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My activities- should I move out - 6/21/2011 8:27:26 PM

whitedragonX

Posts: 75
Joined: 8/10/2010
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I turned 21 this past May and I still live with my parents. Its free room and board while I'm at college. The only bad thing is I really want to get into BDSM- find myself a mistress, I also want toys) however my parents have no idea what so ever. My sister sort of knows because she is a natural male preadator. She isn't really interested in this stuff and I also want to keep her away from it (it will make her worse) For her guys exist to carry her purse and to be foot rest, but thats about it for her.

Now my mom is mild mannered babies me (sucks- hell she still cleans my room, if try to do it well IM doing it wrong)
My dad well he doesnt give a shit.

How should I tell my mom? "Hi mom I'm a pervert that likes bdsm"
OR should I just move the hell out and let them live in ignorant bliss?

Post #: 1

RE: My activities- should I move out - 6/21/2011 8:29:24 PM

poise

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What if you weren't a pervert into BDSM? Would you still tell your Mom details of your sex life?

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Post #: 2

RE: My activities- should I move out - 6/21/2011 8:36:03 PM

whitedragonX

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Joined: 8/10/2010
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No, my main concern is getting collection of toys (and she finding them) and what not also finding a mistress. If do find a mistress my mom will find out if I'm living at home.

She is very nosey.

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Post #: 3

RE: My activities- should I move out - 6/21/2011 8:43:04 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
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You're Mom still cleans your room at 21? You've got a better Mom than I ever was.

If you want to be involved in BDSM and want to keep your toys at home, I'd suggest a storage system that locks. Should you forget to lock it, then it will be on you to do the explaining.

In the meantime, clean your own room.

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Post #: 4

RE: My activities- should I move out - 6/21/2011 8:45:16 PM

erieangel

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Joined: 6/19/2011
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Would your mom care? i know you think she would, but she may surprise you. my son is 27 and still lives at home because he is disabled and suffers chronic pain, he is also gay and brings his b/f's home to spend the night more often than i do LOL he also owns more toys than i do and the only problem i have with it is when he leaves them in the shower, on the back of the toilet...once he even set a silicone butt on the microwave!! i haven't the foggiest notion what he was doing with it in the kitchen and i didn't ask.

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Post #: 5

RE: My activities- should I move out - 6/21/2011 8:48:32 PM

sexyred1

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No matter what your age, living at home or not, your parents and your sister do not need to know about your sex life.

You should really clean your own room and if there is a will to have toys, there is a way to hide them from Mommy.

Once you move out and start working, you will have no worries.

(in reply to erieangel)

Post #: 6

RE: My activities- should I move out - 6/21/2011 8:50:07 PM

whitedragonX

Posts: 75
Joined: 8/10/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

You're Mom still cleans your room at 21? You've got a better Mom than I ever was.

If you want to be involved in BDSM and want to keep your toys at home, I'd suggest a storage system that locks. Should you forget to lock it, then it will be on you to do the explaining.

In the meantime, clean your own room.

Yes because its her house, and she LOVES to clean she does work but she still cleans. When I tell her I can clean my own room she tells me "Dear you need to rest up for school/work" OR "Go help your father"

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 7

RE: My activities- should I move out - 6/21/2011 8:53:36 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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My mom guessed I was submissive when I was in my late 30s, not sexually speaking, but she guessed that I let the man in my life control me... and she knew it was a conscious choice. I do not know how she guessed it, but she did.

My mom and I have lived together off and on, she helped me raise my son, I would not have lived with her if she did not respect me as an adult, especially since I was self sufficient..

What would I recommend to you? Pay your way even if you are going to stay with your parents through college. That means give your them money for at least what it takes to feed you and provide for your energy consumption. Insist on this as a condition of living there. It will still cost you considerably less than living on your own. As a part of that, insist your parents treat you as an adult by not going through your personal effects. Do not let your mom clean your room, but respect the tidiness that she wants to have at her home. Do your own laundry. Tell your mom to please not go in your room without telling you before she needs in there (it is her home after all, and she should have access to it as the owner)

If you cannot do that, get your own place so you can live like an adult, you are one after all. I have a nearly 21 year old son... (he will be in a couple of days), and I do my best to treat him and view him as the adult he is. I do not want to know what he does with women, it is none of my business. I would never snoop through his belongings

< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 6/21/2011 8:54:19 PM >

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(in reply to whitedragonX)

Post #: 8

RE: My activities- should I move out - 6/21/2011 8:54:03 PM

whitedragonX

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Joined: 8/10/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

No matter what your age, living at home or not, your parents and your sister do not need to know about your sex life.

You should really clean your own room and if there is a will to have toys, there is a way to hide them from Mommy.

Once you move out and start working, you will have no worries.

I do have a couple of hiding places but they are small.
IF you have ever seen Everybody Loves Raymond my mom is an exact copy of Marie minus the malice and guilt thing

(in reply to sexyred1)

Post #: 9

RE: My activities- should I move out - 6/21/2011 9:07:42 PM

lizi

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Joined: 2/1/2009
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Do you want to know what your parents do behind closed doors? Why should they know what you do? From what you've said it seems unlikely that you'll ever have real privacy there so you'd have to accept that it's likely you'd be found out. What if they objected? Then you'd have to give it up or pretend, there would be a lot of resentment there on both sides. This type of thing has the power to change your relationship with them and stick around in the background for a very long time.

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Post #: 10

RE: My activities- should I move out - 6/21/2011 9:21:00 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
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From: Apple County NY
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Don't tell her you're going to clean your room, just do it. And get a locking suitcase which you keep locked in your closet under a spare blanket.

I do make forays into my kids' rooms. But if they cleaned them properly, meaning no empty food anything, all dishes returned to the kitchen, and clothes in drawers or the hamper, then all I would do is stick my head in and thank God it didn't look like a war zone.

As long as you just say you can do something, but don't do it, then you are being a child. If she entered your room and found it clean, then she wouldn't have anything to pick up.

Beyond that, you have friends. You've been known to date. So go out on a date. You don't have to tell the details of your sexual escapades. Just tell the vanilla stuff. "We grabbed some pizza and went to the movies". You don't have to add that you got tied up and beaten after. And make sure you're practicing safe sex.

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Post #: 11

RE: My activities- should I move out - 6/21/2011 9:29:43 PM

whitedragonX

Posts: 75
Joined: 8/10/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Don't tell her you're going to clean your room, just do it. And get a locking suitcase which you keep locked in your closet under a spare blanket.

I do make forays into my kids' rooms. But if they cleaned them properly, meaning no empty food anything, all dishes returned to the kitchen, and clothes in drawers or the hamper, then all I would do is stick my head in and thank God it didn't look like a war zone.

As long as you just say you can do something, but don't do it, then you are being a child. If she entered your room and found it clean, then she wouldn't have anything to pick up.

Beyond that, you have friends. You've been known to date. So go out on a date. You don't have to tell the details of your sexual escapades. Just tell the vanilla stuff. "We grabbed some pizza and went to the movies". You don't have to add that you got tied up and beaten after. And make sure you're practicing safe sex.

I do have friends but I do not date (never even had a girlfriend) simply because I'm socially withdrawn (aka shy)

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 12

RE: My activities- should I move out - 6/21/2011 9:35:16 PM

DesFIP

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From: Apple County NY
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Then don't worry. Because if you aren't going to even ask her out for a date, why do you suppose she would want to be in a relationship with you? If you're talking about seeing a prodomme, then get an afternoon time slot and say you went to the mall or the bookstore.

But if you want your parents to see you as an adult, then act like one. Clean your own room without being asked and without her needing to do so to keep it vermin free. While you're at it, clean up after dinner. Cook dinner once a week or more. Take out the garbage without being asked. Mow the lawn. Show them you're a responsible adult through your actions.

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Post #: 13

RE: My activities- should I move out - 6/21/2011 9:35:36 PM

DarkSteven

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Joined: 5/2/2008
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Okay, fella. You're 21, have never dated, go to college, and live at home. Time for you to become more independent - get a job for now. Later you might try to move out. And I think you should do some vanilla dating before you connect with a Domme.

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Post #: 14

RE: My activities- should I move out - 6/22/2011 12:10:27 AM

HannahLynHeather

Posts: 2950
Joined: 4/4/2011
From: where it's at
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fr

for fuck's sake fella, you have a dipshit excuse for everything don't you?
listen the fuck up. grow the fuck up. clean your own fucking room and mummy won't have any reason to be in your shit.

you want a fucking mistress? well guess what buckwheat, she's more than fucking likely going to expect you to clean her whole fucking house so you may as well start practicing now.

you're worried mummy's going to find your toys? then do what was suggested, get a locking suitcase, or a little fucking footlocker and put a padlock on it. its not like you need 300 lbs of the shit, so hide it. i mean didn't you ever hide your fucking weed or playboys from her or anything?

christ's blood on toast boy, how the fuck did you get through high school without knowing this shit. its fucking elementary teenager shit we're talking about.

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RE: My activities- should I move out - 6/22/2011 4:15:04 AM

thishereboi

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quote:

ORIGINAL: whitedragonX

No, my main concern is getting collection of toys (and she finding them) and what not also finding a mistress. If do find a mistress my mom will find out if I'm living at home.

She is very nosey.

Well, your main concern should be getting through school. But if you think you can move out, still do good in school and afford to buy toys, I wish you all the best. Have fun.

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Post #: 16

RE: My activities- should I move out - 6/22/2011 4:20:24 AM

LadyConstanze

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You should move out, because whenever I dated a guy who was still living at home (without a valid reason like looking after the parents but just so that mom could pamper him), it didn't last and people do need privacy.

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Post #: 17

RE: My activities- should I move out - 6/22/2011 5:29:10 AM

DesFIP

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Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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I actually don't recommend moving out. He only has one year left of school and will move out then after he's found a job.
He needs to start learning social skills so he can handle interviews and get that job. And he needs to learn elementary skills like cleaning and cooking so he can care for himself once he has moved out.

And it would be fair for him to start taking over some of the house cleaning (kitchen and bathroom) and cooking while telling his mother that he needs to know how to do this in the future for himself.

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Post #: 18

RE: My activities- should I move out - 6/22/2011 7:59:45 AM

DecadentDesire

Posts: 234
Joined: 6/18/2011
Status: offline

I can't say I see the justification for such rude treatment of someone asking a relatively innocent question and think the responses here reflect worse on the individuals making them them, then the OP himself. In fact, it serves as a reminder about why I left the boards in the first place.

A couple of points...

The vast majority of my friends in my early 20s who went to 4 year colleges and lived in dorms did not work beyond a part time summer job. Of course, I'm sure most people won't bat an eyelash at that, but if I said "4 year colleges and lived at home did not work", well, I'm sure they could not be anything besides huge losers.
With the rising cost of tuition and living expenses, young adults living at him while at college is becoming a much more common scenario. It's just practical and smart.
I still allow my father to pay for dinner and do similiar things for me even as a fully grown man who makes more money than him. It's not, because I like to be spoiled or need him to do it. Parents simply like to do things for their children and feel like they are taking care of them, regardless of what age they are. I let him do that kind of stuff from time to time, because it makes him feel good. I would imagine the same would apply to a mother wanting to clean her grown child's room.

To the OP....

It's not practical in your situation or even necessary to go out and buy a bunch of toys. Wait until your done with college.

It's common for people who are new to kink to want to come out to their parents and friends much in the same way someone comes out about being "gay", but as someone pointed out, it is your sex life and if you weren't kinky, the idea of talking about it with your parents would be foreign.

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Post #: 19

RE: My activities- should I move out - 6/22/2011 8:20:22 AM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

Finish school.

Google "TNG bdsm" or similar, and see if there is a local "next gen" group for the 18-35 yr olds. If you are in college, I cant imagine there not being other younguns into perving.

As to finding a "mistress", some of the qualities we pesky wimmins expect are maturity and independence--not that you have to be living on your own, but that you can have your own life. That includes having your life priorities straight. You can be social and play and explore without making any kind of commitments.

I'm glad that you like your mom.

But clean your own room, and start to establish BOUNDARIES. This is hideously difficult, but you are a legal adult. Clean up your own space, make sure your laundry is in the laundry baskets so she doesnt have to find it, and suit up and have the "I need my privacy, pls thx" convo.

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Post #: 20

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