b : VARIABLE, FLUCTUATING
2 : easily frightened : RESTIVE *a skittish horse*
3 a : COY, BASHFUL
b : marked by extreme caution : WARY
I think that each of these definitions applies, at one point or another to all submissives.
This is why so many submissive women's profiles are blank, or hold little information. This is why so many submissive women's profiles disappear after a brush or two with maledoms - they are simply frightened, and withdraw, or decide this life is "not for them".
It is also why, when a maledom comes on gangbusters dominant, a submissive often shuts down or disappears. Or, after the 100th such "gangbuster" email she hides her profile or leaves the site. It takes a special submissive to handle all the avalanche of attention, and still stay around.
Generally, the ones who do stay around are the ones who are above average in intelligence, or above average in need and desire. The ones with less strength/intelligence/need - either get sucked up by the first man that even slightly fits her fantasy needs, or she gets so frightened and overwhelmed that she simply disappears - at least for a time.
If, after a time, she strengthens herself, she may return. A woman can be intelligent, and have a strong need, yet require time and other experiences in order to strengthen herself mentally and emotionally to again return to her search.
This is one reason I try to adhere to a rule about never seriously approaching a submissive woman who's profile is less than a couple of months old (special circumstances may apply, however).
A special note: Because many of the submissives who have been operating as "strong women" in their lives seek submission, there is a conundrum for them to overcome as well. They have a need to submit, but at the same time they are hardheaded about the realities of life. It has been put to me this way: It's really difficult to grasp the concept of why someone who is more than capable of leading, would want to follow.
As a maledom, YOU must answer that unasked question.
To be continued in "How to succeed in your search - Hunting the Femsub Part II. This will be focused on actual "techniques".
FHky
_____________________________
Some people are just idiots.
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How to succeed in your search - Hunting the femsub Part I - 
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