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RE: DOM vs MAN - 5/15/2006 6:19:58 PM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: bandit25

Well, I've had a man in charge, a dom and an owner. While I agree for the most part with what you've said CreativeDom, I wonder if some of the submissives you're talking about began to question themselves and what they wanted BECAUSE of the doms they picked. Yes, many times we have to do things we don't particulaly want, but it's always "easier" when one understands why. As we all know, there are doms who simply will not tolerate any questions. And for one who may be confused to begin with, a dom like that may very well get her to wondering if she is, in fact, submissive. I'm not one who believes that if one is submissive, she is submissive to all doms, but that's just me.

I agree that there are many dominants that do not like questioning of any command they give. A submissive who is confused already is going to have a difficult time then with just such a dominant as you describe. I am a big believer in going over things from all angles so that a submissive knows what I think, why I want things a certain way, and why I expect certain commands to be followed without question. I love discussing all aspects of D/s, not only from other's points of view but my own views and those of the submissive. (I can refer you to several who will tell you how much I love to discuss things). However, that point is gotten to with, as noted, a lot of back and forth discourse. What I was referring to specifically are those who tell you how much they love submission, who've maybe been lucky enough to have dominants who asked little of them in pushing limits or asking of them things that are not generally considered when entering into the romance of a new D/s relationship and then, they hook up with a dominant who does push limits or who does expect you to do A even though you do not like A because he thinks it is for any of the reasons I cited earlier. At this point, for some, submission has just become harder. It is not all fun and games and romance.

Again, this is not just me knocking submissives. As I noted originally, there are plenty of dominants looking for something that does not necessarily equate to submissive. But this post started out as a question about submissives.

(in reply to bandit25)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: DOM vs MAN - 5/15/2006 6:46:11 PM   
piscess


Posts: 101
Joined: 5/10/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: dogobedience

Are some of you simply looking for a MAN.

As in being assertive, knowing what he wants, getting what he wants, and taking the lead in the bedroom?  Getting this confused with what this lifestyle can offer in total?

Not really wanting a dom but simply A MAN IN CHARGE?


I am seeking a Man who knows when to dom.
 
piscess

(in reply to dogobedience)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: DOM vs MAN - 5/15/2006 8:39:58 PM   
MistressSassy66


Posts: 1675
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: dogobedience

Are some of you simply looking for a MAN.

As in being assertive, knowing what he wants, getting what he wants, and taking the lead in the bedroom?  Getting this confused with what this lifestyle can offer in total?

Not really wanting a dom but simply A MAN IN CHARGE?





I have let a man be in charge in the past...notice the word past.
Now I'm the Woman in charge, looking for men that do what I want.

I dont think that I actually answered the question above so here goes...I dont want a Dom or man in charge.



_____________________________

Mistress Sassy

http://www.mistresssassy.com

In the Immortal Words of Bob....Fuck the dumb shit.

"I love you not only for what you are,But for what I am when I'm with you."- Opening line from a poem by Roy Croft

(in reply to dogobedience)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: DOM vs MAN - 5/15/2006 8:45:01 PM   
HarryVanWinkle


Posts: 1720
Joined: 5/8/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

I'm not looking for anyone, but if I was, it would be a Master who is also a man.

Celeste


Celeste,

I'm heartbroken.  I thought you also kind of liked bottoms who are also men.

(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: DOM vs MAN - 5/15/2006 9:18:52 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:




Celeste,

I'm heartbroken.  I thought you also kind of liked bottoms who are also men.


Aw, Harry. You've confused me with a straight woman. ;) I'm not looking because I've got exactly what I want as both a slave to Himself and as a sadistic S/m Top. ;) I don't need to search for targets, hon.. they, literally, crawl out of the wood work.

Masters, however, are much more difficult to locate.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to HarryVanWinkle)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: DOM vs MAN - 5/16/2006 2:08:01 AM   
tendergirl


Posts: 103
Joined: 11/25/2005
Status: offline 		My needs in total can only be met by a Dom.  One who actually understands my absolute need for submission and bondage.  I am not sure that a man in vanilla could ever understand my need for bondage.  I am not just a woman looking for kinky sex.  In bondage I feel whole and secure and happy.  I also feel an absolute need to serve, please and meet a Dom's needs within the bdsm lifestyle.  Not sure vanilla covers that.

love from tendergirl

(in reply to dogobedience)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: DOM vs MAN - 5/16/2006 3:19:12 AM   
Quivver


Posts: 1953
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline 		Anyone can be assertive and know what they want and if they have the talent or ability they get it.  As for kinky sex, that abounds, that's easy enough to see just by reading through CM.  Possibly I am confused since what I seek in a Master is also that of a Man who must still function in this Vanilla world.  Problem is I've met ~few~ men that inspire me through their actions in that Vanilla world for me to sit at their feet as ~their~ possession.  Possibly our difference is simply a word or to in the definations between MAN and DOM, I dont know.  The beauty of it is when we find what works for us.  I wish you well.....................

_____________________________

The problem with communication ... is the illusion that it has been accomplished. ~George Bernard Shaw

(in reply to dogobedience)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: DOM vs MAN - 5/16/2006 3:25:30 AM   
feastie


Posts: 1793
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline 		Whoever said that the two are mutually exclusive of each other?  There are plenty of doms out there that I would not consider to be men, not because they are doms, but because they are weak individuals who are playing at being doms.  I'm greedy, I want someone who is both.

_____________________________

Snarky and loving it.

Disclaimer: Any views expressed in any post are my opinions only. They may or may not be yours.

(in reply to Quivver)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: DOM vs MAN - 5/16/2006 5:53:03 AM   
Bearlee


Posts: 2311
Joined: 10/25/2004
From: South Central CO
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: feastie

Whoever said that the two are mutually exclusive of each other?  There are plenty of doms out there that I would not consider to be men, not because they are doms, but because they are weak individuals who are playing at being doms.  I'm greedy, I want someone who is both.


Exactly what I'd decided to say, feastie!  Yup, I want a Dominant who is both a man AND in charge.  A Dom not-in-charge is the one of hundreds I've met who play at BDSM and have no real interest in the Power Exchange.  They want kinky sex...sometimes not in the bedroom.  Parttime domdum; not for me, thank you.

(in reply to feastie)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: DOM vs MAN - 5/16/2006 5:55:51 AM   
wandersalone


Posts: 4666
Joined: 11/21/2005
Status: offline 		In agreement with feastie and many others in this thread, I do not believe that dom and man are mutually exclusive.  My life is not 100% d/s and I am pretty sure it never would be ... coughs, I would settle for even 1% d/s at the moment but that's a whole new thread... laughs.  I am on a bdsm site because I know that vanilla relationships do not work for me but this doesn't mean that every man who is a dom is right for me.  Maybe a little patience is required... or a lot!
Dogobedience, it seems like you are wanting to speed up the process of meeting the slave you want, though this may be me misreading the questions you have asked on the forums.  There are no easy ways to spot the perfect person and exactly what they seek from a profile, it takes time and a willingness to get to know someone.

regards

wanders

(in reply to feastie)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: DOM vs MAN - 5/16/2006 9:33:32 AM   
dogobedience


Posts: 536
Joined: 3/30/2006
Status: offline 		feastie...........you go girl!!!!!!!
Yes, real doms are true leaders , well atleast at home( some  may not have the skill to lead other MEN, at work, in play., or life) A dom who is not incharge always is simply acting a part, a part that only a weak OR NEW slave could accept!   

_____________________________

I start and/or reply to posts to further my abilities and share my experiences in this fantastic lifestyle.

I hope I am an intellectual instigator, making people think and or laugh and nothing more.

Tiger, proud owner of kali aka Tigerproperty

(in reply to wandersalone)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: DOM vs MAN - 5/16/2006 10:33:44 AM   
Synocense


Posts: 255
Joined: 8/8/2004
Status: offline 		"Within a Man true to Himself lurks a Master"
 
 

_____________________________

Before you speak, ask yourself..
Is it kind? Is it true? Is it necessary?
Does it improve upon the silence?

(in reply to Reflectivesoul)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: DOM vs MAN - 5/16/2006 1:01:51 PM   
sabswife


Posts: 188
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: feastie

Whoever said that the two are mutually exclusive of each other?  There are plenty of doms out there that I would not consider to be men, not because they are doms, but because they are weak individuals who are playing at being doms.  I'm greedy, I want someone who is both.


add me to that greedy list -- but i have found Him

(in reply to feastie)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: DOM vs MAN - 5/16/2006 1:09:55 PM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

I tried looking for a man for a while, then......I found something waaaaaaaaaayyyy better! a WOMAN!!!!..

(in reply to sabswife)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: DOM vs MAN - 5/16/2006 1:15:56 PM   
CanadianGuy


Posts: 219
Status: offline 		Your profile says you're looking for a girl who "needs a strong MAN, a DOM MALE".  If I were a girl looking at your profile, I would get confused and probably click to the next.  This thread makes it seem like you're saying "man" and "dom" aren't the same thing, but your profile says you want a girl who needs a man/dom. 

Myself, I think it's semantics.  I'm obviously a man, and I'm obviously dominant.  I don't think the two are necessarily mutually exclusive, nor does being one guarantee being the other.  It's like comparing "fruit" to "a raddish".  One's a category, the other's a type of item in a different category.

(in reply to Reflectivesoul)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: DOM vs MAN - 5/16/2006 1:48:35 PM   
bondagemastertj


Posts: 26
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline 		the thing I have the most trouble with are the females who dont know what they want and wont tell you. It makes it hard sometimes for a man who does not practice any doctrine other than the one handed to him by a Master when I was an apprentice. I understand I open Myself up for ridicule when I say this, but I am always 100 per cent honest with potential subs. My subs do not even live with Me, but rather live a nice 'hidden' life for those whose folks wouldnt understand. Its sometimes a complicated line to walk between Dom and Man, but it has been My experience that most females would rather have a strong man as opposed to a Dom. and then there are some that cant tell the difference

(in reply to SweetSarijane)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: DOM vs MAN - 5/16/2006 5:43:08 PM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: dogobedience

feastie...........you go girl!!!!!!!
Yes, real doms are true leaders , well atleast at home( some  may not have the skill to lead other MEN, at work, in play., or life) A dom who is not incharge always is simply acting a part, a part that only a weak OR NEW slave could accept!   


But it doesn't take that much skill to lead a WOMAN?

If a real dominant is a true leader, always in charge, then why would he/she not have the skills to lead others at work, in play, and in life?  (Maybe because some choose to lead in their workplace and give over of themselves outside of it?  And vice-versa?)

I'm sorry but most of the dominants I have met (and I know I have not met them all) seem to display dominant, leadership-like traits most of the time.  It may only be in one or two things or it may be in all things, depending on the situation, but that has been my experience.



Your paragraph above is confusing.

(in reply to dogobedience)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: DOM vs MAN - 5/16/2006 5:51:52 PM   
Reflectivesoul


Posts: 1777
Joined: 4/25/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant
But it doesn't take that much skill to lead a WOMAN?


CD,
 
You are awesome! Thanks for that post, I've been itchin to say something but I wanted to see if any of the Doms would first.....
 
~RS~

(in reply to CreativeDominant)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: DOM vs MAN - 5/16/2006 6:57:54 PM   
feastie


Posts: 1793
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: dogobedience

feastie...........you go girl!!!!!!!
Yes, real doms are true leaders , well atleast at home( some  may not have the skill to lead other MEN, at work, in play., or life) A dom who is not incharge always is simply acting a part, a part that only a weak OR NEW slave could accept!   


So, are you saying that it takes no skill to lead a woman?  Or that a new slave isn't smart enough to recognize an idiot when she sees one?  You know, a man may not have a job where he is the top dog, he may be the low man on the totem pole.  But, if his colleagues admire and respect him, then he is a leader of men, isn't he?

_____________________________

Snarky and loving it.

Disclaimer: Any views expressed in any post are my opinions only. They may or may not be yours.

(in reply to dogobedience)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: DOM vs MAN - 5/16/2006 7:03:34 PM   
Sinergy


Posts: 9383
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Reflectivesoul
But is it possible that maybe you are attracting the wrong kind of people because your threads could be looked at as whining? 


I am not sure I am attracting the "wrong kind of people" because of the idiotic postings I make on an internet message board. I post on this site and it's message boards to share opinions about a subject we are all involved in, not necessarily to meet somebody.

As far as whining, I have plenty of cheese and crackers, so I suspect I will be fine.  The best cheese for whining is room temperature Brie, which should be eaten with a freshly baked baguette.

Sinergy

_____________________________

"There is a fine line between clever and stupid"
David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle


(in reply to Reflectivesoul)
Profile   Post #: 40
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