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What do you look for in a guy(sub) overall - 6/23/2011 9:10:59 PM

whitedragonX

Posts: 75
Joined: 8/10/2010
Status: offline

This may be already posted/asked but I couldn't find it.

Basically what do you look for in a sub?

-In messages/chats/profiles?

-RL

-What annoys you? Pleases you?

(The message part I think is already posted and Ive seen the how to attract a dominant woman post) * im gonna look at that again :)

Sorry if this seems like a stupid question :(

*Let me add that I rarely message a dominant female but when i do I keep it short 3-4 sentences and to the point. I also comment on the profile and or picture to show that I accually read the profile. I also aim to make friends first. Most of the time the reason I don't message is simply because dominant woman profiles are well I feel certain woman will chew on me and spit me out.

< Message edited by whitedragonX -- 6/23/2011 9:19:58 PM >

Post #: 1

RE: What do you look for in a guy(sub) overall - 6/23/2011 9:44:50 PM

SylvereApLeanan

Posts: 8275
Joined: 11/1/2007
From: Hell
Status: offline

Profile Help: How to Attract a Dominant Woman - What we look for in a profile (includes help with photos)
CMail Help: How to Contact a Dominant Woman - What we look for in a first message
What to avoid when writing to a female D type... - What annoys us

Beyond these things, I think I can safely say we're looking for the same things any other woman wants - compatible vanilla interests, values, life and relationship goals. What those are will be different for each individual woman. There's no formula, no secret handshake, and no single answer that will apply to everyone.

Bottom line: we want chemistry.

_____________________________

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Dark Muse
30 Fluffy Points
Grumpy Cat is my spirit animal.
Shadow Governess & Mean Girl

"There's something that doesn't make sense. Let's go and poke it with a stick."— The Doctor

(in reply to whitedragonX)

Post #: 2

RE: What do you look for in a guy(sub) overall - 6/23/2011 9:48:58 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

Here's another thread that was done just two weeks ago. http://www.collarchat.com/m_3715504/tm.htm

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to SylvereApLeanan)

Post #: 3

RE: What do you look for in a guy(sub) overall - 6/23/2011 10:08:09 PM

whitedragonX

Posts: 75
Joined: 8/10/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Here's another thread that was done just two weeks ago. http://www.collarchat.com/m_3715504/tm.htm

1. I don't do stupid shots of my penis or wahtever, thats like writing "ALL I WANTS IS TITS" in your profile, I honestly don't understand other males that do this. Welcome to interwebs I guess.

2. I try to be polite and I keep my message to the point. I look at the like and dislike and see if it matches with mine and I also comment on the profile I'm viewing.

I think I'm good, although if you look at my profile I do ask that I would like to get to know you first before I tribute give you meny (I'm not looking for a pro/professional) so is this ok or am I being unreasonale?

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 4

RE: What do you look for in a guy(sub) overall - 6/23/2011 10:31:27 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

Would you give a vanilla date money? Let common sense be your guide.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

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Post #: 5

RE: What do you look for in a guy(sub) overall - 6/24/2011 1:46:13 AM

LadyConstanze

Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline

You do complain a bit and if you mention money in your profile it will come up in a search people do, and guess who does the searches?

Try to be a bit more positive, think about it, would you like to date a girl who's complaining about how hard dating is on her profile, or would you rather date somebody who seems to be fun to hang out with?

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 6

RE: What do you look for in a guy(sub) overall - 6/24/2011 1:57:24 AM

whitedragonX

Posts: 75
Joined: 8/10/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze

You do complain a bit and if you mention money in your profile it will come up in a search people do, and guess who does the searches?

Try to be a bit more positive, think about it, would you like to date a girl who's complaining about how hard dating is on her profile, or would you rather date somebody who seems to be fun to hang out with?

ill edit that part out thanks for giving my profile a look over

(in reply to LadyConstanze)

Post #: 7

RE: What do you look for in a guy(sub) overall - 6/24/2011 2:40:07 AM

SexyBossyBBW

Posts: 1693
Joined: 2/25/2010
Status: offline

Attraction, aged within 10years of my age on either side, romance, service orientation, and obedience. Having all of these things, doesn't make anyone a perfect match necessarily.

To me, what we do, is relationship, with rules of engagement upfront. To others, it's seeking how close to the edge, followed by reaching that peaceful place one can get, and how often.
Good luck in your search, M

_____________________________

"..touching was and still is and always will be the True Revolution" Nikki Giovanni
"Only when there are many people who are pools of peace, silence, understanding, will war disappear." -Osho

(in reply to whitedragonX)

Post #: 8

RE: What do you look for in a guy(sub) overall - 6/24/2011 6:34:31 AM

BonesFromAsh

Posts: 1362
Joined: 6/17/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

Would you give a vanilla date money? Let common sense be your guide.

I've come to the conclusion that common sense isn't common. It's now called extraordinary sense because only extraordinary people have it.

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 9

RE: What do you look for in a guy(sub) overall - 6/24/2011 8:51:01 AM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

So it won't work when I keep telling folks to THINK? Fooey.

Should I start asking for money? I need a new toner cartridge for the copier.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

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Post #: 10

RE: What do you look for in a guy(sub) overall - 6/24/2011 9:02:21 AM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

I really don't like to give pointers on how to impress me. He either does or he doesn't and I would rather he get it on his own merit rather than what someone has told him on how to impress and get a woman. Free thinkers... bright thinkers... someone with something I don't have to create... nice!

It's not like you can manipulate the odds if you have to ask.

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 11

RE: What do you look for in a guy(sub) overall - 6/24/2011 9:33:55 AM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

That's an excellent point, Lockit. There are many fine men out there who just don't light MY fire, but it doesn't make them undesirable in a general sense.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to Lockit)

Post #: 12

RE: What do you look for in a guy(sub) overall - 6/24/2011 10:00:14 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: whitedragonX
1. I don't do stupid shots of my penis or wahtever, thats like writing "ALL I WANTS IS TITS" in your profile, I honestly don't understand other males that do this. Welcome to interwebs I guess.

2. I try to be polite and I keep my message to the point. I look at the like and dislike and see if it matches with mine and I also comment on the profile I'm viewing.

I think I'm good, although if you look at my profile I do ask that I would like to get to know you first before I tribute give you meny (I'm not looking for a pro/professional) so is this ok or am I being unreasonale?

OP, let Me explain a few things to you. There isn't a one size fits all answer to your question. What I look for in a submissive isn't exactly the same as what other women look for. A good example of this is involvement in the BDSM community. Anybody not willing to do that isn't going to be compatible with Me at all, but there are other Dominant women on this thread that the couldn't care less about that.

When people offer money over the internet, personally, I find that insulting. I'm not for sale and I'm not for rent. Other people will be glad to take your money. Do you see what I'm getting at here?

Questions like this are a lazy version of 'what do people want to hear'. Guess what? There's no standard answer, and even if there was, if we coached you on it, don't you think that would get spotted sooner or later if it wasn't genuine?

The truth is, we can give you advice on what not to do. The things to avoid that we've mentioned in the reference threads should be no-brainers, but they're not. Other, than that, even though it's the internet, you're still going to have to make the time investment to read profiles, deal with each one as being written by an individual, and act accordingly.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to whitedragonX)

Post #: 13

RE: What do you look for in a guy(sub) overall - 6/24/2011 10:45:50 AM

LadyConstanze

Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline

Without being cruel, I try to take your profile and pull it to bits how a woman would read it...

Remember the book "He's just not into you"? Well, guess what, same thing exists for guys and some stuff guys say in their profile makes us think that they are well, just not into us but more into getting their fetish or kink fix, bear that in mind when writing a profile...

quote:

Hello I'm looking for a mistress and/or girlfriend between the ages of 18-24 near the Pittsburgh area. I want a cute/looking girl who can ensnare me, and make me her slave, I have very few limits and those I'll discuss with you over mail.

Location and you want a girlfriend who is kink compatible with all the benefits. A cute looking girl who can ensnare you and make you her slave - sound a bit like out of BDSM porn.
You have very few limits and those you'll discuss over mail - you're new to the lifestyle, how can you know about your limits? I bet most of us could make you eat your words within 10 minutes... The "I discuss it in mails" is a way of saying "Go on, write me" it's very unlikely, as cute girls between 18 and 24 will be spammed with messages, they don't even have time to check profiles...

The rest of your profile doesn't float my boat much, but then I'm not your target audience. But that first paragraph, I'm telling you how women read it and I think it has been mentioned before, for every woman here are about 10 guys.... Yes, it's hard and you'd possibly better off going to a munch

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 14

RE: What do you look for in a guy(sub) overall - 6/24/2011 11:12:16 AM

whitedragonX

Posts: 75
Joined: 8/10/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze

Without being cruel, I try to take your profile and pull it to bits how a woman would read it...

Remember the book "He's just not into you"? Well, guess what, same thing exists for guys and some stuff guys say in their profile makes us think that they are well, just not into us but more into getting their fetish or kink fix, bear that in mind when writing a profile...

quote:

Hello I'm looking for a mistress and/or girlfriend between the ages of 18-24 near the Pittsburgh area. I want a cute/looking girl who can ensnare me, and make me her slave, I have very few limits and those I'll discuss with you over mail.

Location and you want a girlfriend who is kink compatible with all the benefits. A cute looking girl who can ensnare you and make you her slave - sound a bit like out of BDSM porn.
You have very few limits and those you'll discuss over mail - you're new to the lifestyle, how can you know about your limits? I bet most of us could make you eat your words within 10 minutes... The "I discuss it in mails" is a way of saying "Go on, write me" it's very unlikely, as cute girls between 18 and 24 will be spammed with messages, they don't even have time to check profiles...

The rest of your profile doesn't float my boat much, but then I'm not your target audience. But that first paragraph, I'm telling you how women read it and I think it has been mentioned before, for every woman here are about 10 guys.... Yes, it's hard and you'd possibly better off going to a munch

Ok thanks I'll change that first part up a little bit. Yes it is probably easeir to find someone by going to BDSM/munch event
Also I just trying to get a good idea of what woman look for- I know there is no universal magic set as everyone woman is different.
However I'm simply looking for ways to improve my/profile communications with dominant woman as not overlooked/passed over.
Also it wouldn't do no good if I went to munch but had know idea (experience) to talk to a dominant female. Some I think are just downright scary. Even regular (vanilla not into BDSM) girls will sometimes chew on us guys and spit us out.

< Message edited by whitedragonX -- 6/24/2011 11:25:50 AM >

(in reply to LadyConstanze)

Post #: 15

RE: What do you look for in a guy(sub) overall - 6/24/2011 12:15:21 PM

BonesFromAsh

Posts: 1362
Joined: 6/17/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: whitedragonX
However I'm simply looking for ways to improve my/profile communications with dominant woman as not overlooked/passed over.

Writing a better profile means nothing if you can't back it up with decent social skills.

quote:

Also it wouldn't do no good if I went to munch but had know idea (experience) to talk to a dominant female. Some I think are just downright scary. Even regular (vanilla not into BDSM) girls will sometimes chew on us guys and spit us out.

Your problem then has nothing to do with dominant/submissive and everything to do with basic self esteem/social skills.

My advice....stop worrying about how to attract a dominant woman and start working on being the man women want to spend time with. Work on being self-aware.

(in reply to whitedragonX)

Post #: 16

RE: What do you look for in a guy(sub) overall - 6/24/2011 12:29:10 PM

LadyConstanze

Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline

Women tend to like guys who are fun to be with, they like guys who make them feel good, not sleazy compliments but guys who are well mannered and pay attention, opening doors and minding your Ps and Qs goes a long way, little things really that show you're paying attention does a lot more than big flashy gestures that are meant to impress.

You know, a good way would be to go out and just talk to women, not just women you are attracted to, just have conversations with random people and be nice to them, so you get into the habit of talking to people, you'll be a lot less shy then if you meet a woman you are attracted to. Now if she is rude to you, just smile, say politely goodbye and let her stand there like an idiot. Her loss...

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to BonesFromAsh)

Post #: 17

RE: What do you look for in a guy(sub) overall - 6/24/2011 3:53:28 PM

sunshinemiss

Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline

There is a joke in here about Mr. Green Jeans.... but I need coffee before I can be that clever.

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Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

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Post #: 18

RE: What do you look for in a guy(sub) overall - 6/24/2011 8:05:38 PM

LadyNTrainer

Posts: 1584
Joined: 5/20/2009
Status: offline

Just one word. Pay close attention. I look for a friend.

I want to be with someone who just plain likes me for who I am, someone whose company I would enjoy no matter what we were doing. Someone who makes me smile, and who enjoys my sense of humor, too. Someone who shares enough common (NON kinky, NON sexual) interests with me that we can have a great time whether or not we ever get around to playing. Some chemistry may be there, but it's as much about genuine like as it is about lust.

Like always comes before lust in the dictionary. That's a good thing to remember.

I absolutely, positively, definitely, every day of the week and twice on Sundays, despise being viewed as a kink delivery system by men who are so eager to get their kink on that they do not care who I am as a person. They do not actually like me. They don't know me well enough to like me. And mostly they don't want to take the time to get to know me, not unless I'm going to immediately "put out". They don't want to socialize, not if it really is just socializing. They may lust after me, but being lusted after by someone who doesn't even like you feels kind of icky.

I have a word for that kind of guy, and that word is "client". My personal play partners, including my two live-in collared submissives, have all started out as friends. Actually they still are my friends. And I wouldn't have it any other way.

< Message edited by LadyNTrainer -- 6/24/2011 8:06:13 PM >

_____________________________

Your dominant Personal Trainer for fitness and body shaping in the lifestyle. Let my fetish be your motivation.

(in reply to whitedragonX)

Post #: 19

RE: What do you look for in a guy(sub) overall - 6/25/2011 10:00:31 AM

PeonForHer

Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

Would you give a vanilla date money? Let common sense be your guide.

I've really developed a major downer on that idea of 'common sense', Lady Hib. I mean, it's commonly the sense of a certain type of submale that every pic of a half-witted, wallet-snatching 20-year-old woman with unfeasibly big grooblies, wearing too much make-up and demanding "tribute", must be bona fide, isn't it?

I'd say to any malesub: do not, do NOT, let your knowledge of real women get eclipsed by your fantasy-woman. It doesn't matter that you think about your fantasy-woman thousands of times a day - that doesn't constitute knowledge of any real woman.

Heads up: women are, first and foremost, ordinary. They are like your mum and your sisters. Your mum and your sisters are *not* exceptions amongst females.

_____________________________

http://www.domme-chronicles.com

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 20

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