RE: Seeking Permissions

RE: Seeking Permissions (Full Version)

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juliaoceania -> RE: Seeking Permissions (6/22/2011 9:40:19 AM)
quote: used an example that can only be applied to my situation and dynamic about my work. Then Hannah told me repeatedly i was incompetent because at times i need to call my boss multiple times to get things done. Yes she did, but my impression of that was a touch of defensiveness... because she cannot be available to "enforce" rules 24/7. And none of her rules would harm heather if it took her a couple of hours to respond... and she had a contingency in place for the one rule.. if heather's blood sugar is low, she gets a candy bar. We all have different lives and different challenges, which i think this is what can be really learned from this thread... how to meet them. One size does not fit all.

LillyBoPeep -> RE: Seeking Permissions (6/22/2011 9:41:04 AM)
a touch of defensiveness here, but a personal attack if it had come from Icarys. just sayin'.

HannahLynHeather -> RE: Seeking Permissions (6/22/2011 9:44:06 AM)
fuck off julia, you're always so god damned sensible and reasonable it makes me want to rip your clothes off, throw you down and just fucking ravish you. then talk for a day or three about fucking anthropology and sociology and similar stuff you and heather would understand while i just ogled you both admiring your great fucking huge sexy fucking minds (with occasional further ravishings to keep things spicy). yeah, yeah, i know you're fucking straight, but a girl can fantasize can't she? anyway this is my fucking weird way of saying thanks for being a voice of calm and reason, i need reminding of those virtues on the rare occasion. especially when i'm told i "have" to do something.

thishereboi -> RE: Seeking Permissions (6/22/2011 9:50:36 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: HeatherMcLeather quote: If the D says she has to ask, then yes, he should have to answer. Wouldn't no answer be an answer? If we are face to face and I ask a question, why would she just ignore me? And if it is a text situation, unless she answers, how do I know if she got the message. If she is the type who is going to micromanage, then she needs to be available for direction. If she can't be available, then she needs to set guidelines to follow in that event. Those guidelines might even be "if I don't answer, consider the answer as no" but that would be talked about ahead of time. Not just assumed.

HannahLynHeather -> RE: Seeking Permissions (6/22/2011 9:52:35 AM)
they weren't meant as personal attacks, lilly, and i explained why i made those statements and why i didn't feel they were attacks. if the mods disagree, well they can pull them and slap me on [awaiting approval] if they want. but my remarks were completely fucking justified in my mind for the reasons i stated earlier.

LadyPact -> RE: Seeking Permissions (6/22/2011 10:01:59 AM)
The question pretty much seems answered now, but just a few words on this subject. I'm actually kind of shocked that five pages went on about how wants should be dealt with. If clip called Me up at 3:00 AM because he felt like having a candy bar (not talking about a diabetic situation, which pretty much changes the subject to a need, for health reasons at times) I'd probably blow a gasket. If we're talking about some little whim and I can't be reached, consider that I've said no. There's an old saying that goes, "piss poor planning on your part doesn't constitute an emergency on My part". Most of the small wants that those who aren't being micro-managed, but have to ask for permission to have, aren't going to kill anybody if they don't get them. Any people doing this thing should know enough about the lives of the other to understand how this works out. Sometimes, you're going to deal with waiting for wants, and sometimes, you're not going to get what you want. Half of the time, there was something about the wants that made asking permission necessary in the first place.

thishereboi -> RE: Seeking Permissions (6/22/2011 10:02:46 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: juliaoceania quote: ORIGINAL: thishereboi quote: If the s-type asks permission for something, is the d-type expected/required to answer? What if he doesn't answer or is too busy? If the D says she has to ask, then yes, he should have to answer. Or he should make plans on what the sub should do if she can't contact him. I do not think so, but hey, if my orgasm can't wait for an hour until he gets a moment to answer me, I suppose perhaps I picked the wrong relationship style to engage myself in.. that is just my opinion When I was with my ex, I was not allowed to masturbate without permission. It was discussed ahead of time and I knew if she didn't pick up the phone, I didn't pick up the vibrator. I also wasn't allowed to drink without asking. In that case, if I was at lunch from work, I didn't have to call, I could order 1 drink. I never had to wonder what happens if I can't get a hold of her. We discussed these things ahead of time when she was laying down the rules. Communication can be a wonderful thing.[:)]

tazzygirl -> RE: Seeking Permissions (6/22/2011 10:03:04 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: juliaoceania quote: it's the wants that seem to cause the most debate. Even when you don't have a dom... I just debate it with myself these days quote: It would be highly unrealistic for Alandra and I to expect him to be available all the time. I think most of us can consider that there will be times when a dominant cannot answer their phone... I would not expect any human being to be at my constant beck and call, personally. If that expectation works for others, then that it works for them. If a Dom is at your beck and call.... not you, julia, but a submissives... who is really in control?

juliaoceania -> RE: Seeking Permissions (6/22/2011 10:05:20 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LillyBoPeep a touch of defensiveness here, but a personal attack if it had come from Icarys. just sayin'. I do not discuss some individuals on this board.... If I had been engaging with him in some way I could understand this comparison, but I don't, so I do not know why he came up in relation to me. In general I think most of us will defend an actual relationship we are involved in.... if you do not understand that, so be it.

tazzygirl -> RE: Seeking Permissions (6/22/2011 10:05:52 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact The question pretty much seems answered now, but just a few words on this subject. I'm actually kind of shocked that five pages went on about how wants should be dealt with. If clip called Me up at 3:00 AM because he felt like having a candy bar (not talking about a diabetic situation, which pretty much changes the subject to a need, for health reasons at times) I'd probably blow a gasket. If we're talking about some little whim and I can't be reached, consider that I've said no. There's an old saying that goes, "piss poor planning on your part doesn't constitute an emergency on My part". Most of the small wants that those who aren't being micro-managed, but have to ask for permission to have, aren't going to kill anybody if they don't get them. Any people doing this thing should know enough about the lives of the other to understand how this works out. Sometimes, you're going to deal with waiting for wants, and sometimes, you're not going to get what you want. Half of the time, there was something about the wants that made asking permission necessary in the first place. Another example of why I just have to read your posts, LP!

juliaoceania -> RE: Seeking Permissions (6/22/2011 10:06:31 AM)
quote: If a Dom is at your beck and call.... not you, julia, but a submissives... who is really in control? Not for me to judge, even hypothetically.... not touching that one.

HeatherMcLeather -> RE: Seeking Permissions (6/22/2011 10:06:53 AM)
quote: "if I don't answer, consider the answer as no" Well that's sort of the whole point of my remark. Those of us in a D/s relationship where there are certain things that require permission have all very clearly stated that contingencies are in fact in place. And that the ones making the rules consider such things an essential prerequisite to making the rules. All three relationships arrive at these rules and contingencies in roughly the same way, with agirl and her M at one end with a minimum of discussion, hanners and I at the other with long, long talks, and KofM and his ladies somewhere in the middle. <Sorry if I've got that wrong, that's just my impression from what's been posted here and on the other thread>. I don't know about agirl or kyra and alandra, but I would be utterly amazed and dumbfounded (and awfully hurt) if Hanners ever just ignored me face to face, but that isn't the thrust of this thread. It's about the times when the Dominant is not available to reply for whatever reason.

tazzygirl -> RE: Seeking Permissions (6/22/2011 10:16:20 AM)
The rules were well set for me. I knew what was off limits. I was instructed on how he wanted things done. I could go where I wanted as long as my chores were done and I was home when he expected me to be. Any changes in the household required permission. Any purchases required permission beyond the amount he allotted for personal spending. Sex? If he wasn't a party too it, it didn't happen. His appointments were my responsibility. I also knew that he worked, and damn hard. He wasn't available for bullshit calls or text messages. Unless it was a medical emergency, I could text, he may not answer. This was known upfront. I had no doubts he read what I sent. My needs were saw too by his rules. My wants were just that... mine... and subject to both his desire and his discretion. So, if he didn't answer, I waited.

juliaoceania -> RE: Seeking Permissions (6/22/2011 10:16:38 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: HannahLynHeather fuck off julia, you're always so god damned sensible and reasonable it makes me want to rip your clothes off, throw you down and just fucking ravish you. then talk for a day or three about fucking anthropology and sociology and similar stuff you and heather would understand while i just ogled you both admiring your great fucking huge sexy fucking minds (with occasional further ravishings to keep things spicy). yeah, yeah, i know you're fucking straight, but a girl can fantasize can't she? anyway this is my fucking weird way of saying thanks for being a voice of calm and reason, i need reminding of those virtues on the rare occasion. especially when i'm told i "have" to do something. If I ever decide to join your team, I'll let you know[;)]

KnightofMists -> RE: Seeking Permissions (6/22/2011 10:16:44 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SpiritedRadiance quote: ORIGINAL: juliaoceania quote: Because I did something most people do, I used my dynamic as my example for my opinion. Here is something that a lot of people do not understand when talking to others about relationships... saying "for me it wouldn't work" is a lot different statement than "it is wrong to do it the way you do" As you can see, you didn't like people voicing their opinions about your dynamic, so perhaps in the future you might keep that in mind when discussing what other people do. I suggest you go back and re-read in more then one post i state things like in my case, its not compatible with me, or other such things to express that what im stating is in my opinion and my interpretation. as well as every post in my sigline says what i say is my opinion. well... maybe you should go and read what you said... because I happen to agree with what Julia stated. Partiuclar the bold part.... In short.. You can say all the in my opinion or other shit... but when it comes out as Julia stated.. the disclaimers go out the window and are meaningless and even hypocritical.

KnightofMists -> RE: Seeking Permissions (6/22/2011 10:20:31 AM)
[quote If a Dom is at your beck and call.... not you, julia, but a submissives... who is really in control? [/quote] Well.. I am of course!!!! the key is... they call to ask a question... I don't answer... ergo the answer is Negative to what they want!!!! I don't have to answer the call or respond to a text to my girls questions. They text me every now and again for junk food or a pop etc. Often times.. I just don't bother wasting my time saying No... Silence gives that answer rather nicely... I like to use my time efficiently!

tazzygirl -> RE: Seeking Permissions (6/22/2011 10:21:50 AM)
lol I think you misunderstood the question. By beck and call, I meant if he is required to respond to every call or text message.

KnightofMists -> RE: Seeking Permissions (6/22/2011 10:24:23 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: tazzygirl lol I think you misunderstood the question. By beck and call, I meant if he is required to respond to every call or text message. damn... I fucked up again.... I am obviously not very good at this Master shit... maybe I should think of being a slave!!!!

tazzygirl -> RE: Seeking Permissions (6/22/2011 10:25:39 AM)
Hey, I didnt say that, you did. [8D]

NuevaVida -> RE: Seeking Permissions (6/22/2011 10:27:07 AM)
There are times when I ask him for something and he's so engaged in something else (obsessing over his new phone, for example) that he doesn't really hear me or doesn't want to be bothered responding yet. So I wait. In fact I've learned to just hold off asking until I know I can have his attention. It's frustrating at times but I get over it and wait. I don't feel uncared about or discounted because he's paying attention to something else over me. When staying at his place, I am to ask to use the bathroom. This includes waking him up in the middle of the night. It sure felt weird to me at first but that's how he wants it. However, if there is something else I want in the middle of the night, it waits until morning and I don't wake him. Unless I have a nightmare - I have a rule to always wake him so he can comfort me, whether we're together or I'm alone at my place. My rules are pretty fluid. He changes them to suit our needs, when he thinks it's necessary. So if something isn't working, he evaluates and adjusts. This isn't him being at beck and call, it's him managing our relationship effectively. But for the most part, if he's busy and we don't (yet) have a standing rule about something, it waits. No drama comes from it, it's simply part of life. Here's the thing, though. In the big picture of things between us, he is attentive to me and to my needs. So it's no skin off my nose to have to wait for him to become available. If in general he wasn't very attentive, I might feel overlooked. But that is simply not the case with us.

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