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RE: How do You know your marriade is over? - 5/15/2006 6:42:49 PM   
NakedOnMyChain


Posts: 2431
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: Indiana
Status: offline 		Usually you'll just know.  If you're having big doubts you're probably not ready for the big D.  (Although sometimes you don't get a choice.)

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~The Cure

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RE: How do You know your marriade is over? - 5/15/2006 6:43:05 PM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: feastie

quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

When you find another man's underwear in your drawer.


This is a pretty good clue, although I found male and female underwear shoved at the back of our closet under a suitcase.  His reason?  "They must have gotten mixed up with our stuff when I was doing laundry and I knew you'd be pissed if you found them in our laundry basket." 

Me..."Did it ever occur to you to just return them to the laundry room?"


......... uh, yeah lol.... not like I'd get pissed at finding them in the closet or anything.....

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RE: How do You know your marriade is over? - 5/15/2006 6:45:39 PM   
OTKkindaGirl


Posts: 447
Joined: 12/26/2005
From: NW Arkansas
Status: offline 		i believe it's over when you stop fighting to save it and start letting it defeat you.  when you no longer care, when you become numb, and the exisistance of life seems so mundane that you wonder if the day is even worth starting.... if you have nothing positive at all to look forward to, that is when it is over.  when it get's to that point, if the leap of faith to get out looks absolutely impossible,  take the leap for both of your sakes.  if on the other hand, you're fighting and arguing, there is still a glimmer of hope, it means you both still care, now you have to communicate with empathy, compassion and understanding towards one another, and if this isn't worth the effort, then you definitely know it's over.  if you both want it to work, it can.  if you both don't, it wont.  it's as simple as that no matter how complicated the issues.  just my humble opinion though.

< Message edited by OTKkindaGirl -- 5/15/2006 6:46:38 PM >

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RE: How do You know your marriade is over? - 5/15/2006 6:54:11 PM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline 		One of the women I work with is about to divorce her husband of 28 years. To be blunt, he's an ass, emotionally cold, dismissive, and lazy. He also has asbestosis and severe diabetes, which makes her feel guilty (or did lol) about dumping him. It finally got to the point that all feeling she had for him is gone.... she's working two jobs and getting ready to drop the bomb on him. She has said for years that once he can no longer make her cry, it's over. Seems she knew what she was talking about.

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RE: How do You know your marriade is over? - 5/15/2006 7:10:35 PM   
Rayne58


Posts: 746
Joined: 2/22/2005
From: Sydney Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

One of the women I work with is about to divorce her husband of 28 years. To be blunt, he's an ass, emotionally cold, dismissive, and lazy. He also has asbestosis and severe diabetes, which makes her feel guilty (or did lol) about dumping him. It finally got to the point that all feeling she had for him is gone.... she's working two jobs and getting ready to drop the bomb on him. She has said for years that once he can no longer make her cry, it's over. Seems she knew what she was talking about.


Early on in my marriage, I used to cry. Years of indifference, being taken for granted and emotional bullying later, I was numb and didn't care. I dreaded hearing him come home. I wished he'd have an accident and be killed and I would be free of him. I was depressed and became physically ill.

Twenty three years of marriage ended one day when he said something derogatory to me and I realised I could not take it anymore, I would rather be alone than live like that.

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RE: How do You know your marriade is over? - 5/15/2006 7:17:29 PM   
feastie


Posts: 1793
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

One of the women I work with is about to divorce her husband of 28 years. To be blunt, he's an ass, emotionally cold, dismissive, and lazy. He also has asbestosis and severe diabetes, which makes her feel guilty (or did lol) about dumping him. It finally got to the point that all feeling she had for him is gone.... she's working two jobs and getting ready to drop the bomb on him. She has said for years that once he can no longer make her cry, it's over. Seems she knew what she was talking about.


I can agree with this one.  I woke up on my 35th birthday and realized that it wouldn't matter if he were with me or not and I really preferred not.  I felt I'd wasted all the years of our marriage, wasted a lot of tears, wasted myself.

Since our divorce, knowing all that I know now, I think one of my best decisions, and bravest decisions, was leaving.  I left with seven dollars to my name, a car with no tags, no insurance and no gas, two kids, a cat and a dog and I felt better and stronger at the point than I had in years.

But, if he'd ever agreed to working it out, seeking help, anything...things might have been different.  But he just couldn't find it in himself to want to work at it. 

I guess what I'm saying is this...

If you feel you've done all you can do to repair the relationship, if you feel that you've given it your absolute best shot, if there is absolutely nothing holding you in the relationship, then perhaps it is time to consider letting it go.  But if there is a vestige of hope, a tiny gleam of love for this person, it may be worth just one more try.

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Disclaimer: Any views expressed in any post are my opinions only. They may or may not be yours.

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RE: How do You know your marriade is over? - 5/15/2006 7:52:35 PM   
Evanesce


Posts: 2325
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline 		When you look at your spouse and feel nothing positive towards them, it's time to go.

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Give a slave what he truly needs, and he will do what you want.

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RE: How do You know your marriade is over? - 5/15/2006 8:08:32 PM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: gooddogbenji

The restraining order usually clues me in.

Yours,


benji

HAHAH yep that would do it.

~Lashra

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RE: How do You know your marriade is over? - 5/15/2006 9:06:10 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		First time when my 2nd wife told me it was over and I found she'd stripped me of AU$2.5 million in assetts.

Second time was when my 3rd wife told me she was leaving with the kids (one mine and hers t'other hers) as I was going on duty..

I'm dumb it took three marriages before I found the right lady in Neets....


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Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

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RE: How do You know your marriade is over? - 5/15/2006 10:00:31 PM   
MistressLove999


Posts: 201
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: Daytona Beach, Florida
Status: offline 		I agree,
when the tears have all dried up & there isnt anything even worth bitching or fighting about. Then look down at the kids, are they happy? Nope? Time to change.....

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Play nice & Be Well,

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RE: How do You know your marriade is over? - 5/15/2006 10:25:18 PM   
Dustyn


Posts: 1044
Joined: 4/5/2006
Status: offline 		When going to work sounds better than going home.

- Dustyn


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Murderer?! Murderer! Let me tell you something about murder. It's fun; it's easy; you gonna learn ALL about it. - Tin Tin

Can you be more amusing?

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RE: How do You know your marriade is over? - 5/15/2006 10:34:12 PM   
Wulfchyld


Posts: 2618
Joined: 12/7/2005
Status: offline 		Aww... IB they were just dress rehearsals for the real deal.

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Dom/mes of a feather, beat the f*ck out of slaves together


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RE: How do You know your marriade is over? - 5/15/2006 10:48:01 PM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline 		My first clue came to me when I was sitting on the couch and watching TV. I was feeling horny and my wife decided to go to bed. I said, "Honey, how about a goodnight fuck?"

She turned and said, "OK... Goodnight Fuck."


Seriously, I was in counseling trying to work on some things and my therapist said that it would be a good idea to have my wife join us. I told her that and she was quite reluctant to go. I kept after her for a time when finally one day she said referring to herself, "I'm not the one with the problems." It was then that I suddenly realized that she never had problems and that everything was my fault all the time. When that dawned on me I realized that the marriage was doomed because I was not the only one with problems to work through. I really wanted to try to salvage things but it was not to be. I told her one day that I was tired of being flawed in her perfect presence and that I couldn't take it anymore.

That is a lot of personal shit up above, but I said it to illustrate something. Nothing can work when it is lopsided. Each partner in a relationship has to give 100% of themselves. When one partner or the other isn't willing to put the work into a relationship it is basically done at that point.

It does not sound like you are at that point. Arguing is normal. Most of the time the reason that we get angry with someone is because they aren't conforming to what we want them to be. Compromise and concessions have to be made in any relationship... even one with a dominant and a submissive. I cannot shape someone into something they don't want to be shaped into, therefore some common ground must be met.

Talk things out with a disinterested third party such as a minister or a marriage councilor. Running to friends and family will only allow things to become more one-sided because friends and family won't often come out and tell you honestly what they think is wrong. Not that they lie, but they are more gentle and sympathetic to your side than the spouse.

If you can talk to him/her and really discuss things then do so. Doing it in a public place like a restaurant may reduce the possibility of a shouting match between the two of you. If you get nervous or sidetracked easily, sit down before you talk and write out your thoughts... that way you can keep your mind on what you need to say and not get drawn into bickering.

Just my opinions for what they are worth.

I wish you the best.

< Message edited by Gauge -- 5/15/2006 10:49:02 PM >

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I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

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RE: How do You know your marriade is over? - 5/15/2006 11:24:27 PM   
TheShadows


Posts: 403
Joined: 9/16/2004
From: Southern Illinois
Status: offline 		When you are unable to spell MARRIAGE correctly in the Topic line.

Really, though....

When you're "living together alone", there's been cheating, abuse, or any of the other deal breakers you made your mind up about before you got married, (you did do that, didn't you?) it's time to call it quits.  Why be miserable when you could be happy by yourself or with someone else?

As always, YMMV.  Best of luck to you.

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"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most..." - Ozzy Osbourne

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RE: How do You know your marriade is over? - 5/15/2006 11:29:16 PM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline 		When you start to wish one of you were dead... 
I jest, a little.   M

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RE: How do You know your marriade is over? - 5/15/2006 11:32:08 PM   
HarryVanWinkle


Posts: 1720
Joined: 5/8/2006
Status: offline 		I'd say the marriage is over when the thought of spending the rest of your life without her is more appealing than the thought of spending it with her.

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RE: How do You know your marriade is over? - 5/15/2006 11:51:40 PM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

First time when my 2nd wife told me it was over and I found she'd stripped me of AU$2.5 million in assetts.
Second time was when my 3rd wife told me she was leaving with the kids (one mine and hers t'other hers) as I was going on duty..
Damn IronBear, I'm surprised you still have a sense of humor and love women... 
I would say you officially qualify to be on the "women are sucky money grubbing bitches threads with this kind of experience" under your belt, yikes!    M

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""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

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RE: How do You know your marriade is over? - 5/16/2006 3:17:01 AM   
cuddleheart50


Posts: 9718
Joined: 2/20/2006
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		When you are married to someone for 30 yrs. and they walk in one day and say ....I don't love you, I want a divorce!...Then, I guess you know its over....I sure did.

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Sing like no one is listening.
Love like you've never been hurt
and live like it's heaven on Earth.


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RE: How do You know your marriade is over? - 5/16/2006 4:16:23 AM   
Dustyn


Posts: 1044
Joined: 4/5/2006
Status: offline 		When these lyrics aren't just fun to sing int eh car, but become a battle hymn...

I couldn't take it any longer
Lord I was crazed
And when the feeling came upon me
Like a tidal wave
I started swearing to my god and on my mother's grave
That I would love you to the end of time
I swore that I would love you to the end of time!
So now I'm praying for the end of time
To hurry up and arrive
Cause if I gotta spend another minute with you
I don't think that I can really survive
I'll never break my promise or forget my vow
But God only knows what I can do right now
I'm praying for the end of time
It's all that I can do
Praying for the end of time, so I can end my time with you!!!

- Dustyn


_____________________________

Mother is the name for God on the lips and hearts of all children.

Murderer?! Murderer! Let me tell you something about murder. It's fun; it's easy; you gonna learn ALL about it. - Tin Tin

Can you be more amusing?

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RE: How do You know your marriade is over? - 5/16/2006 4:28:51 AM   
meatcleaver


Posts: 9030
Joined: 3/13/2006
Status: offline 		It was over for me when I was out with my wife for a drink and half way through the evening we looked at each other and said 'It's just not fun anymore.' There had been too much shit we had been avoiding and could avoid because of work, we didn't see each other that often to get on each others nerves. We had really taken to living seperate lives, it was convenient as long as we hadn't met anyone else because it made life so much cheaper for each of us. We could have carried on that way for years but decided to bring it to an end. Ironically we are on better terms now than we ever have been.

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Profile   Post #: 40
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